A/N: I don't usually write post-eps, but "Purgatory" has left me uneasy about where they are taking Goren and Eames and I needed more resolution than what we've been given so far (if we get any at all). This just came to me today and hasn't been edited very much but I needed to get it out and done before my muse ran back over to the AU he prefers to reside in. Please let me know what you think.
Push & Pull
Bobby had been sitting on her front steps for over an hour. At first he thought she was home, because of the small lamp illuminating the living room, but soon realized that it was just a precaution to deter any possible burglars. He knew it was something she had started doing after her kidnapping whenever she knew she would be out late.
He wasn't sure if he should have come, but he hated being at odds with her. It put his already off-kilter world even more out of whack.
The fact that she had at one time requested a new partner hadn't surprise him.
He won't deny that it hurt, but it didn't surprise him. He was beginning to wonder if it wouldn't have been better if she had actually gone through with it because then she would never have gotten so tied up with him and the inevitable messes he got her into.
Bobby sighed and mentally prepared himself to leave. He would leave the decision to her. If she wanted to quit the partnership he wouldn't try to stop her and if she decided to stay he would try to make things better for her.
Before he could physically make himself move, a set of head lights washed over him and a little Toyota appeared in the driveway. He could make out her figure in the driver's seat and even though he couldn't clearly see her face, he knew she was watching him and probably wishing that he would disappear into some figment of her hopeful imagination.
In the car Alex sighed and rolled her eyes up to the ceiling. As the rolled them back down she found him still sitting there, still as a deer in headlights with the exception of his hands twisting and weaving together.
She wasn't near ready to deal with him yet. She had every intention of spending the weekend forgetting about Robert Goren and how much her life had become twined to his.
"God," Alex thought. "When did my ability to feel whole, balanced, become dependent on his ability to feel the same?"
The thought of just sitting in her car and seeing if he'd eventually leave crossed her mind. She was tired of being the grown-up in this relationship, the one who had to be rational and practical, and keep them both above water.
They were off balance and if they were really honest they'd both admit that it had been that way for a long time now. She kept trying to give and give, only to have it shoved back down her caring little throat with a shrug of his shoulder or some lame excuse.
She took a deep breath, knowing that as per usual she would have to take the first step, and climbed out of the car. She slung her bag over her shoulder, locked the car, and began the walk to her front door without paying him any attention.
She stopped as she reached the bottom of the steps and stared down at the keys in her hand.
When she looked up, she found his eyes nervously shifting from his hands to her face.
"It's late," she said.
He nodded.
"Y-you were out late," he countered, his voice soft and apologetic.
It's exactly how she expected him to sound, but she didn't completely buy it. She knew he needed them to be okay as much as she did, but she was done doing all the work. If he wanted her as his partner, as his friend, then he would have to start letting her in and stop expecting her to be there just whenever he chose he needed her to be. She was beginning to feel like there was some on/off switch attached to her back that no one had made her aware of when it came to her relationship with Bobby, but he was definitely the one controlling the switch.
"I was at my sister's," she said, squeezing between the opening made by his shoulder and the railing. "Some of us do actually have lives outside of work, you know."
Alex slipped her key into the lock and heard him rise behind her.
"Eames."
She let out a sigh and stared into the white paint of her door. Bashing her head against the door was starting to become a not so unpleasant option, but instead she did what she would always do: she turned around. Despite everything she did respect him and cared for him, probably more than she should.
"I'm sorry," he said, his voice weakened under the plea behind his words. "I-I don't know what else to say to you. You know I had to get my shield back...you know that, and I'm sorry you had to stay in the dark, but the job is all I have. I need--"
"Don't give me that crap!" she said as her anger got caught in her throat and threatened to leak out of her eyes. "The job's all you have because that's the way you made it."
She could see the hurt and anger building in his eyes, and right now she'd pay good money to see a classic Goren rage meltdown, because it would at least be something genuine.
"Like you're any better?" he asked in a bitter, accusatory tone that he had never directed at her before. "You think you don't hide behind the job as much as I do? When's the last time you had a date...o-or gone out with a group of girlfriends? Don't act like you're all high and mighty...good little Eames, always picking up after her crazy partner..."
Her jaw dropped, spewing angry thoughts that hadn't quite become tangible words.
"Oh! What about you?" she demanded stepping closer toward him, and found that, for once, they were eye to eye thanks to their perspective positions on the steps. "Poor me...let's see how efficiently I can keep myself miserable. Or how many harry situations I can put myself in before I finally get myself killed…or how many times I can push away the one real friend I have before she finally takes the hint and leaves. Then I can finally be completely and utterly alone and miserable. That sounds like good summer fun to me!"
"I'm not--" he yelled, but cut himself off by turning slightly on his heel and scrubbing his hand over his face.
He was too dependent on her and he knew it, but it never occurred to him that she might mourn his absence. He always felt it when she wasn't there, when they weren't solid, or when he felt something or someone threatening to give her a better option than what she had.
Things were so mixed up between them that it had gotten hard to see where and even if they were crossing the invisible line that was laid between every male/female duo. Maybe his brother saw something between them that neither of them could or would acknowledge.
"Do you get it now, Bobby?" she asked. "This isn't just about you keeping me in the dark. It's about you trusting me...it's about us being a real team again."
He absently nodded and stared across the street at a string of parked cars.
"When..." he said, softly." When did things get so complicated between us?"
Alex let go of a breath that she felt like she had been holding for months now and then plopped down onto the top step.
She ran her hand over her face and lightly shook her head.
"I don't know..." she said.
He turned back toward her and watched her as she stared up at him.
"I-I need us to be okay, Eames," he said.
"So do I," she said. "But...you got to meet me half way, Bobby. You can't just expect me to be here whenever you want me to be and not when you'd rather not deal with what I have to say."
He nodded and glanced down at the ground, softly chewing on his bottom lip.
"You-you know...that your more th-than just my water carrier. I-I've never thought of you that way...an-and I never meant to make you feel that way..."
"Yeah...I know."
"Wh-what do we do now?" Bobby asked.
She shrugged.
"Let me be your friend," she said.
"I-I'm not very good at letting people...h-help me...letting them really know me."
"Yeah, I noticed," she said.
He let out a weak laugh, knowing that her humor meant they made it forward at least a small step.
Alex pushed herself up from the step and looked over him as she played with her keys.
"Do you want a drink?" Alex asked. "And I mean a soda, water...no liquor."
He smiled and nodded.
She turned on her heel and unlocked the door. He followed her inside and watched her closed the door.
It was one more step behind them on the staircase that was their relationship.
End.