Resident Evil: Jill and Rebecca Do America Part One
Jill & Rebecca's TV
Scene: Racooon City A large city, we then hear a loud boom. A female's boot appears, followed by a white skirt, and a blue sleeveless shirt, this is Jill Valentine...
a 300 foot tall Jill that is.
Jill: Huh huh huh, this is cool, huh huh huh.
A S.T.A.R.S helecopter is firing at her.
Jill: Cut it out, butt-goblin, huh huh huh.
She swats at the copter, causing it to explode. She then peers into a building, and sees Chris Redfield, who screams like a girl. Jill grabs him
Jill: Uhhh, hey , baby, huh huh, i'm , like, pretty tall and stuff, huh huh.
Chris: Eeeek!
Another S.T.A.R.S copter attacks.
Jill: Dammit, I'm trying to score, huh huh.
Army tanks are firing at her, then a loud boom is heard, they turn around to see a giant Rebecca!
Rebecca: Heh heh, this is cool, heh heh.
Jill: Huh huh.
Rebecca sees Jill holding Chris.
Rebecca: Like, gimme and stuff, heh heh!
Jill: Uhh, no, buttmunch!
They begin to fight.
Jill and Rebecca's house, real world
Rebecca: Heh heh, hey Jill, wake up, heh heh.
Jill: Uhh, zzzz, huh huh.
Rebecca: JILL!1
Jill: UHHH! Huh huh, what is it, dumbass?
Rebecca: Heh, it's the TV, heh heh.
Jill looks at where their TV should have been, it's gone
Outside, two young men are carrying their TV away.
Jill: Uh, huh huh huh.
Jill looks at a crowbar lying on the ground, then she looks at where their TV should be, then at a broken window. She does this a few times, until the pieces of the puzzle pull together.
Jill: Huh huh, this sucks, huh huh.
Rebecca: Heh heh, yeah.
Rebecca begins pressing buttons on the remote, as if it will help somehow.
Rebecca: Hrr, heh heh, DAMMIT, IT'S NOT WORKING, heh heh.
Jill slaps Rebecca
Jill: Of course it isn't ,dumbass.This sucks more than whatever sucked before. We must find the butt-hole who stole our TV.
Rebecca: Heh heh, yeah, YEAH, then i'll kick his ass! Heh heh heh!
S.T.A.R.S Base
Jill and Rebecca are in the TV cargo station. Jill pulls on a wire connected to the TV they're holding. Tons of TV's and VCR's fall off and break.
Rebecca: Heh heh heh, that was cool.
Jill: Huh huh, yeah!
They start to carry the TV away, only to be stopped by Barry.
Barry: What are you two doing?
Jill: Uhh, we just need to borrow the TV, huh huh huh.
Rebecca: Heh heh heh, yeah!
Barry: This might be a positive path for you two. We don't always need TV to entertain us.
Jill: Huh huh, you said anus. Huh huh huh.
Rebecca: Heh heh, um..Entertain...entert..ain..us..anus...heh heh heh heh heh!
Barry: Did you hear a word I said?
Jill: Huh huh, yeah, anus.
Barry: Look, just return the TV, please?
Walks away
Jill and Rebecca walk out with the TV, they exit and carelessly roll it down the stairs. It breaks.
Jill: Huh huh, that was cool.
Rebecca: Heh heh, no it wasn't.
Jill: Oh yeah...
Wesker appears. Big trouble.
Wesker: ...Jiiiillll, Rebeeeeeccaaa! YOU'RE FIRED!
Jill: Huh huh, cool!
They leave. End of part 1