I don't own Detective Conan, any of its characters, or Dr. Phil. This is simply a fictional story based of the afformentioned characters
All the people out there who watch Detective Conan, you must agree that the way the couples in this show handle themselves is well…in need of assistance. The fact is they are all dense, dumb or just down right ridiculous and I am taking it upon myself to end the madness once and for all. I scoured the globe for someone, one person, that could lay all of these romantic squabbles to rest for good. Someone with intelligence, simplicity and a voice of the people. My friends, I have found him. He is the one person I know will bring an end to all of the romantic tension that has both entertained and infuriated us for far too long. My friends, please, give this man your full attention.
"Hi there folks, today on Dr. Phil we have a very peculiar group of couples with a variety of issues that I've personally been asked to address. These couples are all from Japan, but thanks to the miracle of modern technology you will all be able to read what is being said as they say it on these screens. I am fluent in Japanese so I will be communicating with them in their native tongue."
Studio Audience screamed applause
"Okay folks let's get right down to business. The first pair with me today is a seemingly normal pair of teenagers. However, the situation they've been tangled in the last fifteen months is anything but normal. He has been out on an alleged "case" for the police for over a year, hardly ever seeing her. Even though they have both acknowledged having romantic feelings for one another, they still seem to be stuck in a rut. Let's give a warm welcome to Kudo Shinichi and Mouri Ran!"
Studio Audience erupted in applause as Shinichi and Ran walked onto the stage sheepishly. When they finally reached their chairs, they sat down but refused to look at each other or at Dr. Phil, who was sitting a few feet away scrutinizing their every move
"So you two, how was the flight over?" he asked genially
"Fine. I slept a lot while he sat and talked to our friend Hattori-kun" Shinichi nodded in acceptance of her response while Phil smiled
"Oh yes, Hattori Heiji" Phil laughed mischievously to himself "He's our next victim- I mean guest" Ran and Shinichi looked at each other fearfully "So anyway, Shinichi what are your main interests? What do you do?" Phil asks, taking a more official tone
"Well I'm a teenage detective so I frequently solve murder cases" Phil nodded
"Mhm what else?"
"Well uh…I…"
"Nothing, Dr. Phil he doesn't do anything else. He's a Mystery Baka! I don't even know if he eats or sleeps sometimes!" Ran interjected passionately
"Oh ho, well I see we stumbled on a little hostility" Phil stated excitedly while Shinichi looked over at Ran in disbelief "Shinichi, what do you think of that?" he asked, deliberately facing his body toward Shinichi to force the issue
"Baka!" Shinichi yells defensively "I play soccer too!"
"No you used to play soccer back when you actually attended school!" Ran yelled vehemently
"Wait, hold on, you haven't even been going to school these past fifteen months?" Phil asked with concern and confusion
"Well I uh…it's….complicated" Shinichi started to sweat profusely, far past the amount someone would normally sweat from sheer pressure
"Well then, explain it. We got plenty of time here so let's go" Phil gave Shinichi a paternal stare
"Look, this case I'm on, it's very important; I can't afford to neglect it with school"
"Shinichi, you're a teenager in high school which means that if anything, you're neglecting school with this case. I think" Phil started, raising his voice to address the pair as well as the crowd "that it's time for you to leave the police business to the police and get back to your life!"
Studio Audience screamed in agreement while Ran sat smugly, waiting for Shinichi's answer
"I can't do that. It's not an option, I must solve this case" Shinichi said with a firm look of determination. Phil and Ran are both caught off guard by the unwavering notion
"See, it's like this every time. He calls me on the phone, we talk for a little while and then, when I ask him why he can't just come home he says that and hangs up" Ran whispered while carefully recollecting the details of their past conversations
"Ran I told you, it's not as if I like being away from school and my life and you. But this case has to be solved and it doesn't seem like anyone else will solve it if I don't" the resolve was just as firm in his voice as it was before
"Okay okay let's settle down you two" Phil negotiated calmly "Now, obviously Shinichi she doesn't like it when you're removed from her life. And it seems like you're already aware of that, so can you tell me why you don't make an effort to see her more often?" the question tore a hole straight into Shinichi's chest, leaving him speechless. After twenty or so seconds of crickets, Phil finally spoke
"Okay we're gonna take a quick commercial break, more with Ran and Shinichi when we return"
-Cut to Commercial-
"Mommy, what's for lunch?"
"I don't know sweetie, what do you want?"
"Oh I know, how about Maruchen Ramen!"
"Okay honey"
"Mmm, Maruchen Ramen is the best, thanks mom!"
Remember, Maruchen = good, cheap food
-End Commercial-
"And we're back here with our first couple in a series about Japanese couples; here with me is Mouri Ran and Kudo Shinichi. Now, when we left we were still awaiting and answer from Mr. Kudo, care to give your answer now?" Shinichi, who was seemingly staring off into nothing finally turned his attention back to Dr. Phil
"I…I don't know. Often times the situation prohibits me from doing so. Certain variables are always out of place, which keep me from visiting." He said shamefully despite the complete honestly in his claim
"Well, it seems to me that if you care about her you should find a way to move around some of those variables don't you think?" Phil asked, making the concept seem so easy. Shinichi, continuing to sweat like a pig wiped some perspiration from his brow and turned to Ran
"Ran I-" before he even started to explain he realized what Phil said 'If you care about her'. Did he mean that in a r-r-romantic way? He thought to himself intently, forgetting that he had addressed Ran and then inadvertently left her hanging
"Shinichi" Ran whispered gently, trying to regain his attention "Shinichi" she said a little louder but still calmly "Shinichi!" she screamed to the heavens, jarring him from his thoughts abruptly
"What? Why are you yelling?" Shinichi yelled, mystified by the volume and tone of her scream
"You started talking then you stopped" she said as she regained her composure
"Oh right" he mumbled shyly, embarrassed by his outburst and lack of attention span "I…" Once again he stumbled on his words, finding it difficult to from a response. Luckily for him, Ran and Dr. Phil's attention was temporarily elsewhere
"Shinichi why are you sweating so much?" Ran asked with genuine concern, eyes glistening. Shinichi was thrown off guard by the question but resolved that it's a better topic of discussion than the one they were on
"Oh, it's fine I'm just a little wa-" before he could finish he clutched his chest in pain 'Oh God' he thought to himself 'No way, not now. I was supposed to get at least 48 hours out of this antidote. I'm gonna kill Haibara'
"Shinichi, we've got medical experts present behind the stage if you need. We don't want you to be in any pain while we talk" Shinichi planted his eyes on the ground in front of him. He looked over and noticed Ran's concern. 'Well' he resolves 'I wanted a chance to tell her how I feel with my own body and voice. Here it is, although I don't have much time' He struggled to lift his head and bring his focus to the girl beside him
"Shinichi…" Ran trailed off, sensing something deeply wrong with her childhood crush
"Ran, I have to say this now" he started, still clutching his chest and fighting for breath. Instead of inputting anything, she simply nodded and awaited his words, just as she had since the day he left her. "Ran I…I love-" his heartfelt admission was interrupted by a burst of pain as he keeled over and fell to his knees
"Shinichi!" Ran screamed in fear
"Oh jeez, guys can we get a doctor out here to look at our friend" he said as he backed up to allow the physicians room to work. Brashly, however, Shinichi shoved the doctors aside and made a mad dash off the stage. Ran stood in awe as he scurried away being chased by two doctors and three other staff members including a bulky stage guard. 'Was he really going to say….' She thought intently as the running hoard disappeared from sight
"Ran" she jumped at the sound of her name and spun around
"Dr. Phil…" she said puzzled
"Ran, I'm really sorry about this. After I got your call I really wanted to help you two" he sounded legitimately apologetic
"You have, you really have" she said joyfully, as she blushed and remembered his words 'Hopefully he'll call later and finish what he started. I'm looking forward to it'
"Whatever happened has nothing to do with me. Some people are just meant to be. I can only hope that you two will have the happy life you deserve" she smiled at the sentiment
"Thank you so much" she bowed respectfully and walked off the stage, only to be greeted promptly by Conan
"Conan-kun I thought you were staying in the hotel room since you were sick"
"I feel okay now Ran-neechan. So, did you have fun on T.V?" he asked childishly
"Yes. I only wish Shinichi would have stayed a little longer" she sighed as she grabbed Conan's hand and walked toward the crowd to find their seats. When they finally reach their seats, Ran sat down then immediately leapt up
"What is it Ran-neechan?" Conan asked trying to feign ignorance
"It's a…note" she said as she reached down to pick up the folded piece of paper with her name on it
Ran
Sorry I had to leave, I got a call about a development in my case. I will call you as soon as I can and finish what I started. I promise
Shinichi
XXX
Ran's face quickly burst into proverbial flames as she giggled at the contents of the note. Conan simply smiled and turned his attention toward the stage, where, after a few minutes of damage control Dr. Phil was ready to address his next guest
"Okay folks I know that was a little hectic toward the end but let's keep the ball rolling and introduce my next guest. He is another famous high school detective from a different part of Japan. Due to unforeseen circumstances, his childhood friend and love interest could not join us today, but please welcome Hattori Heiji!"
Studio Audience burst out in Applause as Heiji made his way to the stage, already looking angry. As he sat down, he immediately started yelling at the top of his lungs
"Aho what's with that 'love interest' stuff it's not as if I like her or anything!"
"Okay, well, no need to ask why you're here is there?" he asked rhetorically, seeming to mock Heiji's rashness ever so slightly
"Oi, what's that supposed to mean?" Conan laughed to himself in his seat 'Yup, no need to ask'
"Look, I'm gonna cut to the chase, what makes you think you don't feel anything romantically for her?" Phil asked, making blatant eye contact with Heiji
"I…uh…well I just don't! That would be weird!"
"Why?"
"Because it would! Jeez"
"That's not really an answer"
"Shut up"
"No. You're here because no one has ever forced you to answer the tough questions. Well, I will. Now, let's approach this from a different angle: what if I told you the reason your friend Kazuha couldn't make it today was because I set her up on a blind date" Heiji's face turned red with fury and embarrassment
"What do I care who she dates!" he screamed, obviously lying
"Okay then, tough guy, what if I told you I sent a video crew there with them to send us a live video feed from their date?" Now Heiji was fuming and ready to blow but his arrogance forced his underlying emotions down
"Like I said before, I don't care who she dates"
"Okay, you asked for it" with that, Phil gave a grin and signaled for the AV tech crew to turn on the wall screen. When it turned on it revealed a happy Kazuha laughing heartily at a restaurant with a guy that Heiji didn't recognize. Heiji slumped down in his chair a little and grimaced at the sight. As they continued to watch, the guy, who was now on Heiji's hit list, reached out and placed his hand lightly on top of her and leaned forward to say something seemingly seductive
"Stop!" Heiji screamed against his better judgment. Phil turned around with a sarcastically confused expression
"But wait, I thought you didn't care who she dated?" he asked, goading a reaction from the teenager
"I don't! I mean I…uh…."
"Look man, before you can go and admit anything to her you have to admit it to yourself. Don't fight what you know to be true, just let it go" Heiji's eyes traced the floor around his feet as he remained silent, mortified by the prospect of such an admission. "Heiji, I'm gonna tell you the last part of this little ruse I set up, are you ready?" Heiji's eyes shot up and found his, which were more serious now "Those two are currently on a date at a restaurant just two blocks away from here. Now, there's a taxi waiting outside to take you there, but" he stopped and gave Heiji a piercing stare "before I let you go you have to tell me why you're going" Heiji's eyes were now erratically looking around at everything except Dr. Phil
"I'm going because…." He looked completely stumped. He knew what to say, he just couldn't say it. He could hardly even think it without blushing. "Because that girl is an Aho and that guy will probably try to molest her or something!" he screamed in denial as he started to make his way off the stage. He made it about two steps before Phil had a hand around the top half of his right arm. Heiji turned to face him, a look of confusion strewn about all of his face
"That, was not the right answer. Now I'm gonna give you one more shot. Tell me the truth or I'll make you watch the whole thing" his eyes were almost scary, sounding more like a disciplinarian than a psychiatrist. Heiji thought about it for a moment, then, with a very red face leaned up and whispered something in Phil's ear. Phil nodded in approval but continued to hold his arm
"What? I said it now let me go!" Heiji roared demandingly. Phil held out his left hand and waved his index finger at him
"Nu-uh kid you're gonna have to say it out loud so there's no doubt about it ever again. Say exactly what you told me, to that camera, and you can go" Heiji processed the ultimatum thoroughly before going to the camera and, as secretively as possible, uttered a few choice words: "Toyama Kazuha I…I think I might be in love with you" as soon as he finished he lunged at Dr. Phil
"Can I go now?" he asked only as a formality
"No need" Phil said softly as he put a hand on each of Heiji's shoulders and turned him around to face a blushing teenage girl, clad with her signature ponytail and bow. Heiji's face lit up crimson as she strode slowly but purposefully toward him. He shakily tried to backpedal until his back meets Dr. Phil, who, with an evil grin, pushed him right in Kazuha. The two were far too embarrassed to look each in the eye, but, as the Studio Audience waited in silence anticipation, Kazuha reached a hand out toward his face. Her hand came to rest on his cheek which caused him to stir momentarily before settling down and bringing his eyes to meet hers.
"Aho" she whispered sweetly to him "It took national television and a professional psychiatrist to get you to say that" his hand now reached up and covered her
"Worth it?" he asked, a shy smile appearing on his face. She smiled back then leapt forward and wrapped her arms around his torso, a trace of tears in her eyes
"Mhm" she mumbled against his chest. He smiled and pushed her off of him, forcing their eyes to meet again
"I'm sorry it took so long"
"Heiji" Kazuha started, teary-eyed as she ran her hands around his abdomen again "Can you say it again, so I can hear it myself" He smirked and puts his mouth right by her ear, causing her to shiver
"I don't ever want you to date anyone except me" She pushed off of him and punches him playfully. He corraled her and once again locks eyes with her "I love you" he said abruptly, throwing her off guard. Although everyone knows what her response wass, it could not be heard over the boisterous and deafening response of the Studio Audience
"Well folks, today's show was a wild one. Next time, we'll talk to the parents of Mouri Ran who have been separated for a decade and a magician and his childhood friend. Tune in next time for part two of our Japanese couples series, goodbye for now"