Star Wars: The Adventures of Luke Starkiller-THE TRUE STORY YOU NEVER HEARD
by Kato and Senth Darkstar
DISCLAIMER: Don't know the genius with the beard, don't know his technological trash cna, don't know his pet sarlacc and most importantly not associated with his gold fish. No money being made off this work and the idea is solely OURS. Get it?! MWUHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!
Authors Note: Thiz peace oph worc haz ben throughly spel cheked phor yur apreciation.
* * *
Before-Face (preface? get it?)
Coruscant is a world of pretige power and all those political inuendos you never heard of. So refined. So technological. So pathetic you don't even want to hear about it.
But it doesn't matter anyways because we are far from such a civilized world. No. We are in the hickville of Galaxy Proper. Yep. Welcome to Tatooine y'all. Where power converters equal great progress. Where we farm water and live in the middle of nowhere. Where you will find a Jawa strip club every 100,000 kilometers down the dune. Where boys will not be boys and your dad is out to put a shotgun at your head if you even dream about going to the sithind Academy (Hear that BOY!).
Yep. Oni gawa jang-i son la neeto. Welcome to Tatooine. He He.
* * *
Chapter 1 (or should I say 1st Terror)
Luke Starkiller was walking down the Starkiller farm with his brand new straw hat which his lovely Aunt Beru just made him He walked up the sandy barren empty unplanted field then suddenly tripped on nothingness his face hitting the wonderful pile of fresh aroma filled bantha maneure. he lifted his face up with brown crap dripping from his chin.
He licked his lips.
"Mm! Mm! Tastes just like mama's blue milk!" He pulled himself up off the sandy floor.
He walked as little further (keep in mind Galactic hicks have no spacial sense) and next thing you know he's crashed into a beautiful young lady (or at least that's what he thought he saw).
"My, what's a pretty girl like you doin' in a dust bowl like this?" He asked as he rubbed his eyes. After thouroughly getting the sand out of his retina he realized he wasn't looking at a pretty girl but one nasty lookin' storm trooper fella.
"Eh? Who the hell are you?" The stormtrooper demanded. Luke Starkiller put both his hands up defensively and gave the goshdarn goodall smile.
"Hey now, no need to be unpleasant it's a beautiful day out." Again his sense of existence was distorted because they were in acutality in the middle of a friggin' sand storm.
Luke strangles the storm trooper with a piece of his straw hat cause he feels like it. Aw. Aunt Beru would be so unhappy to know Luke was doing such unproper things. He was provin' himself to be such a good boy.
Uh. Oh.
* * *
Next thing you know Uncle Owens bought a whole new trash can for the family. Luke finishes eatin his gundark pie and junks it into the compactor suddenly a miraculous holographic message appears and a pretyt young lady in white look's at Luke with such amazing dignity.
"Help me Obi-Wan Kimono, you're my only hope."
Of course. Luke didn't hear any of this cause he was drooling and horny never seeing a real girl in his life.
"Wow. I wonder who is this....Not a stormtrooper I hope..." Luke jumps up suddenly and smiles. "I'm going to hijack an Imperial shuttle!" Luke says just out of wonder.
he walks over to the door and here moaning from the trash can.
"wha-" he asks. he walked closer then opens the lid. The stormtrooper pops out of the trashcan.
Luke screams like a girl. "EEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEeeeeeeEEEEeeeee" Luke jumps up and down like he's seen a Krate Dragon.
The stormtrooper pulls of the helmet. "dam you! Why'd you strangle me?! I was going to offer you a ride" The stormtrooper was actually a really old guy. he lifted himself out of the trashcan.
"Where am I anyway?"
"I can't tell" said Luke.
"And why not?" said the old guy
"Becuase you're a stranger" Said Luke
"Shut up. Hey wanna come see the death star?" Said the freaky old guy.
Luke is silent for a long moment.
"Well......"
by Kato and Senth Darkstar
DISCLAIMER: Don't know the genius with the beard, don't know his technological trash cna, don't know his pet sarlacc and most importantly not associated with his gold fish. No money being made off this work and the idea is solely OURS. Get it?! MWUHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!
Authors Note: Thiz peace oph worc haz ben throughly spel cheked phor yur apreciation.
* * *
Before-Face (preface? get it?)
Coruscant is a world of pretige power and all those political inuendos you never heard of. So refined. So technological. So pathetic you don't even want to hear about it.
But it doesn't matter anyways because we are far from such a civilized world. No. We are in the hickville of Galaxy Proper. Yep. Welcome to Tatooine y'all. Where power converters equal great progress. Where we farm water and live in the middle of nowhere. Where you will find a Jawa strip club every 100,000 kilometers down the dune. Where boys will not be boys and your dad is out to put a shotgun at your head if you even dream about going to the sithind Academy (Hear that BOY!).
Yep. Oni gawa jang-i son la neeto. Welcome to Tatooine. He He.
* * *
Chapter 1 (or should I say 1st Terror)
Luke Starkiller was walking down the Starkiller farm with his brand new straw hat which his lovely Aunt Beru just made him He walked up the sandy barren empty unplanted field then suddenly tripped on nothingness his face hitting the wonderful pile of fresh aroma filled bantha maneure. he lifted his face up with brown crap dripping from his chin.
He licked his lips.
"Mm! Mm! Tastes just like mama's blue milk!" He pulled himself up off the sandy floor.
He walked as little further (keep in mind Galactic hicks have no spacial sense) and next thing you know he's crashed into a beautiful young lady (or at least that's what he thought he saw).
"My, what's a pretty girl like you doin' in a dust bowl like this?" He asked as he rubbed his eyes. After thouroughly getting the sand out of his retina he realized he wasn't looking at a pretty girl but one nasty lookin' storm trooper fella.
"Eh? Who the hell are you?" The stormtrooper demanded. Luke Starkiller put both his hands up defensively and gave the goshdarn goodall smile.
"Hey now, no need to be unpleasant it's a beautiful day out." Again his sense of existence was distorted because they were in acutality in the middle of a friggin' sand storm.
Luke strangles the storm trooper with a piece of his straw hat cause he feels like it. Aw. Aunt Beru would be so unhappy to know Luke was doing such unproper things. He was provin' himself to be such a good boy.
Uh. Oh.
* * *
Next thing you know Uncle Owens bought a whole new trash can for the family. Luke finishes eatin his gundark pie and junks it into the compactor suddenly a miraculous holographic message appears and a pretyt young lady in white look's at Luke with such amazing dignity.
"Help me Obi-Wan Kimono, you're my only hope."
Of course. Luke didn't hear any of this cause he was drooling and horny never seeing a real girl in his life.
"Wow. I wonder who is this....Not a stormtrooper I hope..." Luke jumps up suddenly and smiles. "I'm going to hijack an Imperial shuttle!" Luke says just out of wonder.
he walks over to the door and here moaning from the trash can.
"wha-" he asks. he walked closer then opens the lid. The stormtrooper pops out of the trashcan.
Luke screams like a girl. "EEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEeeeeeeEEEEeeeee" Luke jumps up and down like he's seen a Krate Dragon.
The stormtrooper pulls of the helmet. "dam you! Why'd you strangle me?! I was going to offer you a ride" The stormtrooper was actually a really old guy. he lifted himself out of the trashcan.
"Where am I anyway?"
"I can't tell" said Luke.
"And why not?" said the old guy
"Becuase you're a stranger" Said Luke
"Shut up. Hey wanna come see the death star?" Said the freaky old guy.
Luke is silent for a long moment.
"Well......"