Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of the Twilight Saga or the plot. They belong to Stephenie Meyer. I am only borrowing them for my own amusement.

Author's Notes: This is a Bella/Edward and Bella/Jacob fic showing how she chooses between them. If you want the full uncut version check it out on this is a heavily edited version because all the sex scenes have been cut out.

Part One: somewhere in the book new moon

~Bella POV~

Jake and I had gotten close gradually since Edward had left. Actually that was a lie, since I had decided to leave my room and start speaking to people again was more accurate. He was my best friend and my distraction from everything Edward. La Push was somewhere the Cullens never went and so didn't remind me of them. So the time I spent with Jacob in La Push was almost like taking myself out of my painful reality and jumping into a different world where they really did never exist. Edwards words when he left still haunted me. How could it be as if they never existed? I had walked up and seen their house. It was still there. Whether it was empty or not it was still their home. I couldn't picture anyone else there so as long as it was there it was a reminder. I would stare at their table during lunch at school. I would look to my window at night expecting him to appear through it. It would never be as if he never existed anywhere but La Push with Jacob.

So here I sat talking with Jacob, in his car, in his garage, away from the pain of reality.

(Authors note: there is a little bit here taken straight out he book to try and make it fit in a bit better so i take no credit for that bit xx)

My head started to spin-I couldn't seem to pull in the oxygen from the air. No lungs.

Jacob was entirely in control now, very still beside me.

"Why do you do that?" he asked. He tugged lightly at one of my arms, which was bound around my chest, and then gave up when it wouldn't come loose easily. I hadn't even realised I'd moved them. "You do that when you're upset. Why?"

"It hurts to think about them," I whispered. "It's like I can't breathe...like I'm breaking into pieces..." It was bizarre how much I could tell Jacob now. We had no more secrets.

He smoothed my hair. "It's okay, Bella, it's okay. I won't bring it up again. I'm sorry."

"I'm fine." I gasped. "Happens all the time. Not your fault."

"We're a pretty messed-up pair, aren't we?" Jacob said. "Neither one of us can hold our shape together right."

"Pathetic," I agreed, still breathless.

"At least we have each other," he said, clearly comforted by the thought.

I was comforted too. "At least there's that," I agreed. I glanced at Jacob's face. His expression was one of determination. I suppose i should have realise what he was going to do sooner. His fingers caught my chin and then before I could protest him lips were on mine. He kissed me angrily, roughly but passionately. His hand held the back of my neck. I tried to push against his chest, push him off of me but he didn't even seem to notice my attempts to escape. I tried again, he seemed to notice this time but it only made him try harder. His lips forced mine apart. His breath hot in my mouth. He was on fire. So warm... He seemed to ease up on my lips a little while his hands found my waist and crushed my whole body against his. I balled my hands into fists grabbing the material of his shirt. I meant to push him away but he mistook it as me responding and before I knew it he was everywhere. So hot against my skin so impulsive and passionate. I found to my horror that my body had all but given up the fight against him. There was a heat in me that I couldn't explain.

This was wrong. Jacob wasn't Edward. I loved Edward I couldn't live without him... But something about this raw passion being wanted this way...was comforting. It distracted me from the pain. Like a drug...like alcohol, Jacob Black was my distraction from everything that was real and painful. There was no question, if Edward and I had never been Jacob and I would have. I did love him. Maybe not like I did Edward...but Edward wasn't coming back. What was so wrong with making Jacob happy and trying to be happy myself...after all that's what Edward wanted wasn't it? Me to move on. Pretend he never existed. And Jacob Black was the only thing that could distract me and make me happy.

I vaguely wondered at what point of my debating with myself I had started kissing him back, clinging to him, pulling him closer. His kissed wandered from my lips across my jaw and neck. His hands started roaming up and down my sides.

"Bella..." he all but growled in my ear, nuzzling my neck.

"Make the pain go away Jake..." I whispered quietly pulling away slightly. That was all the invitation he needed. He climbed out of the car and lifted me out of the car after him. He carried me over to a small sofa in the corner of the garage. He leant over me and continued to kiss me softer than before but still with the same passion. His hands found their way under my shirt lifting it up to expose first my stomach which he covered in kisses before pushing it further up and lifting it over my head. My bra was the next to go. Immediately his focus shifted to my neck and breasts. Before I realised what I was doing I found myself tugging at his shirt also. He leant up and helped me remove it, causing me to blush at my half nakedness. The redness of my face only got worse as the reality of what we were doing and about to do sunk it.

Jacob smiled my favourite smile when he saw my blush. He moved back to kissing my lips, reassuring me.

Before I realised the rest of our clothes were long gone and his hot skin was pressed into mine. It scorched me. His hands were all over me. He was so hot and passionate and loving. I knew this was wrong, but it felt right. If Edward wasn't coming back why shouldn't I try to be happy...

Bella's POV

I woke up the next morning when I hear Charlie leave the house for work. I covered my face with my hands and blushed to myself a little. The memories of Jacob and I on his couch came flooding into my mind. It had been wonderful. I remember after being curled up on the couch relaxing with him. Before we had to hurriedly had to get dressed as Jacob informed me Quil and Embry were on their way. I hung around for a bit before I headed home much to Jake's dismay. He had wanted me to stay until after they had left so we could talk about what happened. I suppose that was another reason I had left.

I sounded so horrible. I did love Jacob but that didn't mean I was ready to be boyfriend and girlfriend with him. I sat up thoughtfully before dropping my head into my hands. I didn't feel ready to be in a relationship with him but I was happy enough to get all physical with him less than twenty-four hours ago. How could I explain that to him? It sounded so stupid.

I guess what I meant was that I love Jacob but I don't want to get serious with him because I was still holding out hope that Edward would come back to me. I was so naive. I was insane. I was in love. The problem was I was in love with more than one person. And neither of them were exactly human either which made things all the more complicated. She carried the secrets of both.

I shook my head and got up. I had to get dressed and get my head clear.

Jacob POV

I woke up late. The covers were barely on me, they were mostly screwed up and on the floor. Then a huge smug grin slipped onto my face. I had made a move on Bella, and she had let me. In fact I expected her to run away and instead I got more than I ever dreamt I would. OK, so actually I'd dreamt about it but never dreamt it would actually happen. She was so soft and small in my arms. A certain part of my body made me aware of how much I enjoyed yesterday. I would do anything for it to happen again.

First I would need a shower and then I would call Bella. It was a shame she managed to escape thanks to Quil and Embry turning up but I could question her today. She couldn't escape me forever.

Bella POV

After I'd showered and had breakfast I was going to call Jacob but decided against it. I went for a walk and found myself at the spot Edward had left me. I decided that walking was a bad idea as it just reminded me of Edward. So I headed back to my truck and decided facing Jacob in La Push was easier than thinking about Edward.

Why did he have to leave? He promised to stay as long as I asked him to. Now he promised it would be as if he never existed. But how could it ever be like he never existed. He was useless at keeping his promises.

I stopped my truck outside the Black's house. Jacob was straight out to greet me.

"Hey Bells." He called. "I was just trying to call you. I was starting to think you were avoiding me!"

"No, I'm not avoiding you." I replied dumbly. "I'm a little embarrassed, but I'm not mad or anything."

"Aw, don't be embarrassed Bells." He said, flashing me his best Jacoby smile. I couldn't help but smile. "I would ask for a repeat but I bet I'd get a slap."

"If you asked like that you'd be right." I said. "I don't know exactly what we are Jake but can't we just...not pretend it never happened but go back to normal and see what happens..."

"I was hoping you'd say something like that." He grinned, reaching out and hugging me. "Well, declaring love for me and wanting to be my girlfriend would've been great but what I meant was. I was hoping you wouldn't push me away or not know how to act. I just want you to be your normal wonderful self."

"OK deal." I smiled up at him. We were interrupted by a howl. Jacob tensed.

"I'd better go see what Sam wants...do you want to wait inside?"

"Actually, I think I'll take a walk down the beach." I replied. I wasn't sure I was ready to be alone in his room or anything with him yet.

"Sure sure. I'll come find you after OK?" he asked, but he didn't really wait for an answer before walking into the trees out of sight to strip down and phase.

I headed down the beach. The sound of the water was calming. The sky was so clear. I looked up at the gulls around the cliff tops. This drew my attention to the cliff tops. I looked at my clothes. I figured they were sensible enough. So I climbed to the top of the cliff. Maybe this would help me hear Edward again. If nothing else I would for a moment feel free. Like flying... I looked at the water below me and took a few steps backwards. I took a deep breath and ran to the edge and jumped.

Alice POV

I was gasped as a vision hit me. One I did not expect. I saw Bella. I saw her jumping from a cliff. Then I saw her surrounded by water. I saw her struggling. Then it went blank. What had happened? Was she dead? I didn't think so, or rather I didn't feel like she was, but why else would she suddenly vanish? I felt terrible. I had to tell Edward...

Jacob POV

Where was she? I couldn't find her anywhere. Then I saw something fighting in the water. My blood ran cold. No! Bella! My Bella! I jumped into the water and headed towards her. At first she pushed me away, almost as if she was fighting someone. But then she gave in and I tugged her towards the water edge. By the time I laid her on the rocks she wasn't breathing. I push against her chest a few times before trying to remember what to do next. I tilted her head and breathed into her. Almost instantly she started to cough. I pulled away as she jerked up coughing up a mouthful of water. I held her to me in relief. I wanted to cry and scream and shout.

"Bella! Bella what were you thinking?" I screamed at her. "How could you even think of doing something like that alone!"

"Jake..." she whispered, her eyes looking up at me questioningly.

"Why didn't you wait for me? Or anybody for that matter." I asked.

"Jake?" she asked, still looking up at me. "I'm cold." I lifted her up into my arms and held her close to me. I heard her sighing and nuzzling into me. I was glad right then that I was so warm. I headed back home as fast as I could. I got inside and placed her on my bedroom floor. I went to the bathroom and came back with a warm towel for her. I turn my back while she undressed and wrapped herself in the towel.

"I'll just go and hang these out for you..." I said, trying not to look at her knelt on my bedroom floor in just a towel. If I did I was afraid I might pounce on her. I quickly went and hung her clothes and my own on the line outside. I went back in and found myself some pants before heading back to the bedroom. I dug around in the room for a t-shirt for her to wear. I was going to find some shorts for her but my t-shirt easily reached her knees so it wasn't really necessary.

"Jake?" she asked, almost a whisper. I turned to her. "Will you hold me?" She didn't need to ask twice. I bent and lifted her into my arms before I settled us both on the bed. I wrapped my arms around her and pressed her firmly into my body.

"Are you feeling any warmer?" I asked. She nodded, but her eyes were closed. She just nuzzled further into me and I felt her relax. I could lay like this with her forever. My Bella.

Author's notes: ok that's the first chapter. Wheels are set in motion for Edwards return. And bella and Jacob are getting close once again. If you like it please rate it or review it xx