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**Phibrizzo appears onstage, having gotten a promotion from his last job as stage manager on the Slayers Newlywed Game show. He waves to the audience, who swoons and cheers wildly.**
Phibrizzo: Damn. Now I know why Mina-chan liked this so much ^.^ Welcome to the Bishounen Dating Game! Here's our lucky lady for today, Mina-chan!
**Crowd cheers again, some guy yells "I LOVE YOU MINA!!", another yells "DO ME!". Mina sweatdrops and sits down, holding a merblemikey in her lap.**
Mina: Gee... I wish I had the response you had, Phib..
**The same guy yells "I LOVE YOU PHIBRIZZO!!". Phibby sweatdrops**
Phibrizzo:....Arigatou.. I think.. o.o;;
Mina: So, who are our lucky contestants today? ^_^;
Phibrizzo: Oh, they're-- *blinks* Hey... You're not supposed to know.
Mina: *shrugs* I almost had you.
Phibrizzo: *grumbles* .; Bachelor Number one, come on out!
**Yukito Tsukishiro walks out and sits on the other side of the screen, holding a voice distorter box over his mouth.**
Phibrizzo: Bachelor number one, how's it going?
Yukito:I'm well, arigatou, Phibrizzo-san ^.^ You?
Mina: *blinks* He's polite.. that rules out Xellos.
**There's an angry "HEY!" from backstage.**
Phibrizzo: I'm wonderful. I have a female fanbase now ^_^; Bachelor number two?
**Carrot Glace walks out and sits by Yukito, trying to get a peek at Mina through the screen. He too is holding a voice distorter box over his mouth. Calmly, Marron and Gateau walk out and strap Carrot to the chair, then walk out.**
Carrot: It's nice to know I'm trusted..
Phibrizzo: And our last bachelor, bachelor number three!
**Vash the Stampede walks out wearing his walkman, dancing around like an idiot around the stool, bumping into Carrot, who falls over, still tied to the chair, and lands face first on the ground.** Phibrizzo:.... Bachelor number three?
Carrot: I've fallen..and I can't get up....
Mina:.. Is everything alright back there?
Phibrizzo: .; No peeking.
Mina: Drat.
Phibrizzo: *fireballs Vash, who calmly sits down, pulling Carrot's chair back up* Mina, ask the first question.
Mina: Sure. Bachelor number one..
Yukito: Konnichiwa, Mina-chan ^.^ I hope you're doing lovely today.
Mina: I like this one ^_^; Bachelor number one. It's our first date, where would you take me?
Yukito: First we'd go to an all-you-can-eat sushi buffet, then out for ice cream, then I'd take you to the movies, and after that, we'd walk through Penguin Park and go out for dinner.
Mina: *blinks* Hungry, aren't you?
Yukito: ^_^; Now that you mention it..
**Yukito runs to the backstage food table and comes back with a huge plate full of food, smiling cutely. Phibrizzo sweatdrops**
Mina: Bachelor number two?
Carrot: *deep suave voice* I'd take you to a private place and kiss all over your body before making love to you all night long, until we both screamed with passion and collapsed, spent, in each other's arms, my lovely.
Phibrizzo: ..........Mina.. you all right?
Mina: *breathing heavily, eyes wide* I like this one too.
Merblemikey: Merble.. . *looks at Carrot suspiciously*
Carrot: ^_^ v
Mina: Bachelor number three?
Vash: *his "questioning yet smooth" voice* Well first we'd go to a donut shop where I'd show you how I can get about five of them onto my tongue at once then I'd take you to a lovely little motel where I could very personally show you what else I could do with it!
**There's a loud 'thud' as Mina falls off her stool, a grumbling merblemikey falling with her. She blinks and pulls herself up, blushing furiousy**
Mina: Um, next sextion---question!! Question!! Bachelor number one...It's our two year anniversary. We've finally decided that we're ready to have sex. How would you set the mood and finally do the deed?
Yukito: I'd have a room full of scented candles and rose petals all around the floor, soft romantic music playing. I'd kiss you and we'd cuddle for a while, and then I'd undress us both slowly, and we'd make love gently, just in case you were uncomfortable, and then after we were done, I'd feed you chopped fruit.
**During all of this, Mina is staring through the screen longingly, her eyes full of tears**
Mina: That's so sweet....*She sniffles*
**Phibrizzo hands her a kleenex**
Mina: A..Arigatou.. Bachelor two?
Carrot: What the hell makes you think I'd wait two years?
Mina:..not the answer I was expecting, but oh well! Bachelor number three?
Vash: Being that I can withstand intense physical activity for up to 12 hours without having to rest, I think I can leave that all up to your imagination!
Mina: o.o;; Bachelor number one.. Would you be interested in a threesome with me and Bachelor number three?
Phibrizzo: THAT ISN'T ONE OF THE QUESTIONS!!
Mina: ^.^; Sorry. If you could lick anything off my body, what would it be?
Yukito: Whipped cream. And ice cream.. and chocolate.. *Yukito keeps naming dessert toppings and otherwise for another five or so minutes before he gets hungry again and goes back to the food table.*
Mina: Now I'm hungry.. Bachelor number two?
Carrot: Carrots ^_^; Glazed Carrots.
**Audience sweatdrops**
Mina: Glazed...um...right.. How about you, number three?
Vash: Donuts. ^_^
Mina: *blinks* Bachelor number three has a donut fetish.
Phibrizzo: No kidding .
**Vash smiles innocently**
Phibrizzo: Well, anyway, it's time for our first and only commercial break.
Mina: That's so wonderful that we only have one commercial, isn't it?
Phibrizzo: Well this is only a written parody, and it'll take less than a half hour to read, so we really only need one for comedic value.
Mina: Good point.
Carrot: You mean it's not a real commerical? *blinks* No wonder I couldn't get to that Mr. Sock clinic..
**Mass sweatdropping**
Phibrizzo: -_-; We'll be right back.
**Commercial Break**
**Mr. Sock, a grey sports sock with a giant green afro and googly eyes "runs" up**
Mr. Sock: Hi there, everybody! I'm Mr. Sock. You may know me from my smoking clinic! It was a big success! ^_^ Anyway, I'm here to tell you about dyslexia. It's bad. I used to have dyslexia, but I overcame it! So, to celebrate, come to my annual dyslexia fundraiser! Dyslexics of the world.. Untie! *runs off*
Announcer: Dyslexia fundraiser. 123 Sock Puppet Blvd. This Saturday, starting at 7 PM. All are welcome. Free donuts and coffee.
Mr. Sock: One per person! o.o; *looks around for Zellas* Whew... *gets hit with a shovel and falls over*
**
Carrot: *blinks* What's with Mr. Sock?
Phibrizzo: *shrugs* He's a character that the writer came up with.
Mina: .; Aheh...Next question, Phibrizzo?
Phibrizzo: We have to talk about our wonderful prize! A lovely date for two..
*Vash perks up*
Phibrizzo: At Nyara Nyara's All You Can Eat Hot Pot..
*Yukito perks up*
Phibrizzo: Followed by a walk on the beach!
*Carrot falls off his stool*
Mina: Hmm. Could be interesting.
Phibrizzo: So, Mins.. What's the next question?
Mina: How would you propose to me, bachelor number one?
Yukito: Well... *pauses, thinking for a minute* I'd get down on one knee...
Keth: (From audience) Ooh, kinky!
Mina: *sweatdrops* That's what I get for inviting her to the show..
Yukito: And I'd look up into your eyes and say "Mina... I love you... and I can't live my life unless you're part of it... Will you make me the happiest man in the world... Will you be my wife?
*Every woman in the audience bursts into tears*
Phibrizzo: ......*wipes his eyes with a kleenex* Something in my eye..
Mina: *sniffles* Th..that's so sweet...B....Bachelor number two?
Carrot: Yes, my lovely?
Mina:How would you propose?
Carrot: *blinks* How would I what?
Mina: You know, ask me to marry you.
Carrot: Wh...but...I..I thought this was just for a date!!! That's it!! *Carrot runs off, replaced by Marron, who sits down calmly*
Marron: I apologize.
Mina: Ooh... new voice.. *purrs* Hell-o there..
Marron: Hello, Miss Mina.
Mina: Miss? O.o; That's new. *shrugs* Well..um.. Bachelor number two..the new one.. How would you propose?
Marron: Well, I suppose the romantic approach would be the best one.....But the easiest may work as well.. Perhaps..Hmm.. I'd start by giving you flowers.. a dozen red roses..Then I would kneel down, open the ring box and say "Will you marry me, Miss Mina?"
Mina: Hmm.. Nice idea. Nice voice, too.. *blushes a bit* Number three?
Vash: *has his headphones on and is bopping awkwardly to the music, singing off-key* Shut up, and sleep with me, come on uh-huh and sleep with me... *sings to the music, making his voice go high-pitched for the chorus* We are young, we're free, why don't you sleep with me..
**A girl from the audience squeals, yells "I WILL!!" and runs up, wearing a nametag that says "Cassie". She grabs Vash and runs offstage, chased by security guards of various sizes.**
Phibrizzo: .......Only on this show.. *shakes head*
Mina: .; Let me guess. Bachelor number three was Vash.
Phibrizzo: Yyyyep.
Mina: *sweatdrop* Well.. I still gotta choose between the first two.. um...*whines* I can't have both?
Phibrizzo: .; No.
Mina: Damn. Um.. *writes something down* Okay.
Phibrizzo: Alright, audience members.. Judge on applause between the three...er.. two remaining bachelors.. Bachelor number one.
**The audience cheers, and the Clap 'o' meter goes up to 90**
Phibrizzo: Oooh.. Bachelor number two?
**The audience cheers, and the Clap 'o' meter goes up to 90**
Phibrizzo:....that can't be right.
Merblemikey: Merble..*turns various audience members into koosh balls* ^_^
Mina: *holds up a sign that says "Both!"* Eeeee!!! *jumps up and down. The merblemikey falls off her lap and grumbles, whining. She picks it back up and continues jumping up and down* I get both!! *She runs behind the screen and screams* AAAAHHH!! YESS!! Follow me, boys!! *She runs offstage, giggling insanely. Marron and Yukito follow quickly, shoving each other out of the way. Phibrizzo sweatdrops and tosses the cue cards away*
Phibrizzo: That's it.. this job is too damned stressful.. I'm going back to being Hellmaster..
**Phibrizzo walks offstage... cue end credits...**
Host: Phibrizzo Mei Ou
Contestant: Mina Greywords
Bachelors: Yukito Tsukishiro, Carrot/Marron Glace, Vash the Stampede
Insane Audience Members: Keth Pheregul, Cassie
Added just cause he's so damned adorable: Merblemikey of the Koosh