((This story is... Special. I came up with it at a sleepover, and it was originally meant to be a fairy tale parody made pretty much because I wanted to make Ed a princess. But then once I decided to actually write it down, it became more serious, with an actual plot. O_o' And then somehow Daughter of Evil became involved and it all got crazy, so it's not really much of a parody anymore... But anyway, yeah. Also, in case you can't tell I'm really freaking tired. Like, so tired I mistook Barry the Chopper for Korra. I mean, it was a weird camera angle, but still... So yeah, sorry if anything's weird or something, that would probably be why. orz I'll hopefully have the next chapter up soon. Enjoy the story, I guess? xD))

Once upon a time, there was a ridiculously circular kingdom called Amestria. This kingdom was ruled by a wise and just king named King Roy. His wife had passed years ago, and his only child was his daughter, Princess Edwardina. Edwardina wasn't like other maidens; sure, she was beautiful and smart, but perhaps a bit too smart. She would rather spend her time reading or conversing with the royal alchemists than doing normal princess things, and even though her heart was in the right place, she was rude and loud and stubborn and did not get along well with her father, who often sighed and wondered why she couldn't be like her mother.

Despite all this, she was his daughter, after all. He only wanted the best for her, although she might argue otherwise. So when her fifteent birthday began approaching and she still remained unmarried, King Roy was naturally concerned about this issue. On the day of her fifteenth birthday, he summoned her to his throne room, determined to find her a suitor. Ten minutes later, she finally showed up, her red dress wrinkled and covered in mysterious stains along with her hands.

"What is it, father?" she asked, annoyed.

"As you know, today you turn fifteen," King Roy began.

"...So you remembered."

"What, you honestly think I'd forget your birthday?"

"Last year you thought it was four days after it actually was," Edwardina pointed out.

"Yes, well, I was very busy then."

"And the year before that, you didn't remember until-"

"ANYWAY, let's get to the point," Roy interrupted.

"And what might that be?"

"...You're fifteen now. Do you know what that means?"

"You'll finally stop bossing me around?" Edwardina asked hopefully.

"No... You need to get married," Roy explained.

"Oh hell no!" The very idea of marriage was ridiculous to Edwardina.

"Most girls are already married at your age, Edwardina. Don't think you're an exception just because you're the princess," Roy said seriously.

"But I don't WANT to get married! Everyone's too stupid! They're only interested in girls who sit around brushing their hair and picking flowers all day!" Edwardina argued.

"Yeah, well, that's life. Come on, you know you've got boys falling over at your feet. I expect you to pick one," her father said firmly.

"I don't have to do what you say!" she said stubbornly.

"Yes, you do."

"Or what?!"

"Or I'll lock you in your room for the rest of your life." He wasn't entirely bluffing.

"I hate you! You can die for all I care! You're an evil bastard and a completely horrible father!" Edwardina shouted, and stormed out of the room, slamming the door as hard as she could. Roy sighed. He didn't want to do all that to her, but he had little choice. She was the princess, she needed to get married, and he needed an heir. That was just how things were. Edwardina would just have to learn to live with that, no matter how much she disliked it. The world wasn't all fluffy unicorns and rainbows, and she'd have to learn that lesson, either the easy way or the hard way.

Edwardina had stormed off to the library, so angry she was practically steaming. She was absolutely furious, and quite upset. How could he do that to her? Forced marriage. That was just horrible. She shouldn't have to even have a boyfriend, much less get married! What she did with her life was her choice, not his.

"Damn it, who the hell does that bastard think he is?! He can't tell me to get married!" she shouted, punching the wall. Tears streamed down her face as she took out her rage on the innocent wall. Her knuckles were scraped and bloody from punching it so many times, and the wall had quite a few dents, but she didn't care. She was so, so very angry.

"I'm sick of this! How long is he going to keep tormenting me? It's always 'Edwardina this' and 'Edwardina that' and 'You can't do this' and 'You can't do that'! Well, screw that! I'm not going to put up with this anymore! I hate being a princess and I hate him!" she screamed to the empty room, punching the wall again for emphasis. She was just about to switch to kicking it when suddenly she got an idea. Slowly, she started to smile.

That bastard will never see it coming.

Late that night, after she was sure everyone was in bed, Edwardina quietly put on one of her plainer dresses, some warm stockings and leather boots, and a pair of white silk gloves. She took the knife she kept under her pillow and attached the sheath to her belt, then put on a simple brown cloak. Quietly, she slipped out from her room, with nothing but a bag with a few of her belongings: some clothes, a small journal and a quill pen, some money, her hair ribbons, the pocket watch her mother had given her. Taking care not to wake anyone, she crept through the castle, avoiding the guards (which wasn't hard, as they were pretty much asleep). The torch light cast strange shadows, and the suits of armor that decorated the halls like any stereotypical medieval castle loomed large in the darkness. Still, she new the castle well, and quickly found her way out.

As an afterthought, she left a note:

Dear Bastard,

I'm leaving. That's right, I'm leaving home, and I'm not coming back. Don't bother looking for me, because you won't find me, and nothing you can do will make me come back. You brought this upon yourself, you know. Maybe next time you won't be such an asshole. Oh wait, there's not going to be a next time, because I'm not coming back. Sucks to be you. Bye.

-Hate, Ed

With the note left at her father's place at the table, Edwardina left the castle. She'd miss the home where she grew up, but she didn't regret her decision. If she left the castle, she'd finally get to experience life without being a princess, like normal people. Nobody to tell her what she can or can't do, no being forced to wear stupid fancy dresses, no having to be a proper lady. She could finally do what she wanted to do. Without him.