Guilt and Gifts
Kate looks down at the key in her hand, reluctant to use it to enter his apartment even though he had made it perfectly clear that she was welcome there for as long as she wanted to stay. Finally she puts it in the lock and turns the knob. Three heads turn to look at her as she walks in. "Hi," she says quietly to the three Castles.
"Hey, kiddo," Martha stands and moves to hug the detective.
"Dad was just telling us about your day. I think he was exaggerating a little so you better tell us the truth," Alexis smiles as the detective.
"It was the truth," he whines. "I don't understand why you don't believe me."
"It was a pretty… crazy day," Kate admits. "But he definitely does have a tendency to stretch the truth."
"Did you really let him have your gun?" Martha asks.
"My back up, yes."
"And he saved your life by shooting this guy that blew your apartment up?" the teenager looks eagerly at her.
"Well… his shot technically did save my life. But you never should have admitted you were aiming for his head, Castle," she smirks at him.
"His head? Dad, you said you aimed for his gun because you really didn't want to kill him despite all that he had done to Detective Beckett."
"Okay… I lied. But it was just a little lie." Alexis glares at him. "So I guess I really wasn't the hero."
"It's okay, Castle. Go ahead and gloat. It'll be the only chance you ever get."
"Fine. Next time you have a serial killer after you I won't save your life."
"Good," she takes a seat beside him on the couch.
"Well, I really ought to be going. I told Chet I'd be back before dinner," Martha heads to the door. "Enjoy your evening."
"Bye," Castle and Alexis say together.
"Speaking of dinner, I was going to order take out. What does everyone feel like?"
"I'm okay with whatever Detective Beckett wants," Alexis answers.
"I think that you should probably call me Kate now that I'm staying with you guys," the detective tells the teenager.
"Okay, Kate."
"Can I call you Kate?" Rick asks eagerly.
"No."
"But you're staying with me too."
"Still no."
"Why not?"
"Because the use of first names implies having a personal relationship, and you are way too annoying for me to have any interest in wanting a personal relationship with you."
He pouts, "Just for that I'm picking what's for dinner."
"Fine."
When he leaves to call in the order, Alexis turns to the detective, "I'm glad you're okay. You and Dad both."
Kate looks into the teenager's eyes. "I'm sorry I put your father in such a dangerous situation."
She shakes her head, "I'm glad he was there. If anything had happened to you, he'd be devastated."
Looking away, Kate wonders why everyone thinks Castle cares about her so much.
"Dad once said that you gave him crime scene photos when he hit the center ring on the target at the shooting range three times. I guess he was exaggerating about that."
"Actually that time he didn't."
"Then why was his shot so terrible today?"
"It's different when you're actually aiming at a person. But I'm glad he didn't hit his target. Taking someone's life is never an easy thing to deal with, even with someone as terrible as Dunn was. I'd hate to see your father have to deal with that."
Castle returns with a sly grin on his face, "Were you two talking about me?"
"No," Kate says innocently.
"Sure."
"Well, I have tons of homework to get done. Let me know when dinner is here," Alexis says, excusing herself and ascending the stairs to her room.
The writer settles down in the middle of the couch. She glares at him for a second before scooting closer to the end. "So… you want to do anything special tonight to celebrate closing the case with both of us still alive?"
"Just forget what you're thinking about, Castle. It won't happen."
"I didn't mean that. Although I wouldn't be opposed…"
She leans back against the couch, "Well… a bath would be nice. And some wine. But I really don't want your apartment to go up in flames too."
He gives her a small smile, "I don't think that will happen. And I can easily arrange that activity for you. I'll even let you borrow a book to read."
"Gee, thanks, Castle."
Rick shifts on the couch, reaching in his pocket for something. He holds a piece of paper out to her. "I… want you to have this."
She looks at him for a moment before accepting the paper from him. Upon unfolding it, she discovers that it is a check. Her eyes widen as she sees the amount it is written for. "Castle, this is… I don't want it."
"But I want you to have it. To make up for losing your apartment. If I hadn't written Nikki Heat, you'd still have a home."
"Castle… this isn't your fault. And insurance will eventually get me money to make up for what I lost."
"It won't be nearly enough. I want you to find somewhere nice."
"Please, Rick," she holds the check out to him. "I don't want it."
"Kate… take it. It's really not that much. Find a nice apartment, get furniture and… whatever else you need."
"This is more than I make in five years, Castle."
"If you won't accept it simply as a gift from me, then take it to relieve me of my guilt."
"What happened wasn't your fault, Rick. We already went through this. He would have killed someone else."
"I know that. But I still feel guilty. You could have died because of him. Twice."
"But I didn't. You saved my life."
He sighs, "Please, Kate. It will make me feel so much better."
"I'm sorry, Castle. I just can't accept it. This is enough to pay for Alexis's college education; you should save it for that."
"I already have more than enough money saved up for her college."
Kate rubs a hand over her eyes, "Then… give it to charity or something."
"Look at it this way, Kate. You've put up with me following you for a year. You constantly remind me how much of a pain I am. Let this be your repayment for that. Consider it… your royalties from the book."
"Royalties?"
"Yeah… like the publisher takes twenty-five percent and Gina takes fifteen percent. Consider this your share of the book. Your… payment for letting me use you as a muse."
"I didn't want to be your muse, Castle."
"I know. Which is all the more reason for you to take the money. Granted it's less than five percent but… it's something. And if you want more, I can give you more."
"No, this is way too much as it is," she says quickly. After a moment of thinking, she speaks again. "If half a million dollars is less than five percent…" she trails off, looking at him.
"It sold over a million copies," he offers as explanation.
"Really?"
He nods, "Better than the last Derek Storm novel."
"Hm… if I'm that inspirational, maybe I should take my share of the profit."
"Or the house next to ours in the Hamptons is for sale. I could just buy that for you. And then we could be neighbors. How awesome would that be?" he offers excitedly.
She shakes her head. "No. I don't go on vacations."
"Aw… I was totally looking forward to seeing you in a bikini this summer."
Kate rolls her eyes, "In your dreams. Besides that doesn't really solve the homelessness problem when I work in the city."
He contemplates making a snarky comment about that but decides against it. "So you'll keep the money?"
After studying the check for a moment longer, she looks back up at him. "Okay. If it'll really make you feel less guilty about this whole thing… I'll keep it."
"Good. Now I don't have to pester you about it until you take it," he gives her a small smile. "And don't think that I'm kicking you out by paying for your new apartment. Stay here as long as you like. I know you have work and other stuff to do besides look for a new apartment."
"Thank you, Castle. For letting me stay here and saving my life and… the money. You really don't have to do all of this."
"Yeah, I do. You're my partner. It's my job to take care of you."
She returns his smile, "You're a better partner than I ever could have asked for."
"Thanks. I promise I won't tell Ryan and Esposito you said that." The doorbell rings, and Castle goes to answer it.
"Is that dinner, Dad?" Alexis calls from upstairs as he closes the door.
"No. But dinner should be here soon." When he returns, he has a large box in his hands. He hands it to her.
She looks at it for a moment before fixing her gaze on his again. "This is for you."
"Actually it's something I got for you."
"Castle -"
He presses a finger to her lip before she can protest further, "This one really isn't such a big deal, Kate. I just thought that… I should replace something very valuable that you lost in the explosion."
After holding his gaze for a moment longer, she opens the box. "Rick…" Inside is the complete collection of his books. "Thanks."
"I'll even sign them all for you, if you want me to. Then you could sell them on eBay and become rich," he grins.
"I wouldn't do that."
"I know."
"This is… Wow. I really wasn't expecting you to do all of this for me, Castle."
"I know," he repeats. "But I wanted to."
"How did you know?" she asks quietly. "How'd you find out how big of a fan I am?"
He smiles, "Well, that first case together… you knew a lot of details about my books. And those weren't even the good ones. Then you were on the fan sites looking at the Heat Wave cover. And I saw your collection the other day when I stayed at your place."
She shakes her head at him, "Of course you went snooping around the moment my bedroom door was closed."
"I would have much rather snooped around your bedroom," he smiles, "but I thought you might actually make good on that threat."
"Yes, I would have."
"You would have left Alexis fatherless? I mean, I turned out alright but I don't know if Mother could raise another child."
"Please, Castle. I'm sure Alexis would have been easier to raise than you were."
He shrugs his agreement. "Probably."
The door bell rings again, and Castle pays the delivery man for their dinner. Alexis comes down the stairs, meeting the two adults in the kitchen. "So?" she looks expectantly at them.
"So what?" her father looks between Kate and his daughter.
"Did she take the check?"
"How'd you know about that?"
"I saw you in your office when I got home from school. You got out the checkbook to your second bank account so I knew something was up."
"Did you eavesdrop on our conversation?"
"I can't help it if you two were talking loud enough for me to here from upstairs with my door open."
"Beckett, I'm sorry. I didn't realize my daughter was such a snoop."
She smiles, "It's fine, Castle. It's not like anything was really happening."
"Oh, if anything was happening, I would have shut my door," Alexis assures them.
Castle turns to glare at his daughter, "Alexis -"
"Dad, I didn't mean anything."
"How do you -"
"You let me edit your books, Dad. I know how things work. Besides, I go to high school; you learn a lot of things there and not just from text books."
He looks at Kate, "Maybe I should have gone into your room and let you shoot me that way Mother could raise her."
"Dad, leave Kate alone. She's never going to give in to you if you're bothering her all the time."
"Actually, dear, I don't think it will ever happen. If you haven't notice," he whispers to his daughter but loud enough for the detective to hear, "I don't think she likes me that much."
"Really?" she looks at Kate before rolling her eyes.
"You know, I really don't think I want you to be spending time with Detective Beckett. You're picking up her bad habits."
"I can't help that you inspire eye rolls from all the women around you, Dad."
"Fine. I guess it's better than spending time with your mother," he sighs.
"So… I was thinking maybe we could watch a movie or something after I finish my homework?"
Rick looks at the detective, "I think somebody wanted to soak in the bathtub. She might be a little sore after our adventure today."
Kate smacks him, "I'm perfectly fine, Castle."
"I don't think you're supposed to go around hitting innocent bystanders, Detective," he clutches his chest where she hit him.
"Innocent is definitely not a word I'd associate with you."
"You know… I actually believed you the other day when you said nothing happened, but now I'm not so sure that that's true," Alexis watches the couple. Castle looks at her in shock, his mouth open, unable to formulate a sentence. "Well, let me know about that movie. I've got to go finish my homework," she says, grabbing a carton of Chinese food before heading back upstairs.
After a few moments of staring after his daughter, he turns back to Kate. "I… I'm sorry about that. She's not normally like that."
"It's fine, Castle. Ryan and Esposito think we slept together. The FBI thinks we slept together. Why shouldn't your daughter think so too?" she sinks down on one of the bar stools at the counter, resting her head in her hands.
"Kate… I'm sorry. I guess me staying over there wasn't such a good idea after all. I… never really thought the whole thing through, about how it would look if something actually did happen and they found out that we were together."
"Castle… what you did was… sweet. Even if you would have been completely worthless had he actually tried to kill me that night and if it caused a whole lot of problems for us."
"Worthless? I saved your life. Twice."
"Are you ever going to stop rubbing that in?"
"Nope."
"Well… I suppose I owe you for saving me."
"Twice," he smiles.
"Yes. So what can I do to thank you?"
He gives her a mischievous smile, "I think you know, Detective."
"Castle," she warns.
"Please, Beckett. It would make me feel so much less guilty and worried about you."
Kate eyes him for a second, "You do know that your daughter is right upstairs and apparently eavesdropping on us?"
"I can kick her out for a while."
"It's always going to be no, Castle. It doesn't matter what you do."
"But you asked me what I wanted," he whines.
"Yeah, well you saw enough the other day."
"I didn't look," he insists. "I looked away as soon as I realized you were naked."
"Sure," she glares at him.
"Would you feel better if I told you I saw everything?"
"No. But it's probably closer to the truth."
"Fine. Believe what you want to."
"I will," she leans back in her chair as he slides a plate of food across the table to her. He sits down at the counter beside her. "So seriously, Castle, what can I do?"
"Dinner."
"What?"
"Let me take you out to dinner."
"Really? That doesn't exactly sound like thank you if you're paying. Unless you think taking me to dinner is going to get me in bed with you, which it's not."
"Please? I want to take you out somewhere nice."
"What about the press? It's bad enough Ryan and Esposito and Alexis think we're sleeping together. What if they see us together in public and think that we are?" she tries to talk him out of it.
"Kate, they have thought we've been sleeping together since Heat Wave came out."
She sighs, "I still don't understand why you had to put a sex scene about me in the book."
"It wasn't about you."
"Yes, it was."
"Okay, it was."
"That doesn't answer my question."
"I had to give the fans something," he says, watching her. "Nikki had to give in to Rook because…"
When he doesn't complete his sentence, she looks up at him. "Castle?" Kate prompts quietly, not sure that she wanted to know his reasoning after all.
"Because… I want them to have a happy ending… even though I'm not sure we ever will." She looks down at her plate and doesn't speak. He decides that now that he's ruined everything he might as well lay it all out on the table for her in one last attempt to make her see. "Kate… you mean so much to me. I haven't just followed you around for the last year for research. Or to get you in bed. You're the most captivating woman I've ever met, and I enjoy every moment I get to spend with you. Had our time together been cut short by Dunn, I don't know what I would have done. Life would have just seemed… pointless without you. I want to be there for you, Kate; I want to be the one you go to for comfort, for a laugh, for love. I know that I'm far from the best guy for you and I'm not exactly safe, but I truly do care about you, Kate. I really wish that we could be more than friends… but I'd be willing to stay just friends if it means that I could still see you every day."
"You can't… say something like that and expect to still be friends, Castle," she closes her eyes as a shiver runs through her body.
"I… guess not," he says sadly. "I guess we're done then."
"No," she whispers, opening her eyes and turning to him. "I don't want it to be over. Rick… you're a pain, but… I've gotten used to having you around."
"So we can still be partners?"
"Castle… I care about you too. A lot. And… I want to try to make things work between us."
It takes him a minute to think about what she said and realize that she actually said yes to him. "Kate… did you really mean to say what I think you just said?"
"Yes. I want to… try a relationship with you."
"And what happens if we try and things don't work out?"
"I don't know, Castle. Hopefully we don't have to find out."
He finally smiles, "So… is that still a no on my first choice for your thank you?"
"Yes, it is still no. Or you could just think of it as delayed."
"But dinner?"
"What about the press?" she repeats. "Their rumors would actually be true this time."
"We don't have to confirm that they're true until you want to."
"It's not just that, Castle. I don't really want them to talk about us."
"I know you don't. And if there was any way I could stop it I would. But… there is nothing I can do. So for now you're just going to have to learn to ignore them."
She sighs, "Okay."
"I want you to trust me. It would probably be best for you not to read anything they say about us."
"That bad?"
He shrugs, "Some of them. I hardly ever read them myself, but Mother and Alexis are addicted to them."
"And… Gina and your agent? What will they say if they find out we're dating through the press?"
"They've never cared about who I dated before."
"But you didn't base a book on those women."
"Kate… if it would make you feel better, I would give up writing Nikki Heat for you. I mean… Paula and Gina would be a little upset at me for breaking the contract, but I'm sure I could come up with something just as good to keep them happy. Or… I could give up writing altogether."
"No, Castle. You… you're a writer. It's who you are, and I don't want to change that."
"Thank you," he whispers with a smile. "I don't know where else my creativity could be so useful."
The detective rolls her eyes but can't help the smile that spreads over her face before she turns serious again. "You said it yourself, Castle. You are a risk. So… you have to be patient with me."
"I will be. I don't want to mess this up," he assures, reaching for her hand.
She remains silent, thinking for a moment as she studies their joined hands. Finally she looks up at him, her eyes meeting his blue ones. "Thank you, Rick," she whispers before leaning in to kiss his cheek.
"Aw, come on, Kate. That's not the proper way to thank someone for saving your life," he pouts, but she can tell from the mischievous glint in his eyes that he is just teasing.
"Patience, Castle. You never know where the night may lead."
"You really shouldn't make promises you can't keep, Detective."
"That wasn't a promise."
"Fine. Then it's not nice to tease."
"Really? I didn't know that," she smirks, leaning in again. This time her lips brush against his hesitantly at first before becoming more passionate. Their hands remained intertwined on the counter. Hearing footsteps, she pulls away from him.
Alexis comes into the kitchen and freezes when she notices their joined hands. "Am I interrupting?"
"No," they both answer quickly.
She looks between the two of them, then back at their hands. "Are you guys…?" she nods to their hands.
They quickly let go, moving their hands back to their sides. "Alexis… it's… hard to explain," Castle attempts to answer his daughter's question.
"It's really not that hard. Are you together or aren't you?"
"We are now," Kate looks at the teenager. "I mean… unless you have a problem with it."
"Of course I don't. You're good for Dad. And… I'm sure as hard as it is to imagine he's good for you too."
Castle pouts while the women share a smile. "I don't like this. You guys are going to gang up on me."
"I, uh… finished my homework so if you wanted to watch a movie or play a game or something… Or I could go somewhere else and give you some privacy."
"No, we'll watch a movie with you," the detective says. "You want to pick one out?"
"Sure."
When Alexis has left the room, Kate stands to put her plate in the sink. Castle follows her, pinning her against the counter with his arms. "Kate," he whispers softly before kissing her. He pouts when she gently pushes him back a few moments later.
"You really should stop doing that," she whispers back.
"Afraid you won't be able to stop?" he smirks.
Not dignifying his comment with a response, she pushes him back further so that she can get out. She heads to the living room, where Alexis has the movie set up, and takes a seat on one end of the couch. Rick sits down right next to her seconds later. "Seriously, Castle. There's a whole couch. You don't have to sit on top of me."
"Yes, I do. What if you get scared?"
She shoots him a glare before pushing him over a few inches so he was not in her personal space as much. "Keep your hands to yourself, or I'll shoot you."
He frowns, looking down at her hip. "You don't have your gun," he smiles at this as he wraps his arm around her shoulder, once again invading her personal space.
"Am I going to have to separate the two of you?" Alexis asks, looking at them from her position in the arm chair. "I will put you in a time out, Dad. You'll have to sit all alone over here in the chair."
"I'll be good," he promises.
And for once Castle actually keeps his promise. Other than his arm around her, he keeps his hands to himself throughout the movie. By the end of the movie, she is leaning against him, and when he adjusts himself to see if she is sleeping, she lifts her head off of his shoulder.
"Sorry," he whispers. "I didn't mean to wake you."
"I wasn't sleeping."
He studies her face for a moment before consenting. "Okay, you weren't. But Alexis is. So if you can stand to let me go, I'll take her up to bed."
With a yawn, Kate stands and follows him upstairs as he carries Alexis to bed. After tucking her in, he enters the guest room where she is staying. "Good night, Castle," she says, trying to give him a hint.
"Are you sure you don't need me to keep you warm? I'm not against being used as a pillow." She eyes him suspiciously. "Hey, I was good during the movie. I won't try anything in bed unless you want to."
"I don't know, Castle…"
"If you let me, I won't make you go out to dinner. I'll make you dinner instead. Friday night we can have our first date, and you won't have to get all dressed up and have to deal with the press or anything," he persuades.
She contemplates it, "And Alexis?"
"I think she said something about wanting to have a sleepover with Paige or someone else."
"Maybe," she bites her lip, hesitating before finally asking him the question that is on her mind. "Do the paparazzi… watch your apartment building? 'Cause if they keep seeing me over here, they'll start rumors and…"
"You don't want that?" he finishes for her. "Not normally unless something interesting is happening. Like when they find out we're together, they'll probably stand outside the building for a few days trying to get information."
"So… we should be okay as long as they don't get a tip about us living together temporarily?"
"Yeah. I'm probably not exactly on their radar right now since I'm in between books. Although with the movie deal… And when they find out Dunn was killing because of Nikki Heat…"
"What do we do?"
"Sneak out the back. They always seem to forget there is a back entrance to the building. Of course it's really only for emergencies, but they let me use it whenever the paparazzi are around."
She nods, "Okay. Dinner Friday sounds good. What are you making me?"
"I haven't decided yet. Any suggestions?"
She shakes her head, a slight smirk on her face, "It's your job to figure it out."
"Of course you have to be difficult," he sighs dramatically.
"Well, I'm going to put some more comfortable clothes on," she grabs her t-shirt and sweats before heading down the hallway to the bathroom.
Castle stands in the bedroom, not entirely sure whether that was her way of dismissing him or her way of saying he could stay. He is still standing there when she returns. "I, uh…"
"Are you going to sleep in jeans, Castle?"
"No…" he looks at her for a moment, then heads downstairs to quickly change into pajama pants. Upon returning to the guest room, he finds that she has made herself comfortable under the covers. He slides in next to her and turns off the lamp she had turned on. "So…" he begins, not quite sure what to say or what to do with his hands. Of course he wants to touch her, but he doesn't want to push her away.
"I'm not going to kill you, Castle," she scoots closer to him, resting her head on his chest. He wraps his arms around her, pulling her closer to him.
"Do you really… have your gun hidden over there somewhere?"
"…No. But I don't need it to kill you."
"Point taken. I promise to be on my best behavior."
"Good night, Castle," she whispers, closing her eyes and signaling to him that it was time to shut up.
"Night, Kate," he also closes his eyes, attempting to go to sleep. "Kate?" Rick questions after a couple minutes.
"What?"
"I need a good night kiss. I can't fall asleep without one."
"Really, Castle? What have you done without a girlfriend for the past few months?"
"Well… Alexis normally suffices when it comes to good night kisses but she's asleep now so…"
"Fine, Castle. If it will make you shut up," she tilts her head upward to kiss him.
"Good night, Kate," he says as he settles back down. She doesn't dignify him with a response, hoping he would get the idea. He doesn't. "Kate?"
"What now, Castle?"
"Nothing… You just didn't say good night back."
"Good night, Castle. Now will you please shut up?"
"I'll be quiet now." She pokes him in the side for talking. "Ow. That wasn't very nice."
"If you don't be quiet, I'm kicking you out." That immediately shuts his mouth. "That's better," she says, settling back down beside him. "See you in the morning, Castle."
Having learned his lesson, he doesn't open his mouth to reply but kisses the top of her head to convey his message.
A/N: Hope you enjoyed this one. I've got two more on chapter stories left and I'm working on one that thirteen chapters. I want to get it done before I have to go back to school, but I also have homework to do and I want to get some Harry Potter read so it might not be finished before I go back. Anyway, hope you all have a merry Christmas or whatever holiday you celebrate. Please review.