Kristi Shepard entered the cabin of the Normandy SR2. Adrenaline pumped through her every fiber as she peeled the heavy armor off of her body piece by piece. Blood and sweat rolled off of her ivory skin dripping onto the floor beneath her. She was utterly exhausted, and her muscles cramped and twitched deep within her body.
The mission was a success; her and the entire crew had survived the unspeakable odds to stop the Collectors. But the lives they had lost to get here weighed heavily on her shoulders. She was not perfect, and many mistakes were made along the way. She placed her palms on the desk as her head fell. I should have saved more of them. I was too slow. Her perfectionist nature bit at her subconscious. Shepard was more than a name to people in the galaxy; she was the first human Spectre, a leader and a hero. She was an image of hope to those who believed the coming of the Reapers.
Her shoulders ached as she picked them up, straightening her spine and clearing her head. Okay, pull it together. I have to give a speech in thirty minutes for God's sake. Shepard stripped off her undergarments as she ran hot water in the shower. She breathed in the steam as she looked in the mirror, barely recognizing the woman staring back. Her hair was matted in blood against her scalp, darkness circled under her eyes, her pupils reflected the cybernetic implants as evidence of her old scars ran up and down her face. She dipped her head to splash cold water on her face.
Suddenly, a cool hand slid softly along the back of her shoulder.
"Shit, Thane!" she said as she spun around, her face level with his chin. Shepard stood before him stark naked, pale skin glistening from the steam of the shower. "You trying to kill me, Krios? You know, sneaking up on people all the time must not have won you many friends."
Thane stood tall over Kristi, with an uneven smirk across his face. "Yes, Shepard, all those whom I snuck up on are now dead." Thane loved to tease her, and sneaking up on her was one of his favorite pastimes.
"Don't Shepard me," Kristi said with a slight look of annoyance.
Thane smiled at her and took her into a much-needed embrace. He wrapped his long arms around her, one hand in her matted hair, the other next to the soft flesh of her breast. "Siha, that was quite possibly one of the hardest moments of my life. I watched your every movement. The importance of it all was insurmountable, but yet I could only see you."
"That sounds safe," she teased him, relaxing into his body. "I can't believe we made it, Thane, really, to have the whole crew survive, and you're here holding me. It's all very surreal."
"I know, dear Siha." He led her to the hot stream of the running shower. "The Gods were kind to us today. We shouldn't have been so lucky. I am not letting you out of my sight for a long time."
Thane took his jacket off, throwing it on the bathroom floor. Shepard always marveled at his body. She studied him briefly, moving her eyes to meet his. "Well, we might have a problem then, Krios. You know, tomorrow we dock at the Citadel. They will be waiting for me. That damned Batarian colony, I'm a war criminal now."
Thane grabbed the bar of soap, delicately rubbing it into his large scaled hands. The milky soap turning his hands a pale green. He began to wash the blood and grime off of her, starting with her arms and chest. "I have trouble believing they could lock up the savior of the galaxy for too long. You did what you had to do. The Collectors have been stopped and the Reapers postponed. Mordin is compiling the evidence as we speak, Siha. Do not worry yourself at this moment."
He twisted her around so her back was to him. Thane starred at her soft ivory skin and her beautiful curves, transfixed by the way the water droplets slid down her spine and hips. He continued to delicately wash her back, burning the memory into his mind. He gathered her ruby hair in his fist, pulling it gently so her head dipped back and under the water. Thane began to wash her hair and look over her body for any cuts or abrasions from the battle.
"Are you planning on joining me, Krios?" Shepard questioned. "I can't imagine you would go through all this trouble just for the view?"
"I am actually quite enjoying myself back here," he teased. "No, I regret to say I will not be joining. If I do, things may get out of hand, and you won't be able to address your crew."
Shepard pouted, sticking her bottom lip out so he could see it. He reached for her chin, turning her head just enough to kiss her lips, his tongue breaching her mouth for a moment. Shepard closed her eyes and let out a small moan. The water clung to Thanes scales and jumpsuit. He released her and finished the duty of washing her hair.
"Thane, you should get out of this steam. It's not good for your lungs." She turned to face him, placing a hand on his chest.
"Agreed. You have a few wounds on your back, legs and arms, Siha, as well as a heavy one on your scalp. I will go prepare the Medi-Gel with Doctor Chakwas while you finish. Make sure to stop by before you go to the comm room."
"Thank you" She gave a weak smile as he picked up his jacket from the floor and exited the bathroom.
Shepard was alone again with her thoughts as she finished her shower. She turned off the water, dried herself and headed to her wardrobe to change.
Her mind burned with the thought of the days ahead. She had enough problems: the council's questions, The Illusive Man's anger, the possibility of incarceration for her crimes, and the Reapers. Why did I have to get involved with a dying man? She thought, feeling guilty. I love him, I would do anything for him. How can I possibly function when he is gone? How can I uphold my duties if I lose him? Tightness settled in her chest, a lump gathered in her throat, and her heart picked up speed. She helped her entire crew with their problems, but who was there for Shepard? She clenched her fists, turning her knuckles white, and tilted her head to the stars, letting out a frustrated "Argh!" It was too much for one day. She grabbed the bright blue cocktail from the shelf and poured it filling the glass half way. She slammed it back at once and wiped the sides of her mouth with her forearm. The drink burned as it went down, but immediately numbed her mind and thoughts. She finished dressing, expelling Thane from her mind as she did so.
She collected herself and took a deep breath as she went over her speech again in her head. Ok, you can do this, just like all the other times. Except it wasn't like all the other times. This was an end. Her crew would be departing in the morning. She would be taken into custody. She could feel a lump in her throat, and her head ached. Breathe. She brushed her hands over her uniform smoothing out a few wrinkles and tucked her damp hair behind her ears. The door whizzed open as she exited her quarters for the Comm Room.
"Excellent speech, as always Commander." Thane grabbed two glasses off the shelf and poured them each a glass of red wine. "You always have a way with words."
Thane and Shepard settled onto the couch. The lights dimmed creating a muted blue and purple glow, and a soft sweet female voice filled the air. Shepard leaned her back into the curve of his waist, her knees bent up and head relaxed on his chest. Thane's arm draped over her, his hand stroked the skin of her exposed thigh. If only life were normal. After tonight, I may never have this pleasure again. At that thought, she took another drink.
"Thanks. I didn't exactly plan for that one. I didn't think we would come out alive." She stared beyond the translucent ceiling, watching the stars pulse radiantly. "Really though, how crazy is it to walk into something like that knowing you may never return? Sometimes I question my sanity. I know that what we are doing is necessary and for the future of all species, but it's a lot to deal with, Thane."
"Yes, Siha, I can sense the weight of it all being too much for one person. You are strong, but even you have your limits. You should rest, clear your mind." He touched his nose to her hair as he inhaled.
"Thane, it's not just the Collector base, the Illusive Man, the council after my ass or all the lives we just lost…" She turned out of his grip to face him. "It's you. What are we doing? What do you want with me? Wouldn't you rather spend your last days with your son instead of worrying about me?"
"You are my life, Shepard. I would be dead already if it weren't for your intervention. Why do you say these things?"
"Because, Thane, in this line of work nothing is constant, nothing stays. I lose people all the time, and I can accept that as part of my duty… But I can't bear to lose you." She recalled Liara's words and it hit her hard in the gut. A few stolen moments with Thane before the inevitable…
Deep in her heart she knew Liara was right. Tears swelled in her eyes, stinging her cheeks as they rolled down.
Startled, Thane turned her body around and gripped her head in his hands, wiping the tears away with his thumbs. "Siha, please do not mourn for me when I am still breathing! We have now, we will have more time." He was obviously startled at her instantaneous flow of tears and was at a loss for what to do.
"Thane, things aren't going to be pretty out there in a few months, I might not be here for you when…" she sniffed and put her head into her hands weeping. The feelings were magnified by the soft music of her cabin and her one too many glasses of wine. The room spun softly around her. "Why won't you even consider a cure?"
"You know it isn't that easy!" Thane was now getting worked up and he stood, leaving Shepard on the couch with her head in her hands. He paced the room, eyes steadily focused on the floor below. "There is no cure for Kepral's, my disease is too advanced and a transplant wouldn't give me but months."
She stormed him, balancing her gaze inches from his face, anger behind her words. "Months may be all we have before this whole shit storm gets under way. I need you until the end, Thane. You promised to protect me. I can't be abandoned again!"
"I am not abandoning you, Shepard. He took her by her shoulders steadying her as he stared into her piercing green eyes. Please understand how hard this is for me as well. I live with the hope we will be joined together in our next life. Hopefully our next cycle will be more accommodating than Reapers threatening to destroy all organic life."
"What about Irikah?"
The words burned him like a hot iron rod into his side. "Do not bring Irikah into this. You loved before did you not, Shepard? And what do you say about those you loved before? Are they tossed aside for me? Everyone we love shares our soul, they become part of us." His voice went calm as he led her to the bed by his hand. "Siha, we can only live in the present. I cannot dwell on the life and mistakes I made ten years ago. I intend to be there for you until my last breath. But I will no longer be able to fight beside you."
She sat on the edge of the bed thinking over what he said. Her eyes traced the metal beams on the floor. "It's just too much. I have the war to prepare for and I am going to be taken into custody… What if I lose you while I am locked up?" She put her head in her hands and could feel the pulsing of her head on her fingertips. "I have lost all control right now, Thane. This isn't a position I like being in. I can't handle it."
He wrapped an arm across her chest and pulled her back onto the bed, bringing her close to him. "I'm here now." His hands methodically rubbed her back as she stilled in his arms. The exhaustion was taking over her body.
She inhaled deeply and closed her eyes. Her other senses took over as she felt the heat of his body and the rhythm of his breathing. A sad song filled the air as they lay together, lyrics foreign to the Drell's ears.
Dimenticar...
O non più vivere
Ormai, salvo...
La notte... la notte... la notte...
"Siha?"
"Yes, Thane?" she questioned sleepily in his arms.
"What is this song? My translator doesn't pick it up."
"It's Italian, from Earth. She mourns for a lost lover, Spente Le Stelle… She waits for him until the stars no longer shine."
His eyes tensed as he squeezed them from the corners, as pain filled his chest. He wrapped her body in close to his and said nothing, planting a long kiss on her forehead. The sweet smell of her skin, the gentle melody that filled the air, taste of wine on her lips, the warmth of her body against his scales… A memory he would cherish and replay in his mind in the coming months. He wanted more than anything to protect and guide her in the days that lie ahead. But he could do nothing more than hold her, until finally exhaustion took his Siha into slumber.