{It is a well accepted tenet of history that big events are the necessary result of much smaller antecedents. For instance, the First World War was precipitated by the assassination of an overweight, obscure nobleman. It is also interesting to note that this almost didn't occur. The assassins failed repeatedly to get a clear shot at the Arch Duke, so they had given up and just decided to go have lunch. After making a wrong turn on the way to the restaurant, they walked directly into the middle of Franz Ferdinand's motorcade. The rest, as they say, was history.

So, in the study of great events it is often interesting and edifying, or at least entertaining, to look at the small events that led up to the great ones and the many places that things could have gone very, very wrong. In our example above, if one of the eventual assassins had a sense of direction or the common sense to have asked directions to the restaurant, World War I would not have happened exactly as it did and we might live in a very different world.

For further example, take the case under consideration. In spite of the huge matters that followed, it all started with the potato salad. Some authorities assert that it actually started with the ribs, but they're all numskulls.}

On July 4th, Buffy looked in her freezer, considering her options. She wanted to have a cookout for the holiday. The house was well situated for the fourth, the fireworks show the city put on was clearly visible from the backyard, so she thought it would be nice to have an all-American meal and a few beers and watch them. She rummaged, moving a few things, looking for something she was sure she had. She moved a half used bag of ice and the fossil remains of an ice cream bar to find the package of ribs. She pulled them out and saw that they were freezer burned. Oh, well. They wouldn't be having ribs.

{See? They didn't even have the ribs, so how could that have started things? Snotty bastards.}

It was a nuisance. It would make necessary a complete change in the menu. Buffy searched her larders and found that she had the makings of a basic outdoorsy meal, except for one thing. She reached for the phone and dialed Xander. When he picked up, she distractedly began talking immediately. "Xander, I need some meat before Dawn's friends get here."

There was a moment's silence. "Thank you, Lord. Prayers do get answered after all. I'm on my way…"

Buffy was momentarily confused, "What are you talking…" in the middle of the sentence it hit her, "Xander! Eeeww!"

"Don't knock it till you've tried it."

"Stop it. Could you just please bring some Hamburger over here when you come? The ribs are ruined." Buffy was cradling the phone between her shoulder and cheek as she started the rest of her preparations.

"Tease," Xander replied.

"I'm hanging up now," Buffy said. "See you later." She began peeling the potatoes. A few minutes later, Willow wandered sleepily into the kitchen to help. Dawn hid in the living room. Neither of these two young, intelligent women thought for a moment to look at the date on the mayonnaise; which is, as everyone knows, a vital constituent of potato salad.

{Notice the dramatic build up. I am such a ham.}

The cookout was in full swing. Buffy and Willow were playing hostess to Dawn and a select group of three friends, who Buffy had trouble keeping straight. She just thought of them as the stooges. They were also playing hostess to one Xander Harris, and they were getting a little miffed about the whole thing. "You could be helping," Buffy said to him at one point. He was lying back in a long chair, feet crossed at the ankles. He was wearing wide brimmed straw hat and sunglasses, a loud red and green Hawaiian shirt, cutoffs and sandals. He idly sipped a beer and was the very picture of relaxation.

"I could be," he casually replied, not moving from his restful recline. "But I ain't."

"Then maybe you 'ain't' going to get to eat," Willow said.

"Nonsense," Xander replied. "I'm providing a vital service here."

"Are you afraid that lawn chair is going to take flight?" Buffy asked. "I think it will remain grounded without your butt in it to hold it down."

"That is not my service. I'm making sure the girls don't get in the beer," he took a long sip to punctuate his point.

"They wouldn't have the opportunity if you hadn't brought it out here because you're too lazy to walk to the fridge to get it."

"Completely untrue. These teenagers are a tricky bunch. Gotta keep an eye on them." Xander was sounding pretty smug.

"Right. At least they're moving around, you slug," Willow said.

"Ahh, the energy of youth. How I miss it." He grinned at them.

{While all this merry banter was going on, it should be noted that the potato salad was sitting on the counter in the kitchen getting warmer by the minute.}

Buffy smiled winsomely at him, turned and walked over to the water hose. She picked it up and still smiling, turned it on. "I trust you get the message, O restful one."

For a moment, Xander looked as if he would take a spraying to maintain his place, but finally decided against it. "Okay, I'm getting up… bitch." The last word was muttered under his breath. One of the stooges heard it and looked askance at him.

Buffy thought she heard him but wasn't sure. "What was that?"

"I said 'I think I'm getting an itch'," Xander said quickly and loudly.

"Right."

"That's my story and I'm sticking to it."

Buffy reached for the hose again. "Xander, start bringing the stuff out."

"Okay, but I think that itch is coming back."

He went inside to start helping. He found Willow putting hamburgers together. "Buffy was picking on me. Make her stop," He said.

"No. Get the potato salad and take it outside," Willow said, not looking at him.

{Isn't the suspense just killing you? I know it's starting to get to me! What will happen with the potato salad? I'm all a-tingle.}

Xander picked up the large bowl and carried it to the table outside. As he put it down, he picked up a plastic spoon from the pile and got a huge, heaping spoonful…

{Here it comes…}

…and swallowed it quickly…

{Goodness! I don't know if I can take it.}

…and it really, really didn't taste right. Xander made a face and said something that sounded like "Bleeaarrgghhh!," and he spit out all that he could, following it with a cup of water he grabbed from one of the stooges that he used to wash his mouth out. "Holy Christ!" he said, "don't eat the potato salad. It's gone way bad or something."

{For the edification of the reader, let us point out that Xander did indeed swallow a good sized spoon full, which was unfortunately made with bad mayonnaise, just in case anyone missed that fact. For those fortunate souls who have never had the ill-luck to get some bad mayo, it is absolutely the most horrid, awful, sickening thing on the face of the earth.}

Six hours later, after a trip to the emergency room where he was diagnosed with a blistering case of food poisoning, Xander was ensconced on the Summers family couch with a nice big glass of cold water and a garbage can of his very own.

Buffy and Willow were both mortified. They both had a hand in preparation and neither of them had checked the mayo. They both sat in the living room with him as a form of penance. Dawn had retreated to one of the stooge's house, having declared Xander's symptoms "To gross to even contemplate."

{Dawn was, of course, correct. In the interest of good taste, we shall proceed with as few references to the details of Xander's affliction as possible. There was a case in Poughkeepsie, New York where a 24 year old woman actually disappeared after seeing someone in Xander's condition. She had been grossed completely out of existence. In light of the danger and in the interest of all of us keeping our lunches down, we will not for even a moment consider the smell.}

"I am so, so sorry," Buffy said. "Do you feel awful?"

Xander lay flat, his skin looking pale and sweaty with an actual tinge of green around his lips. "It's not so bad…" he gagged and swallowed. "Really."

Buffy moved over next to him and applied a cool compress to his fore head and face, wiping gently to clean and cool him. Willow was surprised. She loved Xander as a brother and she wouldn't have dreamed of getting that close to him right then. She was guilty and hated to see him suffer like this, but yuck. Buffy didn't look concerned about that. "Can I get you anything?" she asked.

"A new gastrointestinal system, stat," Xander replied weakly. "The one I got is shot to hell."

"Poor baby," Buffy said. Much to Willow's further surprise, she didn't sound sarcastic when she said it. "Here, drink something; the doctor said you had to stay hydrated." She held the glass of water for him as he took a drink. She then continued applying the cool cloth to Xander's face, including his chest this time. Willow watched curiously.

"Thanks," Xander said, resting his head on the pillow again. Suddenly he sat up, gagging. Hurriedly he said, "Bucket!" Buffy reached it to him and they got proof positive that he couldn't even keep water down. Again, Buffy remained at his side through the grossness. Willow got even more curious.

{Here we see that events have already begun to escalate. The first seeds of Willow's involvement have been planted. Our two principals are still characteristically in the dark, of course.}

After a few more hours of listening to Xander's ailment and Buffy's care of him, Willow had gone to bed. She had drifted off contemplating her two friend's behavior.

{She did not dream about it; she in fact had a really dirty dream about a particular actress. Strangely enough, the actress was at that very same time having a really dirty dream about a cute redhead. The actress shall remain nameless. That's how rumors get started and the last thing we need around here is a lawsuit.}

Willow woke up the next morning and went downstairs to check on her poor afflicted friend. She peeked into the living room and was surprised to see that he was asleep. He still didn't look well. What was even more surprising was that Buffy was asleep in one of the chairs, which had been pulled around so that she was close to him. Willow looked at them in contemplation for a long moment.

{Here ends the first part of our study of this fascinating incident. Next time we will examine what Willow did and what Dawn said that were so important to the whole process. There will also be a shirtless Xander, a bikini clad Buffy and more yummy picnic food. Thank you for your attention.}