© Salome Wilde, 2008
Author's Note: This parody was originally written for the first week at the LJ Community Inucomedyclub, for the situational prompt "Kanna and Kagura tag team Sesshomaru." It took first place!
The Prince Is Having a Ball
"All right girls," said wicked Mother Naraku, adjusting her wig. "Prince Sesshomaru will be dancing with every girl at the ball, and this is your big chance to win him. Heed my advice. Men like girls who are demure and flirtatious. Kagura: flutter that fan and bat your eyelashes for all you're worth! And don't talk about your powers like last time. Men do not like women who can kill them in a single swipe and a battlecry of 'Dance of Blades'!"
"Yes, Lady Mother," replied Kagura automatically, pretending, as always, not to know that mother-sama was in fact male and she had been born not of her womb but oozed from her hanyo flesh.
"And Kanna, listen up. If men prefer a sweet and shy woman, they do not like one that is positively morose! I want to see a smile on that ghostly face of yours tonight. And for goodness' sakes, hide the mirror. If it comes down to having to steal the Prince's soul to get him to marry one of you, I'll be the one to give the order. And who knows, if you don't handle it correctly, I may have to marry him myself!"
Kanna whispered a "Yes, Lady Mother," in so submissive and childlike a voice that it made Kagura want to scream. Her sister was such a milksop. And Mother Naraku was a hideous old drag queen. No, she was going to be the belle of the ball tonight and get that Prince! She'd simply strongarm the dandy out of the ballroom and, once alone, win him over with her well-practiced oral skills (primarily honed on that perverted village priest Miroku and his constant companion, the naughty stable boy Inuyasha). Yes, as befitted her title as wind sorceress, she'd simply blow him away.
"All right, girls, let's get dressed. We only have three hours to make ourselves perfect. And given how that silver-haired fop primps and fusses over his hair, clothes, and make-up, we've got some work ahead of us if we want to shine!" Mother Naraku ratcheted her voice up a notch as she yelled across the house, "Rinderella! Get in here now!"