It was two weeks after the day she turned eighteen
All dressed in white
Going to the church that night
She had his box of letters in the passenger seat
Sixpence in a shoe, something barrowed, something blue
And when the church doors opened up wide
She put her veil down
Trying to hide the tears
Oh she just couldn't believe it
She heard trumpets from the military band
And the flowers that I never had
Baby why'd you leave me
Why'd you have to go?
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
I can't even breathe
It's like I'm looking from a distance
Standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream
The preacher man said let us bow our heads and pray
Lord please lift his soul, and heal this hurt
Then the congregation all stood up and sang the saddest song that she ever heard
Then they handed her a folded up flag
And she held on to all she had left of him
Oh, and what could have been
And then the guards rang one last shot
And it felt like a bullet in her heart
Baby why'd you leave me
Why'd you have to go?
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
I can't even breathe
It's like I'm looking from a distance
Standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream
It was June 1st, exactly two weeks after Natalie Kabra had become the glorious age of eighteen. Natalie was busy trying on her wedding dress, long, expensive, and satin - lined with real diamonds - when the phone rang.
Natalie checked the Caller ID. Seeing Amy's number, she immediately picked up, hoping for something like, "Guess what? Dan's coming home!" or, "Did you hear that Dan's coming here tomorrow?" But instead she got Amy's shaky, teary voice delivering the message. "Dan... shot... dead," was all Amy could muster through her tears. "T-Tonight at... at St. Peters is... is his funeral."
Natalie felt the world fall apart. This isn't real, she thought. No, no, no! It can't be real! But she found herself driving to St. Peters Christian Church at 8:00 P.M. that night. Next to her in the passenger's seat sat an old box made out of mahogany wood that was overflowing with every letter she ever got from Dan. Next to it was a pair of black converse that Dan had doodled "Ninja" on and ninja stars all over it. Inside was a sixpence that Dan always kept for good luck. Next to the sneakers was an old pen from the Bank of America that Dan had never returned. The Bank of America probably wouldn't take it back anyways; Dan had decorated it with stickers and drawings of ninjas, ninja stars, ninja swords, and pretty much anything that had to do with ninjas. On the dashboard rested Dan's favorite blue ninja T-shirt.
Natalie drove past Lucy's cafe, Starbucks, and Brielle's boutique until she parked her Benz on the curb next to a gold-and-red castle-like building that was St. Peters Christian Church. Surrounding the huge church were little white crosses and pure white marble tombstones of the St. Peters. Dan wouldn't be buried there, he was buried in thick layers of mud in Vietnam. He would have a tombstone. A large piece of black obsidian shaped like a chess piece.
She waited until the huge wooden doors swung open, revealing the dark gothic church covered with ribbons in red, white, and blue. The sight of it all brought tears to Natalie's eyes. She yanked her veil down over her eyes, hoping to hide her face. You're a Kabra! she thought. Kabras don't cry!
But she did anyway, unable to believe that Dan was really gone. The silence was broken by the soft playing of the military band, the trumpets ringing out strong. She could hear the same band playing on her wedding day and smell the boquet of pink roses she would never have.
Why? she thought. Why did you have to go? Why did you leave me? What about forever? You promised forever! Don't you know that I can't breathe? I feel like I'm looking from a distance, like I'm somewhere else. Do you know how it feels to have everyone come up to me and say with false sympathy, "I'm sorry he's not coming home" ? No! Every time you hear it the weight of reality settles on you and - no! This can't be happening! This is just some crazy dream.
Natalie snapped back into reality as the old preacher started talking, his voice low and coated with sadness. "Let's have a moment of prayer. May Lord heal this hurt upon us and let his soul be lifted into the highest kingdom of heaven." The crowded church fell silent for a soiled solemn minute, then the preacher continued, "Dan was a..." Natalie was sure that the preacher wanted to say something like "Neanderthal" or "punk" for the countless times he had bursted out laughing during sacred prayers or came to church every Sunday decked out in his ninja costume, which made her smile. Instead he said, "...a brave man. He will be dearly missed. His family will be included in our prayers. May God have grace and mercy upon them."
With that, the large congregation all stood up and sang a slow hymn. The hymn was the saddest song Natalie had ever heard. Another tear for every word. When the song finished everyone sat back down and watched.
They watched as two men in army uniforms handed Natalie and Amy a folded-up American flag with gold tassels. Natalie hugged it and held it close to her body, ignoring the fact that it was probably made out of cheap fabric like polyester. It was all she had left of Dan. And Dan was worth more than money could ever buy.
Every thought of what could have happened ran through Natalie's mind as she cried and held on to the folded-up flag that was now wet. She thought of a house on a beach, a golden ring on her finger. She could feel the joy as she pictured Dan getting off the plane from Vietnam and she could feel the anxiety as she rushed toward him and the warmth of his embrace. No second phone call announcing his death. No folded-up flag. Not a tombstone in the St. Peters' cemetery. A fairy tale ending. Not this.
The guards at the door fired one last shot, the whizzing of bullets ringing through the solemn night, and it felt like a bullet going straight through Natalie's heart.
But the entire time she was thinking,
Why? Why did you have to go? Why did you leave me? What about forever? You promised forever! Don't you know that I can't breathe? I feel like I'm looking from a distance, like I'm somewhere else. Do you know how it feels to have someone come up to you and say, "I'm sorry he's not coming home"? No! Every time you hear it the weight of reality seettles on you and - no! This is not happening! This is just a dream. Just a dream, Natalie, just a dream.
But why? Why did you leave? Why why why? I can't even breathe now! This is crazy! It was supposed to be forever! Forever and always, just what you said. You lied! You said you'd come home! No! This is not real! This is a dream. Just a dream!
No.
You're really gone.
Dead.
This isn't just a dream.