Chapter one – Ellie
All my life people have told me I wasn't a proper Lahote. I guess they could be right. I mean I wasn't like my brother. I was quiet and he was loud. But we both had anger issues. It wasn't our fault, it just ran in our blood.
I was sitting in the bathroom, watching the blood run down my arm. I smiled to myself.
I then heard a knock on the door. "Ellie, are you alright?" I heard my brother, Paul, ask.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I answered.
"You've been in there for a while." he said.
"I'm almost done." I mumbled.
Paul and I use to be close, but he then changed so much and we grew apart. We both had the quiliute looks; black hair, brown eyes and russet skin colour.
When the blood stopped coming out, I rolled down my sleeves and walked out of the bathroom. Paul looked up and smiled at me.
"Are you sure you're fine?" he asked.
I nodded and walked into my room. I hear my phone go off and I answered it.
"Hello?" I said, checking caller ID.
"Ellie!" I heard Hannah scream.
Hannah was my best friend and has been for ages. I was nothing like my friends, they were all loud, but that's what I liked. If I couldn't say anything they would talk for me.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"Nothing! Wanted to know if you want to come out?" she said.
"Yeah. I'll be at yours in five minutes." I said, pulling on my shoes.
We hung up and I grabbed a jumper. I started walking down the stairs when someone grabbed my arm.
I turned around and faced Paul. "Where are you going?" he asked.
"To Hannahs." I said, in a emotionless voice.
"Ellie, there was blood in the sink – " Paul started.
"So? What are you implying?" I asked.
"I know you use to slit your wrists." he said.
"Are you saying you think I'm doing that again?" I asked. The look on his face showed me the answer. "Well I'm not!"
So, I lied. But who does he think he is. He lost my trust when he changed at the age of sixteen. I never knew why he changed. We use to be so close. I would tell him everyhting, but I can't trust him anymore. And that kills me.
"Ellie please. Just tell me the truth." he begged. "Is someone bullying you?" he added.
"No one is bullying me. They are scared of you." I snapped.
"You will tell me if something is wrong, won't you?" he asked.
"Why? You never tell me anything when something is wrong with you." I mumbled.
I heard someone walk in. "Paul!" I heard someone shout.
Paul and I walked into the kitchen and I saw some his friends standing there. Jared Cameron, Embry Call, Quil Ateara and Jacob Black. I smiled at them and walked out of the door.
"Ellie." I heard Paul call. I turned to look at him. "You will, won't you?"
I shrugged and carried on walking. I walked to Hannahs house.
When I got there, I knocked on the door. I waited for Hannah to answer the door. Finally she did. Her long black hair was falling down her back and her brown eyes sparkled. She was laughing. She grabbed my arm and pulled me inside.
"Hey!" she screamed, throwing her arms around me for a hug.
"Hi." I mumbled.
"So, I heard you and Cain have a date tonight?" Hannah asked, waiting for confirmation.
I wanted to scream and cry. I wanted to tell her what actually happens when I go round his. But I couldn't.
I nodded. "We're going to a restraunt and then back to his to watch a film."
"You and Cain are just perfect for each other. Even though I don't like him much." she mumbled to herself.
If only she knew, I thought.
"Why did you want me round?" I asked.
Hannah shrugged. "I need to ask you something."
"What?"
"I don't know what to get Luke for our two month anniversary." she said.
"He wants a new skateboard." I suggested.
Hannah glared at me. "I can't get him that!"
I sighed. "Han, can this wait? I got to get ready."
She thought about it, then nodded. "Tomorrow we are going shopping."
I nodded. "Okay. See you."
I walked out and started walking home. When I got home, I saw Paul, Embry, Jared, Quil and Jacob sitting in the living room.
"I'm going out tonight." I said to Paul.
"Who with?" he asked.
"Cain." I mumbled.
Everyone looked at me. "What do you see in him?" Jared asked.
I shrugged and said, "I love him. That's all that matters, right?"
"Yeah if he treats you right, I guess." Quil said.
"Why wouldn't he treat me right?" I asked, panic started to rise in me.
"No reason." Quil shrugged.
"What time will you be home?" Paul asked.
"About half eleven." I replied.
I walked upstairs and into my room. I grabbed black leggins, a red skirt, a black top and a black cardigan. I walked into the bathroom and had a shower. I put the clothes on and did my make-up. I dried my naturally curly hair. I grabbed the foundation and put it in my black bag. I slipped on black pumps.
I walked downstairs and sat next to Paul on the couch. "You look nice." he mumbled.
I rolled my eyes. "Thanks."
I pulled at the sleeve to cover the scars on my wrists. Just then, someone knocked at the door. Paul stood up, before I could, and answered the door. I felt my face go pale. "What's wrong Ellie?" Embry asked.
I shook my head. "You can tell us." Jacob said.
Cain walked in, following behind Paul. He looked at me and smiled. "You ready?" he asked.
I nodded and took his outstretched hand. I said bye to everyone and got into his car. He started driving.
"Were you talking to them?" Cain asked.
I looked at him. He had dark blonde hair and light blue eyes. Cain moved to the reservation five months ago and two months ago, I made the bad decision of going out with him.
"Well, yeah, I couldn't just ignore them could I? They are my brothers friends." I mumbled.
"I hate it that you talk to Marcus, Jonas and Luke. And now other boys. I thought I told you I don't like you talking to them!" he shouted.
I winced. "I'm sorry. I hate it when me and my brother argue." I whispered.
"You know I love you Ellie, but when you disobey me you have to be punished." Cain said, taking my hand.
"Please don't." I begged.
"It's only for you to learn." he said.
He stopped outside his house. "I thought we were going out for dinner." I mumbled.
"That was the plan. But my mum made us a casserole. She will be out later." Cain replied.
We got out and Cain grabbed my hand before we walked in. Mrs. Walker smiled at me and Cain. "Hello Ellie. Haven't seen you in a while." she said.
"Yeah, I've been busy." I muttered.
"Well it's good to see you. Dinner's almost ready, so why don't you sit down and Cain will get you a drink." Mrs. Walker said.
Cain asked me what I wanted and I said water. I sat down and Cain sat next to me. Mrs. Walker placed dinner on the table and we started eating. I took a sip of water and saw Cain looking at me. Mrs. Walker coughed and my attention went back to her. "After this, I'll leave and you kids can do whatever." she said.
"Thank you." I replied.
She smiled and we carried on eating.
After we finished eating, I helped Mrs. Walker with the dishes while Cain picked out a 'film'. We weren't going to watch a film, that was just an excuse he used. Once we were done, Mrs. Walker left and I walked upstairs.
I walked into Cains room and saw him standing by his window. "What are you doing?" I asked.
"Looking into the forest and waiting for her to leave." he said with so much venom in his voice.
"Why is your mum so kind and your so horrible?" I asked, suddenly full of confidence.
Cain turned to look at me. "She's gone."
I took a step backwards. My back hit the wall. Cain walked towards me and hit me around the face. My left cheek started stinging. I knew when I looked I would have a red mark there.
"You're not full of confidence now, huh?" he spat in my face.
"I can't believe I actually liked you." I said, turning my head to face him.
"You love me Ellie." he hissed in my ear.
"You wish." I said, pushing him away from me.
He grabbed my wrists and pushed me on to the bed. He walked over and hit me in the stomach. He laid next to me and wrapped his arm around me.
I bit back the tears, that wanted to fall. "I think it's best if you take some layers off." Cain whispered in my ear.
I knew what was going to happen. This started straight after the abuse, which happened three weeks after we started going out. The first time he hit me was because Jonas hugged me. He didn't like it and hit me when we went back to his'. Three days after him hitting me, he forced me to have sex with him. He was the only one I ever had sex with.
Cain was moving his hands all over my body. The clothes that he already took off were on the floor.
I grabbed his hand. "Please, stop." I begged.
"Why would I do that?" Cain asked.
"Please! I have to get home!" I cried. The tears I tried to hold back fell down my face.
"You usually go home about eleven and it's only seven." he mumbled, kissing my neck.
He got on top of me and started kissing my jaw. "I told Paul I would be back at half seven. He is expecting me." I lied.
He sighed and stood up. I put the clothes back on and looked at Cain. He hit me once more and left. I stayed in his room crying for a bit. I then grabbed my bag and walked into the bathroom. I reapplied my make-up and walked out.
Cain was waiting for me by the door. We walked out and got into his car.
He dropped me of home and left straight away. I walked inside and saw Paul asleep on the sofa. I walked over to him and hit him round the head. He woke up and glared at me. "You should go to bed. It might hurt your neck." I mumbled.
"Why are you home early? I thought you said you will be home at half eleven." he said.
"I was, but I was tired." I whispered.
"Are you okay Ellie? You seem upset." Paul said.
"I'm fine."
"You're not hiding anything are you?" he asked.
I shook my head and walked up to my room. I changed into pyjamas.
I knew I needed help. I knew if Cain really loved me, he wouldn't do it. I knew I should tell my brother. But I couldn't. I was scared everyone was going to judge me. Everyone was going to judge me because I was a shy, quiet and scared Lahote. I wasn't like everyone else in my family. Nobody was scared of me, like they were of Paul. And I knew I was going to be judged.
I stood up and looked for the broken piece of glass I hid in my room. When I found it, I cut my skin. I watched the blood appear on my skin. I smiled. I had scars up my arm from when I did this.
Just then the bedroom door opened and Paul walked in. "Ellie – " he started.
I spun around and faced him. My eyes were open wide with shock. Paul was staring at the blood that was coming out of my skin. "There's a thing called knocking!" I snapped.
I hid the glass up my sleeve. "What the hell are you doing Ellie?" he asked.
"Nothing. I just cut myself on the corner of my desk." I lied.
"Ellie, this isn't nothing. And I know you're lying to me. Why can't you just tell me the truth?" he asked.
I didn't say anything. I wanted to tell him everything. I wanted to tell him all the dark secrets I have been hiding for months. He picked me up and carried me to his car outside. "What are you doing?" I asked.
"I'm going to my friends house and you're coming with me." Paul said.
"Why?" I asked.
"Because I don't want you to be cutting yourself again. Mum and dad aren't home and I'm not leaving you on your own." he said.
"I can take care of myself!" I said.
"Yeah, slitting your wrists just proves that!" he growled.
"You don't know what's going on in my life, so just butt out!" I screamed.
"Well, tell me then!" he snapped.
I went silent. I couldn't tell him. Cain will hurt me even more. Maybe he would kill me.
We stopped outside a house and I stayed where I was. Paul came round and threw me over his shoulders. I punched his back. "Paul put me down right now!" I yelled.
"Shut up!" he snapped.
He walked inside and I could hear loads of people talking. Mosty male.
Great, if Cain finds out I'm going to be in so much trouble.
"Paul, I don't think this is a good idea." I mumbled.
"Why not? You know most of these people." he said.
"Paul, take me home now." I demanded.
"Nope. You are not staying home on your own." he said.
Paul put me down on a chair next to Embry. "Why?" I asked, glaring at him.
"Because you will cut yourself again." he said.
Everyone stopped their conversations and looked at us. "I didn't want anyone to know." I muttered. "You are a real great brother!" I yelled.
"Ellie, calm down." Seth said, grabbing my hand.
"Don't touch me! He will kill me!" I said, taking a step away from all the boys.
"Who will kill you Ellie?" Paul asked.
I put a hand over my mouth. "I'm not supposed to say." I kept repeating over and over.
"You can trust us." Sam said.
I shook my head. "It's nothing. My friend doesn't like it when boys touch me, he thinks they will take advantage of me." I lied.
"I know you're lying Ellie." Paul said.
"Maybe if you told me your secrets I will tell you mine." I snapped.
"Ellie, I can't tell you everything!" he said.
"No Paul, you use to tell me everything, now you don't trust me." I whispered.
"He does trust you." Emily said.
I shook my head.
"Hey Sam." I heard someone say.
Two boys, Collin and Brady, walked in. They looked at everyone, who was looking at me. Brady made eye contact with me and his eyes went wide in shock.
Paul started shaking and growled at Brady. Brady looked at him with an apolegtic face.
Brady, Collin and Seth were in my year at school. I talked to Brady and Collin sometimes, but I hadn't talked to them in months. Seth and I were close. I've known him for ages.
I stood up and Paul turned his attention back to me. "I'm going outside for a bit." I mumbled, as I walked out.
I sat on the grass and pulled out the piece of glass, that was still under my sleeve. There was still some blood on it. I pulled up my sleeve and pressed the glass into my skin. I closed my eyes and let the blood run down my arm and on to the grass.
"Ellie!" I heard a shocked voice exclaim.
I opened my eyes and saw Sam looking at me with a shocked expression. I smiled at him.
He took the glass out of my hand and grabbed my hand that didn't have blood on it. He started pulling me inside. "Don't hurt me!" I begged.
Sam turned to look at me. "I'm not going to hurt you." he promised.
And I believed him.
He pulled me into the kitchen. "Paul, here." Sam said, chucking the glass at Paul.
Paul caught it and looked at it. Sam pulled me towards the sink and started wiping the blood away, but it kept coming back.
"What the hell Ellie! You need to stop doing this!" Paul yelled.
I looked at him. "I don't want too."
"Ellie, how old are these scars?" Sam asked.
I shrugged. "Some were from years ago but I stopped. I started two months ago and I went over some of them again."
He sighed. "That's dangerous Ellie."
I shrugged again.
"What has she been doing?" Collin asked.
"Cutting her wrists." Quil answered.
"Why?" he asked.
I saw Jared shrug. "Why are you cutting your wrists Ellie?" Leah asked.
I didn't answer straight away. I was looking at the wall by Emily. They were all looking at me, waiting for my answer. Sam had even stopped wiping the blood away.
"Let me do it." Brady said, taking Sams place.
He started wiping at the cuts. When his hand touched mine, it felt like electricity.
"Ellie?" Kim said.
"Huh?" I asked.
"Why are you cutting yourself?" she asked.
"I want to. It makes me feel pain." I said, in an emotionless voice.
"It can be really dangerous." Emily said.
"I don't care. The more pain the better." I said.
"Ellie, tell me what is going on. Now!" Paul growled.
I shook my head. "What makes you think that?"
"Because the last time you cut your wrists was when mum and dad were arguing all the time and nan died. And all of a sudden you start again, I know there is something wrong." he said.
"That's for me to know and you to never find out." I stated.
He growled and ran off into the forest. Sam sighed and went after Paul.
"What's his problem?" I asked.
"We can help Ellie." Jacob said.
I laughed. "Yeah right. Nothing is wrong with me. Maybe I like cutting my wrists ever thought of that." I snapped.
"Umm, Ellie?" Brady said, still wiping the blood from my arm.
I glared at him. "What?" I hissed.
"Why are there bruises all up your arm?" he asked.
Everyone came round to have a look. My eyes went wide and I pulled my arm back. "What is to you? You don't care about me. None of you do, you're only friends with my brother. If I had a choice I wouldn't come here." I said, pulling the sleeves to cover my arm.
"You need help." Jared said.
I narrowed my eyes at him. "I need help? No I don't! I am perfectly fine!"
He put his hands up and backed away from me. "Ellie, we are only trying to help." Emily said.
"Well, I don't need your help! Or my brothers help!" I screamed.
I ran out of the house. I didn't want to stay there a minute longer. I couldn't.