A/N: RAPE mentioned in this chapter, for those who can't handle, don't read. Also a mild bit of yaoi. I hated doing this to Ryo, because he's awesome, but you know, that's how the story goes. I'd also like to thank Phanael, author of Secrets, for the inspiration they inspired in me to write this story.

Disclaimer: I don't own FAKE, but since they got together at the end of the series, Sanami Matoh is welcome to the rights.

CHAPTER 1 – The Beginning of the Journey – The Confession

For a while now, Ryo had felt like something was missing in his life. Something was incomplete about it. Whenever these thoughts occurred though, he pushed them away. He didn't want to think about what that missing piece could be.

Ryo walked into his bedroom, followed closely by his dark-haired partner, Dee. The click of the lock behind forced him to turn around. "Err – why are you locking the door, Dee?" he asked, his apprehension clear.

"So you can't run idiot," Dee said striding towards. He gave Ryo a light push so he landed on the bed, and quickly straddled the part-Japanese's hips. "Dee! What are you doing!" His voice trembled with a mixture of fear and anxiety.

"I want to talk, and I want straight answers!"

Ryo just looked confused.

"Ryo," he said softly, "how do you feel about me? I just can't keep chasing after you without knowing if there is a chance to be with you. I love you so much, but every time I try to get close, you push me away, and I can't take it anymore, Ryo! Please," he said brokenly, "just tell me how you feel." Dee wrapped his arms around his partner, shaking silently with the emotions running high in him.

Ryo was shocked. He hadn't known how much he meant to Dee, and how much it was hurting him to be constantly rejected. But there was something Dee didn't know about him, didn't want to tell him, because he would lose him forever – lose the one person he – loved. The word love came to him in a startling moment of clarity. He was in love with Dee, brought on by the fact that he knew he would lose him if he rejected Dee again.

"Dee…," he said softly, wrapping his arms around his still trembling partner. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know how much I was hurting you. The thought that you might leave me if I denied my feelings again made me realize something." Dee lifted his head at these words, shock evident in his green eyes. "Dee – I – I love you too," Ryo said quietly.

"Really?" Dee's voice equally as quiet, as though if he spoke any louder, it would make Ryo's admission untrue. Ryo gave a nod, unable to speak when he saw liquid gather in the corners of his partners beautiful eyes. "Oh Ryo," Dee whispered, pressing a kiss to his forehead, then tightened his arms around him, burying his head in the crook of Ryo's neck.

'Thank you God…' Dee thought, holding his partner tightly. He lifted himself up again, looking deep in Ryo's deep black eyes. "I love you Ryo," he whispered, then kissed him. It was filled with all the love the partners had for each other, and Ryo never wanted it to end. He wrapped his arms around Dee's broad shoulders, drawing him close. Dee's hands were gently stroking his body, teasing him into arousal, before they slowly started to undo the buttons on his shirt, and reaching inside for the warm flesh. "Do you know how long I've waited to here you say that, Ryo, and how long I've wanted to be with you? I want you so badly, baby," he said, rocking their bodies together.

'I want you so much – you're even sexier without your clothes on!" The man above laughed cruelly as he tore Ryo's shirt off, bending down and biting his nipple hard. Ryo tried to scream, but the cloth shoved in his mouth prevented him from making more than a muffled whimper. His arms were aching from being bound behind his back. He tried to scream again when his pants were removed, but the guy just slapped him and flipped him over, so his face was pressed in the dirt. The sound of a zipper coming down was heard, and his legs were wrenched open. The only thing he remembered for days later was the immense pain, mingled with red blood pouring down his legs.

Dee hit the floor when Ryo shoved him away as hard as he could, yelling, "Don't touch me!" He then collapsed, sobbing, to the bed. Shock at Ryo's behaviour propelled him to his feet. "Ryo?" he called. "Does my touch really repulse you that much? You say you love me, but you don't want to share that with me?" Dee yelled, his hurt evident, tears pouring down his face.

Ryo looked up, mind finally back in the room – no longer trapped in the forest floor.

"Dee…" he whispered. "Oh God, I'm sorry…" he was cut off when Dee grabbed his shoulders. "Don't say you're sorry Ryo! When I told you I loved you, it meant that I wanted to share everything with you – my heart, body and soul! Clearly you don't mean the same thing!" Dee let him go and turned, intending to storm out of the room and get blindingly drunk for the next month.

"Matte, Dee, please!" Ryo called. "I wasn't referring to you! I just – I – ." Ryo's sobs overwhelmed him and he couldn't go on. Finally, Dee turned around and really looked at his partner. He was curled in the fetal position, sobs wracking his body. Clearly, something had scared him, and scared him badly. He went over and sat down on the bed, lifting Ryo into his arms and cuddling him close.

"I'm sorry Ryo. Tell me what's wrong."

"You'll hate me," Ryo said, in the barest of whispers.

"Never," Dee vowed, despite the fact that he intended to leave Ryo mere minutes ago. "Tell me so I can make it better. Please, Ryo?" This plea, more than anything, made Ryo believe him when he said he wouldn't leave him.

"Okay," he said, taking a shaky breath. "When I was younger, before I became a cop, my parents were killed." Dee gave a silent nod, remembering a similar case involving his parents' murderer and how much Ryo had been hurting. "A few days after their funeral, I was walking in the woods, late at night, not really paying attention to where I was going. I guess I've always been a bit of an airhead," he said with a sad laugh. "Some guy was out there, and found me. He pinned me down, and – and raped me." Ryo flinched at these words, the painful memories resurfacing.

Above him, Dee's face mirrored his shock and hurt. To think that his Ryo had been carrying this for so long – no wonder he couldn't stand it when Dee touched him, he thought it would happen again.

"Do you hate me now Dee?" Ryo asked, fully expecting to be rejected.

"No!" Ryo looked up, tears pouring down his face, at the absolute conviction in Dee's voice. "Ryo, don't ever think that something like that would make me hate you! That fact that you survived and continued to live your life, despite the many tragedies that occurred at the same time, is a sign of your strength, and I admire you all the more for it."

"Dee…," Ryo whispered. "Thank you. I was only pushing you away because those memories would overwhelm me, and I can't see past them to see you. Well, that and I was a little nervous about the fact that I realized I could be falling for a man," he said with a little smile.

"I know. I'm sorry I was so impatient with you, love – I had no idea that anything like that had happened to you." Ryo blushed lightly at the endearment, but then his eyes widened in alarm when Dee laid him on the bed. Seeing his look, Dee gave a low chuckle. "Don't worry love, I just want to hold you tonight, if you don't mind. I need to be close to you." Ryo relaxed and settled back, tucking his body against Dee's. Exhaustion suddenly overwhelmed him, and as he fell asleep, he heard Dee whisper "I love you," and brush his lips over his forehead.