A/N: Please check the first two previous incarnations: Of Glimmers and Shimmers and The Further Adventures of Smella and Ednerd. Because if you don't, well, just read the first 2 please. ;)

…

"Oh no." Smella Swoon lamented.

"What is it?" Victoria asked, sipping her blood-flavored brandy.

"I just realized something… I gave up two totally awesome guys for you!"

"Uh, no. You're a swallow, vain, shell of a teenage girl with even shallower relationships in your life. I mean, duh, you hate on your poor dad, you rarely reply to your mom's fear-stricken E-mails, ignore your friends for months on end and dump a werewolf for that…"

"Listen, red-head. I am not, nor have I ever been shallow OR vain."

"SMELLA!"

Edward suddenly rammed through the townhouse apartment in Seattle.

"Hey, Fangless! I just painted that!" Victoria screeched.

"Smells," He ignored her and went to one knee, "Please, please accept my offer of faux diamonds. Please." The poor vampire cried more shining gems. "They're all that I have."

"Ednerd!" Smella scoffed, crossing her arms. "As I've said before…"

Victoria smirked.

Edward smirked, getting the gist of things.

Then Victoria smirked on the other side of her mouth.

Then Edward smirked in his cutesy half smirk, semi-sneer.

Then she smirked again.

And then Edward smirked… all over again.

"Err, I mean, I'd be glad to accept your authenticated, certificated jewelry Edward."

"Nah," He waved away her offer. "I just wanted to hear how much you needed me."

Smella's face dropped. "HUH?"

"Dating average girls was so five minutes ago… hmm, I think I'll have a crack at that werewolf." As Ednerd slipped out of the room, Victoria was left to ponder something out.

"Hmm, so if we're a gay couple now that must mean Edward and Jacob…"

The woman seethed where she stood. "Must. Eliminate. EDNERD."

"And Jacob?"

"No, he still owes me for that disco-ball-of-sparkles Ednerdie never became. But we will start by raising great chaos here in Seattle. We will start a great string of random murders for no apparent reason other then my period-induced tantrums, and then we will hunt that veggie vamp down and 'force' him to give me his cubic zirconium! Muahahahahahaha!"

"Um, I thought that's why you left him."

"No, it's because I'm going to have his babies… ooh, uh, maybe I'll just go with them."

To be continued... when Breaking Dawn comes.