If someone asked me what the worst day of my life was, I would answer today.
In theory, today should be a great day. It's the day of my second child's birth, the day me and Kohaku, my husband, welcome a second bundle of joy into the world. This should be a joyous day of celebration, not one of misery, embarrassment, and shame. But that was exactly what today was.
You see, I cheated on my husband. I did, I'll admit to that now since it's a little impossible to hide the evidence. The child I gave birth to today was not Kohaku's child, that was very obvious, but my lover's child. But how was it so obvious that it was his child and not mine? It's not like I cheated on my husband with a Caucasian man and the kid was Caucasian.
Nope, I cheated on my perfectly human husband with a demon. So that made the child a hanyō, half-dog yōkai in specific.
When the doctors had delivered my baby, I knew something was up. The embarrassed looks on the faces as they held my child− who at this point I hadn't seen−, cleaning off the blood, made me knew something was up. When they handed him to me and I saw the perfect head of silver hair, floppy dog ears, golden-brown eyes, fangs, and claws even I blushed. Yeah, woops.
"We can run a paternity test," one of the doctors suggested. I met eyes with him, a white man with blue eyes. I shook my head, not trusting my voice not to crack with shame. I knew who the father was, he was actually out in the waiting room probably reading his email on his phone or making calls to business partners.
"Do you wish for us to call them in?" a different doctor asked. I nodded, knowing that they were going to find out one way or another. It would be impossible to hide the fact the child in my arms wasn't Kohaku's but my lover's instead.
I watched with brown eyes as the doctor pushed open the door, poking his head out to call in my family and friends. Through the cracked door, I noticed that none of them were sitting out there and I could only guess why. Probably one of the dog demons who were family friends has smelled the half-yōkai blood in him and pulled aside my lover, which led to everyone going after them in curiosity.
At least it wouldn't be a complete surprise to them when they saw my child.
One of the doctors disappeared, off to find my family and friends who all probably knew of the shameful truth. It was my conscious decision to have an affair, do not get me wrong in thinking that I deny it or that I'm going to pretend it wasn't consensual, but that does not mean I don't get how bad having an affair is. It is a terrible thing to do you partner.
Here's the thing. Back in high-school, I was in the first year class, Kohaku in the second year class, and Sesshōmaru, my lover, was a third year. And we were all involved in a love triangle, a little battle waged by the two men over my affections. Sesshōmaru went off to college in Canada though so about two years out of high-school, I married Kohaku. We've been married for five years now, and about a year and a half ago, Sesshōmaru returned to Japan to take over his father's company. Without even Kohaku knowing it, the love triangle came back and I once more found myself helplessly torn between two men that I loved: my husband and my high-school sweetheart.
I began to think about the day Sesshōmaru returned, the way our gazes locked and we both knew that even though I had settled, promised to be faithful, infidelity ran through my blood. If I recall correctly, two days after he returned, I went to visit Kohaku at work and found myself on the top floor, bent over Sesshōmaru's desk, him pounding into me from behind.
I was dragged from my thoughts though when they entered. None of them looked to terribly pleased. The women didn't even gush over how cute the baby was, and no one even mentioned the awkward feel the air had to it. Kohaku didn't say anything, just sat in one of the chairs, leaned back, and locked his hands over his chest. Sesshōmaru was leaning against the wall, reading something on his phone like what was going on didn't concern him at all.
Finally, sick of the stuffiness, I broke the silence.
"I was thinking of naming him Kazuhiko. What do you think, Kohaku?" I said. I did like the name, though I really hadn't thought of name prior to that moment. Kohaku named out daughter, Akane so I thought he would name this child when he was born, blindly unaware of the fact the baby wasn't Kohaku's.
"Why should my input matter?" he asked, his tone bitter and upset. It felt like a slap to the face. Yeah, I did kind of deserve that one but still, he's my husband. Can't he at least in this moment pretend that he can love my son even if it isn't his DNA? Seeing the hurt look on my face, he sneered. "Why don't you ask the father?"
Immediately my eyes were on Sesshōmaru, just as everyone else in the room's eyes were. The doctors had long since excused themselves, knowing that this was a family problem that needed to be dealt with. Sesshōmaru glanced up from his phone, his expression impassive. If I could guess what he was thinking, it would be along the lines of "what?".
"It's a fine name," he finally said, looking back down at his phone. I could see the anger blooming on Inuyasha's face, and I could see an angry retort on his lips. His wife, Kagome, also looked pretty angry with Sesshōmaru and I think that it would be safe to say that if her husband spoke up, Kagome was going to cheer him on.
I could also see the furrowed eyebrows of Toga, Inuyasha and Sesshōmaru's father. I could read the anger, the hurt, and the disappointment. He didn't look real proud of his first born son in that moment. I couldn't blame him. I'm certain my parents, wherever they are, aren't real proud in me either.
"Why did we come here today?" Inuyasha finally asked. I believe that everyone in the room knew where this was going but I also believe that everyone in the room besides me and Sesshōmaru completely agreed with where Inuyasha's words were headed. "We came here today to celebrate Rin and Kohaku's child, the second one after being married for five years. You know what ended up happening? Everyone finding out about an affair she had with you, the man who fought for Rin against Kohaku in high school. Do you know how pathetic that makes you look? It makes you look like an ass that couldn't let Kohaku win."
"You speak of Rin as if she is a prize to be won. A spoil of war one might say," Sesshōmaru said, slipping his phone into his pocket. I, and I believe most of the other people in the room, hadn't expected Sesshōmaru to even respond to his half-brother. If I may say something though, I like what he said. I got the same impression from Inuyasha as well.
"Look," Kohaku said, speaking up. "I don't know why you did what you did Sesshōmaru but I really hate you for it. I'm certain Akane will hate you too, breaking up her parents like you are now."
I was stunned.
I think we all were in that moment. Breaking up her parents? Everyone knew what that meant. Honestly, I could've seen this coming a mile away and so, while still hard to hear, it wasn't what truly bothered me about my husband's words. Divorce wasn't a good thought but what kind of made me angry was the fact Kohaku, and Inuyasha if I might add, both were talking like it was Sesshōmaru's fault that my second child was Kohaku's.
This bothered me for a big reason, the fact it portrayed me as the victim, the one caught up in the crimes of others. I've always been the victim, the innocent. I've never been capable of evil, at least that's what I'd assumed from the amount of times that everything bad that happens because of me is always someone else's fault.
"I'm the one that had the affair Kohaku, I'm the one that willingly slept with Sesshōmaru out of wedlock."
I don't think anyone expected me to speak up. I'm Rin after all; I sit by and shut up.
"Well then, thanks for clarifying that. Have fun with the fact that Akane is split between her parents because of you and the fact you couldn't keep away from him. Don't even bother coming home," Kohaku said angrily, standing from the chair. He brushed past everyone, yanking his arm away from Sango, his sister, who had grabbed it. Sango followed her brother out of the room, but not before she threw me a look of disgust over her shoulder. Miroku, Sango's husband, followed his wife, not even sparing me a glance.
That left Ayame, Kouga, Kagome, Inuyasha, Toga, Izayoi, and Sesshōmaru. Six out of those seven people looked at me with disgust, disgust because I had an affair. That made me want to laugh, especially since one of those stares of disgust came from Inuyasha, the man who cheated on his loving wife Kagome with her cousin Kikyo. How hypocritical.
Awkward silence filled the hospital room, awkward silence that came from the fact no one wanted to say anything, wanted to pretend that this hadn't happened, but they couldn't just walk over to me and take my baby from my arms knowing that it was hanyō. How blatant I had been in my affair, how stupid I guess.
"May I hold him?" Sesshōmaru finally asked, pushing himself away from the wall. All eyes were on him in surprise, disgust as well. Would he acknowledge the fact the kid was his, claim it as his son? At least, that was what I assumed was going through their minds.
"Sure," I say as I hand Kazuhiko to Sesshōmaru, shifting slightly. Even the sight of the little baby can warm Sesshōmaru, I know because no matter how much he wants to say he hates his brother, he was the one who'd held his little nieces and nephews the longest. Sesshōmaru was a stiff a lot but sometimes he wasn't.
"We're going," Ayame finally said, rudely if I might add, dragging Koga along with her. I could see disgust and fury burning inside of her. I had an affair, which is admittedly not something to be proud of, but they were treating it like I murdered a kitten. Or a baby. Honestly, Izayoi had been Toga's affair. She was a home-wrecker, destroying Sesshōmaru's mother and Toga's marriage. Ayame had stolen Koga from Kagome; though Kagome really had been happy about the fact the wolf demon was no longer chasing her. Inuyasha had cheated on his wife with her cousin. And Miroku, he was infamous for being a ladies man, for groping the women even when his wife was standing right by his side. All of them had faced infidelity in one way or another with one or more of the partners being the unfaithful yet here they were, judging me because I had Sesshōmaru's kid on accident.
Such wonderful friends.
"May I hold my grandson?" Toga finally asked. At his words, I saw Inuyasha throw up his hands and storm out of the room, quickly followed by his wife who looked equally as angry. They were angry because Toga just acknowledged the fact that Kazuhiko shared his blood. Pathetic. I wonder how they would react if Toga took it in and named Kazuhiko an actually member of the family with rights to the fortune and all. They'd probably blow a gasket.
"He's cute," Izayoi said as she came to stand behind her husband, standing on her toes to peak over his shoulder. Both of them were incredibly stiff and awkward as they admired Kazuhiko, not really knowing how to react but for some reason, not ditching us like the rest of them.
Toga handed Kazuhiko back to Sesshōmaru after offering Izayoi a turn to hold him but her turning him down. He ran his hand through his bangs, an exasperated sigh leaving his lips. I knew what was coming next: a lecture.
"Look Rin, Sesshōmaru, what you did was wrong in every possible sense of the word. Rin, you were married to Kohaku who loved you to bits. You had a wonderful home, marriage, and child. For some reason though you decided to risk it all and have a fling with Sesshōmaru once he got back from college. I don't know why and if you want, feel free to tell me why when I'm done.
"Sesshōmaru, on the other hand, did not have any partners so to speak besides the occasional floozy−" Izayoi and I both shot him a glare for that one− "Or one-night stand. You knew she was married though, you were there at the wedding, you were her bride's maid or whatever the male equivalent is. You were the one to rush her to the hospital when she went into labor because you were there for spring break. You knew she was happy, you knew that everything in Rin's life was pleasant yet you, both of you actually, decided to fuck it up and have an affair."
"Toga!" Izayoi exclaimed, smacking him on the arm. He swatted his wife away, pinning the lovers with a stern stare.
"Why?"
The question hung in the air awkwardly. Why had we done it? I don't know why Sesshōmaru did it but I had my reasons, all of them which were either shameful, such as the fact that anytime I see Sesshōmaru there is something, a passion, that burns like a wild-fire inside me. And then there are the reasons that are private, ones that happened between me and Kohaku. I might have been the one to cheat but that did not mean things were perfect in our marriage, though they weren't like he was abusive or anything.
"She asked me to," was all Sesshōmaru gave as an answer. I could probably just say I wanted it, which I did, and we would all know that both of us just didn't want to share why the affair happened. But I remained silent, fiddling with my hands in my lap.
"I just want to know Rin why you were unfaithful, everyone does. Kohaku deserves to know but he won't speak to you so telling him yourself is out of the question. Just say why Rin.
"Because I wanted to have something with Sesshōmaru," I answered finally. It was part of the truth, though a very small portion that simplified, even denied the existence of, why I wanted Sesshōmaru, what had happened in the past.
"Because of the high-school love triangle?" Toga asked.
"Probably the same reason I was torn between them then is the reason I'm here now, mother of both Kohaku's child and Sesshōmaru's child."
Before Toga could say anything, we were interrupted by Sesshōmaru's phone going off. He handed Kazuhiko to me quickly before taking his phone call out into the waiting room. I wish I were in his place, lucky enough not to be stuck in here during this torturous interrogation. I guess that's what I get though for being a cheater.
"You married Kohaku though, you chose Kohaku," Toga reasoned. In response, I blurted out the first thing that crossed my mind.
"And that was because Sesshōmaru ran off to a different county for college and I didn't know if I was ever going to see him again. If I had known he would return to take over your company than I probably would've waited and married him so that this child wasn't born into such drama." I guess what I said was the truth. After all, I hadn't known that Sesshōmaru would return and if I had, I probably wouldn't have married Kohaku. So yeah, it was the truth.
"And what about your relationship with Kohaku?" Izayoi asked. I was a little surprised to see her speaking up but I tried to keep that from my expression. "Were there any marital problems going on? Financial trouble? Job stress? Akane trouble? Fertility issues? Sex difficulties?"
"I really don't want to talk about anything that was going on between me and Kohaku at that time. He was a loving husband and that was all. He worked hard, was a wonderful person, and terrific father." Sure, problems had arisen at the time but no need to know what they were. They'd be a thing of the past within a few quick flicks of the wrist.
"Alright then," began Toga, taking the reins back from Izayoi. I wasn't really interest in talking anymore and was about to speak up to say so when Sesshōmaru reentered the room, slipping his phone into his pocket. He sat down on the edge of my hospital bed and I handed Kazuhiko to him. As I said before, Sesshōmaru had a soft spot for kids.
"Sesshōmaru, since your back, I want to know how your affair started," said Toga. Glad that I didn't have to answer this one, I let out a sigh of relief.
"I returned from Canada and Rin was the only one at the airport. Everyone was at my welcoming back party so she was supposed to be me driver. When we got in the car and left, we ended up stopping for burgers and eating them in the car. We didn't have sex then but we did have what the kids now a day would call a make-out sessions.
"We didn't see each other for another three days after that. That day she had gone to the office to say hello to Kohaku because she was in the area. He mentioned to her that I had already started work and that I had taken over your office on the top floor. She stopped by and I ended taking her over the desk. From there it was just like any other affair, a secret but passionate."
And unprotected if I might add but that was kind of obvious. If we'd used condoms then Kazuhiko wouldn't be a hanyō.
Toga shook his head.
"At least you're honest. I'll try to talk to Kohaku and the others. Rin you can stay with Sesshōmaru I bet, he has a couple of spare rooms after all," Toga said, running his hands through his hair again. That was a bad habit of Toga's, or at least a habit that he only did when he was angry or thought he was surrounded by idiots.
"I'll come by tomorrow and I'll take Sesshōmaru's credit card and get the supplies for a nursery while calling you the entire time," Izayoi said. I smiled at her, reaching out my arms to hug her. I was glad that me and Sesshōmaru weren't entirely alone on this one. Even if neither of them agreed with what did, even thought it reprehensible, they understood that it happened, it was life. They'd been there and they'd done it too.
But there was an unspoken part to Izayoi's words, or an implied truth. The fact that we were buying a nursery, and that we were using Sesshōmaru's credit card, which meant we had nearly no budget to worry about, kind of said that this was permanent. No one here was deluding anyone that me and Kohaku were getting back together. I'd betrayed him in the most ultimate of ways, taken another lover and birthed him a child.
And when they left me with Sesshōmaru, neither of us even tried to delude ourselves that I was Mrs. Ito Rin, Kohaku's wife any longer. Kohaku might've thought he'd won the war for my heart but in all actuality, the final battle had just been a long time coming.
AN: Your thoughts?