A Bittersweet Evening
A/N. A rather long one shot following on from the end of 'Belief'. I wrote parts of this a number of weeks ago, but thought I'd give it a little spruce! Apologies for the awful title! Enjoy! Charlotte.
It was the end of a very long and difficult shift for Connie Beauchamp. No day in the ED was ever ordinary, calm could be replaced by chaos in the matter of moments. Every day was literally a matter of life and death, yet today it was her own life on the line. Being held at gunpoint was certainly not how she had envisaged the day would pan out. As she drove home, exhausted in both body and mind, images of the day's events flashed before her; the tiny body of the little boy, taken too soon in an act of senseless violence. His father did not have the chance to hold him one last time, to tell him he loved him, to say goodbye. A lone tear rolled down her cheek as the image of the young boy was replaced by one of her own daughter. To most people in the ED, Connie seemed unaffected by Grace's departure to America. Connie had thrown herself back into her job after Grace had left to live with Sam, determined more than ever to make Holby ED a centre of excellence once more. However, Connie missed her daughter greatly, and as time went by, her sense of loss only deepened.
Then there was Jacob Masters. The man infuriated her with his cheeky comments, lack of professionalism, not to mention the use of any name for her but her own. It was clear that he was attracted to her, yet despite her many attempts to deny her feelings for him, she felt an affection for the nurse which she had not felt for anyone in a long time. Connie was conflicted by her feelings for Jacob. A nurse and a clinical lead? Surely that would never work; Jac Naylor and Jonny Maconie were living proof of that. Connie tried to put all thoughts of Jacob to the back of her mind, yet try as she may, the image of the handsome nurse remained firmly rooted. He had risked his life to save her, there was no doubt about that. When she pushed open the boardroom door, nothing could have prepared her for what she was about to witness. A man standing there with a handgun, pointing it directly at her face. A man whom Jacob and Alicia had treated only hours before, seemingly innocent, yet plotting the terror which was about to unfold. Connie had felt Jacob move closer to her, placing his hands protectively around her waist. An act of reassurance? Or more than that? Then there was the moment he grabbed her hand before she went to leave his bedside earlier that evening. She knew his thank you was heartfelt, and in that moment, her heart too skipped a beat. Jacob was one of the few people who had seen her genuinely smile, her smile was truly beautiful, yet a moment that was all too rare. Connie had never imagined life on her own. Yes, she was a strong and independent woman with a successful career, beautiful house, nice car and more designer shoes than Imelda Marcos, but despite having it all, there was a void in her life. Connie longed to feel loved, true, passionate love, more than a fleeting moment of lust or a marriage of mutual convenience. Life is, like Rita said, more fun when you have someone to share it with.
Jacob had now spent one week on AAU, and as much as he had enjoyed the banter with Fletch, and numerous visits from Lofty, Robyn and Louise, it was Connie whom he desperately hoped would visit. It was not that Connie hadn't wanted to visit Jacob, secretly she missed the nurse; however unsure of her feelings towards him, she felt it would be better to keep all communication on a strictly professional level. However, that morning Noel had presented Connie with a large parcel to give to Jacob as a 'get well soon' gesture and insisted that she be the one to ensure its safe delivery.
"Hey Queen B", Jacob said, a smile spreading across his face as he saw Connie stood in the doorway. Connie walked closer to his bed and picked up the clipboard containing his notes, scanning the pages. "Almost back to normal I see Staff Nurse Masters" she said, returning his smile. "Like I said last week, seeing your fine self helps. They should have you on prescription. Seriously though, you saved my life Connie. Thank you. I mean it." Connie gave him a faint smile, "I think it's fair to say you saved my life too," she said. "Sit, please" said Jacob, pointing to the empty chair next to his bed. Connie sat on the edge of the chair, her head bowed looking down at her hands which rested in her lap. Jacob reached out his hand and gently placed his hand over hers. Much to his surprise, she didn't pull away. "You know, you're an incredible woman Mrs B and I really would like to get to know you better." "I'm not who you think I am Jacob", Connie replied, her head still bowed. "That's where you're wrong, Boss"said Jacob confidently. "Please, Jacob, just don't." "Do you know what I think? I think you're scared Connie, scared of what may or may not be between us. Something tells me you've been hurt by a lot of people in your life, people who should have been there for you. And now you don't trust people easily. You're scared you'll get hurt again. Yeah? I'm right, aren't I?" "Just stop it Jacob! Please! Stop trying to understand me, you have no idea. No idea!" Connie rose from the chair and quickly made her way to the door, almost knocking over a familiar grey haired nurse in her haste. "Woah, Connie!" exclaimed Charlie, holding his hands up in shock at the clinical lead's swift exit.
"What happened?" Charlie asked Jacob. "Beats me boss" he replied. "You must have said something to upset her like that." Jacob sighed loudly. "Charlie, I just don't get her. One minute she's all flirty with me, the next she's biting my head off. I told her I'd like to get to know her better - and don't look at me like that Boss. Charlie had raised his eyebrows at the younger nurse, he was perfectly sure he understood Jacob's intentions when it came to Connie Beauchamp. "Yeah, she's gorgeous, anyone can see that. I mean, get to know her properly, the real Connie. There's a lot more to Connie Beauchamp than the beautiful woman who struts around the ED like Queen of the Hive." Charlie chortled at his colleague, but behind Jacob's humorous façade, was a man who clearly cared for Connie as much as he did. "Be patient. She's been through a lot, especially over the last year. You're right, she does find it hard to let people in, to see her insecurities. Connie is fiercely independent and strong willed, but, at times, she's more vulnerable than she would care to admit. I can see how much you care for her, but remember that Connie is a very private person. You need to build her trust, don't demand her to be honest about how she's feeling. You're a good friend, just don't give up on her." Jacob knew that Charlie was right, after all, he knew Connie better than anyone else in the ED. "Not going to happen, and cheers Charlie." "Good man", Charlie replied smiling at the younger nurse before standing to leave.
Connie was sat on a bench outside the ED, a long blue coat draped over her shoulders shielding her from the autumn breeze. "Can I join you?" said a familiar voice. Charlie knew he would find Connie here, it was the place she came to think, her place of sanctuary amidst the chaos of the ED. Connie also knew that Charlie would come looking for her after her earlier outburst. Connie nodded and gestured for him to sit beside her. Charlie handed her a steaming cup of black coffee. "Here, drink this. Looks like you need it." Connie took the cup and gave him a faint smile which he knew meant 'thank you'. "I've just been to see Jacob." Connie stared at the cup clasped between her hands, deliberately averting Charlie's gaze. "I hope you don't mind me saying this, but I think you should give him a chance. He cares about you, you know." Charlie had a way in which he could always speak the truth to Connie, had it been anyone else then they would have found themselves on the receiving end of her notorious death stare. "Oh please Charlie, he's no different from any other man I've ever met… present company excluded" she added hastily. "Thanks, but I think you're wrong about Jacob, Connie". Charlie knew this was a dangerous move, no-one ever told Connie that she was wrong. "He's like a lovesick puppy." Connie smirked, clutching the coffee in her hands. She was fully aware that Jacob was rather smitten. "Forgive me, but I think you're struggling to understand why someone would act in the way that he has towards you. He cares for you Connie. He can see past that front you put on. He can see the other Connie Beauchamp, the kind hearted, sensitive Connie, the Connie Beauchamp who is fun to be around, the Connie that I am fortunate enough to know. You're more similar than you realise. Don't ponder the 'what ifs' Connie, you deserve happiness. I'm sorry if I've overstepped the mark, but I have to be honest with you." Connie turned to face him and shook her head, "Not at all, Charlie, and thank you… for the coffee." Charlie smiled and placed his hand gently on her shoulder before leaving her to her thoughts.
A few days had passed and Jacob had been discharged, much to his relief. He certainly knew which side of the bed he preferred. Jacob collected his belongings before thanking the teams on AAU and Keller. He toyed with just going home, but there was one other person he needed to see before he made his way home. One person who he owed, not a thank you, but an apology.
Connie was sat in her office, staring blankly at the huge pile of paperwork stacked neatly on her desk. A gentle knock on her door brought her away from her thoughts. "Come in." Jacob entered her office "Hey" smiled Jacob. "Staff Nurse Masters", Connie replied, shocked to see him standing in her office. "I wanted to apologise to you for the other day. I didn't mean to pry, Connie. "Well, I'm pretty sure you did, but thank you" she said with a wry smile. Jacob smirked, how was it that she could always see right through him? "I am sorry Boss, really." "It's fine, it's me that should apologise." "Apology accepted" he smiled. Jacob turned to leave but was interrupted by Connie, "Jacob?" "yes, Boss?" "About dinner, the answer's yes. That is, if your offer still stands?" Jacob looked puzzled for a moment before recalling their moment in resus a couple of weeks earlier when he was sure she was about to respond to his dinner invitation, only to be told that recommendation had two 'm's.' "Of course", he replied, a broad smile forming on his face. "See you later… Queen B."
Jacob had taken Connie to one of the finest restaurants in Holby. The kind of establishment with which he was not overly familiar, but nothing less than what he felt Connie deserved. They laughed as they ate their way through no less than 5 courses and sampled the finest wines the restaurant could offer. Connie had not felt so relaxed in a long time, and she was quite sure he had enjoyed her company as much as she did his. Jacob had noticed a change in Connie that night. Her eyes sparkled when she laughed, her smile beautiful to behold. "Thank you for a lovely evening", said Connie as they stood on her driveway. "You're very welcome, I've really enjoyed spending time with you." Connie smiled, her cheeks turning ever so slightly pink. "It's not that late, you can come in for a drink. I mean, only if you want to, don't feel like you have to. Erm. Oh gosh, I'm so out of practice with this whole date thing, said a now rather flustered Connie." "It's alright, sweet cheeks" he replied, "I'd love to have another drink with you. Lead the way", he said as they walked side by side up the rest of the driveway and stepped through the door to Connie's house.
Connie took off her towering Louboutin's and placed her coat on the elegant coat stand in the hallway. Jacob followed suit, before making his way through to the lounge while Connie went to the kitchen to grab a bottle of wine and two glasses. He walked over to the fireplace and picked up a photo of Connie and Grace from the mantelpiece, smiling to himself, struck by the similarity of the pair. They both looked so carefree, and happy. Their smiles genuine. The smile he had not seen until this evening. Connie returned from the kitchen and placed the wine and glasses on the coffee table. Jacob turned to face her, "She really is the spitting image of you, Connie" Beautiful, just like her mum, he added with a cheeky grin. "Stubborn to, I suspect?" "Why thank you, Staff Nurse Masters, and yes, she's stubborn alright. Those were… happier times…" Her voice faded and tears formed in her eyes as she gazed upon the photograph, raising a hand to stifle her cry. "Hey, come here. It's alright. It's alright." Jacob placed his hands gently on her shoulders. "I've failed her Jacob. My precious baby girl. What kind of mother lets her child move across the other side of the world? What kind of mother puts her job before her own daughter? Jacob was taken back by her openness. I'm a failure, Jacob. A complete failure. But it's nothing less than what I deserve. It's all my fault, and now I'm alone in this house, and I feel… I feel so empty. I've kept this bottled up for so long, I just can't take it anymore… I can't take it anymore." Tears streamed down her face as sobs wracked her body, loose strands of hair falling around her face. Jacob tucked her hair behind her ear, gently wiping the tears that now stained her previously flawless complexion.
"Now, you listen to me. You're not alone Connie, you hear me. You're not alone, cos I'm here, and I ain't ever letting you go." Connie lifted her head to meet his eyes. "Do you mean that?", her voice trembled. "Absolutely", he nodded. Jacob enveloped her in his arms, her head resting on his chest. "I don't deserve you, Jacob." "You deserve happiness Connie, more than anyone I know, and you deserve to be loved." Connie pulled away from his embrace, stunned by his sudden admission. How could he possibly love her? Many people had told Connie that they loved her, few if any had ever meant it. "You're a remarkable woman, Connie Beauchamp. From the moment I first walked into the ED and saw you standing there, you had my heart. You're breathtakingly beautiful, anyone with eyes can see that, but your beauty is more than skin deep. You're the most intelligent person I've ever met and a gifted Doctor, with the sharpest wit. Yet behind the icy façade is a kind, gentle, and if you don't mind me saying, vulnerable Connie. I know you're still hurting over Grace, that must have been, and is still, hell for you. I can't imagine what you must have gone through, with Grace or everything else that has happened to you this year. I know you've been hurt by so many people in your life, but I want you to know this, Connie: I am here for you, right now, tomorrow, and always. I know those are just words, words you've probably heard countless times before, but I hope you will allow me to show you, over time, just how precious you are to me." Connie was overcome with emotion. Her eyes filled with tears once more as she met his gaze. "Please stay with me Jacob, I don't think I can be alone tonight." Jacob nodded gently before taking her hand and leading her to the sofa. "Come here" he said. Connie rested against his body as he wrapped his arms around her, holding her in a warm embrace. "Things will be different one day Connie, I promise you," he whispered, placing a tender kiss on her head. This was not how he envisaged their night together would end, but despite the sorrow which he knew she still felt, to hold her close as she slowly drifted to sleep in his arms was perhaps the most perfect of endings.