A/N: This is loosely based on the second season of GIRLS after Marnie loses her job and attempts to find herself.
I thought I'd challenge myself to try and "get into Marnie's head". This is just a one shot, in which I tried to capture Marnie's "being". It can be seen as an experiment on my part. Tell me what you think! You've come this far, so please leave a review.
It's a new dawn.
It's a new day.
It's a new life.
For me.
And I'm feeling good!
Feeling Good by Michael Bublé
Finding Myself
Marnie:
I'm in a slump. There. I said it.
I know Hannah is looking down on me now that I'm working at that nightclub. She says I'm not fulfilling my potential. Every time we meet these days, she gives me that look. It's a look of pity mixed with disappointment. She must think I'm pathetic. Well, I'm not! And how dare she always act like my mother, anyway? I've got things under control. I'm just having time off. That's all. This is just a phase until I can find a better job, more suited to me. I'm just in the middle of turning my life around, of sorting myself out. I'm making my own choices, Hannah, so deal with it. I'm not here to fulfill anybody's expectations.
And what can I help it that I was fired? NOT my fault. That was not on me. It had nothing to do with me. I couldn't have been a better employee. I would never say this out loud, but it's true. I did my best and I couldn't have kept my job if I'd tried. I was trying, though. I was working really, really hard and I made an effort each morning to look presentable, pristine even. I wouldn't dare to go out of the house without make-up on or my hair done or my outfit sorted out. Everything must match: shoes, bag, dress. Perfect styling is essenital if you want to be respected. I take care of myself is all.
Unlike Hannah. Sometimes I'm embarrassed when we go out together. Yes, she's got that whole carefree vibe going on, but the thing is: she doesn't seem to care. Not about the fact that her outfits are offensive sometimes or that she leaves her forehead greasy. What was up with that yellow top? Hello?! It was see-through (!) for God's sake. I could see Hannah's breasts peeking through the fabric. How could she walk around like that all night? I could never ever do anything like that. My God! Just the thought makes me cringe.
Back on topic. I am aware that this job is just short-term. I don't know if Booth is short-term, though. I won't go into what he's like in the bedroom, because I can't even describe out loud how weirded out I was by his...well...let's call it his need for experimentation. I don't even like thinking about it, but for once, I really don't care. At least he doesn't bore me to death like Mr. Reliable. He's got a new girlfriend now and I'm fine with that. I am! Although I have noticed that she looks a lot like me…kind of. Maybe that's just Charlie's type. I felt like he was looking for another me, though. Let's face it: it won't last. They're just not compatible like Charlie and me were. She's really just a big B anyway. I don't know what he sees in her. Ugh! She makes me so mad.
Oh, look at the time! I've still got to get ready for this evening. I'm a hostess now, remember? Deal with it, world! I'm not your perfect little Marnie anymore. And to prove it, I'm going to blast "Feeling Good" out loud while I'm having a shower. And I'm going to sing at the top of my voice, so even Booth's neighbors can hear me. The old Marnie would never have done that, now would she?
So if you ever read this, Hannah, stop judging me and get a life!