It kills me to do it. To leave her. She is so vulnerable, right now. Burned and scared, with Prim's death so fresh and horrific in her mind. How it was my fault; I killed Prim. Katniss doesn't agree, but she doesn't deny it, either.
I did what had to be done. I left Katniss. Now she no longer has to choose between me and Peeta. Now she can make the smarter decision. Peeta is safer for her. I'm dangerous.
Every step I take puts more distance between us. I keep my teeth gritted and my hands in fists as I walk, fighting the urge to run back to her. She doesn't want me. She doesn't need me. I'm no longer her best friend. I killed her sister.
Finally, I can't take it anymore. I lean against the wall, only to slide down it until I'm curled up on the floor with my head on my knees. A million thoughts rush through my head, and silent sobs rack my body.
Katniss, years ago, when we met I the woods for the first time.
Katniss, hunting with me, listening to my rants about the Capital.
Katniss, taking Prim's place in the Hunger Games.
Katniss, looking shocked as Peeta confesses his love to her in front of all of Panem. But really, how could anyone not love her?
Katniss, almost ending her life with those berries.
More memories. More sobs – louder, now.
Katniss; kissing Katniss.
Katniss, healing me after I'm whipped. Staying by my bedside. Kissing me when she thought I was too gone to notice, care, or remember.
Katniss, being called for the quarter quell.
Katniss. KatnissKatnissKatniss.
My brain is a mess. I can't think straight. All I can think of is the girl from District 12, before the Games and Peeta and all the horrible things that happened to her. The girl that I fell in love with.
The girl that, I knew, I would never see again.