Why am I putting myself through this emotional torture? Why?

It was the first time she'd seen him smile in a long time.

No, it wasn't just a smile. It was that smirk. The smirk. The one he used to have when he was just Robin, her little bird.

"Sorry, no superpowers for your collar to turn off."

She had him pinned down. Just like old times, when they used to spar. And when one of them would eventually get pinned down (and almost always it was him, Artemis was pretty sure he did that on purpose just because she's a girl) they'd just start laughing. They became best friends.

Being the only non-metas on the team was harsh. They had to give their best, reach their physical maximum just to keep up. But they were always respected, their abilities never questioned. Yet, they both felt like they had something to prove, and that's what brought them even closer.

Until one day he ruined it.

It was their third year on the Team. They were at the gym, sparring as usual. She almost had him, but in a couple of very quick moves, she was the one pinned down. Robin was on top of her, holding both her hands, disabling her from moving. Artemis struggled for a couple of moments before relaxing, letting her head gently touching the floor. Her golden hair spread on the floor. She let out a chuckle.

"Well, nice to see you're taking initiative, Boy Wonder."

He leaned in so close she could feel his breath on her face, his intense blue eyes glinting. "Someone in this place has to."

Artemis laughed.

She knew she should have seen it coming.

The soft touch of his lips against hers. His hands holding her face. Her fingers twisted in his hair. The wild heartbeats. The hissing in her ears. The adrenaline rush in her veins.

Being there and then with him felt... almost perfect. They moved together, in harmony, just like they would in a fight. They were made for each other, and they were both aware of it. The guilt she felt, however exciting it made things, got the better of her as she gently pulled away, looking directly at his dreamy blue eyes. She wished she could just drown in them and never come back.

"Dick... We really shouldn't." But no one said we couldn't.

The pained expression on his face told her everything. This would never happen again. It couldn't. The guilt was tearing him apart as well. It was for Wally's sake.

Wally.

Artemis really didn't want to hurt him. But that day she realized she would never feel the same about him again. Yes, she loved him. But not in a way she loved Dick. Wally never understood her need to prove herself. He was always overprotective, like she couldn't take care of herself.

Every time from that day, whenever Wally would embrace her, she could see with the corner of her eye Dick turning his head away, knowing it should have been him. Maybe he did it before, but she just didn't notice. Just like she didn't notice her feelings for the Boy Wonder. Things were starting to get unbearable for both of them. She was afraid that if she and Dick were alone again, she'd make the same mistake.

So she always kept someone around. If not Wally, then Megan, Zatanna - whoever was there to save her from herself. She started choosing different sparring partners, dropped out of Mathletes at Gotham Academy. She'd lost her best friend.

He became Nightwing. He'd matured a lot and from what it looked like, he'd accepted his fate. He would crack a smile at her now and then, the pain still in his eyes. Then Aquagirl died, making Wally question the hero life. And when they announced their retirement, she saw the relief in Dick's eyes, and it felt like a knife twisting in her back. But what was she expecting? Have him beg for them not to leave? Maybe.

Months before he'd call her back into the game, she remembered his birthday. She, not his life long best friend, Wally. So they made a video connection. Seeing him again after months was refreshing - he became even more handsome, if that was even possible. Before he slammed his laptop, she caught the guilt in his eyes, and hope that she wouldn't recognize the girl that was in his apartment.

But Artemis wasn't stupid. Bette? The same girl from Gotham Academy that approached her on her first day? The blond girl with gray eyes? Too many coincidences, one would think. Except, they weren't.

And then he calls her back, fakes her death and makes her become the thing she despises most. A villain.

Why of all people would he invite her to go undercover? He could have easily sent pretty much anyone. But he chose her. And she agreed. She agreed to leave the safety of her home, to become what her father had always wanted her to be, and for what? Did she really feel she owed him that much?

No, it wasn't that. She missed him. She missed the old times, the way they used to talk, the way they used to joke about not having superpowers.

And there she was, on top of him once again.

Sorry, no superpowers for your collar to turn off.

If she hadn't been undercover, she'd laugh her ass off. If she hadn't been undercover she'd lean in and kiss him just like he did that day. And that smile? Well, he didn't miss the way her eyes lit up when she saw him. That's why his pain went away. He knew.

But the hardest thing she ever faced was pressing that button. The button that would blow up her home, the place where her family lived.

And the thought of it was even harder knowing Dick was inside. She didn't even know if he'd managed to escape.

Artemis - no, Tigress - had to press the button, regardless of him.

Just don't die, Dick.

So this is my take of Artemis' thoughts. Because, you know, we all know she and Dick are perfect together but some people won't admit it. *cough*spitfire fans*cough*

Just kidding, of course! You have the right to ship who you want. But seriously, you have to admit you had moments where you thought these two just belong together.

Alright, alright, I'll stop. I hope you liked it, even though it's kinda lame. But I needed a vent (and I don't want to spam my dear ProfessorYJ - anymore - sorry for going all fangirl on you) after so many Traught feels in the Darkest episode! And then Wally and Dick have a fight and the cave blows up and IT'S JUST TOO MUCH.

This show is going to be the end of me. And not just because Traught will probably never go canon, but because Greg's putting me and basically the whole fandom through emotional abuse. (Brandon too, but no one seems to notice this guy.)

I talk way too much. R&R?

~TrappedArtist