Consta the Constant

Southland Province, Nagarea
IS 468

The Elder found me on a particularly beautiful summer day. A bright blue sky and white, puffy clouds slowly floated above and a light, cool wind took the edge off the summer heat. Of course, I only observed the day from the open window. There was far too much archiving for me to do in order to pull away for some fresh air. Despite my assistant's urging, I wanted to finish it as quickly as possible. I've always hated having work left behind on my desk for too long. I've always believed that if it can be done now, it should be done now. Brassy used to laugh at me about that. But what was it coming from him, the eternal procrastinator? His actions were often so random, he was hard to follow. Of course, despite our spats, I still considered him one of my best friends in the village, after Chusen and Jedda. Complete opposites that we were, at least we were both well-educated and could have fascinating conversations.

I miss Brassy – I miss his slightly raspy voice, his odd accent, his quirky laugh. But not as much as I miss my dear Chusen.

I was born around books in my mortal life, and as a child they were my only friend. My mother would always say, "Consta, dear – go out and play with the other children." But I wasn't interested. The stories and the knowledge were far more important to me. That never changed – it never has. When the king of Arengard commissioned a new grand public library to be built in the capital, I was the natural choice to be appointed as head curator and librarian. That library was my life. Until Hikusaak invaded and burned it all to the ground. I ran that day, and kept running aimlessly until I found the Village of the Blue Moon. And Chusen, the young king who had abandoned us and allowed Hikusaak to march on the kingdom. Oh, I spent a bit of time being angry with him, blaming him for the loss of my library – of my purpose in life. But then, little by little, I forgave him. And in time we became friends. Best friends. Perhaps, I am a little embarrassed to admit, I might have had even deeper feelings for him, though he never reciprocated. Not that it matters now. He's been gone for so many years.

When the village went to ruin, I ran away again, choosing life over certain death. Those were dark times in my life, and I'm not proud of what I did. But I think I needed the experience to fully appreciate what was to come. Kiven. His Blue Rune. And the Golden Resistance. Years ago, I met a group of warriors, guided by 108 Stars of Destiny, of which I was one – the Chisui Star. Our leader was head of the rebellion to overthrow Nagarea's corrupt leaders. I started off gathering and researching books and maps that would help the cause, but after we had won the war, I expanded the library to include tomes from all over the world. And now the result is the biggest public library in Nagarea. I would even debate in the southern hemisphere. It's something I'm incredibly proud of – my life's greatest accomplishment. But I suppose all good lives have to end at some time.

When Sierra arrived that day shortly after noon, I never imagined looking her in the face again would bring back so many memories. I remember the good times – before Neclord stole the rune – when we were all together in the Village of the Blue Moon, like family. We never would have dreamed of betraying one another back then. And we certainly never would have dreamed of betraying her, our Coven Mistress, who did so much for us and gave us another chance at life.

For years, I had regret and cursed her every day for turning us into monsters. But now that I have all of this here in Southland Province, I regret absolutely nothing. I just had to bide my time. I would have had none of this, had I stayed in Arengard. Had I been a mere mortal. I never would have met such good friends. I never would have had another chance to build a library, especially not one as grand as this one.

I knew why Sierra was here, of course. When Indon ran into me almost two centuries ago, he told me The Elder was hunting us all down. She had already killed three who had betrayed her, and it was only a matter of time before she found us, as well. That prompted me to run as far south as I could comfortably go – and settle in an isolated cave with plenty of animal life to feed on, but no humans for two hundred kilometres. That was when I had nothing. I still had the regret and the hate and viewed my lot in life as a curse. Not anymore, of course. Since I had done what I'd always been destined to do, I found I was almost ready for it. That thought scared me far more than her presence.

Despite the strength given to me by the Blue Rune, I felt the presence of the True Blue Moon Rune in Sierra's hand even greater, and was reminded of its immense power. It felt warm and somehow comforting – an odd feeling for someone who was sure she was about to die.

So the Elder had gotten the rune back from Neclord. I couldn't help smiling at the thought. I'm sure it was a hard battle. Indon also told me he had barely escaped an encounter with Neclord with his conscience intact. I am certain the Elder probably had help. Hopefully from good friends. Better friends than we who had betrayed her had been.

She was alone this time. Perhaps she knew she wouldn't need any help. After all, I am hardly the oldest, and hardly the strongest. And perhaps she also supposed I wouldn't put up much of a fight. She is right on that account, of course.

"Elder Sierra," I nodded quietly, getting up from my chair. I had forgotten how small she is – barely past 5 feet, trapped in the body of a sixteen year old, while I have always been tall for a woman, and already looked older than I was before I became a vampire. Regardless of her appearance, I knew she was far more powerful than she looked. She had well over 800 years of life to draw upon.

"Consta," Sierra spoke, her voice still young-sounding to the uninitiated. But I heard the subtle underpinning of great age in her tone that betrayed her youthful appearance.

"You have finally tracked me down. It's been a long time."

"Yes. It has."

"391 years. Give or take."

Sierra shook her head. "I should have supposed you would be counting."

I tipped my head. "Is it odd that I did?"

"I'm barely able to keep track myself."

"Well, you know how I am about time."

"Yes. I do."

There was a tense pause, and neither of us knew quite what to say. After all, we both knew what was coming, but neither of us knew how to proceed. I decided not to mince words and get to the point.

"I suppose you're here to end my life?" I said.

"Yes," Sierra said. "Though – I am a bit surprised you've managed to find a way to live among humans. They don't even seem frightened of you."

"I've never given them a reason to be frightened, as far as I know. It's perfectly natural."

"You don't feed on them?"

I shook my head. There had been one time, hundreds of years ago, while I had been escaping the village. But not in recent years. Not like a wild animal, anyway. Of course, only human blood really keeps me healthy, but I don't crave it constantly anymore, thanks to the Blue Rune.

"How is that possible?"

I held out my hand, and the rune I'd had embedded into my left palm glowed a bit brighter in the presence of its parent rune.

"Every True Rune has lesser runes that have been derived from it. The elemental runes are the most common of course, but others have been known to exist, too. It's no different for the Blue Moon Rune. According to the expert rune master I had examine it, there might only be two or three of these in existence. They keep me from having to be a monster. It's not the same as being around the True Rune, but it lessens my need, and makes me feel stronger. It's why I've been able to live among humans. I have a very special friend who sometimes allows me to strengthen myself with his blood, but always, always with permission. I have the self-control with the Blue Rune to only take what I need without him suffering. I care about Kiven too much to ever hurt him. Other than that, I lead a relatively normal life here. I have this library, and there's always work to do, keeping me busy. I wouldn't have had any of this if I'd never come to the village. I would have died a lonely, bitter old woman. Assuming I'd have had a chance to live long after being taken prisoner by Hikusaak and his soldiers."

Sierra stared at me, as if unsure exactly what to do.

"I'm the last, aren't I?" I asked. I don't know how I knew it – I ran the farthest away by far. There were others who very well might have been better at hiding than me, or who might have kept moving, like Indon. But there was a sense I'd had for the last year or two that the vampires' power over the world had been almost extinguished, and aside from Sierra, I was the last remaining light. The Blue Rune might have been telling me so, or maybe it was a sense beyond the regular five, but there was no point in questioning it.

Sierra bowed her head. "Yes."

So my suspicions were confirmed. Sierra had nobody else closer to look for. That was why it was finally my time.

"So you hunted everyone else down?"

"Yes."

"Even Rean?"

"Yes."

I sighed. "I bet he was the most painful of all."

"I don't want to talk about Rean," Sierra said coldly. I shouldn't have asked.

"That's okay. I understand. Would you like to have a seat while we talk?"

"No. I would rather stand."

"Very well, then. May I sit?"

"If you'd rather."

I sat before my desk again, placing my hands on top to assure her I had no ulterior motives.

Sierra spoke, "I never really understood why you were one of the ones who left the village. You never struck me as someone who would leap headlong into the unknown and betray me."

"Fear makes people do shameful things. I didn't want to die. It's the same reason I fled my library in Arengard while it burned to the ground. If I was a brave person, then I'd have stayed and let it burn around me. I'm actually surprised I'm not breaking down and trying to run from you now. But I suppose it's because I know there's no way I can escape you anymore."

Instead of commenting on what I had said, Sierra pursed her lips and said, "Chusen was devastated when you left. You were his best friend. He died alone, save for me. All he could do was wonder why you would abandon him."

"I knew he would be devastated. I knew, but I was scared. I know it's no excuse, but I'm afraid that's all I have to give you." Really, it was. I didn't know how to explain what I'd done without even truly understanding why myself. Maybe it was because somehow I knew deep down I was needed here in Nagarea all these years later. I was needed by the Golden Resistance Army - by the friends I made during the war. A greater need than Chusen had for me while he lay dying. Of course, he wouldn't have understood. Despite his gentle disposition, he was a bit self-absorbed at times. Of course, I wouldn't have ever wished him to change. And there was no way I could possibly find the words to apologize for leaving him alone.

Sierra sat in a nearby chair, next to a small stack of new books I had been working on archiving. She smoothed out her skirt, distracted.

"You are the only one who has put up no resistance whatsoever. But I suppose I shouldn't be surprised."

"I suppose not. I guess I was called 'Consta the Constant' for a reason. As much as I hated it when he called me that, Brassy was right about me. I am hopelessly predictable."

"When you and Brassy used to have those long, philosophical debates, I never really paid them much mind. I admit – I didn't understand them and I wasn't terribly interested. I never did think very deeply into things at most times back then. Even after the village was gone. I set on my mission, and was determined to rid the world of vampires. But in the last few years, I've been thinking about things. Perhaps too much. And I've been very torn." Sierra looked right at me. "I felt it a little after each one of you, but I pushed it aside and continued on my mission. But a few years ago, not long after I got the True Rune back, I found Airwel and Fairfield. When Airwel attacked us, I killed him without hesitation. But when Fairfield saw him fall, he gave up. He begged for me to take his life. And I didn't want to. For the first time, I felt a pang of guilt. For the first time, I wondered if what I was doing was right – if I even had the right to do it. Especially since I had the True Rune back and life could be normal again for the ones who remained. "

I thought about it. "Airwel attacked us," Sierra had said. So there had been others who had helped her. Good. It was nice to know she wouldn't be alone. Who had it been, though? A friend? Maybe a lover? I didn't want to ask. It wasn't really my business. Besides, how could I find a segue to such a banal question when she was being so heartfelt and honest? It wasn't important.

"You haven't put up resistance," Sierra said. "You seem loathe to hurt people. And the Blue Rune gives you the ability to live happily with humans…"

I knew where she was going with her words, and for some reason, I was compelled to interrupt her. "No. You have to do it, Sierra."

Sierra looked at her. "Why?"

Why, indeed? After all, who looks into the face of death with such calm? Who, after possibly being given a reprieve, would throw it away just like that?

Okay, I knew why.

"Because letting me live will be betraying all the others who died. The ones who bravely stayed in the village, and the ones who you had to hunt down. And especially Chusen. I guess if there's any apology I can give him, I can accept this gracefully."

I sighed, looking at my hands – at the subtle wrinkles that were permanently etched into my skin even before I'd been a vampire. "I've had a good life here," I said, my gaze not leaving my fingers, which I noticed had begun to twitch ever so slightly in nervousness of what was to come. "I spent many years holed up alone. But I've had many, many years to think about things. About my place in the world. And I admit, here in Southland Province, I've found my place. It took almost 300 years, but this library is my life's dream realized. A large number of people can enjoy books. It's like the one I had in Arengard before it was destroyed by Hikusaak – but even bigger and better, with books from every corner of the world and a constantly growing collection. I've done my job. I trust my assistants will look after this place in my stead and keep providing everyone, even the less fortunate, with access to knowledge. That's all I've ever wanted out of my life. And as much as I'd love to keep doing my work, I understand my place is with the others now."

I looked up at the Elder, who was still clearly conflicted. "Sierra...I'm sorry for leaving the village. And I tried so hard not to betray you and become a monster. I did kill someone, once, in the beginning. I was so desperate, so hungry – and the temptation got the better of me. But it made me feel so wretched, I never fed on humans again. Not without permission, anyway. I fed only on animals until I found the Blue Rune. It was preferable to death, but it wasn't really life. I just didn't want to die in the village. Not like that...slowly starving and withering away. And survival became my only purpose for so many years. Sure, the Blue Rune gave me another chance to live, but if something were to happen to it, I would revert back to that pathetic existence, and that's the last thing I want. I'd best end it all here, while things are good. Please, don't be conflicted about it. It's what I know has to be done."

Sierra looked at me. "You're sure?"

"Yes." I spoke. "However, may I ask one favour before you do?"

Sierra paused, as if she was unsure she wanted to trust me. But then her eyes softened, as if she had remembered I've never been a good liar.

"That depends on what it entails," Sierra spoke.

"May I say a proper goodbye to my friends?"

Sierra paused again, and I felt I had to explain.

"I – never said a proper goodbye to Chusen – to any of them. And I've always regretted it. And if I left again this time without being able to, it would be horrible."

"And what if they resist me? I don't want to have to fight them."

"I won't explain what's happening – I'll just say I'm going on a long journey – that I'm off to explore libraries on other continents and that it will likely take a very long time before I return."

"They will know it is a lie," Sierra said.

"Probably. But they will have to accept it. They will. I won't let them fight you. I don't want anyone fighting over me."

"I suppose that is acceptable."

"Very well. I suppose I'd best do it now. There is no point in delaying things."

I quickly said goodbye to my friends, most of whom had no idea my journey would be a permanent one. Kiven knew, however. As he was a mortal, the years had withered his once young and strong body. He was far from the day he had found me at the age of 25 – the owner of a mysterious rune he had dug up in his youth and given to me so I could have a new life. Unlike Chusen, he was brave and strong. After being forced out of his home, he developed a spirit of adventure I have yet to see matched. He was not content to just read about the world. He had to see, smell, breathe it all in himself. He had been driven to join the war early, seeking revenge for the day his village had been invaded and burned down around him three years before the conflict started. The invasion of the peace he had always known was something I could understand – I remembered the day Hikusaak had marched on Arengard, his men rushing into my library with torches, determined to destroy centuries of knowledge we had painstakingly gathered there. It was that common thread, and his gift of the Blue Rune that had brought Kiven and I together as friends – though two people couldn't possibly be more different.

Kiven was the only one who knew I was a hunted woman, and had been for centuries. He was the only one I told about the Village of the Blue Moon – of what had happened there. And he knew I wasn't one for travelling except under the most dire of circumstances. He knew I wasn't going anywhere other than to my end. I didn't have to tell him. He knew me too well.

"She found you, didn't she?" he said. "Your Coven Mistress?"

"Yes," I said quietly. There was no point in lying to him. "She has given me the opportunity to say goodbye to my friends before I go."

"So you're just going to accept it and let her kill you?"

I sighed. "I don't like it and I am frightened. But for once in my life, I can't run. Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't get far. It's time, Kiven."

He averted his eyes. "Damn," he spoke. "If I wasn't so old and weak, I'd fight her for you. I'd kill her or scare her off or – or – something. Anything…"

"Even if you were young and strong – there would be nothing you could do. She's strong. Killing a vampire, especially one with a True Rune, isn't a task for a mere fighter. Assuming she can be killed at all. And I doubt she would be easily scared off. All you would end up doing is getting yourself killed. I wouldn't want you to do that. Not for me. You already saved me once with the Blue Rune. That's enough. You have done enough for me." I took his hand. "Thank you," I said. "For your rune, for your friendship. And for your blood. It's kept me strong. And, most especially, for teaching me how to live again. I got a chance to redo what went wrong in my human life, and this time accomplish all my dreams. But I'm done. All normal lives end. Today is simply my time."

Though Kiven wasn't one to cry, I knew from his expression he wanted to. He probably would when I left. I didn't want him to, but I suppose it is human to feel pain and loss when a friend departs the world. I still mourn many of my friends from the village. I still deeply mourn Chusen, and I always have.

Kiven rose from his chair and and stood, hunched over and withered from age. He was shorter than I was now that he wasn't able to stand to his full height, but it didn't stop him from wrapping his arms around me. He had never held me like this before, and his touch was unexpected. Mortals had no idea how warm vampires found their touch, but it was what I needed – calming like hot milk on a cold day.

"I had best go, before this gets any more painful," I said, breaking away from him. I knew Sierra could be an impatient person, and sunset had approached on the horizon outside. It was unlikely she would let my goodbyes stretch into the night.

"Safe journey, Consta," Kiven said quietly. "May we meet again in our travels."

"Yes," I said. Of course, I had no idea if there was such a thing as an afterlife, but if he believed, there was no harm in humouring him. Even if it did exist, perhaps it was only for mortal beings – maybe vampires had lost their place when they became immortal. I supposed I would know soon. And if there was nothing, there would be no 'me' left to care. It was just as well.

I left the house, and Sierra waited for me on the porch. She wasn't impatient as I had expected. Instead, there was a sadness in her eyes.

"He is a really good friend to you," she spoke. She had probably looked inside. I somehow didn't mind the invasion of our privacy.

"Kiven is the one who found and gave me the Blue Rune. He's the one who lets me take his blood."

"How old was he when you met?"

There was more to her question – I sensed it, but I couldn't put my finger on why.

"He was 25. He was a true fighter. Charming. Funny. It's been 59 years since then. He might not be very strong anymore, but he's still incredibly charming. And he can be immensely funny. He can make me laugh. I assume that amounts to something. Brassy always accused me of being serious and humorless, and he was right, I suppose."

Sierra sighed. "You are only friends?"

She was asking if there had ever been more between us. Of course there hadn't. He had always had his eye on someone else – married her a year after the war. His wife had been gone two years, and they had been deeply in love. I never would have never even entertained the thought. Besides, could a vampire truly have a relationship with a mortal? I assumed it was impossible.

"No. We've always been just friends."

"I suppose until today you supposed you would outlive him – watch him age and eventually die."

I shrugged. Of course I had thought about it. He wouldn't be the first or the last mortal friend I had lost. Of course, he was hardly the first or last vampire friend, either.

"Is it – hard to watch mortal friends age and die?" she asked. Had there never been anyone in her life who had grown old on her? Not in her entire existence?

"It's the same as watching vampire friends die," I responded. "It hurts regardless."

"I see," she said, then glanced off into the distance with a sigh. It was as I supposed – there was something personal in her questions.

"Are you worried about losing your mortal friends?" I asked.

"Not all of them," she said. "I have lost friends to accidents, murder – unexpected things. And I know the more fortunate ones will age and die. But there is one who will be…different."

"Who is he?" I asked, knowing he was someone special – someone who was more than a friend to her. Maybe it was possible for a vampire to love a mortal after all. I supposed I would never know.

Sierra didn't respond. She just turned and looked at me. "Everyone is a mortal to me – even other vampires. The village just wasn't around long enough for anyone to really age to a point of any significance. I suppose it doesn't matter. Anyway, I suppose we should go. Where would you like to go?"

"To my room," I said. "It is where I feel the most calm."

"Very well," Sierra said.

She followed me back to my quarters, which were attached to the library. They were small, sparsely decorated, yet comfortable – at least to me. All I needed was a bed and a soft chair by which to read. I would miss reading. But I had enough knowledge in me for five lifetimes. I needed no more.

Sierra had promised me it would be as painless as possible. But there was no way it could be instant. It was like blood draining from veins…making me grow slowly weaker.

Sierra took my head in her lap and held my hand. Before she had done it, I had made her promise one more thing – not to let me die alone. She said she had never planned to. I thought I saw tears in her eyes. This really was harder for her than I'd imagined it would be.

"Sierra... I was too much of a coward to take my own life...but since you're the one who has finally taken it, I'm okay with that..."

"Consta..."

"Now that your mission to hunt us all down will be over, what are you going to do?"

Sierra sighed. "I'm going to take a very long nap."

I couldn't help it. I laughed. Sierra's lengthy naps had been notorious, and it made perfect sense.

"And after your nap?"

"I – don't know."

I put my hands on her cheeks. "I want you to find your place in the world, Sierra. Just as I did. For Chusen. And for all the others who never had a chance. No matter what it may be."

"Consta…"

"You really are beautiful, you know... what you did for everyone in the village. You made us a part of your life when you just as easily could have lived alone forever. You gave us another chance to fix the things that had gone wrong in our human lives. Even knowing we could never be immortal, that even we would eventually die on you, didn't stop you. We all admired you. You did so much for us all. And we all loved you. Did you love us as well?"

Sierra paused a moment, but then decided. "What you did was unforgivable. I can't forgive you all for that...but I do still love you. All of you..."

I smiled weakly. "Thank you, Sierra. That's what I needed to hear. I can leave the world... in... peace..."

The world around me disappeared, and when I opened my eyes again, I saw Chusen standing next to me, smiling, as if he had been waiting for me to arrive. I ran, wrapping my arms around him, and for a long moment there were no words. Nothing more needed to be said between us – just the warmth passed by in our embrace.

"It took you long enough," Chusen said. "It's really not like you to be late."

"I know. I guess I took advice from Brassy and decided to be a bit more spontaneous."

"Never mind that," Chusen said. "I'm just glad you're finally here."

I smiled, probably wider than I had in years. "Me too. And…I'm sorry."

He knew for what. But there was no bitterness in his expression. "I know," he said. "It's okay. Honest."

Chusen took my hand in his and squeezed lightly. I returned the gesture and walked alongside him, determined that from here on in, I would never abandon him again.

FIN