What is Love?

by blvtterfly

The love life of Vanitas as a vampire.

Prologue

Do you believe in mythical creatures such as… Vampires? Well, I'm going to tell you something. They exist, they really do. And I am one of them. Yes, I am a vampire. I have been one for a century, I think. I was only seventeen years old when another vampire turned me into one. I didn't want this; it was not my choice at all. I wanted to leave this world, this world who brings me so much pain. But here I am today. I don't have a good life, nor a bad one.

I am currently a waiter in a café. I see many people every day, not always the same, and nobody knows what I really am. Except maybe one or two people. One of them is my last love, Ventus. He is a blonde human boy with deep blue eyes. We met some months ago, here, at the café. He goes to high school and he was hanging out here with his two best friends. A brown-haired man and a blue-haired girl.

I am going to be honest with you, I started feeling something for him the first time I laid my eyes on him. He was… so bright and I was so gloomy. I thought that as a vampire, I couldn't know love, I wouldn't be able to feel it. But I was wrong. I got obsessed with this blonde boy, I loved his dorkiness, his childish personality. But I was also a bit jealous that he had two awesome friends and I had no one.

Anyway, I tried to become friends with him. I took my courage and talked to him. It was going fine first, I thought that maybe I could confess my true feelings, but… When I did that, it turned out bad. I thought it would be mutual, we became very close, but he loved someone else. He was in love with his brunet friend, Terra. When he rejected me, I felt like my heart got crushed. Really hard.

I thought it was possible for me to find happiness, but I guess that I'm cursed or something… After that, he stopped coming at the café. And I haven't seen him for months. Also, when I got my heart broken, I was extremely desperate and depressed that I did something. I "turned off" my emotion. I mean, you know, vampires are human, but not really. Some of them still have their humanity, but others turned it off or they live something which makes them turn it off.

All I can feel now is emptiness. I haven't felt happy for months. I was just so mad and sad to have been rejected, I thought this was my chance, I just wanted to be happy. But does a vampire like me has the right to be happy? What is happiness, anyway?

The ravenette vampire was cleaning some cups and glasses when someone new came in the café. He turned himself to face the newcomer while saying a "welcome", but he froze when he laid his yellow eyes on the customer. The new person was a high school boy with blonde hair and deep blue eyes. Could that be… Ventus? Vanitas blinked. He could not believe it. He thought Ventus would never come here again.

The waiter walked to the newcomer and could not stop staring at him. Was he really Ventus? He was wearing black clothes and he seemed in a bad mood. He has never seen him like that. Did something happen to him? This was maybe his chance, maybe his relationship with Terra has ended and Vanitas would have a chance. But he turned off his emotion and promised himself not to love again.

"Good afternoon… Ventus?"

The blonde high school student squinted at the ravenette. Once again, someone took him for his twin, Ventus. He looked at the waiter from top to bottom. He had never seen him in the town or at school, but he seemed like they are the same age. That was strange. Was he home-schooled or something like that? Nevermind, Roxas only wanted a coffee.

"Good afternoon," he said with a grumpy tone. "I'm not Ventus, sorry. I would like a coffee, please."

Vanitas frowned a bit, he was now confused. Who was he, if he was not Ventus? The ravenette just shrugged and invited the customer to sit at an empty table near the window. Then, he walked back to the coffee station and started to make the coffee for the newcomer. He kept glancing at the high school student, wondering who he could be.

Roxas took his laptop from his backpack and opened it. He had some homework to do for school, but that was not what he was going to do. As a tradition in his family, when someone turns seventeen, they learn about all the secrets of the family. The blonde boy had turned seventeen few days ago and his family told him and his twin about everything they needed to know.

Their family is composed of vampire hunters. Roxas and his brother had already been brought up to date about this a long time ago, but they did not know about the weapons, the secrets and everything, until their seventeenth birthday.

The fact that Ventus came from a family of hunters is why he stopped coming at the café. Indeed, when Vanitas confessed his love, he also confessed the fact that he was a vampire. Knowing that the blonde would have to hunt him down at some point in his life, he did not want to stay friends with him. He was not ready to kill one of his friends.

Once the coffee was done, the ravenette walked to the blonde boy's table and dropped the cup of coffee off on the table, in front of the customer. The latter mumbled a "thank you" and sipped his drink. Unfortunately, it was still a bit too hot and he burned his tongue with it, which made him groan a little.

"Oops, I should have warned you it was very hot," said Vanitas.

The waiter did not feel really guilty since he could not feel anything, but he had to act like he was. His boss would be so mad if he made him lose some customers. He walked away quickly and grabbed a glass and a carafe, which he filled up with water. He came back to Roxas and gave him a glass of water.

"Here, I hope this would help."

The grumpy boy rapidly drank the glass of water and sighed. He hated this feeling, he hated to have his tongue burned by hot food or hot drink. Now, he just had to wait until the pain goes away. He told himself that should have been more careful.

He was about to get back to what he was doing when he realised Vanitas was still here, staring at him. What was wrong with this boy? The blonde one felt embarrassed and tried to concentrate on his laptop but he failed. It was making him so uncomfortable. He looked at the ravenette, frowning a bit. His eyes were saying "what do you want?".

"I'm sorry, but it's very strange," started Vanitas. "You look like…"

"Ventus?" said Roxas, interrupting Vanitas. "Yeah, he's my twin."

A twin? The waiter was confused. He was close to Ventus, but he never heard about a twin. He sighed, maybe they were not close enough after all. Or maybe he did not like talking about his twin. The other blonde was often talking about his two best friends like he only had them in his eyes.

The ravenette had to leave Roxas for a while, new customers were coming in the café. Some were high school students; others were adult who had just finished work. The café was usually calm by day, but many people loved to chill there after a long day of school or work.

As the days went by, Vanitas realised that the blonde customer always came at the same hour, always ordered the same coffee and always sat at the same table, near the window. He was also doing the same thing every time he came: he was spending his time on his laptop. The ravenette also realised that Roxas looked more and more tired every day.

As a vampire, the waiter was working by day at this café, well placed in the city so that the sun could not come in, because the sun was vampires' weakness. And by night, he was either feeding himself or sleeping. Unlike humans, he did not need much sleep.

Vanitas was living with the small community of vampire of his town. They were all trying to help each other to survive. Some of them were in charge of the food; they had to go to hospitals and steal blood pouches. Unfortunately, that did not stop some vampires to feed on humans.

When the ravenette was turned into a vampire, he could not help but feed himself on humans. Thanks to the community of vampire, he was able to control this eagerness and learned to drink blood from pouches from the hospitals. But since he turned off his emotions, he did not care about his blood lust. He let it control his body and he killed many people for this.

The waiter had finished work for the day and he was now in his room, laying down on his bed, thinking about his life. A fellow vampire knocked on his door and told him there was a meeting in the living room. Everybody was expected there. Vanitas slowly got up and stretched a bit. He walked out of his room and went downstairs, into the living room. Almost everyone was already there when he arrived. The ravenette slumped in an armchair near the fireplace and looked at the leader of the community, waiting for her to talk.

"Today, I am here to warn you about something. You can see that some people are missing. Why are they missing? Because a family of hunter leaves in this town and they have new hunters. I am asking each one of you to be more vigilant, especially the ones who attack humans." She glanced at Vanitas and a few other vampires while saying the last sentence.

Few days have passed since the leader's warning. The ravenette was walking doing a street during the night; he was looking for food. He heard footsteps coming ahead of him and hid behind a wall. He inclined his head enough to see who was coming towards him. He squinted a bit, his vampire vision let him see during the night, but he only saw a hooded figure. It would usually be easy to attack someone, but this person was holding some sort of weapon in their hands.

Vanitas tried to think quickly, to elaborate a plan to attack the newcomer. He could run full speed and attack, but what if the person realised that he was under attack and stopped him? As he was thinking, he lowered his gaze and looked at the ground where he saw a rock. That was the solution.

The ravenette grabbed the rock, making sure he was not making any noise, and threw it behind the hooded person. As expected, the latter turned towards the sound that the rock made. His back was now facing the vampire who ran to the newcomer and caught the hold of his arms. Vanitas pulled of the hood to make his way to the person's neck clear and opened his mouth. His vampire teeth were now showing and he was about to sink his teeth into the person's skin when he froze.

The armed person used this to get out of the ravenette's grip and to step away, pointing his weapon towards the assailant. The latter snapped out of his incapacity to move and shook his head. He realised he was going to be shot by an arrow, but he knew it was not a simple arrow: the person in front of the vampire was one of the hunter he had been warned about.

Unfortunately, the hunter had already shot his arrow and it got stuck into Vanitas' left arm. He let out a loud scream as some poison was spreading itself into the ravenette's veins. Even if the pain was extremely awful, he had no choice but to run. Therefore, he started running for his life, he ran as fast as he could. He took several shortcuts; hopefully that would leave the hunter behind.

When he arrived at the vampires' house, Vanitas burst into the main room, making some of his housemates jump of fear. They ran to him and realised he was hurt. They immediately called the leader and they took the boy to the bathroom where they could treat his wound. When the leader arrived, she instantly knew that the hunter used the venom of a werewolf, a powerful venom that cause the death of a vampire if they do not have the antidote. Fortunately, the leader knew this kind of things would happen, thus she had several samples of the antidote. She gave one to the ravenette and she put a bandage around his wound. Then, she brought him back to his room and placed him on his bed to make him rest.

Vanitas opened his yellow eyes after three days of convalescence. He felt way better than the last time he was fully awake, but he needed to eat. And he needed some coffee. He slowly got up; this was painful for him and the wound on his left arm was still hurting. He stretched a bit and went downstairs to the kitchen where he could have his coffee.

Once the drink was ready, the ravenette sat in a couch in the living room and stared at the cup in his hand with an empty look. He remembered what happened that night, why he froze. When he took the hoodie off the hunter, he recognized the blonde locks of his old friend, Ventus. The vampire sighed. But was it really Ventus? Could he have hurt Vanitas? Or maybe it was his twin, Roxas? His brain was thinking fast. Roxas was a hunter, then. Therefore, that meant Ventus was one too. They are the two hunters whose the leader talked about.

The latter came in the room to check in with Vanitas after she heard he was finally awake. She sat in front of him, with a serious expression on the face. What was she about to say? Probably that they should get rid of these hunters. The ravenette felt drowning when he heard the words coming from her mouth. He guessed right: he was supposed to kill the two hunters. How was he able to do that? Would he be able to hurt the person he used to love? Used too, yeah. He turned off his emotion, he should be able to do it.

Few hours later, Vanitas got out of the house to go to work. He had not worked for several days and was wondering if someone had warned his boss. He needed to talk to him. When he arrived at the café, he realised that Roxas was here, at the same spot as he always is. The ravenette was slowly starting to panic. Did the blonde boy know that he was the vampire he, or Ventus, was hunting? Anyway, he told himself that he would be safe until the night. Hunters would not attack vampires by day. But he felt weird. How could he serve coffee to a vampire hunter? He walked to the back of the café where his boss was smoking.

"Um… Excuse-me, sir?"

"Oh, Vanitas. I heard you were sick. Are you feeling better?"

The vampire slowly nodded and sighed of relieve internally. Good, his boss had been told about his absence and he was not mad. The older man started to tell the boy how much it was hard when he was not around, how he was really needed at the café. Unfortunately, the night was coming and the café was going to close soon. Therefore, the waiter had to wait until tomorrow to get back to work.

The ravenette was walking in the night with his hands in his pocket. He was looking at the ground, thinking about his new "mission". He needed to pull himself together, if he could not do the job, he would be ejected of the house. This is a vital mission.

As he walked down the streets, he sensed that someone was following him. He stopped and slowly turned back, but no one was there. The person was good at hiding… Maybe he was being hunted again? Vanitas was too tired to run or to think of something in case he would be under attack. Even if the venom was now out of his body, he was still exhausted somehow. He really needed a cup of coffee.

"Show yourself!" He said, standing at the centre of the back alley.

As he expected, nobody showed up. He sighed, he was tired of this. If he was about to die, he wanted it to happen quickly. So what was the person waiting for?

"Come on, I know you're here!"

A shape came out of behind a wooden case. Vanitas squinted at the shape and recognised the person. Ventus… or Roxas? That was definitely Roxas, he recognized the grumpy look. The ravenette crossed his arms, waiting for him to talk. He did not have his weapon this time, what was he going to do?

"I knew you were one of them…"

"What do you mean?" The vampire tilted his head and frowned a bit.

"You know what I mean. You are a vampire. And I have to kill you, but…"

The high school student lowered his head and looked at the ground, his mind was wandering back to the night he met Vanitas in the streets and tried to kill him.

When Roxas came home that night, his father was waiting for him in the living room. The blonde boy put his weapon back to where it belonged and joined his father. This night was the first time that he was experiencing the hunt and he was proud of himself, he had hurt one of their enemies. The high school student was thinking that the vampire would die soon, no one could survive to the werewolf's venom. His father invited him to sat on the armchair in front of him, which Roxas did.

"Roxas, you failed your mission."

The blonde felt like he was drowning. He failed his first mission. But he was sure he had succeeded. How was that possible? How did he survive?

"It appears that the vampires of this town have some samples of the antidote. And you let this one leave, he went back to where the vampires live."

Roxas mumbled a "sorry", but he knew that was not enough to satisfy his father. He could not believe how reckless he had been to let the vampire leave. He should have hunted him until the end. He just wanted his father to be proud of him, but now he was so disappointed. The blonde boy was really anxious about pleasing his father and make him proud, but it seemed like he was always messing everything up. Not like his twin. He knew Ventus was the most liked of them, and he was so jealous of that.

When the high school student was back in his room, someone knocked on his door. He did not expect his twin to come talk to him, but there he was, standing in his room. What did he want? Roxas sighed. Was he going to be lectured or something? His brother looked concerned.

"Roxy, there's… There's something I'd like to tell you. But you can't tell anyone."

The owner of the room squinted; now he was curious. He was not very close to his brother, but he felt special whenever he came to him to tell his secrets or problems or just to talk about his day. Roxas sat on his bed and invited Ventus to sat alongside him.

"Please don't freak out," Ventus said, sitting next to his twin. He took a deep breath and talked. "The vampire you tried to kill today, he's… He's one of my friends. He is a waiter at a café and we became friends, but… He started to have feelings for me and he confessed. I wanted to stay friends with him, but I couldn't. He told me he was a vampire and I knew I would have to hunt him someday, so…"

Ventus stopped for a moment. Roxas looked at him with a sad look. He did not like seeing his brother like this. Also, that explained why Vanitas looked strange the first time he saw Roxas. The latter listened silently, he did not know what to say nor to do.

"Please, don't kill him."

Roxas' eyes widened. This vampire was his pray, he had to get rid of him or his father will never be proud. But his brother was asking not to kill him. What should he do? He loved his brother a lot, but he did not want to stay the family's disappointment anymore. He wanted things to change.

"Ven, I-I can't…"

"I know, Roxas." He replied, shaking his head. "I know we live in a family of hunters, I know we have to do this, but… I don't want him to die. What if one day you discover that your best friend is a vampire? Would you be ready to kill him, just to please the family? I have never asked to be a part of this. I don't want to hunt them."

"But Ven… One of them took our mother… How can you forget that?"

"I don't! I don't forget, but you said it yourself. 'One of them' did that. It does not mean that they're all bad! Please, Roxas…"

Roxas was looking at his brother with confusion. He did not understand why he was so nice to vampires, even to people in general. Ventus was just too nice for this world and he always saw what was good in people. But maybe he was right. Maybe the vampires were not all bad. Still, he had to prove to his dad that he was worth it. He could not just choose between his brother and his father. He was lost.

The high school student decided not to tell his brother that the vampire tried to bite him. Maybe that would be better if he kept that to himself. He did not want to make Ventus feel bad.

The blonde boy looked up to Vanitas. He needed to make a choice. Vanitas was still waiting for him to finish his phrase. He could have probably run away, but he felt something different in the boy in front of him.

"My brother Ventus asked me not to kill you."

The ravenette's eyes widened. Even if his emotion were off, he felt something in his chest, like his emotions were waking up on their own. He looked down and wondered what was happening to him. Ventus did not want him to die? He lowkey wanted to cry of happiness. Did that mean Ventus did not hate him?

"But I have to do it for my honour," finished Roxas.

Vanitas looked up to Roxas once again. He was ready to accept his fate. At least, he was now aware that Ventus did not hate him after all. But he could not have him. What was the point in living? Working at the café by day, eating by night; the vampire was getting tired of this life. He thought Ventus could have helped him, he thought he could have found happiness. But he felt like it was so hard to live when one's feelings are not mutual.

"Then do it," said Vanitas, walking towards Roxas. "Do it quick, please."

The blonde boy stared at the vampire with big eyes. What was he doing? What should he do? He did not want to kill him; he did not want to disappoint his brother. But he did not want to disappoint his father either. He put his head in his hands as it was starting to ache. He had his father's disappointed voice coming through his head, but also his brother's request not to kill the vampire.

The ravenette looked at the high school student with confusion. What was happening to him? Was he alright? He started to raise his hand and wanted to pat his shoulder, in order to reassure him, but he stopped before touching him. He did not know if that was a good thing to do or not.

"Um… Are you alright?"

Roxas fell on his knees, still holding his head. He could not help but see the disappointed faces of the one he loved. No matter what he chose to do, one would be disappointed. He felt so pressured for a long time, but he never said anything to anyone. And in this moment, he could not hold back the pressure. He just wanted to scream his frustration out.

The blonde boy passed out after a few minutes, leaving a confused Vanitas on his own. He absolutely did not know what to do. He needed to take care of him, he could not leave the hunter here. But he could not go to his house where many hunters were living, nor to the vampire house where people would probably try to kill him. The ravenette thought about a place where they could be safe and the café came to his mind.

A whole day has passed since Roxas fainted. When he opened his blue eyes, he found a sleepy Vanitas sitting on a chair next to the bed where he was laying down. The blonde was wondering if he had stayed up just to watch over him. Why would he do that? Roxas thought that it would have been better if he had been murdered in his sleep. How was he supposed to face his father and tell him he failed… again?

"Oh, you're up," said Vanitas. "Are you feeling better?"

The high school student shook his head and then stared at the ceiling. What happened to him exactly? He remembered being in the street, by night. The ravenette was here too… The thoughts started to flow in his mind and then, nothing. Only darkness. He straightened up a bit and looked at Vanitas with his usual grumpy face.

"How long did I sleep? What year is this?"

"What?" The vampire chuckled. "You only slept for a day. You passed out and I brought you here, at the café."

"Did you… take care of me while I was sleeping?"

Vanitas felt his cheeks turned red; he was now extremely embarrassed. He was a vampire but he took care of a hunter, a vampire hunter. He looked away, ashamed of what he had done. Maybe leaving him would have been the right solution.

"I did… I mean, there was nothing much to do, but I… I just kept an eye on you, just in case-"

"Why didn't you put an end to me?"

The vampire looked down. That was right, he should have taken his life. But how could he do that? Ventus believed in him, he could not disappoint him. He was not a bad person and the one he loved saw that in him. He had disobeyed orders and was now ready to face the consequences.

"You told me Ventus wouldn't want you to kill me. I don't want him to think less of me. Therefore, I can't kill his brother. I don't want the one person who ever cared for me to hate me."

"You really love him, huh?" Roxas squinted. "What is love, anyway? It's just a stupid feeling. You only get hurt when you love… It hurts so much but you keep clinging to the person, even though they don't love you back…"

"That's not true. Love is… an amazing feeling. I haven't felt something that good before Ventus and I'm grateful I had been given the chance to experience this kind of feelings. Why do you say this?"

The blonde boy turned his head and looked through the window. Tears were starting to come to his eyes as he was thinking about the last person he loved. It hurt so much. His heart had not recovered from his heartache yet, and he was so mad at himself. How could he have been so reckless? He let his guard down, he thought he could have been happy.

"I cared for someone… Once." Roxas snorted; he thought he was so lame that he even laughed at the stupid things he did. "I thought I could be happy, I thought my feelings were mutual. But my heart got crushed. How can I have been so stupid? I guessed that I'm just cursed…"

The high school student placed his head on his knees and stopped talking. He wrapped his arms around his legs and started to sob. He felt like his life was just a mess, a nightmare. And the only thing he wanted right now was to wake up from this nightmare. Was it even possible?

"You're going to be fine," the vampire whispered.

Roxas felt a hand on his back and turned his head to look at Vanitas. The latter had been touched by his words; he was thinking that he was cursed too. Therefore, he understood what he was feeling. The blonde's deep blue eyes met the ravenette's yellow eyes. Why was he doing that? What was happening? They were enemies. He was a vampire hunter and Vanitas was a vampire; they should be fighting, not talking. But like Ventus said, this vampire was not like the others. He seemed nicer, friendly. Was he like that because Roxas reminded him of his brother? The blonde boy felt something warm in his body. But he did not want to feel this. However, he felt a bit better just looking at the vampire's eyes; they were comforting him.