To Laugh
Summary: A moment in Dean's life in the year without Sam. Spoilers for 5x22 Swan Song.
A/N: My first fic—ficlet I guess because it's short—ever! A little depressing, but it wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it down. Hope you enjoy :)
Disclaimer: The characters, the show, and the concepts are not mine; all rights go to Kripke and company, and no intended infringement. Just my words.
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He's laughing. He's actually laughing.
Never thought he'd be able to do that again.
It's not even anything particularly funny, just a little pun shared at dinnertime—burgers made just right followed by apple pie. Work had gone well, and Ben's baseball team had won their match today. He hadn't dreamt anything at all last night, a blessing for him, and had woken up to Lisa's beautiful face. Everything seemed normal and peaceful for a change, and a little joke came up and had him laughing.
He's sitting there smiling at his new family, and then it occurs to him: he hasn't laughed like that since Sam.
Sam.
And that one thought, that one word reverberates in his head endlessly. It changes the atmosphere in an instant. And he hates himself. Hates himself for laughing, for laughing without Sam, hates himself for being able to laugh when Sam would never laugh again.
He sits quietly after that, excuses himself from the table when it is appropriate to do so, looks away from Lisa's concerned gaze and goes into the garage, sits down next to his baby. He doesn't pray, because he knows it's useless. He wishes instead, to whatever supernatural thing might be listening at the time and taking pity on him. He wishes for the chance to laugh with Sam, just one more time with this brother.
Nothing happens. Nothing ever happens. The hundreds of other times he has tried to make the impossible happen, using magic and brute force and all manner of things good and evil, the times he has cried and screamed and begged for it, and each time nothing happens. He's used to it.
He stands up, takes a deep breath, and heads back inside.
End