Title: TinMan
Name: Joy
Email: SleepingBeauty2@ziplip.com
Rating: PG
Author's notes: The song that is mentioned in this story is by Tracy Chapman.
This story is dedicated to my loving husband.
*************************************************************************
Logan had been seated at his computer for most of the evening. His mind gravitated to Max and how things were changing now that he was regaining the use of his legs. He had been studying the same information for almost an hour before he resigned himself that he was no where close to being focused. She was out with the girls that night and he felt terribly alone.
Logan decided to ready himself for bed and changed into some sleep pants. He teetered into the kitchen to get some warm milk before he going to bed. The clock read midnight and he smiled at the thought Max would be up for several hours yet. He wondered what she did with her time.
As he headed back to his bedroom, he realized he wasn't alone in the apartment. "Max?" he said softly not turning around. There was only silence but Logan was sure it was her. "Are you all right?" Silence still. For the first time since they had met, he felt afraid; something was very wrong. Maybe it wasn't Max after all. Logan turned around slowly as to not startle who ever it was.
Much to his surprise it was Max but she looked wrong somehow. She wasn't angry, hurt, sad, happy, or anything. It was almost as if she were just a shell of herself. He approached her cautiously, feeling the need to not put her on the defensive. She was perfectly still, standing in the middle of Logan's living room. As he approached he could see the fear in her eyes, absolute terror. "Max, what happened? I've never seen you like this," Logan whispered in his most compassionate way.
Max's eyes never shut or even fluttered. Tears descended the beautiful face. Logan had no idea what prompted the sudden show of emotion. She hated to cry. He had only seen her do it at Bennet's wedding, which was his first indication that she may really be a girl under all that military plating. She stood motionless, making no noise or attempting to stop the tears. It broke his heart to see her in such pain. Logan drew closer to her, to where he could hold her.
As his arms encircled her, Max's eyes fluttered and gazed at Logan. She pushed herself up to his mouth timidly. She barely brushed his lips before laying her head on his shoulder. His heart pounded from the slight kiss they shared and how close she was to him. He wrapped one arm around Max and gently stroked her hair with the other hand. They stood in that position for a few minutes as Logan tried to process what to do next, since he still hadn't a clue what was going on. "Why don't we sit down and you can tell me what's gotten you shaken up, OK?"
They moved to the couch in the living room, sitting in the dark. Max still had the same glazed look about her. //What the hell happened? // Max curled into a ball and laid her head in his lap. He stroked her hair deciding it was best to let her open up when she was ready.
What Logan didn't know was Max was fine, just in the midst of an emotional roller coaster. She had gone with Original Cindy and Kendra to hear this singer who Cindy had seen before. Cindy had hopes for a love connection and Kendra was just interested in hearing pre-pulse stuff. Max was just basically along for the ride. The singer sang a wide rang of music with real presence, but Max really wasn't into it.
Max was about to take off, when the singer sang a song Max had never heard before. As the woman sang, Max began to identify with the lyrics. Her voice was haunting and mellow. Suddenly, Max seemed hypnotized by the music.
"Who stole your heart
The smile from your face
The innocence the light from your eyes
Who stole your heart or did you give it away
And if so then when and why
Who took away the part so essential to the whole
Left you a hollow body
Skin and bone
What robber what thief
Who stole your heart and the key
Now all sentiment is gone
Now you have no trust in no one"
Max felt as if she might explode hearing the words. Her heart began to pound and she was ready to bolt from the room. It was too much, too close. Just then the singer's eyes locked onto Max's, as she sang the rest of the song.
"If you can tear down the walls
Throw your armor away remove all roadblocks barricades
If you can forget there are bandits and dragons to slay
And don't forget that you defend an empty space
And remember the tinman
Found he had what he thought he lacked
Remember the tinman
Go find your heart and take it back
Who stole your heart
Maybe no one can say
One day you will find it I pray"
The singer's eyes never wavered from Max's face. //This woman sees me, the real me. How is that possible? // The panic that had been present just moments before, was now replaced with a deep curiosity. There was nothing inherently familiar about this woman. She was too old to be one of her sibs. //After the set I'll ask her about it. //
Max approached the singer with cautious trepidation. "You were really good. I liked that last song about the stolen heart."
"I know."
"How?"
The woman's face curved into a smile. "I only play small clubs so I can see the faces of the people I 'm singing to. Most everybody here got into the music, except you; you were hollow. You seemed like you genuinely wanted to hang with your friends and have a good time, but there was no connection for you in what you were hearing. That song was for you. You needed to hear it. You needed to know that you can do something to create a connection." Max just stared into the woman's deep brown eyes, trying to fathom what she was hearing. "Listen, you are on the right track. You have friends…. Part of it is believing that you have a heart to find and someone will want to share it with your." Max looked down at her shoes, trying to figure out why she was still listening to this woman. "I sing that song for people when they need to hear it. Believe me, you're not the first…. I bet you even have someone to share your heart with, but you're too scared to… Go to him…" At that the singer closed her guitar case and headed out of the club, leaving Max to stand alone by the side of the stage.
She said goodnight to the girls, who were going to hang at the club for a while longer. Max walked into the night pushing her bike. She tried to clear her mind and suppress the ache at the base of her chest. She was dealing with the first major crack in her armor. She didn't know what to do except drive until it went away. A little before midnight, she drove by Foggle Towers. All of a sudden the pain grew worse. //Logan can fix it . He can make the pain stop. //
Now as she lay in his lap, it was fear that engulfed her. Emotions claimed her body and though she seemed so lost, she knew she was where she was supposed to be. The words of the song circled in her head as Logan stroked her hair. "Max…. What do you need? How can I help?" he whispered to her hurting heart. She sat up and looked him directly in the eyes to see if he wavered. She leaned into to lips again. Her eyes were wide to see if he wanted her. Logan leaned forward and kissed her. Max's eyes fluttered with tears. He wiped them away with the soft caress of his fingers. "What are you looking for?" Logan asked.
"My heart…"
Her answer shocked Logan to his core. She wasn't ready to talk about what had happened that night, but it had led her to him. He wrapped his arms around her and laid her down with him on the couch. He didn't bother asking if she wanted to stay. She would just run off. This way he could hold her to his chest and make her feel secure. Max allowed herself this comfort only because she somehow felt safe. He kissed her forehead and sooth the weary soul he held. She fell asleep on his chest feeling warm and secure.
At three a.m. Max woke up on Logan's chest. He felt her moving in his arms, so he opened his bright eyes. "I didn't mean to wake you," she whispered.
"It's OK… How ya feeling?"
Her face became hot, trying to avoid his eyes. She was embarrassed by her behavior. Logan could see behind the armor and she knew it. The thought was terrifying. He was seeing her, for real. He tried to meet her gaze, before succumbing to pulling her face to him with his finger. His eyes penetrated hers before shutting them as he kissed her lips. When he opened his eyes, he was met by her continued fearful stare. Logan took one of Max's hands and placed it over his heart. "You have found my heart…" he said kissing her lightly again.
She laid her head back on his chest, finding comfort in the rhythmic thumping of his heart. She let her fingers linger on his chest, touching softly his T-shirt. She heard his heart rate increase as she touched him. She began to smile unknowingly. "What are you smiling at?" Logan asked.
Max wouldn't look at him, but did muster, "Your heart raced when I touched your chest." She bit her lower lip facing away from him.
"Why wouldn't my heart race? I have the most beautiful woman I have ever seen laying on my chest… Plus, she came looking for her heart here… I think I have reason to have my pulse racing," he said smiling as he hugged her, happily content to hold her forever.
"Logan?"
"Yeah?"
"Can…can I stay with you tonight?" Max stammered like a little kid. All she wanted was to curl up with him in his big bed and be held until the sun came up.
"Always… Do you want to stay out here…or would you like to move?" Logan stumbled himself hoping not to ruin the moment. He hoped she didn't misunderstand.
She fidgeted a bit before saying, "It would probably more comfortable to move."
"OK."
They moved into Logan's bedroom and got situated in bed for the rest of the night. Max returned to laying her head onto his chest just below his chin and one arm across his chest. Logan had one arm her that rested on her hip. "Goodnight," he whispered and then found her lips. She never felt so precious to someone before. The way he held her and kissed her, made the pain she had in her chest subside.
"Goodnight," she whispered back. "…Logan, if you feel me get up in the night…come after me…"
He caressed her cheek. "You're still really scared, huh?" Max nodded. "I'll come after you if you want me to, but I think if you're that scared it might be better if I let you go. You found your way to me tonight. I bet you'll find your way back again." By the look on her face, this was not the right answer. He continued to run his fingers over her face sweetly and said, "I never want to let you go, but if you want to I can't stop you."
Max buried her head into Logan's shoulder again and tried to sleep as he tried to continue to comfort her. It was late for Logan, so he did soon fall asleep holding his love. Unfortunately, there were too many hours in the night for her to be alone with her thoughts. Fear began to creep around her, but every time she was about to slip out from under Logan's arm, he would shift to pull her closer. For the whole night, the tug of war went on in the bed. She would move and then he would move closer.
Eventually, Max just watched him sleep, observing the slightly crack of him lips, blowing perfect puffs of air out. He was beautiful, intelligent, loving, sophisticated, and witty. Somehow, he wanted to be with her. //There must be something really wrong with him. This can't possibly be real. // "Max… Max…" he started to mutter.
"Yeah?"
"Just making sure you were still here…" he said sleepily.
"I'm here."
"You still looking for your heart?"
"No. I found it," Max whispered touching his face with her fingers and then kissed his lips. Logan smiled, in tired recognition.