WHEN NEAL MET ELLE

AN: I just love Peter's rant in the pilot when he finds Caffrey in his house. He just can't believe Neal is in his house, first of all. And second of all, that Elle seems enamored with him.

That scene makes me smile every time I watch it. My favorite line is "You're in my house, on my couch, with my wife…and you're petting my dog." Thanks to Wikipedia for the Pope hat info.

"You're in my house. Who said you could be at my house?" Peter ranted. "Get out of my house!"

"Peter…" Elle stated. "…he's fine."

"He's a criminal who is in my house." Peter said, addressing Elle, then he addressed Neal. "We work together, Neal. Does this look like the FBI offices to you?"

Neal looked around. "No, you have much nicer knick-knacks."

Elle bowed her head to keep Peter from seeing her smile. She recovered quickly. "Peter…?" Elle pleaded.

"He's a thief, Elle, a master criminal." Peter explained. He looked at Neal. "I'm checking your pockets before you leave."

"He's a guest. He wouldn't steal from you. Would you Neal?" Elle asked, winking at Neal. She really did like him.

Peter rolled his eyes. He didn't give Neal a chance to answer. "Does the Pope wear a big, tall, white hat?"

"I don't think that is what the Vatican calls it." Neal replied.

"What?" Peter asked, confused and irritated. "You don't think that's what the Vatican calls what?"

"The hat." Neal explained. "The Pope's hat."

Elle chuckled.

"This is not funny, Elle."

Ellle raised her head and looked at him. "It actually kinda is." Then she looked at Neal. "What do they call the hat?"

"Actually, the pope traditionally wears three objects on his head. The zucchetto is a white skullcap. The one most people are familiar with is the mitre. It's ceremonial and looks like the chess piece it inspired. The last is the Triple Crown. It has not been worn by popes since 1963 in an effort to encourage the ecumenical movement." Neal replied.

"Well, aren't you just a walking encyclopedia?" Peter said, sarcastically.

Elle, seeing her husband's irritation, got up off the couch and went over to him. They both stepped out of earshot. But they still whispered. "Peter, he's…."

"He's in my house, on my couch, with my wife, petting my dog." Peter stated, still irritated.

"Well, I like him." Elle replied.

"You would." Peter replied.

"And WHAT does that mean?" Elle asked, hands on hips.

"That means he's in my house, on my couch, with my wife, petting my dog." Peter repeated. "Those are four things he should NOT be doing."

"You told me all about him before." Elle stated, trying to defuse Peter's anger. "What's so different now?"

Peter looked at his wife, not believing she just asked that question. "What's different? He's here. He crossed the line. Thou shalt not enter thy handler's home without permission."

Elle tried hard not to laugh. "I'm no theologian. But I'm pretty sure that one is not in the 'good book.'"

"Oh, it's in there. It's right after 'thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's ass.'" Peter grinned. "It's in the little subsection."

"Very funny…" Elle replied, still whispering. "…but I like him. And you always told me I was a good judge of character."

"You are, but this is Neal Caffrey, International Art Thief."

"I like him, Peter." Elle replied. "And you will come to like him, too." She predicted.

THE END