Say Hello
"Hey Malfoy!" Hermione yelled as she ran into the heads common room.
"What do you want Granger?" Malfoy snapped.
"Voulez vous coucher avec moi, ce soir" She sang.
"Nice offer, but I'll pass." Draco told her.
"Do you even know what it means?" Hermione asked snobbily.
"Yes."
"Well then, what did I say?"
"Do you want to sleep with me tonight." Hermione's eyes widened.
"No I am appalled you would even ask such a thing you foul loathsome evil little…" she began.
"I wasn't asking you."
"Oh just tell me what I said!"
"You don't know what it means?" Draco asked.
"No…I don't." Hermione admitted.
"What I just said, do you want to sleep with me tonight."
"NO I DO NOT! I ALREADY TOLD YOU THAT!" Draco put his hand on his head and began shaking it vigorously.
"And they call you smart Granger." He said aloud.
"I am too smart! You dummy dumb head!" Hermione replied while poking him in the chest.
"Oh yes Granger, you are quite the intelligent little mudblood, a complete genius you are!" Draco said sarcastically. Hermione crossed her arms.
"I was just trying to tell you about a song I heard." She whined as she plopped down and put on her headphones. Draco sighed and took off his shirt, resting himself comfortably in the armchair. Just as he was getting comfortable, Hermione jumped onto the floor and began rolling around. Draco eyed her suspiciously.
"Have you gone completely mad?"
"They see me Rollin' they hatin' patrollin' and tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty!" Hermione sang out.
"Yeah you look dirty doing that. I kind of like it." Draco replied with a sexy smirk.
"Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty, tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty!" she said as she continued to roll around.
"Okay then…" He said, "I'll be going then." Hermione got up and brushed off her clothes, but she stopped when she noticed that Draco's door had been left open.
"I chime in, haven't you people ever heard of closing the god damn door!" Draco walked out of his room and raised an eyebrow at her.
"Did I just hear perfect little miss Granger curse?" he asked
"Nope, did you curse?"
"No…"
"Do it, do it, do it, do it." She sang.
"What is wrong with you Granger?" Draco yelled, becoming a little weirded out by her behavior.
"Nothing is wrong with me." Hermione insisted.
"Oh so just like that you are going to deny it?" Draco asked. Hermione grinned and walked over to Draco, putting her arms around his waist and swaying left and right.
"When I move you move! Just like that!" Draco shuddered and pushed Hermione's hands off of his waist.
"Don't touch me Mudblood." He snapped, transforming his lips into a disgusted snarl.
"Fine then, I will just go take a shower." Hermione told him as she headed toward the shower, but behind Draco's back she stuck her tongue out at him, mumbling something about him being a prat.
"I SAW and HEARD that Granger!" Draco snapped. "Stick that thing back in your mouth before I put it in mine!"
"EEEW GROSS YOU HAVE COOTIES!" Hermione snapped as she slammed the bathroom door. A few moments later Draco heard the shower running and for a moment she had grown silent, at least until he hear a loud shout from Hermione. He had no clue what she was talking about.
"Shampoo is better, I go first and clean the hair!" she shouted, "No! Conditioner is better! I make the hair silky and smooth!" there was a long pause. "Stop looking at me swaaaaan!" Draco rolled his eyes. Hermione had been listening to too many songs, and watching too many movies over the summer break.
A good five minutes later Draco heard the shower stop and Hermione walked out fully dressed.
"Draco!" She shouted.
"What the hell do you want now?"
"I am going to get Harry and Ron and you're coming with me!" she stated.
"No fricking way in fricking hell am I going to that fricking Gryffindork common room you fricking Granger!" he told her.
"Oh yes you are!" She said grabbing his hand and dragging him out of the common room. "I am taking you with me!"
"No I am keeping you here, you need help, or sleep, or something!" Draco stated.
"But then how are we s'posed to go anywhere if you keep me here. I WANT TO GO BYE BYE!" Hermione sobbed.
"God Granger, stop your blubbering. I'll go." He sighed.
"Yippee!" she said running towards the Gryffindor common room.
"Harry! Ron! Come here!" she yelled. Harry and Ron shrugged and walked over to her.
"You two wouldn't believe how fucked up Granger is acting. She's gone completely mad." Draco told them. Hermione giggled.
"Oh Draco don't be ridiculous!"
"See she even called me Draco!"
"No I didn't."
"Yeah huh."
"Nuh uh."
"Yeah huh." Hermione slapped him.
"Oh will you just shut your bloody trap and listen to me!" she yelled. Ron shrugged.
"I don't see anything wrong with her. Do you Harry?"
"Nope."
"Trust me Potty, Weasel, you will!"
"Oh stop this nonsense and put these on!" Hermione told them as she handed Draco a tin man costume, Ron a lion costume, and Harry a scarecrow costume. Hermione held a blue and white checkered dress. All three guys gave her puzzled looks.
"Why?" they asked in unison.
"Because I just watched this terrific movie and I thought it would be fun to act it out! Plus we get to play Dress up!" All three men stared at each other and shrugged, magically putting the costumes on.
"What the hell?" Harry screamed.
"We look ridiculous!" Ron screeched, "This is even worse than those bloody dress robes!"
"I told you so!" Draco said while shrugging. "She's gone off her rocker, but she doesn't look to bad in her outfit though! If only it were a little shor…"
"Let's just go!" Hermione said while blushing, Ron just glared at him. "Ron link arms with Harry, Harry take my arm, and Draco take my other arm. Now, repeat after me, 'We're off to see the wizard! The wonderful Wizard of Oz!'" They eyed her suspiciously.
"Just do it!" she snapped.
"B...b...but why?" Harry asked.
"Don't ask! Just do it!" Reluctantly they skipped down the hallway singing, getting strange looks from everyone.
"Hermione are we done yet?" Ron asked.
"One more thing!" She insisted with a grin. The guys rolled their eyes.
"If I only had a heart." Draco muttered.
"A brain." Harry added.
"The nerve." Ron mumbled.
"Yes, now Ronald, you may leave!" Hermione told him, while clapping her hands in excitement. Harry and Ron sighed, and then walked off.
"Remind me why I did this again?" Draco asked her.
"Because you love me!" Hermione replied while batting her eyelashes.
"Yep."
"What!" Hermione yelped.
"I love you." Draco said as he walked towards her.
"No you don't!"
"Yeah I guess you're right" Draco told her.
"Damn." Hermione muttered.
"What was that?" Draco asked innocently.
"Nothing."
"Yes it was."
"No it wasn't."
"Yes it was."
"No it wasn't."
"Yes it was."
"No it wasn't."
"Yes it was."
"Just shut up Malfoy! It's none of your business!" Hermione snapped. Draco eyed her strangely, as tears welled in her eyes.
"Hermione…Do YOU love ME?" he asked her. She sniffled.
"No chance, no way, I wont say it no no!" she sang sadly.
"Fine." Draco said as he walked towards his bedroom.
"Kiss me, beneath the bearded barley" Hermione sang below a whisper, but not quiet enough to where he couldn't hear her.
"I knew you thought I was irresistible." Draco said with a grin as he returned to her. She rolled her eyes and Draco began to kiss her roughly, but even though it was rough, she still liked it. Honestly who wouldn't? I bet Harry would even accept a kiss from him! Hermione smiled and broke the kiss.
"Draco, how many did you love before me?" she asked.
"Who said I loved you?"
"I SAID, HOW MANY DID YOU LOVE BEFORE ME?"
"Oh I think I touched a nerve!"
"HOW MANY DID YOU LOVE BEFORE ME?"
"Don't pull this quoting shit now!"
"DON'T MAKE ME REPEAT MYSELF AGAIN, HOW MANY DID YOU LOVE BEFORE ME?" Hermione asked, insisting on an answer. Draco sighed.
"None."
"And after me?" Hermione asked.
"I SAID NONE GOD DAMNIT!"
"You prat! Cant you say anything without being so rude and inconsiderate!"
"Well I'm sorry." Draco mumbled.
"Aaw its okay, I'll still love you Draco!" Hermione said, putting her arm around his shoulder. "And I'm gonna love you, like nobody loves you!" she sang.
"Sweat baby, sweat baby," Draco began, "Holy shit Granger! I am turning into you!"
"Draco get your clothes off!" Hermione ordered him.
"I don't think we should move this fast." Draco told her.
"Yes we should! I want you right now! ALL of you!"
"But it will be the first time I've been naked with a women in 15 years!"
"Oh you are barely 16 Draco!"
"Well it was my mum giving me a bath!"
"Take it off!" Hermione shouted.
"No!"
"Take it ALL off!"
"No!" Hermione laughed and pounced on him. She was giggling madly. Draco
grinned and let her kiss him, but not for very long, he pushed her off seconds later.
"Why did you stop? What happened to the Slytherin Sex God?" Hermione asked.
"Because I used all of those girls, I don't want to use you." Hermione smiled.
"Some of them want to use you! Some of them want to be used by you!" Draco smiled.
"I am actually getting used to this singing."
"You want to sit and talk?" Hermione asked.
"Yes."
"Did you know there is actually a movie entitled Harry Potter that muggles made?"
"Oh no, not all this famous Hairy Potty shit again!"
"Well you, my sexy man, were in there too!"
"Well I bet my sexiness just awed the crowd!"
"I punched you!" Hermione stated happily.
"You did no such thing!"
"Did too!"
"Did not!"
"Fine!" she grinned evilly. "I dated VIKTOR!"
"Do.Not.Say.That.Name.In.Front.Of.Me!"
"Viktor, Viktor, Viktor!" Hermione got down on one knee and started singing. "Viktor I love you! Viktor I do! When we're apart my heart beats, only for you!"
"Alright, you have gone too far! You are MINE! Go to your room young lady!"
"Yes FATHER!" She said before storming up the steps and slamming the door.
A few moments later Harry and Ron came storming into the common room. Draco wondered how they had gotten the password but shrugged it off.
"Oh look its Potty and Weasel."
"Look Malfoy, shut up. Where's Hermione?" Harry asked.
"I am not telling! You were mean to me!" Draco stuck his tongue out at them.
"Oh no it's contagious! Aaah! I don't want to catch the stupid!" Ron cried.
"I think it's too late for you mate, you might have already caught it." Harry told him.
"NOOOOOOOOO!" Ron screamed, "Bad stupid bad!"
"Oh well, Tell me where Hermione is before I catch the stupid too!" Harry demanded.
"She's upstairs you butthead!" Draco told him. "Why do you want her?"
"We are taking her to St. Mungo's! Her personality has changed dramatically, and we have to stop this stupid before it spreads even more! She needs to be checked out!" Harry explained.
"NO! You are not taking Hermione Potty! SHE IS NOT STUPID AND I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN CHECK HER OUT! She is all mine! ALL MINE I TELL YOU! My precious my love my sweet! Not yours! MINE MINE MINE! ALL MINE YOU DON'T GET ANY BECAUSE SHE IS MINE and I love her! I SHALL CALL HER MINE AND I LOVE HER, SHE SHALL LIVE IN MY BASEMENT AND I LOVE HER MORE!" Draco yelled, while laughing madly.
"B…but…I love her." Ron stuttered. Draco put his hand on Ron's shoulder.
"Sorry Ronny! Love someone else! She is mine! SO THERE! HA IM SO GOOD! IN YOUR FACE! I AM A HUNK AND YOU'RE NOT SO BOO YA!" Ron looked at the ground.
"I THINK YOU'RE A HUNK RON! DON'T WORRY! YOU ARE A SEXIBEAST IN MY BOOK!" Harry yelled!
"HARRY I DIDN'T KNOW THAT YOU FELT THE SAME! OH MY GOSH I AM SOO HAPPY! I NEVER THOUGHT YOU'D LOVE ME TOO!" Ron squealed.
"Who said I loved you! I just said you were sexy!" Harry told him
"Too sexy for my shirt?" Ron asked.
"So sexy it hurts and you know it!" Harry exclaimed.
"Too sexy for my cat?"
"So sexy it hurts."
"Too sexy for my car?"
"You don't have a car."
"So just answer."
"So sexy by far."
"Too sexy for my body?"
"WAY TOO SEXY YOU HOTTIE."
"Um...Guys…this is getting just wrong." Draco told them; looking as though he
was getting sick.
"Oh yeah…um…sorry…well…Hermione needs to go to St. Mungo's and get checked out.." Harry told him.
"No she doesn't! She is completely normal and I won't let you! NO! You are not taking Hermione Potty! SHE IS NOT STUPID AND I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN CHECK HER OUT! She is all mine! ALL MINE I TELL YOU! My precious my love my sweet! Not yours! MINE MINE MINE! ALL MINE YOU DON'T GET ANY BECAUSE SHE IS MINE and I love her! I SHALL CALL HER MINE AND I LOVE HER, SHE SHALL LIVE IN MY BASEMENT AND I LOVE HER MORE!" Draco yelled as he ran towards Hermione's bedroom, although he was so busy glaring at Harry and Ron that he ran right into Hermione's door and with a loud thud fell to the floor. HAHA that rhymed! He instantly jumped up and acted as though nothing happened.
"Whoa, that was weird, Felt like I slammed into the door and fell." Draco said while rubbing his temples.
"THAT BECAUSE YOU DID!" Ron yelled from downstairs.
"No I didn't! You we're too busy staring at Harry to notice anything. Don't lie either I know you were!" Draco snapped.
"So. I can't help that he's so damn sexy." Ron told him.
"I'm damn sexy?"
"So sexy I could kiss you!"
"Please don't." Draco called from upstairs. "I don't need you queering up my
common room."
"I'm not a queer!" Ron and Harry yelled in unison.
"Sounds like you are queers to me."
"Yeah and we think you are sexy!"
"Oh Merlin help me." Draco murmured as Ron and Harry began walking towards him.
"Very sexy. We want you bad!"
"Sorry boys, I'm just not that way! Now, I have to go get my woman!" Draco said
as he ran into Hermione's room and locked the door.
"What's your problem?" Hermione asked.
"It seems that I am good queer bait." Draco said simply.
"What's that s'posed to mean?"
"That they are after me! I TELL YOU!"
"Oh my poor baby! No one goes after you but me!" Hermione cried, throwing her arms around him.
"And no one can check you out but me." Draco said as he kissed her intensely.
"I shall love me sexy Draco forever and ever, and he shall stay my sexy Draco." Hermione said with a giggle.
"Yes I am so sexy, so sexy. Now just kiss me you fool!" Draco cried. Hermione happily obliged. She pulled off his shirt and began drawing pictures with her fingers onto his rock hard abs! Oh how sexy they were!
"I'm buff!" Draco yelled as she admired them.
"I want your buff, all of it." She said, stepping away from him. "Take it off, take it ALL off!" Draco grinned and slid off his belt. Hermione looked down and grinned. Something on Draco had just gone POP! Draco laughed.
"Say 'ello to my little friend!" He yelled.
"Hellloooo you sexy thing you!" Hermione cried.
Everything else that happened that night, I am sad to say, is highly confidential information. Besides who would honestly want to describe what Harry and Ron did? Yuck! Ronnie is mine Harry back off! Drraaacccoooo is one sexy beast but my Tommy is hell a lot more sexier! BANANAS! Ha!
-- THE END --
a.n HAHA THAT WAS FUNNY. Lol. Please review and maybe if me and shelty get enough reviews we will make a sequel!
Disclaimer- characters property of J.K Rowling. We own the banana. Adam Sandler and Billy Madison own the shampoo and conditioner and the swan. Chamillionare owned the reason Hermione was rolling on the ground (which was the song Ridin). Harry and Ron's conversation about being to sexy was owned by Right Said Fred. Hermione's demanding to know how many Draco loved before her was property of Tristan and Isolde along with the get your clothes off and the I haven't been naked with a women in 15 years. Keith Urban caused Hermione's outbreak at Draco by owning the song Making Memories of Us which was also you. Draco's mistake as in starting to sing like Hermione was caused when he sang a song that belongs to Bloodhound gang called The Bad Touch. The Viktor song is property of everyone who was involved with the 4th Harry Potter Film. Pop is property of me (Shae) and twinnys. The dressing up and skipping was 'the wizard of oz'. The 'I'm Taking you with me, I'm keeping you here' thing was 'Dirty Dancing Havana nights' fault. Hermione cursing was Panic! At the disco's. Hermione not admitting she loved Draco was 'No chance' from Hercules. The reason Draco kissed her was 'Kiss me' by six pence. And of course, the total waste of time, a.k.a the plot is ours. 'Take it off, take it all off' is Shae's.