I always looked up to Philip. He was not only my older brother, but my best friend. The only times we were ever apart were when he went away to King College. He was one year older than me, so he was often allowed to be away from the homestead when I was supposed to be inside. Mother told me that this was because my Father was afraid that I would inherit some of his slutiness, just because I was a female.
Outraged, I nearly stormed into Father's office. Only then did Mother explain it properly. She told me that as a young man, my Father held quite the charm. He had been able to easily woo my mother. She told me that because I was his child, I also possessed some of that charm. Not only that, I had my mother's looks. With the combination of Fathers curly hair and Mothers friendly face, I could see why my father would think that if he ever had a daughter.
I was close to all of my siblings. I had to be. I was the one who looked after them, when Mother and Father were either hosting a party or going to the theatre. It was some of the only times I would see them happy, especially after the Reynolds Pamphlet. Sure, Mother had forgiven Father, but she felt betrayed. She would look after us all the time and he would go out and be the one trying to start many things. I say many things because Father would only tell Philip because it was men's talk.
But here's the thing. The worse summer happened to me when I was seventeen. Philip had just graduated King's College, apparently at the top of his classes. I heard it was because Father made the College stick Philip on a strict schedule. Anyway, we only had a few hours of catching up. He showed me all, of his assignments on the sly and I told him how he could have made them better. He laughed off my suggestions. He asked me to play one of the many tunes that I had learned on the piano whilst he was away. We played together in harmony, with our younger siblings coming and listen. That was a normal reaction at our home.
It wasn't even 4:30pm when Philip got up to leave. He had permission off our Father to go to a show in the Park Theatre. I understood what that meant. He was going out drinking with one or more of his friends. He was often allowed to do this whilst I sewed clothes. Anything to be a better wife. But I wish this was the one time that I convinced my Father to go as well. Maybe if I had been there, an argument between Philip and George Eacker wouldn't have happened. Maybe if I had been there, Philip would have stood down. Maybe if I had been there, I could have prevented everything. It was my own fault.
When Philip came home early morning, I was the only one awake. He seemed anxious. But he wouldn't talk to me. He kept fidgeting and running his hands over everything. He spoke in quiet tones with my Father. Mother didn't find anything wrong with this. She just thought that he had found someone that he wanted to marry. She told me of the day that Father had asked Grandfather Schuyler for her hand in marriage. Mother told me not to worry about anything, but rather to think of it as gaining another sister. Another sister? A sister that I could actually talk to? A sister that would be my equal? I suppose I allowed that thought to take my fantasies.
I awoke the next day to hear Eliza crying. I got up to rock her. I don't know what woke her up. But now I know. It was Philip leaving. If only she had woken me up a few minutes earlier. If only I was able to see Philip one last time. The day went on normal until a Doctor asked for Father. I have never seen Father look so scared before. He asked the Doctor to wait until Mother was able to come. The Doctor said there was no time. Pain flickered in Fathers eyes. He told me to tell Mother that she needed to meet him at Aunt Angelica's house with no other explanation.
Mother came home a few hours later. After telling her what Father said she raced off. I didn't understand anything. Yet here I was looking after my five younger siblings, with no knowledge of what was happening. I don't know why Mother and Father were so stressed out about. I had no idea where Philip was. Or what Philip had done.
The minutes passed into hours. The sun had set and the moon had risen. It was after noon when my parents arrived home. Without Philip. Their cheeks were tear stained and their eyes were puffy. Why.
"Father. Where is Philip?" I asked cautiously. I needed to know. This was my brother and best friend.
"Angie, it would be best if we went for a walk." Father stated emotionless. We entered our garden walking away from the house. He kept walking til the house was out of sight.
"Angie. It breaks my heart to tell you this, but Philip died. He was shot by a Mr. Eacker during a duel. He was defending my honour." Father cried, the tears splattering on the ground.
No. No no no no no no no. Philip couldn't be dead. No. He was going to do a concert with me. No. Why would anyone hurt him? Why would anyone try? Why did Father needed his honour to be defended by Philip? Didn't Father know that Philip had more to do. Why why why why? I need Philip there to prove to anyone why they marry me. I need Philip to tell all my secrets to. I need Philip to sneak me the breaking news in our state. I need my brother and my best friend.