Please Don't Leave Me.
Please don't leave me
I always say how I don't need you
But it's always gonna come right back to this
Please, don't leave me
How did I become so obnoxious?
What is it with you that makes me act like this?
I've never been this nasty
Please don't leave me
I forgot to say out loud
How beautiful, you really are, to me.
I can't be without; you're my perfect little punching bag.
And I need you, I'm sorry.
'Don't do this.'
Lily looked up feeling perplexed, a sense of confusion washing over her; it was immediately replaced by realisation. It was James. The look of puzzlement was traded for the one that she had taken to wearing lately, the poker face. She glanced back down.
'Don't do this,' James said again.
Lily ignored him.
'Stop it,' James hissed angrily.
'Stop what?' she said in a heated tone.
'This!' said James, glaring at her. He picked up the book that she was reading and threw it on the floor; she stared at him in disbelief. 'This crazy, self-destructive thing you do to shut me out.'
'I was reading, James,' she said, trying to remain calm.
James sighed in a frustrated manner and closed his eyes; he opened them again and ran a hand through his hair. 'You're leaving,' he said. There was no questioning in his tone. It was a statement.
There would be no easy way about this, she was already aware of that fact. She couldn't deny his words. She couldn't lie. Not again. She had already lied too much. She couldn't meet his eyes.
'Don't do this,' James repeated. There was little hope in his voice.
She said nothing. What was there to say, really? She could give apologising to him a go. She could try explaining the reasons why she had to leave. But would it really make anything better? It wouldn't erase the bitter truth. It wouldn't stop the inevitable from happening. It wouldn't change anything.
She looked up, finally. 'There's no other way, James,' she said in a quiet voice.
'Yes,' whispered James. 'Yes there is. Stop it Lily. Stop what you're thinking. It's not right. You know it's not right. You can't leave.'
'I have to leave, James.'
'NO!' James said. 'No, god damn it! No you don't have to leave!'
'This won't work, James.'
He stood still; frozen, almost. Of course he had expected it. He knew her. She had always been like this. Stubborn. Provocative. Determined. No one could change her mind.
'This has gone on for too long James,' she said. 'I can't deal with it anymore – I need to figure things out. I need to – I need to go James. This isn't healthy. This isn't working. This – I don't know what I'm doing here.'
He walked towards her, and grabbed hold of her shoulders, forcing her to meet his eyes. 'Do you feel anything at all, Lily?' he asked her expectantly, his eyes intensely staring into hers, too hard to tear away from. 'Have you ever felt anything towards me? Lily?'
She was close to solidifying, it seemed, because she didn't move. And then, finally, she nodded, slowly and uncertainly.
He relaxed subtly, slightly, but didn't let go of her, and she didn't struggle.
'I'm here right now Lily. I'm not letting you go. I don't care what anyone else thinks – or if you think it's too soon. It's you, Lily Evans. I love you. And don't you lie to me; I know that you love me too. I love you. Madly. Completely. And it scares the shit out of me. And I know it scares the shit out of you too – because we're only 18, and we've only just left school. But I don't care. You hear me Evans? I don't give a flying fuck. I want you, Lily. For everything. I want to marry you. I want to have kids with you, kids who're going to annoy the hell out of us. It's you I want to grow old and wrinkly with. You're the only one that matters. You're my life Lily. And I'm not letting you leave like this.'
The intensity of his words were overwhelming.
Because he was so close to her that she could feel his breath on her face. Because his determined eyes seemed to be searching deep into her soul. Because she saw him, right now. Because he was just as stubborn as she was. Because he wasn't going to let go easy. Because somewhere, deep down, she'd known that she wasn't going to win. Because somewhere inside of her, she didn't want to win. Because she'd wanted an excuse. Because she'd wanted a reason to stay. Because she saw what he saw this time. Because she saw their everything too, she'd dreamed of it herself: the marriage, the kids, their life together. Because she saw the potential it held and how obviously ridiculous it would be to let him go. Because, really, he was her life.
'Please, Lily,' he said. One last, desperate shred of hope in his voice. 'Please don't leave me.'
To him, if he thought about it, it didn't matter what she said. If she wasn't ready, he would sure as hell still be there, the man in the background, the man in the dark, waiting for the light, waiting for the stars. She was his. She belonged to him. He belonged to her. That's what they were. Most people searched their whole lives, waiting for someone, waiting for their soul mate. And he'd found her now, when he was 18. When they were merely 18. It didn't matter if she was in or out, he would always be there. He would see noone else. She would see him. He knew that she would.
He'd seen it in her eyes. Her eyes never lied. Not like she did.
Lily gradually, heavily, moved herself out of his grip. And his face fell devastatingly. But he was beautiful. And she knew what she wanted – what she needed.
She touched his face, and leant in towards him, and he leant his head down, his forehead touching hers. And their eyes were open, and the intensity of the gaze was again overpowering. Slowly, their lips touched.
And there was nothing left to be said, really. Because sometimes, words could never, try hard though they may, imitate a moment that could never be replaced.
--
I'm procrastinating greatly, and this popped into my head as I had turned on my music. (Please Don't Leave Me by Pink) I don't really expect much of it, but I felt like it had to be written. Tell me what you thought of it?