"Oh my god… This has to be wrong." I whispered staring down at the white stick in my hand.

Tori peeked over my shoulder. "Another positive…? Maya, this is the fifth one! I'm pretty sure it's not wrong."

We were supposed to be at lunch but instead we were standing in the girl's bathroom at Degrassi.

I groaned and threw the stick in the trash not even worrying about anyone finding it. My life was over… over! My musical talent wasted; my future down the drain.

"Maybe you should go to a doctor or something to be sure." Tori suggested looking unsure.

"No!" I demanded running a hand through my blonde hair. Going to the doctor would just make it that much more real. I wanted to stay in denial, just like I had stayed in denial about Cam's death.

Cam… Campbell Saunders… for a minute I let myself fade back into our last night together before he… before he was gone.

2 months earlier

I was all settled in across from Cam in the living room but I just couldn't get to sleep. I kept sneaking looks at him, his eyes were closed but I wasn't sure if he was actually asleep or not. I was waiting for Katie to fall asleep. She was the deepest sleeper in the world and once she was out she was out.

Finally I figured I had waited long enough. I got up and went over to the couch where, I could now tell, Cam was not sleeping. I sat on the edge and shook him gently.

"Cam wake up…" I whispered. I saw a smile play on his lips but he kept pretending to sleep. "Alright I guess I won't have sex with you after all..." I mumbled getting up.

He immediately sat up and grabbed my arm "Wait what?!"

I turned around and smiled at him. "Shh you'll wake up Katie!"

"You're kidding right?!" He asked looking shocked.

"Maybe or maybe not" I answered. I had been kidding at first but… here we both were, alone, and he just looked so cute! Suddenly it seemed like a good idea. Before, Cam hadn't showed any interest in me like that, but our relationship had changed a lot since then…

"Earth to Maya" Cam said waving a hand in front of my face.

"Uh sorry" I mumbled, shaking my head.

"Is everything alright?!" He asked me looking concerned.

"I'm not," I took a deep breath "Kidding. I mean… about sleeping with you. Er… I guess I was at first but now I'm not so sure that it's a bad idea…" I was babbling like an idiot now, so sexy Matlin… that'll turn him on for sure.

Did I really just think that?! Oh my god what is wrong with me right now?!

"Well… Maya… I care about you a lot but…" He started but I didn't want to be rejected.

I shut him up with a kiss. We kissed for a while, but suddenly Cam broke away.

"Maya…" he whispered to me "Are you sure you're ready?"

"I've never been so sure of anything in my life." I answered with a smile.

I kissed him again and then pushed him down into the couch. Suddenly he did a 180. He was no longer unsure but powerful.

He was powerful yet still gentle as he flipped me over so I was now underneath of him. He nearly ripped my clothes right off of me.

Neither of us really knew what we were doing so I just let him take control.

I just remember running my fingers through his hair and him holding me afterwards.

"Maya I have to tell you something…" his voice was soft and thoughtful. I looked up at him just in time to see a tear escape his eye. I reached my hand up and wiped it away. "This is the happiest moment of my life. I've never felt like this before. I love you Maya Matlin, more than anything else in the world."

I smiled even though I wasn't sure how I felt about him saying that.

I mean we had both just given ourselves to each other so I should've been able to say everything right back to him without a second thought. But I wasn't sure. By the time I opened my mouth to tell him I loved him too I heard him start to snore. I didn't want to wake him up, but I also didn't want Katie to find us in a compromising position. So I got up slowly and retrieved my clothes. Once I was dressed I went back over to the other side of the room and fell asleep.

When I woke up in the morning he was gone… I had never told him I loved him too.

I hadn't even thought about protection until I realized I missed my last two periods. Of course I had realized this after Cam was gone. So I went to the only person I could go to. Tori and I got the first two pregnancy tests yesterday after school and the last three before school today. I tried to ignore the judgmental look of the clerk who rang us up both times but I couldn't help but see it in my mind now as how everyone else was going to look at me after they found out.

I'm just a freshman and I'm having a baby, everyone's going to hate me.

Tears welled up in my eyes. "What am I going to do Tori?!"

"I don't know…" she answered honestly.

Then she pulled me into a tight hug and let me cry on her. She promised me that she wouldn't tell anyone with the exception of Tristan. We went back to class like nothing had happened. I spent the rest of the day holding back tears.

I looked at the clock, it was past midnight and I hadn't slept a wink. I kept running my hand over my stomach.

I felt so guilty and sad that I couldn't bear to be alone anymore.

Finally I got the nerve to go to Katie's room. I knocked on the door lightly and she opened it a few minutes later.

"Maya are you okay?!" She asked worried.

I hadn't realized I was crying again. I wiped my tears away angrily.

"I need to talk to you Katie…" I sighed "It's about Cam."

"Come in," she said ushering me into her room. She was still up herself. Her computer was on and her phone lit up with a text from Marisol.

I couldn't hold it in any longer, as soon as Katie shut the door I blurted it out "I slept with him Katie… we had sex and now…" I stopped and looked up to Katie whose mouth had dropped. "Now I'm pregnant" I finished.

"Oh my god Maya, please tell me it wasn't the night I let him stay here?!" I stayed silent and she shook her head frustrated. "I trusted you Maya! You're only a freshman, what were you thinking?!" She hissed.

"Katie!" I said tears dripping from my eyes. "I know it was wrong but I don't regret it. I just don't understand why… why can't he be here to help me through this?! Why did he do this to me?!" I was sobbing now. I threw myself down on her bed.

Katie sat down and rubbed my back gently. "Shh I'll help you get through this Maya… you have options you know. But first we need to tell mom and dad so they can get you the help you need."

I sat straight up. "I'm not getting an abortion! I can't, this is all I have left of Cam!" As the words came out of my mouth I realized they were the truth. I ran my hand over my stomach. This baby inside of me was half Cam. Cam was gone for good but I could take care of this baby. I could at least give Cam that much.

"I never said you needed to get one!" Katie said putting her hands up in defense. "I just can't believe my baby sister is pregnant…" she put her hands down defeated.

"Mom's going to hate me… like she doesn't already have enough to worry about! I'm supposed to be the good one!"

"Mom is not going to hate you, she's going to help you, I promise." Katie soothed.

I sighed suddenly wanting to be alone. "For now I just want to go back to bed…"

"Alright goodnight, but we're talking to mom in the morning." She called after me.

"Yeah, yeah" I waved her off now suddenly very tired.

When I got to my room, I laid down on my bed and whispered into the air that wherever Cam was I loved him and I was going to take care of our child no matter what.

AN: Hey I really hope you liked it. If you did review a lot and another Chapter will be up soon! I loved Campbell Saunders. I thought he was a wonderful and complex character. I can relate to him and also to Maya but for very different reasons. So they are obviously my favorite couple on Degrassi yet. :)