Disclaimer: All Final Fantasy 8 fanfics all belong to Squaresoft and other involved companies. I own none of it. This fanfic is purely for the fun and enjoyment of others and myself. I make no money from it.
A SEARCH FOR THE SOUL
CHAPTER 1
"Hellz Yeah! This party is the shizat!" Zell yelled after drowning yet another class of alcohol down his system.
It was a great night for the Seeds as well as Garden as a whole. They had just defeated the sorceress and all was well. Quistis had been reinstated as an instructor. Irvine had become a permanent member of Balamb Garden, much to Selphie's delight. Selphie herself had been able to get plans rolling for a new Garden festival. Finally, Squall had broken out of his shell. This was the most dramatic of all the occurrences. Even if he still was slightly on the quiet side, he at least expressed his emotions more, even if they were mostly only show to Rinoa. It was a start.
Squall was currently sharing a small conversation with the woman he loved while all their friends continued to party hard, mainly Zell.
"You seem quiet tonight." Rinoa said, leaning casually against the railing of the balcony they were currently resting at. "What's troubling you?"
Squall broke his gaze away from all the stars glistening in the night sky and angled his face towards hers. He stared deep into her beautiful dark, brown irises. Rinoa caught the conflict playing out in his own eyes as he continued to regard her carefully. Finally he broke away and resumed staring skywards.
"It's nothing." He responded dryly.
"Squall…" Rinoa said with compassion in her voice. "I thought we agreed to share our thoughts with one another. Don't be so bottled up all the time. If you think too hard it can give you an ulcer."
Once again the beautiful young woman standing next to him had broken through his defenses. She had relentlessly stood up to every guard on his front lines and tore them down mercilessly as the smile cracked from his lips breaking his tense thoughts.
"Oh, what's that? Is that a smile?" The raven-haired woman cried out joyfully. "That's it! Keep that pose Squall. You look better that way."
A light chuckled escaped the leather clad man's lips. He wrapped his arms lovingly around his girlfriend and kissed her softly on the cheek.
"You're impossible, you know that?" He teased lightly. "What am I ever going to do with you?"
A devilish smiled played across the young woman's face. "Kiss me again…"
Once again, the smiled widened on the scarred man's face. "Your wish is my command, beautiful."
Slowly Squall brought his lips down to hers and together they locked into a passionate embrace. It was amazing to Squall. He had never known feelings like this before. Even when living at the orphanage with Ellone he had never truly felt this complete. It was only the second time he had ever kissed someone, the first time being earlier that evening while he and Rinoa stared up at the stars. Even still, the way she made him feel, he felt totally comfortable locking lips with this woman. He was a hero now. He had the respect of his peers, he wasn't alone and he even had friends to care for him as well as a beautiful girlfriend. His life was almost completely perfect. Except for one thing.
Squall gently separated his lips from the woman he loved, pulling her close into a soft hug. He slowly caressed her dark hair, taking interest in weaving his fingers through every strand.
Rinoa smiled at the gesture and leaned her chin on his shoulder. "So…" She began quietly. "Feel like telling me what's been bothering you now?"
Squall gently closed his eyes and released her. He strolled back over to the railing and leaned on its supports. He let a heavy sigh escape his lips then looked back up into the night sky.
Rinoa watched him quietly then stepped forwards and mimicked his action of leaning against the railing.
Squall didn't take his eyes off of the stars yet he knew when the young woman had leaned down next to him.
"Have you ever wished upon a star Rinoa?" He asked softly.
Somewhat startled by the sudden question, the dark haired woman blinked a few times before answering. "Wished on a star? Sure I have, plenty of times. Why do you ask?"
"What did you wish for?" He persisted gently.
"Hmm… I don't know really. I guess the wishes I had were pretty childish back then. They don't really matter anymore."
"Please don't say that"
Rinoa was shocked by the sudden emotion behind those words. She slowly reached out her hands and cupped them between both sides of Squall's cheeks as she brought his face towards hers.
"Don't say what Squall?" She asked pleadingly. "I don't understand what you're getting at. Please just tell me."
Once more, Squall closed his eyes.
"Dreams…" He said after a long pause. "You should never say that your dreams don't matter, no matter how foolish or absurd they may be. They are still your dreams and even if you were just a child, you believed whole-heartily in them."
Rinoa looked up deep into the man's irises and noticed a deep sadness in them. "What did you wish for Squall?" She asked in a compassionate whisper. "What was your dream?"
Squall gently cupped her hands in his and brought them down away from his face. He turned his eyes back towards the sky so she couldn't see them. Couldn't see the tears beginning to well up in the edges of his eyelids.
"I wished for comfort, for love and protection. I wished for a place to belong. A place I could truly call home and know that every time I returned, there would be someone waiting for me with arms full of love and acceptance."
"But Squall… you have all of that now. You're friends and peers all love and respect you. 'I' am 'in love' with you! I will always accept you with open arms and that will never fade away… ever."
Squall glanced back down towards her. She could now see the tears freely flowing from his dark brown eyes and it hurt her right to the core of her heart. He blinked back his tears and smiled at her. Lifting her hand in his, he gently caressed her soft skin and kissed the back of her hand lightly.
"I know my love. And for that I am grateful. And I know about my friends and how close we all are. But that's not the kind of love I'm talking about."
"What else kind of love is there Squall?"
The scarred seed sighed then lowered his head. "You've grown under the protection of your father your whole life. Even if the two of you never saw eye to eye all the time you still had him to comfort you when you were down or injured. You at least knew he was there and wouldn't abandon you."
Rinoa could only stare silently at the man she loved. "Squall…"
"You wouldn't understand Rinoa… because you were never an orphan like I was…"
Those words continued to ring through the young sorceress ears. 'Never an orphan like I was…' The same words continued to play over and over again in her minds ear even after the young man's retreating form left the balcony and her behind. Finally she realized it all. She pieced every little bit of what Squall was trying to say to her together. She wanted to cry out in anguish at the reality of Squall's pain and so she swiftly ran towards him as he weeved left and right through the crowd of partiers. 'He's lonely for his parents.' She said to herself mentally. 'Oh god. I'm so sorry Squall… So sorry…'
:::::::::::To Be Continued::::::::::
Author's note:
Thanks for reading and please stay tuned for chapter 2.