[Still Untitled]
Written: Friday, October 31, 2003 12:15 p.m.
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Brown still-tired, but sufficiently rested eyes opened, their gaze finding the window and the clear bright blue of a chill autumn morning sky. The brunet teen lying prone on his chosen place of rest took in the view, the beauty of the light that coloured the clouds differing shades of white and light grey as they swirled and blended in some places with the clear sometimes pale blue.
Today the sky was different for him. Today was different for him. The sky that usually lifted his spirits with its unending blue, the light that would fall on the grass and trees, the wind that would push and pull at the clouds and caress him with its chill as he warmed up to the morning, to the day... He now felt unworthy of it. Unworthy of being there under its infinite boundaries, unworthy of such harmless and lethal beauty. He was stained, savage, a rampaging animal of a human that enjoyed slaughter. Such beauty and loveliness should be denied one as tainted as himself.
He stood, after one more horizontal stretch, and stepped to the window, one hand resting lightly on the frame. Looking out at the vast expanse, out to the horizon, he felt the complexes of the world weigh on his soul as it was torn by two opposing forces. Torn by the part of him that soared with the wind, reached out to the sky, like those times when he was pure, innocent, and none the wiser for the workings of the world. And the other part, that told him he no longer deserved such freedom, such joy of living. He could not die, yet he could not live... Brown eyes gazed out soulessly at that everyday wonder of nature.
A soft, yet sharp sound tugged at his wandering thoughts, snapped him back into himself. A knock? At his door. His head turned to see his tall Eurasian teammate in the doorframe, green eyes taking in the room and then finding him at the window.
"Heyy. You *are* up after all." Yohji's voice was warm, affectionate even, and made him feel better and worse at the same time. Ken nodded, managing a slight curve of his lips. Yohji's head tilted in a momentary assessment of him, then he stepped in and closed the door, crossing over to Ken, where he draped an arm over the T-shirted shoulders and joined him in the window-way.
"I don't claim to know you inside-out, Ken.." Green gaze searching out the unclaimed horizons over slim-lensed sunglasses, Yohji continued. "But I do know you're thinking too much again, ne." Ken said nothing, pain creeping into his eyes and expression as he leaned just the sightest bit into Yohji, not wanting to give away just how much he was thinking. The arm around his shoulders tightened, drawing him closer. "What's being taken from you, Ken? Something's eating away at you..."
...to be continued...? you decide. comments and such most welcome.
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[will edit and update title, etc when i like, have it/have the time.]
Written: Friday, October 31, 2003 12:15 p.m.
====================================================================
Brown still-tired, but sufficiently rested eyes opened, their gaze finding the window and the clear bright blue of a chill autumn morning sky. The brunet teen lying prone on his chosen place of rest took in the view, the beauty of the light that coloured the clouds differing shades of white and light grey as they swirled and blended in some places with the clear sometimes pale blue.
Today the sky was different for him. Today was different for him. The sky that usually lifted his spirits with its unending blue, the light that would fall on the grass and trees, the wind that would push and pull at the clouds and caress him with its chill as he warmed up to the morning, to the day... He now felt unworthy of it. Unworthy of being there under its infinite boundaries, unworthy of such harmless and lethal beauty. He was stained, savage, a rampaging animal of a human that enjoyed slaughter. Such beauty and loveliness should be denied one as tainted as himself.
He stood, after one more horizontal stretch, and stepped to the window, one hand resting lightly on the frame. Looking out at the vast expanse, out to the horizon, he felt the complexes of the world weigh on his soul as it was torn by two opposing forces. Torn by the part of him that soared with the wind, reached out to the sky, like those times when he was pure, innocent, and none the wiser for the workings of the world. And the other part, that told him he no longer deserved such freedom, such joy of living. He could not die, yet he could not live... Brown eyes gazed out soulessly at that everyday wonder of nature.
A soft, yet sharp sound tugged at his wandering thoughts, snapped him back into himself. A knock? At his door. His head turned to see his tall Eurasian teammate in the doorframe, green eyes taking in the room and then finding him at the window.
"Heyy. You *are* up after all." Yohji's voice was warm, affectionate even, and made him feel better and worse at the same time. Ken nodded, managing a slight curve of his lips. Yohji's head tilted in a momentary assessment of him, then he stepped in and closed the door, crossing over to Ken, where he draped an arm over the T-shirted shoulders and joined him in the window-way.
"I don't claim to know you inside-out, Ken.." Green gaze searching out the unclaimed horizons over slim-lensed sunglasses, Yohji continued. "But I do know you're thinking too much again, ne." Ken said nothing, pain creeping into his eyes and expression as he leaned just the sightest bit into Yohji, not wanting to give away just how much he was thinking. The arm around his shoulders tightened, drawing him closer. "What's being taken from you, Ken? Something's eating away at you..."
...to be continued...? you decide. comments and such most welcome.
====================================================================
[will edit and update title, etc when i like, have it/have the time.]