For the love of Christmas
A/N: My second Christmas fic, this one starring Laxus as a terrible Santa dealing with his guild. So with vodka in hand and a keyboard close bye, let's begin. Thoughts are in italics. Enjoy...
-At the Guild Hall-
"And I have no other choice in the matter?"
"Nope."
"Not even if I agree to never make cheap comments about your daughter?"
"No this is way better."
"...I'd say I hate you Gildarts but let's be honest here; I'd do the same to you in this situation."
"I know you would Laxus, now put on the hat."
The Thunder God sighed and did as he was commanded. Fairy Tail was a guild of many traditions that were followed every year. Some were good, some were bad and some were downright weird as hell. One such tradition was to get a Santa in to the guild so that its members could wish for whatever presents they wanted. Usually Makarov enlisted the help of Fairy Tail's Ace, Gildarts Clive, so that he could find out what people wanted and then give them the presents, but this year the old man had decided that he really couldn't be bothered and so made a bet with Laxus as to who could drink more, Bacchus or Cana. Never one to be above a bit of cheating, Gildarts of course threatened the drunken mage with torture if he didn't take a dive, and so Laxus ended up being the Santa for the guild that year.
"There; everything's on now. Happy?"
Gildarts quickly took a picture of his scowling friend before laughing and shoving him into the tent. "Laxus?! What the hell...?"
"If you say a word to anyone Cana I shit you not you won't survive the hour." His scowl deepened. Cana was usually the elf for these occasions, but that didn't mean that she was in the loop. In fact the only people who knew of the switch were Gildarts and Laxus. "So what the hell do I usually do in this cluster fuck?"
"Erm...you basically just sit there, ask the people what they want for Christmas, nod, hug them and have your picture taken with them." Cana tried to keep the smile off her face. "Those pictures are going to be priceless..."
Laxus let out a low growl. "How long does this usually take?"
"I dunno. Usually depends on how long the line is and how long each person takes."
"Well how longs the line?"
She poked her head through the curtain. "...Pretty long yeah."
Santa decided that it was time to make a start on the eggnog. "Just...lets get this over with."
Cana motioned for the first person to come in, and Wendy skipped straight through and plonked herself down on Laxus' lap. "Hello Mr Santa sir!"
"Sup kid." He replied before receiving a death glare from Cana. He was going to have to be way more Christmassy if he was going to pull this one off. "I mean...ho ho ho! How are you today?"
"I'm great Mr Santa! How are you?" She said smiling.
"I feel like I've been sleighed! Ho ho ho...kill me." He looked down at her optimistic expression and sighed. "Tell me then Wen-...child. What do you want for Christmas?"
The girl thought about it for a moment. "Well I really want everyone to be happy...but then we all are happy here. I've never been so happy in my life! I don't need anything for Christmas Santa."
"That's...that's so sweet..." Cana started tearing up in the background. Santa however just rolled his eyes, having been subjected to many a sob story before.
"Well I guess that makes my job..."
"Oh oh wait! I do have a wish!" Laxus quirked his eyebrow. "Santa...have you heard of someone called Laxus Dreyar?"
"Why of course I have! He's the most handsome, intelligent, badass person in the world!" Cana rolled her eyes.
"Ohh goody! Well he seems a bit sad most of the time so I was wondering if you could do something nice for him? Everyone says he's a meanie but he's really nice to me. Like one time, when nobody was looking, he took me all the way to this sweet store at the edge of town and bought me everything! And another, he took me all the way to this fair and took me round everywhere! And and..."
"I know of Laxus' deeds little girl!" Laxus said through gritted teeth. "Cana's never going to let me live this one down..." "Now smile for the camera and be on your way!"
The camera flashed and the little girl happily skipped out of the room. Cana turned to look at Laxus. "You're a big softie really aren't you?"
"Keep it up and I'll bear that in mind for the Christmas sex..." He grumbled just as Natsu entered the tent.
"Oh boy Santa! I've missed you so much!"
"Can't say the same for you Natsu..."
"Wait...you know my name?!"
"Of course I do you fucking idiot now sit down and tell me what you want for Christmas!"
Natsu luckily was too dazed by Father Christmas to pick up on any of the insults or differences from previous years. "Well this year I've been really good, so I want a mountain of food, I want to learn a bunch of new fighting techniques, I want to get really strong and I want to become an S-Class wizard!"
"Pfft, like that'll happen." Laxus snickered before pointing to the camera. "I mean...uh...I'll see what I can do. Now smile for the camera!"
Natsu gave his cheesiest smile before hugging Santa. "I can't wait to see you again next year!"
"I can..." Was the reply but Natsu was already running off to find Wendy. He looked down at the long list of names and took another swig of eggnog. "I can see why this needs to be checked twice. I can't believe how much shit I still have to go through. Well...bring in contestant number three!"
As it turned out 'contestant number three' was actually Gray and Juvia together. "Sup Santa." Gray quipped before lowering his girlfriend onto the 'jolly' man's lap.
"Sup Gray." Laxus replied in the best Santa voice possible. Up until now he was pretty sure he could get away with anything, but with these two he'd have to put on his best acting. "And I see Juvia is here too! What a Merry Christmas it is!" The couple blushed but nodded in unison. "I see Juvia already has what she wants this year, but how about you Gray?"
The ice mage thought a bit. "Well we could use a new house since the last one got blown up by that idiot Laxus..." Santa had to suppress his laughter as he remembered that one. "But I think I'm happy wherever I am so long as I have her."
"Master Gray..." Juvia's eyes filled with tears as he pulled her in for a kiss. That instant Cana took the picture, capturing both the loving couple in their moment of passion and Laxus in his moment of disgust. After about a minute Cana realised that her friend wasn't going anywhere fast, and so gently moved the two out of the tent. They were soon replaced by Lucy.
"Hello Santa." She said as she sat down on his knee.
"My my Lucy, what seems to be the matter? You look rather sad today!" Of course Laxus didn't really care, but any chance he had to get dirt on people he took.
"Well Santa my Christmas wish from last year still hasn't come true! Natsu still hasn't noticed me!"
Laxus grinned. "Oh really now? Well that's a shame! I thought you ho ho hoes didn't have a problem when it came to getting noticed?"
Lucy sprang off his lap. "What the hell does that mean?!"
The joke was almost worth blowing his cover, but Laxus decided that it'd be easier to just cover up as usual. "Ohh sorry my dear girl! That's elf speak for...erm...beautiful ladies."
"Riiight..." Lucy still wasn't convinced and Cana was starting to sweat. If everyone found out that she'd been spying on them for years, she would be killed for sure, even with Gildarts as her father.
"I shall sort your problem out right away!" Laxus boomed and stood up. Poking his head out of the tent, he called "Natsu! I have another present for you!"
As the fire eater ran back into the tent Lucy blushed. "Wow really Santa?! What is it?"
Laxus pulled out a large bow and quickly wrapped Lucy in it. "Here; this is your present."
Lucy at this point was dying of embarrassment. "So...hi Natsu..."
"...Oh wow Santa thanks!" Natsu yelled before giving his 'present' a hug. "I promise I'll play with her every day and spend loads of time with her." He then scooped her up and carried her over to Wendy to show her off. Laxus meanwhile was dying of laughter at the 'play' part.
"Why'd you help them?!" Cana asked in disbelief. Had Laxus actually just done something remotely nice?
"Well she has nice tits I guess." He replied before mumbling something like "And it is Christmas I guess..." She had to smile at that comment. Assuming of course she'd heard it correctly.
"Santa...are you here?" The pair whirled round to find Freed stumbling through the door.
"Oh ho ho! Yes I am my boy! Just give me a minute to sit down so you can..."
"As you know Father I only sit on the knee of my Master." Freed replied coldly and stood about two metres away from the throne Laxus was sitting on.
"if only the creepy fucker knew..." Laxus thought. "Well...ok then. So what would you like..."
Freed cleared his throat. "I would like for Master Laxus and my Tribe to succeed in every venture they undertake as usual. That is my wish. Now if you are willing to pose I shall acquire a picture of you and I for both myself, my team and Master Laxus."
The camera flashed and Freed stormed out without another word. Laxus was stunned. "Is he like that to everyone apart from me?!"
"Pretty much." Cana shrugged, "I guess he sees us all as competition for your attention."
"...I'll have a talk with him. That's my Christmas present to everyone..."
Cana laughed and checked the line. "It seems like a bunch of people have left for some reason. Probably because the festival has started outside. There's only two people left..."
Speaking of which, Makarov, the second last person, barged into the the tent at that very moment. "Good job Gildarts! Once again you've...wait, don't you have a metal..."
Laxus took off the hate and beard he'd had to endure for the entire day. "Surprise motherfucker!"
"Laxus?!" Makarov yeled and jumped backwards. "W-w-what have you done to Gildarts?!"
"Nothing you idiot he's fine, just in need of a break from this Christmassy shit. Not that I blame him of course..." He looked down at the tiny man before him. "So what do you want for Christmas?"
"Ha ha! Very funny Laxus! Now tell me where-..."
The Thunder God allowed electricity to crackle all around him. "Tell me. Old man. What. Do you. Want. For Christmas?!"
His grandfather began sweating. "Well...Iguess for a start you could be nicer..." The crackling increased, "I mean...erm...World Peace?!"
Laxus grinned. "Wrong answer!" Moving faster than the eye can see, he delivered a swift blow to the back of the guild master's head before catching him and hoisting him up. "Better wrap this one up in the finest wrapping paper before setting him under the tree."
"Right at the base as usual?" Cana snickered.
"But of course." Laxus KOing Makarov, wrapping him up and putting him under the tree had been a Fairy Tail tradition for literally decades, and so Cana knew exactly where to place her master to achieve the desired effect. "Ok so who's the last one?!"
Cana checked outside the window. "Surprisingly its Mira..."
Laxus laughed and but his beard and hat back on. "Better prepare the ruse cruise for her!"
"Um...Santa?" Mira walked in just in time to see Mr Claus sit back down in his chair. "You haven't seen Master Makarov here anywhere have you?!"
"Oh ho no! I mean yes! He just left out the back way!" He lied and motioned for her to sit down on his lap. "Now now my girl tell me; what would you like for Christmas?"
The model thought about it a moment before breaking out into a deep blush. "Well...since I know you're probably some homeless guy in that suit that the master has ordered..."
Laxus grinned as he waited for the gossip. "Ohhh this is going to be gooood!"
"...I would like a boyfriend!" Mira finished.
"But my dear girl there must be thousands of men after your hand! And with looks like yours you should be able to have any one of them!"
Mira's face fell. "You'd think, but sadly the man I'm after doesn't even notice me."
Laxus frowned. He'd never met anyone who was immune to Mira's charms, himself included. I mean sure he put on the 'give no fucks' act better than anyone else, but deep down he had to admit that if he had a shot he would take it in a heartbeat. "Tell me then; who is this man that you desire?"
Mira hesitated for a second. "Promise you won't tell?" Santa crossed his heart. "His name is Laxus. Laxus Dreyar. He's the lightening guy in my guild." Both father Christmas and his little helper were stunned by this comment, but Mira continued oblivious to the bombshell she'd just dropped. "Sure he's a bit of a jerk sometimes but he's always nice to Wendy. Plus whenever we need him to be there he's always there for us. He pretends he's a tough guy but really he has more heart than any of us." She laughed a little after that comment. "Sorry I'm rabbling. Like you could ever do anything to help me with this problem anyway."
It took Laxus a minute to process what was said and decide what to do. "Actually Mira I think I can help you out with that problem."
The demon girl sprang into the air from his lap. "What?! H-how?!" Slowly standing up, the blonde removed all of his Santa gear until he was just plain old Laxus. "L-L-L-Laxus?!"
He smiled at her. "Well that was an interesting conversation now wasn't it?"
Mira nearly died right there on the spot. "I-I was just j-joking you know! Haha funny right?!"
"You've always been a terrible liar Mira." Came the reply as the now ex-Claus moved towards her. "And I've always been pretty crappy with words..."
"What's that supposed to me-..." She started but was cut off with a kiss. The camera flashed in the background but neither one of them cared about it. Right there and then both of them found out that Christmas Miracles did sometimes come true.
"Aaaaand here's my Christmas gift to both of you!" Gildarts yelled, appearing out of the shadows as usual. Picking up the camera, he used his crash magic to shatter it into a thousand pieces, much to Cana's distress. "Now go out and see the Christmas Parade!
"I think Santa does deserve a bit of a break, don't you?" Laxus quipped before scooping Mira up and carrying her to the stands. He went via the wall of course. No self respecting S-Class mage uses a door. That'd just be crazy...
Cana glared at her father. "Do you know what you've done?! I wasted a hell of a lot of time getting those pictures of that idiot!"
Gildarts gave her a sly grin. "Who needs pictures when you can have a video?" He sneakily produced a small camera from his pocket. "Oh, and did I mention this contains all the videos from when he and I went out drinking too? There's some pretty crazy shit on here Cana."
"...I love you dad!" Cana jumped into her father's arms, filled with a mixture of Christmas Cheer and malevolence. "Merry Christmas Dad!"
Gildarts chuckled to himself. "Merry Christmas Cana!" "Now I wonder how he's going to top all of this next year..."
A/N: Ok so I finished this right on Christmas Day, so it totally counts haha. I hope everyone enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it, and remember to look out for a few more fics that should be coming out a little bit after Christmas :P Read, Review and Recommend :)