This is a one-shot based on the latest update. My first Homestuck fanfiction posted here, although I have written and plan on writing more.

This will probably make you cry.

I don't own Homestuck.

Dying isn't as bad as you'd think. It's actually kind of peaceful...

Oh, who am I fucking kidding. It's the worst fucking thing ever. I don't know how Sollux keeps doing it.

Kanaya and I were trapped on Jade's planet in their session. Dave had said it was the Land of Frost and Frogs. It wasn't frosty and I couldn't see any frogs.

Instead, I was glaring at Jade Harley. She was sitting in a tree, her green eyes glowing behind her glasses and her skin and pawbeast ears black. Her dark hair swirled ominously around her in a breeze none of the rest of us felt. A small sphere hovered above Jade's hand.

"What's that?" I asked, crossing my arms.

"What's this?" She replied, looking at the blue and green sphere.

Annoyed, I snapped, "Yes. That."

Jade turned back to me with a dark grin unbefitting of her usually sweet face. "Earth," she told me.

I arched an eyebrow. "That's Earth? Why is it so small?" I asked. The tiny planet looked pretty, actually. Seemed like a nice place to live.

Jade rolled her eyes, as if the answer was obvious. "It's small because I shrunk it. 'Cause I'm a space witch. Duh," she informed me.

Grinding my teeth in irritation, I countered, "Okay, but why do you have it? I thought Jack destroyed your universe."

Jade grinned wickedly. "He did. But I snuck through a portal and nabbed it! Then I hopped right back through the gate before everything blew up. I was in and out like a bandit. You know, I like to think I make a pretty good witch, especially since I turned wicked and all..." I snorted, and she ignored me, continuing with, "...but maybe I would have made an even better thief! What do you think, Jane? Do you think I missed my true calling?" She looked her her shoulder at the girl behind her.

The girl, Jane, sure looked an awful lot like John. An evil, girl version of him. She was dressed in the god tier pajamas of a Maid of Life, but the ensemble was as red as my blood, maybe a touch darker with the hood a bit lighter. Her pants were black, matching her shoes. Her skin was unnaturally pale white for even the humans. Her eyes were pitch black with pupils as red as mine would be one day, behind red glasses. Her hair was short and as dark as Jade's. Now that I thought about it, she looked like Jade, too. Probably their ancestor or some shit. There was some kind of headband on Jane's head. It was red, too, with the Piexes' sign glowing on it. Jane had a perfectly blank face. Dave would be jealous. Assuming he wasn't dead. I wasn't sure if it was just me, but every now and then tiny red, white, and black things that reminded me of computer codes or whatever the fuck flickered on her clothes and skin.

Jane didn't reply to Jade. She merely hovered silently.

Jade didn't seem to notice. "Come to think of it, the new universe probably doesn't need any more thieves," she mused. "We've already got the greatest thief of all running the show." I clenched my jaw. Fucking Meenah. She had been the Theif of Life, a title apparently continuing in Her Imperial Condescension. Jade smiled, almost happily. "She even managed to steal both of us away from all our pals, didn't she, Jane?"

Jane didn't reply.

I was clenching and unclenching my fists.

Jade giggled. "Isn't she a riot, guys?"

I was pissed. Beyond pissed. At The Empress, at Jade, at Jane, at Dave, Rose, John, Lord English, at fucking everybody and everything.

But I was also achingly saddened. Jade wasn't herself. Even when she and I argued and insulted each other and got on each other's last damn nerve, Jade had been surprisingly nice to me sometimes. Almost touchingly so.

And I had a bit of a crush on her before, I realized. Now I wish I had been nicer.

But the dark canine girl in front of me? This wasn't Jade. This was... Some twisted, evil version of her.

"Thanks, Jade," I snapped sarcastically. "No, really, thank you for those clarifications, while obliterating any shadow of a doubt that you are firmly off your rocker." The last bit was dead serious. My fingers hurt from being clenched so tightly, and I slowly uncurled them. I took a deep, slightly shaky breath to calm myself a little. It didn't help. "But maybe, it's not *too* much extra trouble," I continued, "you could help me understand why you've stranded us on a bunch of different planets, only to come taunt me with a waterlogged, miniaturized version of Earth?" My voice grew louder with my anger, shaking with rage.

Jade laughed darkly again and dropped off the tree, hovering several feet over the ground. Jane dropped to her feet on the ground, expressionless.

Kanaya took a step closer to me. I knew Kanaya wanted to drain every drop of blood from their bodies and then carve their corpses with her chainsaw, but she would wait for my order. The one I didn't want to give because I knew the two of us were at a massive disadvantage against two gods, one of whom was part First Guardian/super powerful pawbeast.

"It won't be Earth for much longer," Jade informed us. "It will be home to the new empire." The tiny planet vanished in a flash of green and white lightning. "I will deliver it to the universe we create. Or should I say," she grinned slyly, "the universe YOU create."

I opened my mouth to curse her out, but she continued, "If you are obedient and complete the tasks you are assigned, you may have a place in the empire among the subservient classes." She smiled as of offering me a great deal.

Fuck no.

Eyes blazing, I rubbed my upper arms dramatically, shivering. "Brrrr!" I exclaimed. "Did you feel that too, Kanaya?" The rainbow drinker looked at me in bewilderment. "A chill just ran down my torso pillar due to the *pure evil* that brainwashed Jade is saying!" I threw my arms in the air. "I'm fucking petrified! Somebody help me change my smelly pants!" I yelled. I dropped my arms and glared at Jade, who didn't look very amused with my sarcastic theatrics. "Listen, Jade," I snarled. I looked at Jane. "And other random evil girl, you listen too." Jane's eerily blank eyes stared at me, unblinking. Ignoring the creepy stare, I said, "I don't care about your stupid little globe, or your ominous allusions to new empires or what sort of pariahs we can expect to be in your bogus dream dystopia." My voice grew louder. "There is only one course of action from you which I will tolerate, and that is feeding me a steady stream of fucking ANSWERS! Not cagey, smirk-tortured info-morsels delivered between shitty villain chuckles." I took a deep breath before pushing on, "I want an uninterrupted spate of hard, unembellished data which has only one purpose, and that is to get me personally up to speed on literally EVERYTHING, RIGHT THIS BLOOD SHITTING SECOND!" My rant ended with me screaming my ass off, spit flying from my tongue like rabid froth, my eyes blazing. Kanaya had stepped back again to avoid my wild, careless, angry gestures.

Jade looked mildly impressed and almost... Wistful. "Karkat," she said almost sadly, making me grind my teeth together and hold back a growl, "I had almost forgotten how much I missed our repartee." She smiled. I couldn't tell if she was sarcastic or serious. I really didn't give a fuck.

"Thank you for reminding me, that outburst was beautiful."

I growled darkly in the back of my throat, hands shaking.

"If you're frustrated by the way I'm treating you, look at it this way." Jade's smile was cruel. "I'm not asking you for passwords anymore, am I?"

Passwords! Fucking passwords?! I barked out a laugh. This was ridiculous! "You think I care about passwords?!" I exclaimed, my voice a bit shrill. "Compared to THIS, the passwords were a goddamn lawnmeal! With a checkered tablecloth and everything! Fun for all involved, especially the marchbugs sneaking the crumbs away!" I sobered up. Dead serious, I stated, "I would fucking KILL to have to give you passwords again. Especially if it meant unlocking regular Jade from her corrupted empire serving bark fiend state!" I felt desperation work its way into my anger. "*IS* THERE A PASSWORD LIKE THAT JADE? CAN I START GUESSING AT IT?" I screamed, feeling hot betrayal sting my eyes. Oh, no wait, those were fucking tears. "Let's see, since you appear to be some sort of wild carnivorous furry now, it probably has something to do with that, doesn't it?" My voice was shrill and loud. Shaking with rage, I yelled, "SAUSAGES?!"

Jade blinked, her head tilting and her nose twitching.

" IT'S SAUSAGES ISN'T IT?" I cried, laughing bitterly. "AM I CLOSE? SOMETHING IN THE SAUSAGE DEPARTMENT. SNOUT SAUSAGES? GRUBWURST!" Obviously not. "HOOF LOAF?!" No, again; though Jade was definitely salivating now. "HAMSTEAK!"

Jade closed her eyes and shook her head, more so as of to clear unwanted images than to deny me. "Sorry, Karkat, there is no password. Not this time," she said softly, almost... Regretfully. Then she opened her glowing green animal eyes and half growled, "If you continue to list meat products, then I'm afraid the only thing you will unlock is my fearsome doggy hunger. And believe me," her voice dropped to a snarl, "You don't want to see me when I'm doggy hungry."

I rolled my eyes. This was all total bullshit.

Jade's voice as lighter as she said, "But if you insist on hounding me," she stopped and giggled at her stupid pun, "for some sort of explanation, it's all pretty simple."

Right. Sure. I crossed my arms, fingers tapping my elbow in agitation.

Jane explained, "We all recently arrived in this brand new session... Jane's session, actually." She gestured to the girl behind her with a smile. "This is Jane, by the way." She grinned wolfishly (excuse the pun) at her. "Say hi, Jane."

Jane remained silent.

Jade laughed. "Jane is actually my biological mother, believe it or not."

I could see that. I didn't fucking care. "This story sucks so far!" I snapped.

Jade shushed me. I gritted my teeth. She went on, "but her session was taken over by the woman who you might call our mutual grandmother." She smiled, as if about to deliver knowledge only she knew. "She's an alien. A very powerful troll queen, actually."

No fucking shit! Wow. She did it. I was more pissed than I had ever been before in my life. "YEAH!" I shouted at her. "THE EMPRESS IS HERE! I THINK WE ALREADY MANAGED TO DEDUCE THAT!" I mean, for fuck's sake, the Condesce was the fucking Empress of my damn race!

Jade frowned. "Karkat, you are the only who demanded an 'uninterrupted spate of hard, unembellished data,'" she said, as if scolding a wriggler. I wanted to shriek in frustration. "I'll thank you to not to yell at me for doing exactly what you requested."

I pinched the bridge of my nose, eyes squeezing shut. I felt a light hand on my shoulder, and recognized the maternal touch as Kanaya's.

"Kanaya," I hissed, too soft for Jade to hear, "do you see what I had to deal with?"

Kanaya frowned. "You do realize I spoke to Jade plenty of times myself," she reminded me softly.

I blinked. "You did?" I said rhetorically. "Oh, yeah. Guess I forgot about that." Kanaya smiled kindly.

Jade was still talking. "Her Imperial Condescension is in control now. She intends to carry out the remaining objectives to complete the session. Those tasks will be distributed among several recently recruited agents, of course." She smiled wickedly and whisper shouted, "that's you!" She barked a laugh (like an actual bark. Like a dog.) "This should come as a relief to you, since it means you and she are not in opposition at all! In fact, you share all the same goals! The only difference is that when the time comes, she will be the one claiming the ultimate reward." Jade's smile was more stoic now. "The spoils will be hers, not ours... get it?"

No. I fucking didn't. Fuck that. All this bullshit I had been through the past... God, nearly two sweeps? Between the game and all the hell that I was into with that, and the hiding from Jack on the meteor, my friends slaughtering each other, then three human years on the damn thing and all the dream bubbles... And what had the Empress done? Fly to post-scratch Earth on her precious ship and destroy the human race. She didn't deserve any reward. Anger bubbled in me, threatening to make me explode. I wished I could spontaneously combust. Then I wouldn't have to deal with this shit.

The sarcasm dripping from my words was almost tangible. "I think so," I sneered. "She wants us all to get a nice head start on our decadent new life of slavery promised for us on your scale model of Alterniearth!" My voice sweeter than sugar coated mind honey, I went on, "That sounds super! Doesn't that sound super, Kanaya?"

My blood drinking friend frowned. "No," she said.

I ignored her, my blazing eyes on Jade. "I think I speak for Kanaya when I say it sounds REALLY. FUCKING. SUPER. How do we get started?!" I threw my arms out, nearly smacking Kanaya in the face. My lips were pulled back, baring my teeth in disgust. "I am just BEFOULING my already-pungent drawers over the OPPORTUNITY TO GET DOWN TO BUSINESS AND START DOING SLAVERY!" I let my shaking hands fall to my sides, fingers curls up in tight fists.

Either my sarcasm totally flew over Jade's head, or she didn't give a single fuck. Her grin was proud and cruel. "Excellent. What you will need to do is ready the hound frog for its journey to Skaia."

I blinked. The hell? Frog? What?

"I will prepare Skaia to receive it by deploying the battlefield from our old session. This will bring fertility to the void session and allow the frog to mature when he completes his journey," Jade finished.

Momentarily stumped, I questioned, "So, you want us to make another frog?" I had no plans of doing so, but I was curious. And confused.

Jade blinked, then laughed. "No! I already made one, actually. Don't you remember?"

I was drawing a blank. "Uh."

Jade ignored me. "Really, your job is so easy. There's no more frog breeding involved at all. When the time is right, you just have to release the one that's already there.

I crossed my arms. "Where is it?" I challenged. M

Jade looked chagrined. "It fell into the Forge." Go figure. "In the years since, it has sunk all the way down to the planet's core." Just great. "But as it happens, that is exactly where it should be!" Jade smiled. I raised an eyebrow. "My denizen is now guarding it. As I'm sure Kanaya already knows, it will not be released unless you travel there and formally request that she do so.

I felt my candy colored blood heat again. "Oh yeah?" I snarled. "If it's that simple, then why don't you do it! You can use your dog teleportation or whatever."

Jade looked away, grinding her teeth. "I already did. Echidna will not speak with me."

I burst out laughing. "Why not?" I asked, half smirking and half sneering. "Could it be due to the fact that..." I paused for effect, then yelled, "YOU'RE A CRAPPY EVIL VERSION OF YOURSELF, AND THE MIGHTY ECHIDNA JUST POSSIBLY HAS TOO MUCH SELF RESPECT TO BOTHER DIGNIFYING THE FARCE YOU'VE BECOME?!"

Jade growled. "It is not important why, and it changes nothing. She said she would only speak with another Hero of Space. That would be Kanaya."

Kanaya raised an eyebrow skeptically while I bit my tongue to avoid cussing Jade out. Again.

The witch went on, "She also cryptically requested the presence of the Knight who once helped her with breeding duties. Karkat, I gather that would be you."

My eyebriws shot up. I gestured to muself. "ME?! WHY WOULD SHE ASK TO SEE ME?!" I yelled. "Another Space player, I could understand. BUT WHAT THE FUCK DO I HAVE TO DO WITH THIS?!"

Jade shrugged. "I don't know, Karkat. That is your problem, not mine. Maybe you should try feeling grateful she asked for you.

"GRATEFUL?!" I shrieked.

Jade nodded. "You're getting the chance to set right what went so horribly wrong." Oh, fuck. I winced as guilt shot through me. "To atone for your hasty first attempt at frog breeding, which resulted in a terminal universe. If I were you, I would feel pretty relieved to get a second chance, but that's just me." She smiled sweetly.

That stupid smile did it. My blood boiled. "Wow..." I said. My eye twitched. "WOW!" I shouted, pissed. I turned towards the jade blood. "KANAYA, IT'S OFFICIAL. JADE HAS TURNED INTO SOME SORT OF GROSS NIGHTMARE BITCH!" I spat. "AS THE BELEAGUERED AND LONG SUFFERING LEADER, ALBEIT *STILL* LEADER OF OUR PARTY, I MOTION THAT WE DON'T DO ANYTHING SHE SAYS, OR ANYTHING TO HELP THE EMPRESS EVEN IF IT OVERLAPS WITH OUR OWN INTERESTS, AND STOP LISTENING TO WERE-HARLEY UNTIL SHE SNAPS OUT OF HER BRUTAL IDIOT COMA!"

Kanaya smiled, her vampiric fangs flashing. "I second your motion."

I swept my arm dramatically through the air. I glared at Jade. I yelled bitterly, "THE MOTION PASSES WITH AN OVERWHELMING MAJORITY OF VOTES AMONG PEOPLE IN THE IMMEDIATE VICINITY WHO AREN'T HORRIBLE!"

There was a wild gust of wind. My messy hair blew about my face, and Jade's long mane writhed around her like it was alive. It tugged at Kanaya's red skirt and Jane's hood. A long red trident appeared in Jane's hand.

Jade regarded me coldly. "I would be careful about the slurs you bandy about, particularly those targeting my canine qualities, which I am sensitive about and therefore find to be really, really mean."

Holy fuck. She was kidding, right?

Apparently not. She growled, "You should be aware that I have already threatened to kill some people today, so watch your step, mister."

I groaned. "Sorry Jade, but you sound about as threatening as some mild flatulence I once had," I informed her flatly.

Jade growled. I might have been intimidated if I wasn't pissed to hell and back. "It's true though. I am very threatening." Jade pointed at Jane. "And this girl right here? She's even worse. She hasn't even said a WORD...! That is terrifying!" She almost looked worried. "Jeez, even I'm nervous."

Right. Sure. I rolled my eyes. I wondered, if I had to keep doing that, if they would fall out of my head.

Jade turned her glowing green gaze on Kanaya. I stiffened protectively.

"And Kanaya, don't think you are safe from our threats just because you happen to be a vampire,"Jade said. "We have ways of handling the undead."

Kanaya blinked, looking uncertain. "Um."

Jade smirked. "Jane here? She has the power to bring people back to life. Although it is my understanding that this ability is limited to a one time only use per individual."

Kanaya raised an eyebrow, confused. "So?"

Jade frowned. "You do know what sort of effect her resurrection spell will have on undead targets..."

Kanaya replied, "No?"

The wind was really picking up. We all had to talk louder to be heard. Well, I always talk loud. But that's beside the point.

Jade looked surprised. "You don't? I thought it was common knowledge! When you cast healing magic on a zombie or dracula, they die!"

How do you figure?" Kanaya asked calmly. Jegus, how did she stay so calm?

Jade furrowed her brow. "I don't know... isn't that how it works in stories and games and such? Seems pretty logical to me."

I facepalmed. Holy shit. This was ridiculous.

Kanaya smiled dryly. "I think you are presuming to know a lot about my nature, which is not actually true. It seems as though you're suggesting that I have qualities similar to certain types of Shadow Droppers, which is not quite the case. But even if it was, there are a lot of myths about Shadow Droppers physiology that are commonly perpetuated by popular-"

Jade half sighed, half groaned.

I blinked. What was that? Behind Jade. The wind seemed to form a small whirlwind. It was turning blue, and seemed vaguely troll, or humanoid, in shape. I didn't pay much attention to Jade's next statement.

"I can see a demonstration will be in order."

It was definitely a person. The figure grew more solid.

"Jane."

A human. I saw blue clothes, yellow shoes, light pink skin, black hair, buck teeth, glasses, and a ridiculously long hood take a solid form.

"If you would be so kind."

John? My eyes widened at the sight of him. He stared to smile widely at me, then froze.

There was red in front of me.

Jane's red eyes bored into mine. Beyond the stoic look I saw... Panic. Fear. Pleading. Guilt. This wasn't the real Jane. Jane was locked away somewhere inside.

She opened her mouth. Her voice was almost kind, but flat and almost echoey. Robotic. She said one word.

"Submit."

I felt three sharp pains in my torso. My eyes widened in horror and pain. I looked down.

Jane's forked weapon was imbedded in my chest. My mutant, candy red blood started to gush out.

Holy shit. That hurt.

I cried out in pain, tasting blood in my throat.

I looked up at John, meeting his horrified eyes.

I remembered how I hated him when I first learned of his existence. How I blamed him for causing my session to ultimately fail, for preventing us from claiming our prize. I remembered learning about the boy, how he hated cake because his guardian made so much, how he liked movies just as much as I did, how he was brave and funny and a total loser. He was a good friend.

And now he got to see me die. How... Ironic.

My vision turned fuzzy. The edges turned black. My chest hurt, so badly, but it was fading away. There was a pounding in my ears. It was slowing down. I realized it was my blood pusher, my heart.

I gave John a smile. A real one. A sad one, because didn't this fucking figure? As soon as we meet in real life, I die.

The last thing I saw was John's face before my vision turned black. I felt the air whistle past me and there was a sickening wet sound as the trident was pulled from my body. No, it wasn't pulled. I was falling. I felt my body hit the ground, but it didn't hurt. There it was in my ears, my heartbeat.

Thump.

Thump...

Thump...

Silence met my ears for a second, before I heard the most heart wrenching wail of horror from my human friend, John Egbert.

Then even that faded away. I fell asleep, my dead heart aching, knowing that John was hurting, and it was my fault.

Well, wasn't that ironic? I just couldn't stop hurting people, could I?

At least I don't have to anymore.

Right?

No. Wrong.

I feel myself waking up. But not lying on the ground on LOFAF with three gaping wounds in my chest. I'm floating lazily. I open my eyes. It's dark. I frown. Where am I?

What's that? There's a light. I will myself towards it, and I'm surprised to feel myself move in the direction I want to go. I head towards the light. It looks like a sphere. Like a... Bubble.

It's a dream bubble.

I push my way into it, closing my eyes.

My feet are suddenly on solid ground. I think it's grass. But I can hear the ocean, and smell the salty water. I hear wingbeasts and the rustling of leaves. There is warm light on my body. I keep my eyes closed, enjoying the sensations. They feel weird, though. Not exactly natural. But still nice.

"Karkat?" A familiar girl's bubbly voice asks, sounding shocked. I feel a hand on my shoulder, metal bracelets clinking together.

"Kk? Ith that you?" Another voice lisps in disbelief.

"Kar?"

"Karkitty!"

"Uh, K-Karkat?"

I feel tears well up in my closed eyes. My friends. God, I hadn't realized how much I missed them. Blindly, I reach for the nearest person. It's Sollux. My best fucking friend in all of Alternia.

A pair of long skinny arms warp around me after a second. "Kk, are you okay?" Sollux asks.

"Shut the fuck up and let me hug you," I say into my taller friend's chest.

I feel another pair of smaller arms wrap around my waist. "Karkitty, it's you!" A sweet voice purred happily. Nepeta. I let to of Sollux with one arm to slip it around Nepeta. She buries her face in my shoulder.

I feel a ringed hand on my back. "Kar, w-what are you doin here?" Eridan's stupid voice asks. I laugh into Sollux's chest.

"That's a stupid question," I reply. "Why do you think I'm here?" My voice is muffled.

I lift my face from my best friend's chest, tightening my grip on Nepeta, who lifts her face to look at me.

I open my blank white eyes and smile at everyone.

"I'm dead."

What have I done?

brb. Drowning in feels.

Leave a review if you want. I may post more Homestuck at some point. I've got some semi-finished on my computer.

Ludicrous out!