Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass. I, also, do not own Disney's Beauty and the Beast. I'm but a humble writer making a parody. Also, I'll give a cookie to whoever can guess who the narrator in the beginning is (and it isn't me)!

Chapter One: The Most Interesting Exposition Yet

In a peaceful countryside village in France there lived a peaceful inventor and his three beautiful daughters - Oh, wait, what? Wait, that one isn't a girl? What the hell? Damn, that dude is cuter than me! I mean-ahem- there lived a peaceful inventor, his two beautiful daughters, and a surprisingly cute son.

The oldest child born to inventor was his daughter, Euphemia Lamperogue. She was like a ray of sunshine on a cloudy da - Okay, seriously? Who the hell wrote this garbage? I am not getting paid nearly enough to do the narration for this crap – on a cloudy day. She had long, silky hair the same color as unchewed bubble gum – Really? You couldn't come up with something more, I don't know, elegant to compare her hair color to? I mean, I understand her hair is pink but couldn't you have done something a little more creative? Oh, never mind – and eyes the color of freshly bloomed lilacs. She was gifted with the figure many girls dreamt of possessing, with flawless peach skin as soft as that of a newborn.

The middle child was the inventor's only son, Lelouch Lamperogue. His hair was of an ebony hue that was cut short, extending to his chin in a tidy cut. His eyes were a similar color to his older sister's, only they were a bit deeper and rather resembled precious amethyst stones. – Now see, that was beautifully written! Is there, like, some serious bias going on with whoever wrote this? Hey, you need to stop being so biased! You'll lose readers that way, you moron! – His skin was of an ivory hint, unlike his sister's, for he preferred to spend his days inside helping to run the house – So he's a guy but he makes for the perfect little house wifey? Can you say GAY? – or reading books.

The youngest child was called Nunnally Lamperogue. She was a very sensitive girl with a sweet spot for animals. She had lavender orbs and long hair the color of caramel, usually tugged into a long braid by her older sister. She would bring in the laundry that Lelouch set out to dry before slipping off to run around and spend time with her sister – Wait, so this little brat just runs around the house while the only boy does all the work? That is seriously unfair and sexist! Are you trying to get a secret message across that men should do all the work while women run off playing in flowery fields of something? Geez, you need serious help, my friend. – in the village shops or square.

The Lamperogue family had very few things of personal value but were happy, all things aside. One day, without telling his children where he was going, their father set out to bring each of his children a special gift. He took the carriage and went to town before making a detour to the cursed castle a few miles away from the small town.

Our story begins with a day in the life of our soon-to-be main protagonist, young Lelouch Lamperogue.

Lelouch sighed as he nudged his loyal black horse, Zero, along the trail to town. He needed to go to the library and return the book he currently had in hopes of getting a different. He'd already read most of the interesting ones but decided that a book written for cliché idiots was better than watching the laundry dry out on the line. As he entered the city he realized that many people were watching him as he passed by. 'Oh, here we go. If they start singing, I swear I'm going to kill someone,' He thought in a bitter hiss, tightening his grasp on the reins.

Look there he goes that boy is strange
No question
Dazed and distracted, can't you tell?
Never part of any crowd
'Cause his head's up on some cloud
No denying he's a funny boy that Lelouch

Lelouch's eye began to twitch as the people around him began their quiet singing. 'This is why I detest musicals; people act like they can't hear everyone else singing about them!' He silently cursed as he pulled up in front of the book shop. He hopped off Zero and tied his reins to the post set in the front for horses. He lightly stroked the horse's nuzzle as he dipped his head to drink from the troth of water beneath him before heading inside. "Hello, Mr. Asplund." He said calmly.

The man behind the counter perked up from an anatomy book. Lloyd Asplund was the librarian and was also, much to Lelouch's surprise, the town doctor. He didn't really see how it all made sense but decided to let it go, considering the other let him borrow books all the time. "Ah, Lelouch! How are you feeling today?" He mused happily.

"Have anything new for me today?" He asked calmly, pulling the book from his messenger bag and setting it on the counter, before approaching the nearby book case. He looked through the titles on the spines with a sharp, analytical eye.

"Not since yesterday when you came by," Lloyd answered as he slipped the book Lelouch had returned to its proper spot on the shelf. Lelouch paused with a thoughtful expression, one hand on his chin, before nodding and plucking a book off the shelf. "You're going to take The Complete Works of William Shakespeare? You must have quite a lot of time on your hands."

"Quite right. That and, for some reason, I feel like the play called Hamlet may give me so good ideas on how to handle my own father," He mused aloud with a small smirk. He glanced over at the other man who chuckled and shook his head lightly.

"I'll make sure to keep that little tid-bit of information to myself, in case anything does happen," He said while flipping the page in his book. He then glanced at it then back up with a cheeky grin in place. "Just call me your little co-conspirator."

"Thanks, Asplund," Lelouch chuckled while shoving the thick, heavy book into his bag. He gave a quick wave before heading back out to Zero. He set to untying the horse from his post before mounting him again. He perked up, noticing that everyone was watching him again. "I sure hope nobody starts singing. Zero can't stand the sound of perfect harmony and goes crazy, trampling whoever is singing to death. I should really consider finding a way to cure him of that." Lelouch announced. The people flinched before resuming their previous tasks. A small smirk came to his lips. 'I knew that would work.' He thought as he lightly tugged the reins and set Zero to a calm trot.

A shot suddenly rang out, causing Zero to jerk upward and cry out in shock. The townspeople around began screaming and fleeing while Lelouch calmed his horse down. He growled and looked for the cause, only to see the town hunter, Mao, and his goofy little sidekick, Tamaki, loitering close by. Tamaki was stuffing a dead goose into a burlap sack he was carrying with him.

"You know, there are rules about firing your gun in the town," Lelouch scoffed flatly as he trotted between them, glaring at them each in turn. Mao smirked and winked at him, to which Lelouch merely rolled his eyes. "It's called adhering to the law. You should try it sometime."

"And you should try loosening up," Mao said as he trotted alongside Zero. Lelouch resisted the urge to take off running; Mao would just follow him home anyway so he may as well try to enjoy his ride back. "Why don't you just come with me to the pub? I'll buy you a drink and we can chat a little."

Lelouch chuckled and shook his head. "Thanks but no thanks; I don't want to help boost your already inflated ego. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get home and tend to the business. Toodles," He said sarcastically before hitting Zero's side with one heel and sending him running off on the path.

"Do you see him, Tamaki? Though he may be of the male persuasion," Mao began with a dreamy sigh, "he is much more beautiful than any woman in this town. Why, he's almost as beautiful as me!" Tamaki blinked a little bit and watched the figure retreating on horseback.

"Well, he is very attractive but he's really str-"

"He's the best thing in this town! And I deserve the very best for my bride, be they male or female!" Mao declared proudly. He tossed his hunting rifle at Tamaki and stood with his hands on his hips dramatically. "I will make that Lamperogue boy fall in love and wed me! Mark my words, Tamaki!" He then started off on the path to the Lamperogue home. Tamaki sighed lightly but quickly followed after his boss like the good little lackey that he was.

…

Lelouch put Zero in his stable and filled his food troth with hay before heading toward the front door. He nearly uttered a swear word when he saw Mao walking up to the Lamperogue home. "You know, it's also against the law to trespass on other people's property," He called over as he walked over, resisting the urge to grab the pitchfork in the stable and charge at the other man.

"Well I wanted to make sure you were safe. I don't see how that makes this trespassing," He said with that same cocky glint to his eyes. Lelouch rolled his eyes.

"It's called the vampire principle," He said flatly. The other raised an eyebrow to which Lelouch merely rolled his eyes, shifting his messenger bag on his shoulder. "The vampire principle states that a vampire can only enter a house or room if the human invites them to come inside. Too bad a blood-sucking monster is more polite than most normal humans."

"Whatever. As I was beginning to explain," Mao said with a brief wave of his hand, "I came to make sure you made it here safe and sound. And because I wanted to talk to you about the concept of marriage."

"Marriage is when two people, typical of the opposite sex, decide they want to start a family together for one reason or another. They hold a ceremony in a church to prove their devotion to God, their friends and their families. This ceremony is often followed by a party in honor of the union where there is dancing, drinking, eating and the exchanging of gifts," He explained quickly, stepping up on to the porch. Mao was right behind him. "And if you've come to ask me to be your perky little wife you're wasting your time. I don't like narcissists'. So why don't you scram before I call on the town sheriff to take you out of my sight?"

Mao blinked a few times, stunned, as Lelouch headed inside and slammed the front door shut. Euphemia jolted up curiously and looked at him from her spot at the table. "Lelouch, Father hasn't been home all day," She said worriedly. A few feet away Nunnally was sitting by the fire, fiddling with her fingers anxiously.

"He may have had a lot of errands to run," Lelouch said calmly as he set his bag by the door and went to their barrel of vegetables. He pulled out come carrots, potatoes and radishes so he could make a stew for dinner. "Can one of you get some water for the pot while I cut the vegetables?" He asked calmly, looking over at his sisters. They both looked at him pleading so he turned, leaned back against the counter and sighed. "Okay, what is it? You must know something else f you're being this persistent about the matter."

"The baker said he saw Father heading into the woods, off toward the cursed castle on the top of the nearby hill," Euphemia said sadly. Nunnally whimpered lightly and nodded in agreement with her older sister. Lelouch muttered a small curse, pushed off the counter, and headed back to the door. He picked up his bag and tossed it back over his shoulder.

"I'll go find him. The old fool probably ran the cart off the road and the horses got hurt and he was too lazy to walk so now he's stuck waiting for help. I want you two to make the stew while I'm out so that we can eat as soon as I get back," He said calmly before heading back out. He looked around and sighed in relief upon the sight of no Mao anywhere around him. At least he'd be able to have a peaceful, quiet trip.

…

Lelouch sighed as he looked around the dark, decently concealed path. Zero had slowed his pace out of his growing apprehension and Lelouch had still seen no sign of his father, the cart or the two horses that had been pulling it. "Well this is getting a little annoying," He sighed as they cleared the woods to enter the empty area in front of the large, foreboding castle on the hill. He perked up when he saw the cart a few feet away, the horses snorting and standing by a tree. There was, however, no sign of his father anywhere. "That idiot went inside, didn't he? Zero, you stay here with these two." He sighed, hopping off his horse and tying it to the cart as well. He patted the side of his neck before heading up to the front door.

Lelouch sighed, seeing no point in knocking, before pushing open the door. It released a low, eerie creak. "How cliché," Lelouch mumbled.

You can say that again.

He perked up, looking around at the ceiling. "What the- Do I know you?" He asked aloud to the dusty, spider web covered roof above him.

No, no! I doubt you know me at all!

"But your voice sounds really familiar," He pressed further, raising an eyebrow.

No! Now stop breaking the fourth wall! You're ruining the mood of the story!

"Okay, geez," He mumbled angrily before looking around again. It was darker than he'd thought but he could still see what was going on; especially the large dark figure at the top of the stairs. A pair of bright green eyes were transfixed on him. "Excuse me, but has a man come through here? Kind of old, tall, big, really annoying looking?"

"Follow me," The form growled lowly before turning and walking off. Lelouch sighed and quickly followed after them. He had been able to tell by the voice that the person was of the male persuasion but they were wearing a large cape that hid their body from a decent view. He was lead to another staircase that led down again. This time, however, the stairs lead to a hall that was illuminated by torches on the walls. "I locked him in my dungeon for trespassing." He said, stopping in front of the first cell near the staircase.

"Oh God," He mumbled angrily as he stopped and looked in. His father perked up and darted over, latching on to the bars and giving him a weak smile. "You know, this is exactly why I believe in the vampire principle. You honestly stepped into another person's house without permission?"

"Actually, he was in my garden. He tried to steal one of the roses there," The other person said calmly. Lelouch looked at the hooded figure and then looked back at his father with an annoyed glint in his violet orbs.

"Okay, why were you trying to steal a flower from someone else's garden?" He asked in the tone of a chiding parent. Even though he knew he'd probably done it for Euphemia or Nunnally, Lelouch still wanted to hear his father admit it.

"I was just trying to get you three gifts. I found Euphemia's and Nunnally's in town so I thought maybe I could find something for you out in the wo-"

"Wait, you were trying to steal a flower for me?" Lelouch gaped, eyes widening and staring at his father in sheer shock. He then sighed and shook his head, turning to the other person. "So, I'm going to go. Feel free to do whatever you want with him; I'll just tell my sisters' he got trampled by a horse or attacked by wolves or something like that. Sorry to have wasted your time, sir." Lelouch said, turning to leave.

"Lelouch, you can't just leave me here! I thought this castle was abandoned! I didn't realize there was a terrible monster living here!" Charles called frantically. Lelouch paused, turning around just in time to see the hooded figure flinch then growl.

"What are you talking about?" He asked before the hooded figure tossed the cape away. Standing before him was the generic picture of a wolf man; Fur covered face and limbs, hunched figure, long fangs and furry ears. There was even a tail swishing impatiently behind him. "Oh, so that's what he meant. Someone clearly needs a shave."

"Can we, perhaps, make a deal?" Charles asked quickly, smiling at the animalistic figure before them. The deep emerald spheres narrowed at him suspiciously. "My son… Lelouch can stay here in my place so that someone can take care of my daughters."

"What the- I can take care of Nunnally and Euphemia just fine you daffy old fool!" Lelouch snapped angrily. Charles looked at him for a moment before turning his gaze back to the wolf man.

"My son is much younger and more attractive than I am. He would suit your needs better, if you catch my drift," He said calmly. Lelouch's eyes widened at what his father said. Was his father trying to sell him off to the wolf-man as, for an inability to go into detail of the actual implication, a chew toy? "What do you say?"

Before Lelouch could form a proper protest he was grabbed by the front of his shirt and tossed into the cell just as his father ran off. He jolted up, running to the bars, but the cell was slammed shut and locked again. "You damn bastard!" He yelled angrily at his grinning father.

"Don't worry, Lelouch," Charles said gently, "I'll be back to get you soon. I promise!" He declared before running up the stairs. A long pause followed as Lelouch stared at the stairs quietly and clenched to the bars angrily. The wolf man glanced at him curiously.

"I assume your father's a huge prick?" He asked politely. Lelouch looked at him as if he was a total idiot.

What was your first clue, Einstein? He just ditched his son with you, Freakazoid!

The wolf man blinked, ears twitching, before he looked up toward the ceiling. "Did you just hear that? I feel like I know that voice. Don't you?" He asked, looking between the ceiling above and the pretty boy trapped in his dungeon.

Lelouch sighed lightly, massaging his forehead with one hand. "You shouldn't do that; it's considered breaking the fourth wall," He said calmly. The other tilted his head and looked at him curiously.

"What's that mean?" He asked calmly. Lelouch felt his eyes twitch before he proceeded to bang his forehead against the wooden bars of his cell.

'This is going to be so much fun,' He thought to himself sarcastically.

End

I'd like to state now that this is a parody so I'll be making these kinds of jokes, which is different than my usual style, but don't worry; I'll also have parts of the story that will be more serious. I hope you enjoyed this and I can't wait to see your bets on who our narrator is!