The Exception in the Logic
Rating: K
Summary: Oneshot/Ficlet, set after the Dentist in the Ditch. Brennan contemplates just how far she's come over the last five years. BB.
Characters: Brennan centric, brief appearance of Booth.
Spoiler Warning: Anything up through DitD is fair game, just so you know.
Disclaimer: I don't own Bones or my inspiration for the story, "The Only Exception" by Paramore.
"Maybe I know somewhere deep in my soul that love never lasts.
And we've got to find other ways to make it alone or keep a straight face.
And I've always lived like this, keeping a comfortable distance. And up until now,
I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness,
because none of it was ever worth the risk. You are the only exception."
She can't pinpoint the exact moment when she had started considering the possibility of something as illogical as love to be real. She can't be sure of the time and date when she had started opening up and allowing herself to get close to someone. It hadn't been intentional, but it had just seemingly happened. Looking back, the realization that she has gradually shifted and evolved into this new person is crystal clear to her, but she has yet to decide if it's for better or for worse.
On the one hand, it is both alarming and startling. After her parents and brother had abandoned her – her sole motivation for immersing herself so deeply into scientific reasoning and thus anthropology – she had closed herself off. She had known for certain that those things would never fail nor abandon her, and she had taken comfort in that. She had stopped letting anyone get close to her and had refused to share her burdens with anyone else. She had felt safe so long as those around her were kept at a comfortable distance. She had been convinced herself that loneliness hurt less than the pain of loss.
Yet somewhere down the road, the walls she had built up with logic and reinforced with cold hard fact have been torn down by a certain FBI agent. It has left her vulnerable and open to heartache, as well as it has forced her to trust that those who care about her aren't going to just up and leave. She's already experienced loss again; she lost Zack and at one point Booth, and once again her heart had been crushed. She didn't – and still doesn't – deal with pain well. She had attempted to throw up her walls once more, but her returned partner had stuck his foot in the door and refused to let her relapse.
One the other hand, she's happier now than she ever has been. She can't imagine going back to the way she use to be. She still loves and is dedicated to her work, but she has learned to appreciate things outside of the lab. She's slightly better with people, though still at times still socially awkward and clueless of pop culture (but she's learning when it comes to the latter - she has bought a TV).
She knows for certain who has changed her.
It's the same man who once completely drove her up the wall in frustration with that nickname.
It's the same man who is more-the-less the polar opposite of her. He deals with things of the heart, his "gut", his metaphors, and his faith; she lives by facts, science, and black and white truths alone. He's warm, caring, and passionate; she knew that often times she comes across as cold and withdrawn. It's easy to say that he drew her out of her shell or shattered her walls. The latter was probably truer, if she was honest.
It's the same man that she's dedicated her last two books to and now considers to be her best friend.
It's the same man that can read her like an open book. She knows how well he is with people, but it scares her to think that he can so easily see through her. He knows more about her than anyone else, even Angela, but there is one thing he has yet to see.
She's always had a tight grip on reality, even as a child. She never believed in the fairy tales that she was read, nor did she want to be one of those princesses with her very own prince.
It terrifies her to admit it, but he is the reason her opinion has changed about love. It's illogical, she knows, but he's an exception. She honestly believes him when he swears up and down that he won't betray her trust or leave, even though she knows in a blink he could be taken from her again. She knows she has gotten to close, but now she can't make herself let go of him. He's her rock, her only constant besides science.
No, she's not one hundred percent sure that there is such a thing as love, and that it's not just a chemical reaction in the brain. She's not sure that she is capable of love, but she wants to be. She has learned so much from him, though, and when she looks into his brown eyes, she can feel it.
"Hey, Bones. Want to grab something to eat?"
It's the sound of her nickname - that now warms instead of angers her - that pulls her from the ignored case file on her desk and causes her to look up at the door of her office. Standing there is the object of her thoughts, watching her thoughtfully. A glance at the clock confirms that it is indeed time for lunch, and she flips the folder closed in wordless agreement. She stands and allows him to help her into her coat. She smiles to herself in silent confirmation as the hand on the small of her back guides her from the office and out into the lab's main entrance.
Yes, she's on the way to believing.
I've got a tight grip on reality,
But I can't let go of what's in front of me here.
I'm on my way to believing…"
-fin-
A/N: Review? This song reminded me so much of Brennan, so I had to write this. I hope this is somewhat in-character. By the way, I just saw Paramore in their spring tour. They are beyond amazing. Go see them. NOW. :)