Not Sorry

Faye grit her teeth, fists balled at her sides, shaking violently with fury. The source of her anger simply sat before her, attention directed absently to his nails, or his tie, anything but her. He knew he'd done it this time. The things he'd said, so calmly, so matter-of-factly…he saw them slice down to the bone. Her eyes had widened, jaw going a little slack.

"Look at me!" Faye finally exploded, and Spike winced subtly. But Faye caught it, and she kicked his feet off the table viciously. He still did not look up at her, but he spoke softly.

"Faye, I won't apologize. I'm not sorry. The things I said are true, and I think you know it."

Her fists uncurled, and she slapped him hard across his cheek. He did not attempt to soothe the sting away, he knew he deserved it. He just sat there, half expecting an onslaught of punches and strategically placed kicks, but nothing came. Finally, out of curiosity, he turned his eyes up to meet hers.

The sight he was met with came as an utter shock. Faye's body trembled, and tears clouded her beautiful eyes. Her shoulders slumped a little in defeat, all anger gone from her features, replaced only with complete and total resignation.

"I hate you." She whispered, her voice quivering as she held back the tears that threatened to explode in crashing, unhindered sobs.

Spike's lips parted, as if to speak, but he just closed them again and swallowed hard, trying to shake off the urge to stab himself in the eye with any pointy object near at hand. How could he have put her through that? Why was he the one that finally made her cry?

He just saw the first tear spilling over her porcelain skin as she turned and ran out of the room, hand pressed hard over her mouth to keep him from hearing her choking sobs.

Spike stayed, dumbfounded, in his position, watching the door from which she'd departed, replaying it all. His hand rose to his face, where she'd hit him.

Faye curled up on her bed, pillow tightly embraced, blankets wound comfortingly around her, but it was not enough to soothe her. Still she cried, for hours after, screaming into her pillow, kicking her feet like a petulant child. She really did want to hate him. But no matter how many times she repeated the words she'd spoken to him, she could not believe them. She knew she could never truly hate Spike. No matter what he did or said to her. Though today had been the worst of all the things.

They'd just split a bounty they'd caught together, and Faye was daydreaming aloud what she'd use her money for. A new outfit, maybe, or a night at the casino. She sighed contentedly when she thought of it, and out of the corner of her eye caught Spike looking at her.

"What?" She asked indignantly, turning up her nose and pursing her lips, "Can't a girl treat herself every now and then?"

"Yeah, if it was only every now and then. But every time you get your hands on a single woolong, it goes straight to the casino, never to be seen again. You really oughta be smarter with your cash, Faye. Maybe then you'd be able to get your life together." He said as he walked out of the hangar. Faye stomped after him, immediately going from calm to irate in record time. He always could do that to her.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? You think my life isn't just how I want it? You think I'm stuck here against my will? I like catching the bad guys, I like the freedom, being able to go where I want when I want, when I get a little cash. The only downside is you, Spike Speigel, being a jackass!"

Spike became suddenly animated, his usually stoic face showing all the emotion he felt. He threw his hands in the air, a mixture of frustration, anger and desperation in his voice.

"This is no life, Faye! Can't you see that? This ship, bounty hunting, it goes nowhere. It gets you by for the time, but you will wind up really stuck here, with nowhere to go, no one to care, and nothing but the next bounty head to look forward to." He yelled fervently, pointing a finger at her. Faye furrowed her brow at him, she'd never seen him act this nuts before. He dropped his arm to his side, his voice gentler. "Just get out while you still can, Faye."

Faye screwed up her face in disgust.

"Oh, shut UP, Spike. Stop being so goddamn dramatic. I'm content with my life, don't shift your mid-life crisis onto me. And stop pretending you care about what I do, you just want me off the ship." Faye said with her hand on her hip to reinforce the attitude, and brushed past him. Spike caught her arm, and she glared sharply up to him as he gazed down at her with a strange expression of sadness.

"I do care, Faye. More than I'd ever admit."

"Wha-?" Faye breathed, all traces of anger disappearing in light of the more powering emotion of confusion. Spike made no attempt to explain further, only reached his other hand up to barely touch a strand of her hair, tucking it gently behind her ear, only to have it fall back out again. He gave a weak smile, avoiding her eyes, and exited. Faye blinked rapidly after he'd gone, wondering if it had even happened at all. The ever stoic and hard Spike Speigel just admitted to caring. About her?

Faye suddenly felt hot tears sting her eyes, and she growled, immediately pissed at him for making her want to cry with…happiness. No. No, that couldn't happen. Why would she even think that? Goddamn him. Her fury made her cheeks burn as she stormed after him.

Spike was cradling a bottle of liquor on the couch when Jet entered. Spike seemed to not notice him. He was staring off, somewhere far away, and he'd shake his head every now and then, silently telling himself how stupid he was.

"What was it about this time?" Jet asked loudly, but Spike did not even jump.

"What was what about?" He asked absently, taking a long swig from the bottle, and leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees, bottle dangling precariously yet snugly in his slender fingers.

"Your fight with Faye." Jet replied nonchalantly, and Spike scoffed.

"What makes you think we had a fight?"

Jet just gave him a cock eyed look. "Because you're drinking Scotch from the bottle, sitting here all alone and sad."

"Fuck you, I am not alone or sad." Spike spat back, taking a particularly long drag of Scotch, feeling the warmth, then the numbness take over his skin. He smiled for some unknown reason then, a wispy sad smile that made Jet realize just how right he was about this.

"Alright, Spike. Whatever you say." Jet knew his friend. He knew when to push and when not to push. And when it concerned Faye, particularly he and Faye, it was better to let him be. So, Jet left Spike to his own devices, silently wishing for him to find his way.

Faye dreamt she was a little girl, laughing and running with her friends. It was a beautiful day on Earth, not a cloud in the sky, the smell of freshly cut grass in the air. But night came swiftly, and she was suddenly alone. The sense of something evil overcame her and she was terrified. She ran as fast as she could away from the thing chasing her, but it was breathing down her neck. Her legs burned for rest, but still she pumped them harder. The presence only seemed to gain on her more. Faye then, was forced to accept defeat and let her legs give out and she crumpled to the ground. Just as she felt the shadow overtake her, she bolted upright in her bed.

A sheen of sweat glistened on her chest and face, and her legs were impossibly twisted in her sheets, her pillow long since thrown to the floor. She lay back down, easing her thumping heart and her shaking hands. But she could not go back to sleep, that much she knew. The events of the day flooded back to her, making her stomach heavy with…something. Dread, regret, guilt? She didn't care to differentiate. Faye hated what he'd done to her. Made her a blubbering mess, without even trying. No man had managed to reduce her to that, even when they'd wanted to.

Faye turned to face the wall, balling her sheets in front of her to hold onto. She closed her eyes, trying to put it all away for just a moment to escape into sweet unconsciousness. She wanted to forget everything.

Even with her eyes closed, she saw her room bathed in the soft light of the hallway as the door eased open soundlessly. Faye swallowed hard, hoping against hope that it wasn't who she knew it was. He closed the door behind him with an ominous click, and stood at the doorway as silent as the thief that he was. He stood there for the longest time, and Faye felt his gaze on her back even through the darkness. Still she refused to turn and look at him.

"Faye I know you're awake." He spoke ever so softly, in that silky smooth voice of his that made women weak in the knees.

"Go away." She demanded harshly, but he paid no heed to it. She didn't really expect him to.

"No." Instead he took two steps toward her bed, and Faye felt, not so much heard his approach, and she turned over quickly.

"Don't you dare come any closer to me." She spat furiously, standing up on her bed menacingly.

"Faye, I know you can't hate me that much."

"Oh yes I can."

He took another step, and Faye pointed at him, gritting her teeth, and he stopped momentarily. She could not see his eyes, but if she could, she knew they'd be burning with anger, because she saw his body tense in a way it only did when he was really pissed.

"You know what, I am sorry, Faye. I'm sorry for getting mixed up in your train wreck of a life and I'm sorry your…your goddamn eyes and the way you fucking talk made me love you because God knows I don't want to. But the thing I don't understand is, if you hate me so much, how can I make you cry like I do? With only three words, I completely broke you down. How can I do that? Why do I have that kind of power over you?"

"You don't have any power over me. Get the fuck out of my room."

But Spike saw the tears glistening in her eyes, running down her face. That was all the proof he needed. He stood on her bed even as she backed up against the wall, shaking her head, arms wrapped around herself, trying desperately to not look into his eyes. But he touched her then, lightly. His hands on her face. A soft kiss on her forehead that made her thankful she was leaning against the wall, or else her legs would've given out.

His body was so close, his scent enveloped her, and she leaned against him unconsciously. He was already beginning to intoxicate her, just by his proximity. His hands brushed her hair from her neck, pressing kisses there. Faye unfurled her arms from around herself and gently placed them on Spike's lower back, pulling him closer. The movement encouraged him, and he tilted Faye's chin up to look in her eyes.

He was glad the sun was rising, so he could see the look on her face. He smiled as he pressed his lips to hers. She was his. Completely and totally. Faye leaned up to him, tightening her arms around him, eager to be as close to him as she possibly could. After all these years of hating him, wanting him and loving him, he was finally ready to love her back.

He slid his jacket off silently, and deftly removed her shirt. Faye pulled off Spike's tie and swiftly unbuttoned his shirt, holding his bare chest to hers and fluttering kisses over his collarbone. Spike pulled Faye down to lay her gently under him.

Faye tangled her hands in Spike's hair and he watched her face as he loved her. She leaned her head back, eyes closed, lips moving in nonsensical words. He kissed her jaw line and she met his eyes with a breathy chuckle. She clung to his shoulders and whispered his name in his ear, told him she loved him.

On the verge of sleep, Faye lay wrapped in Spike's arms, unable to keep the silly smile from her lips. Spike traced lazy circles on her back, his other hand running through her hair.

"What're we going to do now?" Spike asked, his voice husky in weariness. Faye felt none of the concern that she heard lacing his tone. All she felt was… wonderful. She looked up at him, an obvious look on her face.

"Well, we can start by getting some breakfast." She grinned, and he leaned down to kiss her.

Pretty cookie cutter, I'm sorry to say. This was my first attempt at a CB fic, and I think it shows. But I just wanted to put it out there and see what ya thought. My second and last CB fic, A Very Fine Line, is much better, I promise.

As always, Austin B.