Notes: I wanted to write a fic about how the have such dangerous lives and they couldn't care about dying because otherwise they would and how they couldn't love because they were at war and voila! this fic was born! Enjoy and review!
You'd probably think that Heero would be the responsible one, and he usually is. But he can't be responsible when he's so lost. He had no idea what he was feeling, strange urges and desires welling up inside him, and he was completely confused.
So it was up to me. Because I did understand what he-and I-were feeling. And I knew that we could never, ever act on it. To act on it would be death.
Maybe you don't understand. Maybe you can't see why lust and love could be so deadly for us. So I'll explain.
We are Gundam pilots, terrorists. We put our lives on the line every damn day. We step out the door and don't know if we'll survive the day. And we depend on that. We go out there and do what we have to do because we just don't give a shit. We stare Death in the face and don't care.
That attitude was key to our success. If we had something holding us back... we'd lose. If something-or someone-crawled into our hearts and stayed there, we wouldn't be able to go out there and do what had to be done. We couldn't care, we couldn't want to live. Not if we wanted to survive.
So when I saw the emotions storming in Heero's eyes, I knew we were in trouble. I knew he was falling and didn't know how to open the parachute. And I knew I either watched him fall and die, or I pulled his parachute and watched him live to hate me.
I prayed, I hoped, that he would ignore his new emotions, but deep in my heart, I knew he wouldn't, I knew he would take that leap. All I could do was prepare myself to lessen my own pain and wait, wait for that fateful day when I would have to break his heart to save his life.
You'd probably think that Heero would be the responsible one, and he usually is. But he can't be responsible when he's so lost. He had no idea what he was feeling, strange urges and desires welling up inside him, and he was completely confused.
So it was up to me. Because I did understand what he-and I-were feeling. And I knew that we could never, ever act on it. To act on it would be death.
Maybe you don't understand. Maybe you can't see why lust and love could be so deadly for us. So I'll explain.
We are Gundam pilots, terrorists. We put our lives on the line every damn day. We step out the door and don't know if we'll survive the day. And we depend on that. We go out there and do what we have to do because we just don't give a shit. We stare Death in the face and don't care.
That attitude was key to our success. If we had something holding us back... we'd lose. If something-or someone-crawled into our hearts and stayed there, we wouldn't be able to go out there and do what had to be done. We couldn't care, we couldn't want to live. Not if we wanted to survive.
So when I saw the emotions storming in Heero's eyes, I knew we were in trouble. I knew he was falling and didn't know how to open the parachute. And I knew I either watched him fall and die, or I pulled his parachute and watched him live to hate me.
I prayed, I hoped, that he would ignore his new emotions, but deep in my heart, I knew he wouldn't, I knew he would take that leap. All I could do was prepare myself to lessen my own pain and wait, wait for that fateful day when I would have to break his heart to save his life.