I've been writing this since February, and since it got a little too long, I've split it into a two-shot. Please read, review, and enjoy.
Fire
When I first laid eyes on her on the night of the Gathering, a quarter moon after I had become an apprentice, I felt a tingle run through my body, and my fur instinctively started to bristle before I managed to make it lay flat again. An inexplicable feeling of hatred surged through me, and it took me a moment to realise that it was because of her.
I later learned that her name was Darkpaw, and she was also a newly-made apprentice: of ShadowClan, no less. They were the ones who always wanted to steal a piece of WindClan's territory, not that they were fast enough to catch any of our rabbits. My mentor, Hareflight, pointed them out to me almost as soon as we'd reached Fourtrees. "Listen closely, Lightpaw," he'd growled. "Those foul-smelling, fox-hearted pieces of crowfood are ShadowClan. Make sure you stay away from them until you get older. That's when Falconstar will let you come with us when we lead battle patrols to tear out some of their mangy fur."
I had only nodded, swallowing the questions that had leapt to my tongue: why did Falconstar lead battle patrols into ShadowClan territory? Was it because they stole our prey, or just because both of our Clans liked to spill some blood every moon or two?
The next Gathering, I saw her again. That time, she noticed me: she'd given me an evil look as she sat there, all prim and proper next to her ShadowClan friends, around three or four of them. I felt the loneliness more than ever, mixed in with the loathing, as I returned her glare. There were no other WindClan apprentices for me to share tongues with, or hide behind as hard green eyes drilled holes into my soul. My own amber eyes were described more as "curious" and "endearing" than "bitter" and "cold".
Thankfully, the Gathering had begun right around then, and she didn't give me another glance the whole evening.
Throughout the next moon, I practiced my glare using puddle reflections whenever I was alone, just to perfect it until my next meeting with Darkpaw. It came sooner than I'd expected. I was on a hunting patrol with Hareflight, Dawncloud, and Silvermoon when we ran into three ShadowClan cats. It took me a moment, but I recognised Nightpool, the ShadowClan medicine cat, and Darkpaw, along with some apprentice whom I knew only by sight. Evidently, they were going on the traditional apprentice trip to the Moonpool. A few harsh words were exchanged, but eventually Silvermoon let them go, and we left. Again, Darkpaw hadn't given me a single look. I silently cursed her, and her arrogant attitude.
I was punished a little later for some stupid trick that Heronpaw (a new apprentice) had played on me, so I didn't get to go the next Gathering, and she didn't appear at my third one. Then I was sick for the Gathering after that, and I didn't go to what should have been my fourth Gathering, because I was sitting my warrior vigil. We didn't meet on any patrols, either, which was weird now that I look back on it, but at the time I hadn't paid attention to that.
Anyways, the next time I saw her, she was Darkfur, and I was Lightfeather. I had to admit, she'd grown into quite a beautiful she-cat, with long whiskers and a fluffy tail and elegant black fur. Only those dark green eyes stayed the same: cold, and hard, and always full of hatred whenever she looked at me. I returned her glares with my own. I was used to glaring by now, as I'd practiced a lot back at the WindClan camp. I'd amassed quite a few cats that I disliked, although for some reason, none of them ever hated me back. Somehow, it ended up that my only real enemy in all four Clans was Darkfur.
That Gathering was also the first time she spoke to me.
"Move it, stupid mousebrain," I hissed, as the dark brown tabby tom somehow got ahead of me yet again. "Some of us are trying to get by here!"
He turned around and scowled at me, his amber eyes empty of emotion. "Don't let me stop you," he growled.
"I won't!" With an almighty shove, I managed to knock him to the ground, so that my path up the slope was clear. With a sniff, I daintily stepped over his fallen body, feeling a cold shiver as I accidentally brushed his fur with my paws. StarClan, he was warm! What did WindClan eat, anyways, fire rabbits?
Before I could do something stupid like ask him the question that had just popped into my mind, I bounded ahead and caught up with Lizardtail and Ravenwing, two brothers who were always chasing after me. I usually tried to avoid their clumsy lovey-doveyness, but right now, I'd do anything to get away from Lightfeather. I didn't stop to think about why my thoughts were screaming at me to run, run, get as far away from him as possible -
"Oh, hey, Darkfur!" Lizardtail meowed brightly. "Didn't see you there!"
I rolled my eyes. "Well, maybe that's because I just got here, mousebrain!" I snapped. "Just - just - why are you so stupid?"
"Hey, don't be mean!" Ravenwing said indignantly. "He only asked a simple question!"
"Whatever," I muttered, too distracted to argue with the idiots. "Sorry. Can you hurry up? We're falling behind the rest of the patrol!"
"Of course," Lizardtail mewed, seemingly unfazed by my rudeness. "Let's go."
The two toms broke into a run, and I followed, eager to get away from the Gathering.
The next morning, I was sent out on a patrol along the WindClan border. Ivybreeze, her apprentice Frogpaw, Birchstripe, and (to my annoyance) Lizardtail went with me. I was feeling a bit nervous, as this was my first time patrolling there in two moons. Don't ask me why, but for some reason Rainstar sent me on a hunting patrol whenever a patrol for the WindClan border was leaving. I'd never really noticed before, but now it bugged me. Did they think that I'd betray ShadowClan to the WindClan cats, or something?
As we trudged through the chilly swamp - it was nearing leaf-bare - a new thought occurred to me. Had the other cats noticed my frequent glares in Lightfeather's direction? Maybe they'd mistaken my hatred for fascination! They might have thought that I was in love with him!
My body seemed to go cold with fury. I was going to go straight to Rainstar once I got back to camp, and demand to know if that's what he thought. Because if it was, I was going to shred him -
"Darkfur? Are you all right?" Lizardtail's stupid mew broke through my dark plotting.
I realised that I was growling to myself, my fur bristling, as I ran at the rear of the patrol. The other cats were looking back at me curiously as they ran; a moment later, Ivybreeze gracefully slowed down, and Birchstripe, Lizardtail, and Frogpaw stopped right next to her. One of my claws caught painfully on a rock, and I winced as I slid to a clumsy halt next to them.
"I'm fine," I meowed under my breath. "Just... remembered something. Really irritating."
"I see. Can you continue your patrol, or do I need to send you back to camp?" Ivybreeze asked coldly.
"I'm fine!" I repeated angrily.
Ivybreeze exchanged a look with Birchstripe, but she didn't deign my words with a response. Instead, she just flicked her tail, signalling for the patrol to continue.
We reached the WindClan border in silence. Ivybreeze began to instruct Frogpaw on how to recognise WindClan scent on our territory, making sure to point out likely places where trespassers might hide. In the meantime, Birchstripe and Lizardtail started renewing the scent marks. I hung back and just gazed at the landscape, feeling bored and disinterested. The sky was grey and cloudy, and WindClan territory seemed bare and desolate, devoid of bright colours. A cold wind rushed past me, ruffling my fur and flattening the heather.
Suddenly, I spotted a couple of cats, emerging from behind a small hill. Before I knew what I was doing, before even pausing to think who in StarClan's name are they, I leapt over the invisible border and sprinted towards the cats.
"Darkfur!" Ivybreeze's yowl was almost lost in the howling of the elements, and in any case, I paid it no attention. My long legs were carrying me effortlessly across the enemy territory, and my eyes were narrowed against the wind; I kept my gaze on the two cats. One of them had stopped, and looked around. Even from here, I could see his eyes grow wide with alarm, and his pelt start to bristle. Lightfeather nudged the black cat next to him, and she turned a haughty stare on me - my heart dropped for some strange reason - it was a she-cat - were they mates -?
"What are you DOING?" Ivybreeze's screech seemingly came out of nowhere. I slowed to a halt, bewildered, and looked around. How had she caught up with me?
But there she was, Birchstep and Lizardtail panting behind her. Frogpaw had disappeared somewhere. I stared at my furious Clanmate, feeling confusion and shame rise up inside of me. What had possessed me to sprint towards Lightfeather and his - his - whatever she was? I hung my head, letting my tail droop.
"I'm s-"
"What on earth is going on here?!"
Lightfeather had arrived. Quickly, I glanced into his face, which was (as always) empty of anything but anger, before letting my eyes briefly flicker from the she-cat, to Ivybreeze's enraged expression, and then back down to the ground.
"I'm sorry. Our warrior acted irrationally. She thought she'd seen a dog, and was running to warn you," Birchstep meowed diplomatically. "I apologize if she caused you trouble. It won't happen again."
"What dog?" The she-cat spoke up, her tone suspicious. "I see no dog. To me, it looked like she was chasing one of our rabbits. Right, Lightfeather?"
"I don't know," he answered. "Perhaps you'd like to come to camp with us to explain, Ivybreeze?"
"I hope there isn't any need for that, Heatherflower. I assure you, Darkfur did not mean to act guilty. She really was concerned for your safety. I suppose it was only her imagination." Ivybreeze addressed the she-cat, who was no doubt the senior warrior, entirely ignoring Lightfeather. For some reason, that made me angry, but I stamped the emotion down quickly. Something is really wrong with me today...
"Very well. I will believe you - this time. I know Darkfur is still young, and she lacks the experience and intelligence of older warriors. But if it happens again..." Heatherflower trailed off threateningly.
I dipped my head even lower, if that was possible. "I apologize sincerely, Heatherflower, and I promise it won't happen ever again." I had to bite my tongue to prevent myself from lashing out at her stupid, arrogant face, especially for her jibe at my intelligence. Don't react, don't react, she's just looking for an excuse to fight!
She nodded. "C'mon, Lightfeather, we've got places to be, patrols to go on..." I glanced up in time to see her smirk knowingly, right at me. I had to look away, feeling oddly flustered. "We'd better not find any more ShadowClan scent on this side of our border when the next patrol comes back."
"Of course, we were just going to leave." Ivybreeze rounded up the patrol with a flick of her tail. I noticed Frogpaw staring at me, her mouth open, and gave her a glare; she quickly scampered after her mentor, and I rolled my eyes. I never liked her anyway.
Birchstep gestured with his paw for me to go in front of him, his gaze steady and calm. He doesn't look mad to me. I dipped my head in gratitude and fell into step behind Lizardtail, who was oddly silent, considering the situation.
As we trudged back across the moor, I couldn't resist glancing back, to see if the WindClan cats were still there. Heatherflower was already some distance away, and she was looking at our patrol, too. And Lightfeather hadn't moved. I imagined that I could see his eyes staring right into mine, something flickering in them -
My heart gave a jolt, and I quickly turned around again, feeling it thudding painfully in my chest.
The flicker of fire that I'd seen hadn't been my imagination.
My emotions felt like they were constantly being struck with lightning. First, Darkfur had glared at me; then, she'd actually shoved into me, and even spoke to me, even thought it was just to tell me to shove off; and now, she had run to me as soon as she'd seen me on the moor, with only the sad excuse of "seeing a dog and wanting to warn us"... as if! But... did this mean she didn't hate me after all?
Wait, wait, wait, why was I overreacting like this so much? I didn't care about her! At all! I hated her! She was ShadowClan foxdung, and she just wanted to steal some WindClan rabbits or something, and just used a dog as an excuse... she'd shoved me at the Gathering... didn't that mean she hated me?
Not that I cared, of course - I hated her, with a passion, and it didn't matter if she hated me back. No, no, no, it didn't matter at all. I was not feeling confused at all about our feelings towards each other - because they were entirely simple: we hated each other, and that was that.
But then why had she looked at me like that, when I'd seen her up close? She looked desperate, and lost, and confused, and so helpless... I had been so torn... Heatherflower obviously expected me to back her up and yell at Darkfur, but it hadn't been in me, for some reason. I just watched her leave, and completely disregarded Heatherflower's furious tirade at me on our way back to camp.
...What was going on? And what in StarClan's name was happening to me?
My ears was hollow and my heart was empty.
Rainstar's lecture at me made absolutely no difference. I caught some words like "irresponsible", "young", "stupidity", "attraction to the enemy" - but even the last one didn't make me look up. I just stared at the ground, fighting away the tears.
Then it was Ivybreeze's turn. Her tirade was angrier, and she even swiped me on the head at one point. More words appeared. "Apprentice duties", "punishment", "no patrols", "banned", "Gathering". I didn't look up either. The tears ran down my face and dripped off my chin.
Everyone shunned me, in some way or another. My own mother turned her back when I went on a visit. Lizardtail avoided my eyes. Ravenwing was friendly, but when he thought I wasn't paying attention, he gave me anxious looks. Most of my friends started whispering behind my back and leaving me out of their conversations. The apprentices, especially Frogpaw, kept giving me frightened looks, like I was a crow hidden amongst starlings. I guess the only cats that didn't shun me were the elders. They were used to seeing young warriors mess up, and saw nothing wrong with it. I became fast friends with Tanglefern and Coldwhisker.
In the end, they decided to let me go on the next Gathering, because Rainstar had a fit of mercy and decided that what I'd done "wasn't serious enough to be punished so harshly", apparently. It was all the same to me. I mean, why did it matter? Everyone thought I was a disloyal traitor who was seeing a cat in another Clan. I stopped trying to deny it after the third day.
I paced nervously from one end of the warriors' den to the other, too distracted to listen to Heatherflower's pointless rants about something or other. Honestly, how many times did I have to subtly tell her to shove off before she got the message? She was just so annoying and air-headed, and I most certainly did not want she-cats padding after me this early in my life. I didn't understand how she managed to survive to becoming a senior warrior without walking off some cliff.
Not that there were any cliffs in WindClan territory, but she'd still manage to walk off one and die. She was just that skilled.
"Lightfeather? Are you even listening to what I'm saying?" Her annoying voice dragged me out of my thoughts yet again. "Honestly, what's the point of me talking to you if you're not paying me any attention? I asked you if you thought my fur makes me look fat, at least twice, and you're still not even looking at me!"
"Then go bother someone else!" I snapped, whirling around to face her. Her ears flattened and she drew back slightly, startled at my outburst. "I didn't ask you to barge in here and start talking my ear off! Don't you get it? I. Don't. Care!"
"But -"
"Get out!" I lashed out at her, too furious to even think about what I was doing. There was a red haze around the edges of my vision, and her face looked oddly distant. "GET OUT!"
With a little squeak, she turned tail and darted out of the den.
I breathed, slowly and deeply, trying to clear my head. Slowly, the red haze dissipated, and my vision became normal again. Just as I was starting to feel the first pangs of regret for what I'd done, several cats walked in.
"Lightfeather." Crowstar's deep mew made me look up, startled and little afraid. If our esteemed leader was getting involved, then... whoops.
"Is what Heatherflower said true? Did you attack your Clanmate?"
I looked back down at my pale brown paws, too frightened to reply. I didn't know what would come out of my mouth if I tried to speak. Maybe a string of curses, or maybe just a strangled gasp.
"Answer me, insolent warrior!"
His tone was getting angrier with each sentence, but I still did not reply. I did look up into his cold green eyes, though. They showed none of the wisdom or mercy that I'd come to expect from a cat so noble. No, Crowstar's eyes were suspicious, and wary, and fierce. He sees me as the enemy.
I looked down again.
A heavy blow landed on my cheek, like lightning from a blue sky. I staggered backwards, reeling, trying to stay on my paws and not cry out. Already, I felt the scratch marks start to sting, but I bit my tongue and didn't say anything.
Another blow, this time on the other cheek.
"Stop it!" I couldn't suppress my outcry. "Stop it, alright? I was just angry at her, because she was babbling away nonsense, and I was thinking about those stupid ShadowClan cats -"
"So it's true, then?" Crowstar interrupted. "Am I to finally believe my senior warriors, when they constantly tell me that you are mooning over a particular young ShadowClan she-cat? Darkfur, I think her name is?"
What? How did they know?
I looked around for the first time, at the three cats accompanying Crowstar. One was Heatherflower, of course; she still looked a little frightened. One was my former mentor, Hareflight. His frown made me feel instantly guilty. And the third was the deputy, Whitefoot. She was staring at me with a mixture of suspicion and dislike. It was easy to tell that she was the one who had reported me. I'd never felt that she particularly liked me, and I remembered that she was sharper than most cats.
"But I don't like her!" I meowed. "I hate her! We've been exchanging glares - and ignoring each other, mostly - I hate her!"
"Oh, is that why you two were talking at the last Gathering?" Whitefoot asked coolly, her tail-tip twitching. "Forgive me, but I thought you two had looked rather... cozy."
"She was telling me to get out of her way!"
"That sounds awfully like a denial to me," Whitefoot sniped. "I don't know, Crowstar. Maybe we should ban him from the next six Gatherings? And forbid him from leaving camp... that should put a stop to any secret meetings. Maybe he'll get over her by then - StarClan forbid it's more than a simple crush..." She shuddered.
Crowstar shook his head. "Six Gatherings seems a bit harsh... but I like the camp confinement idea for one moon. We'll see how it goes from then."
"Um, excuse me, I'm right here!" I meowed, my tail lashing furiously. I glared at the other cats. "And I don't know where you're getting the idea of me having a 'romance' with Darkfur, but it's completely, absolutely, totally a LIE! I do NOT like her, and that doesn't mean I'm in denial - I could accuse you, Whitefoot, of liking Heatherflower, and if you tell me I'm wrong then I'll say you're just denying the truth!"
Heatherflower gave Whitefoot a scandalized look, while Whitefoot merely looked uncomfortable. Hmmm... maybe I was closer to the truth than I'd thought.
"Enough." Crowstar waved his tail commandingly, returning the attention to himself. "Lightfeather, while what you said has a grain of truth in it, I cannot deny that you have acted like a suspicious cat - and coupled with Darkfur's unexplained run across the moor to meet you, makes both of you look like, well, secret lovers. Therefore, I shall have to carry out my punishment of camp confinement for a moon. We will discuss whether that is enough when the moon is order." He waited for everyone to nod, some with more reluctance than others. "All right. You're all dismissed."
I wanted to point out that he can't dismiss me from my own nest, but I merely sighed and followed Hareflight (who had remained entirely silent throughout the whole meeting, strangely enough), not wanting to instigate another argument.
When the night of the next Gathering rolled around, my heart was practically quaking in my toes. I wasn't sure why I was so nervous, but the thought of the other three Clans seeing me disgraced - most of ShadowClan still wasn't speaking to me - made me want to turn around, run back to my nest, and bury my head under the moss until the Gathering was over.
Also, when I closed my eyes, small flames seemed to pop out of the darkness. Flames I'd seen in the eyes of a certain tom whom I never wanted to hear of again.
It was probably those little fires that scared me most of all, and convinced me once and for all that I had to go to this Gathering. I had to show them, everyone, Lightfeather especially, that I wasn't afraid.
Ahead of me, Rainstar flicked his tail first to the left, then to the right, signalling for the ShadowClan patrol to split up. I veered off to the right with Tanglefern. We were at the back of the group, so we could afford to drag our paws a little, though for entirely different reasons.
"Why does it have to be so wet in leaf-fall?" Tanglefern mewed, twitching her ears in annoyance. "My bones are killing me, especially in my legs."
I murmured my condolences, running my tail along her flank. We'd become very close friends, and she'd replaced my mother as a figure whom I could look up to and learn from. My real mother had become almost like a stranger, although we'd never been particularly close to begin with.
"Finally! We're here!" Coldwhisker mewed from right ahead of me. "Let's go meet the other cats!"
Grumbling to herself, Tanglefern sped up slightly, hobbling on stiff legs. I increased my pace, too, trying not to show my reluctance.
We struggled slightly as we crested the slope, but at last, the great clearing of Fourtrees came into view. I could taste the scent of ThunderClan and RiverClan, but WindClan wasn't here yet. I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. Cats milled around the Highrock, exchanging greetings. Rainstar had already reached the edge of the group, but the rest of ShadowClan was lagging behind slightly. I wasn't in any rush to join the other cats, so I hung back with Tanglefern and Coldwhisker. It wasn't like anyone else my age would want to talk to me anymore.
To my surprise, however, as soon as I reached the bottom of the slope, a young ThunderClan apprentice bounded up to me. "Hi!" she exclaimed breathlessly. "My name's Juniperpaw, and I -"
"What do you want?" I interrupted, growling slightly. I wasn't interested in socializing tonight.
"Oh, nothing, really!" Juniperpaw assured me, not seeming fazed in the least by my coldness. "I just wanted to know, erm..." she hesitated. I eyed her suspiciously, taking in the golden pelt (bleached silver by the moonlight) and bright green eyes.
"Well? Spit it out!" I snapped after a few moments had passed.
Juniperpaw took a deep breath and continued. "WellIwaswonderingifitstruethatyoureally-"
"What?"
"Is it true that you and Lightfeather are secretly mates and you gave it away when Heatherflower saw you two meeting by the Moonstone?" Juniperpaw blurted out.
I gaped at her. "Who in StarClan's name told you that?"
"So it's true, then?" she meowed eagerly.
"NO! Of course not! I barely even know him, and I hate him anyway! Why would we be mates?" I spluttered. "Just - just - get away from me and stop spreading stupid rumors!"
Juniperpaw scampered off without a parting word. I sighed and rolled my eyes, looking around for Tanglefern, but to my dismay she was engaged in conversation with a RiverClan elder, and Coldwhisker was nowhere to be seen. I was left alone.
Oh, bother. After the unwelcome encounter with Juniperpaw, I decided to just slink into some bramble bush and wait out the Gathering there, in case some other hare-brained apprentice wanted to question me about some stupid rumors. Casually, I sniffed the air - and froze.
WindClan had arrived.
Before I could event think about what I was doing, I had turned to scan the approaching cats. Would Lightfeather be there? Part of me hoped he was, while the other half, the sensible half, screamed no no no no no -
There he was. On the edge of the group, next to some tom.
My paws acted of their own accord, just like on the moor. I tried to turn back, but it was like they had a mind of their own. A moment later, I had pushed my way through some random RiverClan cats, and ended up right behind him.
"Lightfeather," I heard myself say, as my brain was screaming What have I done?
I froze as I heard her voice, right behind me. What did she want? There was only one way to find out. I barely registered what was happening as my head turned itself, and I was staring into her angry, brilliant green eyes.
"Lightfeather, I'm sorry for what happened at the moor, and I apologize for any rumours you might hear," Darkfur mewed seriously, not breaking eye contact. Her gaze showed nothing but familiar anger (but was it directed at me?), while her voice was contrite. "It was not my intention to shame you. I hope we never speak again. Good night."
I could only gape as she whisked away and vanished into the crowd. "It's alright," my voice said, though of course she couldn't hear me.
I turned away, slightly dazed, in time to see Whitefoot give me a knowing smirk.
StarClan help me...
"Darkfur, Tanglefern has spoken to me, and asked me to show some faith in you. I am selecting you to accompany Nightpool to the Moonstone tonight."
"But it's new moon right now," I objected. "Why does she need to go?"
"She must speak with StarClan," Rainstar meowed irritably. "No one else is accompanying you. Now go!"
I nodded stiffly and padded out of his den.
The night was quiet and cloudy, though the air didn't smell of rain. Even the wind was still, and the heather rustled only when Nightpool and I brushed against it softly. I kept a sharp eye out for WindClan patrols; Nightpool had told me that it was best if no one else knew that she needed to speak with StarClan, as they could wrongly infer that ShadowClan was weak or suffering. I had refrained from asking why she needed to go only with difficulty; previous experiences had told me that she wouldn't spill until she was ready. So I kept my mouth shut, and let my eyes wander across the landscape.
We passed the rest of the journey in near-silence. Once, Nightpool had to warn me about a rabbit hole. We crossed an empty Thunderpath, and easily avoided a pair of chained-up dogs. I couldn't even smell WindClan; evidently, they didn't maintain this far border very well. The nightly quiet was starting to get a little eerie, especially with the lack of wind, but I tried to ignore it. Why be afraid of ghosts?
Eventually, we reached the dark tunnel that led to the Moonstone. I let my whiskers and my trust in Nightpool guide me, shivering as I recalled apprentice memories of making this journey. I wasn't scared, exactly, but I was certainly a little nervous about being surrounded by all this cold, damp rock, that could crush me at any second if it happened to fall. StarClan preserve me, and lead me out into the light, I prayed.
At last, we reached the cave with the Moonstone. Nightpool immediately headed towards it; but then she stopped so suddenly that I walked right into her.
"Ow!" I hissed. "What -"
"Who are you?" Nightpool's clear mew cut across my protest. I fell silent, wondering whom she was speaking to. There wasn't anyone else in the cave with us...
"It's me, Hawkberry," a lilting voice answered. I breathed in sharply, recognising the name of the WindClan medicine cat. This was too much of a coincidence. Nightpool and Hawkberry, meeting at the Moonstone at new moon together?
But then I remembered how Nightpool had said that "StarClan called me". Was this it? Would I see Bramblenose and Silverleaf here, too? This could be a secret meeting of all the medicine cats!
So why was I here?
"Hawkberry!" Nightpool meowed with some relief. "What are you doing here? Are you alone?"
"I'm here too," Lightfeather meowed, sounding strangled.
I couldn't help it; I gasped. Lightfeather! Why was he here?! How could it be that, on this fateful night, two cats who hated each other were brought together at the most sacred place of all, by their medicine cats? Could this be a message from StarClan?...
You don't hate him, though, a little voice said in my head. I shoved it away with a mental snarl.
"We came here because StarClan gave me a sign to come here, with the youngest warrior," Hawkberry explained. "Did the same happen for you?"
I could just barely see the dim outline of Nightpool's head in front of me, nodding vigorously. "Yes! How odd. Do you think they're supposed to share dreams here?"
"I don't..." Hawkberry hesitated. "With no disrespect meant, you two, but Nightpool, are you aware of their... ah... history?"
"WE'RE NOT MATES!" Lightfeather and I yowled at the exact same time. "I hate him!" I added furiously.
"Your feelings are reciprocated!" he spat at me. I bristled, feeling as if the emotions I'd been holding back for the past two moons were spilling over, as pure, undiluted hatred, right at him.
"Enough!" Nightpool interrupted angrily. "You will not quarrel in StarClan's scared cave! Lie down with your noses to the Moonpool, you two, and share dreams with the ancestors that brought you here!"
I growled, but complied reluctantly. The stone was cold to my nose's touch, and I had just enough time to send a last glare at Lightfeather before my eyes drifted shut.
When I opened my eyes again, I almost laughed. Of course, where else would StarClan send me, but the WindClan moor? In fact, the exact same spot as, a moon and a half earlier, I had run to Lightfeather? The irony...
To my surprise, there was no one else around me. I inhaled the sweet scent of the heather, tasting a cold tang in the windless air underneath the flowers. If moonlight could have scent, this would be it, I decided.
"Look around," a voice whispered right behind me.
I whipped around with a startled mew, expecting a cat to stand there, but there was no one. However... instead of seeing the edge of ShadowClan territory, I seemed to be right in the middle of the familiar lowland. There was the camp, beyond that gorse. I inhaled again, and this time instead of flowers, there was a boggy smell; the moonlight scent was still there, though.
"What's happening?" I asked, hoping to hear a StarClan cat answer. "Where are you? Why did you bring me here?"
"I was merely showing you what you will gain, and what you will lose, if you continue to tread the path that your paws are on right now," the voice from before spoke again. This time, I turned more slowly, but there was still no one there. It was as if the cat was invisible, or dissolved in the air itself.
"What path am I treading on now?" I asked challengingly. "The path to being a loyal warrior?"
The voice chuckled. "Quite the opposite, in fact," it said. I decided that it was probably male. "But following the warrior path does not always make one happy. Love, however, almost certainly will."
"Love?" I stopped looking around for the invisible speaker, and instead addressed a nearby tree stump. It was in the shape of a cat, anyway. "I'm not in love! If you're talking about Lightfeather, then forget it! I hate him!"
"I hate her!"
I whirled around so fast that I almost slipped on the soft ground. "Lightfeather? Is that you?" I said incredulously.
The aforementioned cat had turned to face me at the exact same time. I could've sworn that he hadn't been here earlier, because his eyes were wide with shock; maybe his dream had merged with mine at this exact same moment? I wasn't sure how StarClan's hunting grounds, or wherever we were, worked.
"What are you doing here?" he asked challengingly.
"Me? I was just... um..." I shifted uncomfortably under his glare. "Well, talking. There was this invisible voice..."
He frowned. "Same with me. Can you still hear it?"
I shook my head. "Nope. You?"
"No."
The silence stretched out until I felt that I could slice through it with my claws. I fidgeted in place, licking my paw and drawing it over my ear. Why was he staring at me like that? I looked up, and immediately glanced down as I felt his gaze bore into my face. It didn't seem very threatening, though, just curious. How strange.
"So, er..." He shuffled his paws. "Why do you think StarClan brought us here?"
I shrugged. "Maybe so that we could sort out our differences. The voice told me that if I continued down my path, I'd-" I cut myself off hastily, realising that what I was about to say could be interpreted as me being in love with him.
In love? Yuck. As if.
Lightfeather looked at me curiously. "You'd what? Stop being a loyal warrior? Lose your home?"
I blinked at him. "Y-yes. How did you know?"
"Because, well... my voice told me that if I kept going down my path, I'd probably lose my family, at least, but I'd gain a very pretty she-cat." His eyes twinkled. I ducked my head with embarrassment. Surely he didn't mean me? I'm not pretty! And he can't be in love with me... can he?
"Um..." Wow, Darkfur. Brilliant. "But... uh... wouldn't your Clan kick you out if... y'know... we..." Oh StarClan, I couldn't even finish a sentence! What was wrong with me?!
Lightfeather shook his head. "They'd be mad, but they'd forgive me, eventually. I mean, I saw myself in the future, still living in the moor, and at least I was fine."
"But what about me? Was I in your vision?" Horrified, I clamped my mouth shut and stared hard at the ground. Darkfur! How can you be so naive? What if he isn't talking about you? What if he's talking about some other she-cat? This is so emb-
"Yes, and we were together," Lightfeather mewed quietly. "But I'm not sure it has to be the future. I mean, I thought I hated you, and you hated me, and it doesn't seem like much has changed..."
"I don't hate you." The statement came out before my head caught up to my mouth. But I thought about it for a moment, and realised it was completely true. Sure, I'd disliked him from the moment I saw him, but it wasn't really my choice; my mentor had warned me about WindClan in particular, as being a Clan of cowardly fox-hearts. I never really decided to hate him, but the opinion was thrust on me, and I accepted it without knowing any better. My outburst from a few minutes earlier was just my way of dealing with the fact that I'd been expected to hate this cat for most of my life, and I wasn't exactly ready to deal with the fact that I might be... in love?
Was it love?
"I don't hate you either. But I'm not sure if I love you either." Lightfeather's mew was perfectly even, and I couldn't detect any emotions without looking at his face, which I didn't want to do. The words hurt more than I expected them to, though.
"Oh, that's alright," I said, much too quickly. "I don't think I love you either. I mean, I don't hate you, but that doesn't mean we're soul mates or anything like that, right? And we barely know each other, and we're from different Clans and this is all just so weird and -"
"Darkfur," he cut me off with some amusement, "you're babbling."
"Sorry."
"It's alright."
I chanced a glance at his face, and saw that he looked pretty... indifferent. I wanted to say something, but found that now, the words wouldn't come out. I wasn't even sure that I wanted to say anything. Something just felt incomplete, but for the life of me, I couldn't figure out what.
I opened my mouth again, just to try again and see if the words would come to me, but almost of their own accord, my eyes drifted shut. I opened them as quickly as possible, only to find that once again, my nose was pressed to cool, hard stone, and Lightfeather was looking at me with an anxious frown on his face.
I didn't speak to her until the next Gathering. We awkwardly greeted each other, but we were watched too closely to do anything else, and besides, being near her was just... weird.
That night was still bothering me. So we'd figured out that we didn't hate each other, but so what? Were we friends? Frienemies? Just acquaintances? And how was I supposed to act around her?
Besides, there was that small matter of how hollow and empty my chest felt whenever I looked at her. Like I was missing something I never knew I didn't have.
But that was ridiculous...
