Saving Me
"You look great mate, no need to be nervous," Theo Nott said to his best friend,
Draco Malfoy ran his hands through his hair and light beard one last time. Sighing Draco brushed non existent dirt off his muggle jeans and tugged on his black leather jacket.
"What if she doesn't show? We're supposed to be on in ten minutes," Draco said trying to stay calm.
Theo shrugged, "Why wouldn't she? You guys are friends aren't you? You've been having lunch with her every weekend for two years,"
Draco nodded, "We are. I just-I know I don't deserve it, especially after how I've been avoiding her these past couple of weeks,"
Theo frowned, "Deserve what? Her friendship?"
Draco took a seat on a chair nearby resting his elbows on his knees, "Her friendship. Her. She's too good for me. Always has been. I don't know how she managed to forgive me enough to be my friend. There's no way she'll want anything more, not from me,"
"You're not the same person you were 10 years ago Drake, you don't believe all that rubbish about blood anymore. She never would've forgiven you otherwise," Theo said trying to reassure his dejected friend.
"I know that, but it's not like everyone else has been quite so forgiving. People still hiss death eater at me when I walk by. I can't step foot in The Three Broomsticks to this day after the incident in sixth year. I've seen parents take their kids and cross the street to get away from me," Draco answered, closing his eyes and leaning his head back against the wall behind him.
Theo sighed, "Those people don't know the real you Draco. They don't know you donate to the the orphans program at Hogwarts every year. You volunteer to sing at the children's ward in St. Mungos every weekend. You've started countless charities over the years Draco, you'd be the first to help someone if they needed it. You're a good man,"
Theo watched Draco scoff and unconsciously place his right hand on his left arm where Theo knew the dark mark was still branded. There was nothing he could say to his friend that would change his mind. Draco would never forgive himself for the choices he made as scared teenager and unfortunately many people didn't forgive him either. Theo's family had decided to stay neutral during the war not fighting for either side. He didn't pretend to know what his friend went through everyday, all he could do was support him and be there for him.
Eight years ago when Draco asked him if he wanted to play the guitar for a band he was starting for fun Theo readily agreed. His friend seemed to need something to keep him occupied and his mind off of the guilt he felt after the war. No one would hire him even though he was exonerated, thanks to the testimony of Harry Potter and to everyone's surprise Hermione Granger. Draco didn't need the money but Theo knew it hurt Draco every time he was rejected. It wouldn't have been so bad if it was because he wasn't qualified but Draco knew it was because of who he was and what he did.
Two years ago Theo was tuning his guitar before a gig when Draco arrived looking like he was given an Order of Merlin's First Class. Theo raised his eyebrow at his friend who began whistling a tune.
"What's got you in such a good mood?" Theo asked,
Draco grinned, "What? Can't a bloke be happy to perform?"
Theo raised his eyebrow again, "Draco we've been performing for 6 years, you've never been this happy. You're the brooding type. It's worked for you so far, at least according to all the muggle girls that throw themselves at you every night,"
Draco smirked, "I was at St. Mungos today and I ran into someone, we got to talking and somehow ended up having lunch,"
"Really? And is this someone I know?" Theo asked,
"I think so…Hermione Granger ring a bell?" Draco said casually,
Theo almost dropped his guitar, "Granger? You had lunch with Granger?"
Draco couldn't help but laugh at his friend's dumbstruck face. "Yeah, she even said she'd come to St. Mungo's next weekend and watch me sing for the kids,"
"That's a surprise, never thought I'd see the day," Theo said getting back to tuning his guitar.
Now two years later Draco and Hermione were friends. It was an odd sort of friendship Theo felt but he wasn't the one in it. After that first weekend Hermione and Draco began a routine. Draco would perform for the children in St. Mungos, Hermione would go and sit through it before they went off and had lunch. It was always a different place, could be a muggle or wizard establishment and sometimes lasted two even three hours. They never met during the week but wrote letters to each other until the weekend where they would have lunch again. Theo once asked Draco why he didn't invite her over for dinner instead or maybe to watch him at the bar they performed at every Saturday night but Draco always shook his head.
"We've got a good thing, I enjoy our lunches. Besides she's never asked. I don't want to push her," Draco said casually.
Theo knew his friend had feelings for Hermione but also knew he'd never make a move unless he was backed into a corner.
A couple of weeks ago Draco stalked into the bar Saturday night his fists clenched around a newspaper. He got on stage while Theo and their drummer, a Ravenclaw a couple years younger than them during their Hogwarts years, got everything set up and sat on a stool.
Theo glanced at his friend seeing how murderous he looked. "Alright, Drake?"
Draco growled before throwing the crumbled up newspaper at Theo taking him by surprise. Theo looked down at the front page seeing a smiling Hermione Granger standing next to a tall handsome man he didn't recognize. The brunette had his hand on her back as he smiled at the camera showing perfect white teeth.
The short article read about a fund raiser the night before, asking if love was finally in the air for the Golden girl. Theo admitted to himself Granger had grown into a beautiful woman. He could see the confidence in her smile as the cameras flashed in the moving picture.
Theo looked up from the article at his friend, he watched the emotions play on his face from anger to sadness. Theo knew Draco was in love with Granger. Had been for a while now but was too afraid to make a move.
"You can't believe what's in the papers mate. Did you ask her this morning about it during your lunch?" Theo knew that Draco wouldn't have been able to contain himself.
Draco shook his head his eyes down cast, "She didn't come. She always meets me at the doors of the children's ward. She wasn't there today. I waited for an hour afterwards but she never came. It's the first time she's never not shown up,"
"Did you owl her?" Theo asked,
Draco shook his head again before getting up and finally meeting his friends eyes. Theo frowned at the dull lifeless look in them. He hadn't seen Draco look like that for a long time. Since right after the war happened.
"Why bother? It was bound to happen right?" Draco said with a self deprecating chuckle. "What could she possibly want with someone like me? An ex death eater who is still hated by a lot of people. When she could have someone…anyone else."
Theo watched his friend walk over to the bar and order a shot of whiskey then another. They didn't perform that night.
The weekend after Draco sent a letter to St Mungos saying he wouldn't be able to perform that day. Preferring instead to stay in his room in his and Theo's shared flat. Theo looked at the unopened letters addressed to Draco clearly from Granger on their kitchen counter. Draco refused to open them. By the middle of the week with no sign from Draco ever planning to leave his room Theo decided he'd had enough. Finally taking matters into his own hands Theo sent Hermione a letter himself. Inviting her to their gig Saturday night. He got a reply that night confirming she'd be there.
When Theo told Draco about Hermione coming to their gig he got angry which Theo expected. It was Friday night when Draco finally forgave him for meddling. A mark that his friend had truly changed. The old Draco held grudges for years. This Draco could never stay angry, especially at his friend.
Saturday morning Draco didn't go to St. Mungos again afraid he would see Hermione. When they arrived at the bar Draco handed Theo sheet music.
Theo looked down at the new song then up at his friend. Draco wouldn't meet his eyes slightly embarrassed. Theo didn't say anything not wanting to make Draco more nervous than he was.
"Alright guys you're on in two," the bar owner said breaking them from their thoughts.
Draco opened his eyes getting up and heading towards the stage with Theo behind him. Theo glanced around the throng of people looking for the brunette that had his friend in knots. He couldn't spot her anywhere yet.
Theo put his guitar strap over his head knowing that if Granger didn't show, his friend would be heartbroken.
Smsmssmsmsmsmmsmsmsmsmmsmsms
Hermione looked at her outfit one last time in the mirror. She wore a dark green off the shoulder top and black skirt with her knee high boots. Her hair was down and curly with a silver clip on one side. She wanted to look nice for Draco. This was the first time she was going to be seeing him outside of their lunch dates every Saturday.
She still remembered the day they met again. She had been visiting Luna in St. Mungos. Hermione had just left Luna and was on her way out of the hospital when she over heard one of the Healers gossiping with another.
"He comes every Saturday, I don't know why they even allow it. Half his family is at fault for the children being in there to begin with. Leaving them orphaned, some with incurable curses and burns," the woman said with a sneer.
"I mean maybe he's trying to make up for it. He donated millions of galleons to St. Mungos I heard," the other woman answered.
"Guess money talks," the first woman answered with a scowl.
Hermione turned to see a blond man with his back to the women and a guitar in his hand. He wasn't very far from the two Healers, as he signed in at the front desk. His shoulders were tense and Hermione knew he'd heard every word the women said. It wasn't as if they'd tried to keep their voices down anyway.
Hermione walked over to the front desk and stood next to the man. She looked up at him from the corner of her eye and they widened slightly when she finally recognized him. His hair was different than he had it in school. It was almost buzzed all the way down in the sides and long at the top. She could tell he used sleek easy potion to keep it slicked back and styled in a way she must admit made him look good. He sported a five a clock shadow now. He surprised her with his outfit, muggle jeans and a black long sleeve shirt with dragon hide boots on his feet.
He didn't seem to notice she was standing there until she cleared her throat.
"Hello Malfoy," she said once he was done signing.
His head jerked to the side his grey eyes widening a bit when they met her brown ones. He gave her a quick once over noting her simple red shirt and black slacks with ballerina slippers.
"Hello, Hermione," he answered.
Hermione raised her eyebrow at his use of her first name for the first time ever but didn't comment.
"What brings you to St. Mungos…Draco," Hermione asked,
He raised his guitar a bit, "I sing for the kids that have a permanent stay here. We do sing alongs and I teach some of them a few chords on my guitar,"
Hermione was surprised, she never knew Draco Malfoy could sing. "That's amazing," she said smiling.
She could've sworn a light tinge of pink appeared on his cheeks. But it was gone as soon as it appeared.
Draco shrugged, "It's the least I can do after everything," he said glancing back at the two Healers.
Hermione frowned at the women who finally began to walk away.
"Do you mind if I tag along?" Hermione asked.
Draco looked a bit stunned at her offer, "Uh, yeah you can come if you like,"
Hermione smiled again, "Lead the way,"
Draco nodded and headed to the lifts and down the path he knew by heart.
When they arrived all the children cheered heading straight to Draco and each taking turns hugging him. There were eight of them in total, ages ranging from three to seven. A couple of the children she noted were covered in severe third degree burns on various parts of their body. Fiendfyre, Hermione knew automatically. No salve or dittany could ever heal it.
Hermione stood back as she watched Draco lean down and smile at the children giving them each his attention. He ran his hand gently on the side of the four year old with burns on her face smiling and calling her beautiful. The little girl smiled big at his words. Hermione could tell they adored him. Who was this Draco Malfoy? All of the children here were clearly muggleborns and half bloods. He was a changed man, that much was obvious.
"Alright you lot, sit around it's song time," Draco called sitting on the rug in the middle of the room.
The children scrambled around until the finally settled In front of him. Draco picked up bus guitar and began to sing a song she'd never heard before. His voice was beautiful and Hermione couldn't help but listen in awe. He sang song after song, taking requests from the children at one point. He must've learned muggle songs as well, she noted as he was singing old McDonald had a farm at the request of one of the little boys.
Once he was done, Draco hugged each of the children promising to be back next Saturday as usual.
Draco looked a bit embarrassed as they walked out of the ward together. Hermione smiled a bit, liking this mysterious new Draco.
Hermione's stomach grumbled as they walked to the lifts making her blush. Draco laughed lightly.
"Hungry?"
Hermione chuckled, "Apparently, I had a light breakfast,"
Draco took a deep breath gathering up his courage, "Would you…want to maybe get some lunch? I know a nice place in muggle London with the best sandwiches,"
Hermione grinned, "I'd love to,"
That day had started a sort of routine for them. Hermione would head to the children's ward every Saturday morning and meet Draco. He'd sing for the children and they'd go out for lunch after. Hermione had gotten to know who Draco was now and she liked everything about him. They wrote letters every day, speaking about anything and everything. They only ever met Saturday mornings though to Hermione's dismay. She had apparently lost her Gryffindor courage when it came to Draco because she could never work up the guts to ask him out.
Hermione took what she could get though and was happy with the time they spent together.
It was a year into their friendship that Hermione realized she didn't just like Draco. He was sitting across from her, his eyes sparkling as he told her a story about one of Theo's crazy antics when it hit her. She loved him. A man she'd never even kissed. It didn't matter to her though. He had become one of her best friends in the small amount of time.
He knew how sad it was for her to lose Ron's friendship after their failed relationship. How she loved her godson and goddaughter and missed them along with Harry and Ginny. How she and Luna became closer than sisters after opening up a bookshop together in Diagon Alley. How lonely she felt sometimes in her apartment all alone at night.
He made her laugh, made her feel like every word that came out of her mouth was important no matter how insignificant. He was compassionate, sweet and kind. The complete opposite of who he was in school.
He never blamed anyone that spat hatred towards him about his past. Never lashed out to those that judged him before getting to know the new him. He would grip her hand tight whenever they went out in wizarding London and she would get upset if someone made a comment about him being a death eater.
"It's not worth it Hermione, they have a right to be upset after everything that happened," Draco would say as they walked.
It was a couple of weeks ago when Luna asked Hermione for a big favor. Her cousin Eric needed a date for a fund raiser he was attending. His boyfriend wasn't able to get off work that evening and it wouldn't do for him to be on his own. It also gave Hermione an opportunity to network on behalf of their store. They wanted to be able to provide free books to students at Hogwarts that couldn't afford them. She didn't want to pass up it up.
She had a great time with Eric. He was the perfect gentleman, dancing with her and making sure to introduce her to as many of the wealthy attendants as possible. They chatted about Eric's boyfriend and how they eventually wanted to adopt children. Hermione was happy for them her thoughts automatically turning to Draco and having blond, grey eyed babies with wild curly hair.
Hermione got home later than she thought that night but was happy she'd get to see Draco in the morning. Her plans changed when she got a floo call from a sick Luna a couple hours later. Luna had been in and out of St. Mungos for years after a curse she received during the final battle. It was unknown what the death eater had cursed her with but since then she'd have times where she could barely get out of bed with pain. She didn't always go into St. Mungos, being able to deal with it with the help of Hermione.
Hermione spent all of Saturday morning and afternoon taking care of Luna. She didn't want to go St. Mungos, just needed help with her pain potions through out the day. When she finally got home that night fell right into bed exhausted from lack of sleep and taking care of her friend. Her last thought before she fell asleep was on how she would send Draco an owl as soon as she woke apologizing for missing their date.
Hermione sent her letter Sunday morning explaining her night with Luna's cousin and her Saturday to Draco. Having missed their date Hermione mustered up the courage to ask him over her house for Sunday lunch instead. She sat on her couch catching up on work while she waited for Draco's response. Hours passed with Hermione glancing at her window every few minutes to make sure Draco's eagle owl wasn't missed. When she realized it was way passed lunch and now close to dinner time with no answer she knew he didn't want to come.
Hermione convinced herself he must've been very busy Sunday or too tired from his night at the bar with the band to answer. Even though she knew he always answered her letters no matter the time or day.
The next day she sent him another letter asking if he was okay and telling him how she missed him. The day went with still no response. Getting a bit worried Hermione sent a letter everyday asking if he was alright, or if she'd done something to upset him. When Saturday came Hermione went to St. Mungos at their usual time and headed to the children's ward. She looked in seeing the children playing but no sign of Draco anywhere.
She turned around running into none other than the healer who had spoken badly about Draco that first day.
"Excuse me, do you know if Draco Malfoy is coming today? I haven't known him to miss a Saturday in two years that I've been coming here," Hermione asked,
The Healer who's badge read Barbara Goldstein shrugged, her face one of distaste. "No, he's not coming, apparently he's sick," unable to contain her eye-roll.
Hermione's wand hand twitched itching to hex the woman. She balled her hand into a fist as to not be tempted, hearing Draco's voice in her head that she's not worth it.
Giving the woman a sneer worthy of the old Malfoy, Hermione brushed passed the woman and went home. Sitting in her lonely flat Hermione finally let the tears fall. She missed Draco terribly and wondered what she could've possibly done to make him upset with her.
Theo's letter came a couple days later, he invited her to their Saturday gig giving her the address and time to be there. Feeling her stomach fill with butterflies at the thought of seeing Draco she readily agreed.
After sending Theo her response Hermione went over to Luna's asking her if she was up to going with her Saturday night. She needed her friend there in case Draco told her whatever they were was officially over. Luna agreed to go knowing she'd do anything for Hermione.
Hermione took a deep breath checking the time. Luna had agreed to meet her at the front of the bar. Hermione apparated a few blocks down behind the alley of one of her favorite restaurants a couple blocks from the muggle bar. She walked quickly not wanting to be late. When she caught sight of Luna in a pair of black jeans and a pretty blue top in front of the bar she began to get nervous.
Luna smiled at her friend, never having lost the dreamy quality of it since they were younger.
"Ready?" Luna asked brightly,
Hermione ran her hands over her skirt nervously, "As I'll ever be,"
Hermione and Luna walked into the bar just as the bar owner announced Draco's band. Hermione and Luna made her way through the men and women until they stood a few feet from the stage. Hermione's breath caught in her throat when she saw him. He wore the leather jacket she loved on him, a form fitting black shirt and dark navy jeans with another pair of dragon hide boots. His hair looked like he had ran his fingers through it a few times though Hermione thought it made him look sexier.
Hermione recognized Theo on the guitar as he finally began to play. Draco finally looked up from his own guitar getting close to the microphone when their eyes met. Draco's eyes didn't leave hers as he finally began to sing.
Prison gates won't open up for me
On these hands and knees I'm crawlin'
Oh, I reach for you,
Well I'm terrified of these four walls, these iron bars can't hold my soul in
All I need is you, come please, I'm callin'
And, oh, I scream for you
Hurry, I'm fallin', I'm fallin'
Hermione felt tears well in her eyes as he sang. His grey eyes bright as they bore into hers.
Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing
Teach me wrong from right
And I show you what I can be
Say it for me, say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth saving me
Hermione finally let the tears fall at the lyrics.
Heaven's gates won't open up for me
With these broken wings I'm fallin' and all I see is you
These city walls ain't got no love for me
I'm on the ledge of the eighteenth story
And, oh, I scream for you come please,
I'm callin' and all I need from you, hurry, I'm fallin', I'm fallin'
Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
And say it for me, say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth saving me,
Hurry, I'm fallin'
Say it for me, say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth saving me
Draco finished the song to cheers from the crowd. He gave everyone a brief smile his eyes on her as he leaned into the mic.
"Thank you, we appreciate you all coming tonight. Unfortunately, I broke one of the strings on my guitar," Draco held it up chuckling charmingly. "We're going to take a little break while I go settle this,"
The crowd clapped as Draco handed his guitar to Theo and got off stage heading straight for Hermione.
Hermione didn't know what was going to happen tonight but Draco's warm lips against hers was the last thing she expected. His arms wrapped around her small waist pressing her against his hard body tightly.
Hermione's brain finally began functioning again and she kissed him back with fervor. Wrapping her arms around his neck and standing on her toes she didn't pull away until she had to take air in.
"Hi," Draco murmured his forehead pressed against hers.
"Hi," Hermione answered breathlessly.
"Come on," Draco said once they're breathing steadied,
He pulled her through the crowd to the back of the stage and into a small room with a couch and coffee table.
Draco led her to the couch where they both sat. He held her soft hand within his rubbing his thumb over her knuckles gently.
"I-"
"Drac'"
They both began at the same time. Draco smiled leaning in and pressing a kiss to her forehead.
"I'm sorry Hermione. I shouldn't have ignored you these last two weeks. I was miserable," Draco said his eyes staring intently at her knuckles as he rubbed them. "I saw your picture in the Daily Prophet with a man a couple weeks ago. The paper said something about, about love being in the air. You looked amazing, so beautiful in your gold dress. I was so jealous, angry, sad. I had so many emotions running through me I thought I might explode.
"When I first saw it I wanted to see you and demand an explanation. But I knew it wasn't my place. I'm glad you didn't show up that Saturday, I don't know what I would've said if you had. I knew in my heart that no matter how much I loved you, I would never be good enough. You, Hermione, are everything good in this world. You forgave me so easily for my past for everything I ever did to you. You came into my life bringing me light and happiness I'd never thought I'd feel. Happiness that I don't deserve to have. I love you, Hermione. More than I've ever loved anything and anyone in this world.
I know I should give you up, I should get out of your life and let you be happy with whoever this bloke is but I can't. I'm too selfish.
"Goes to show you I haven't really changed after all, huh?" Draco chuckled darkly.
Hermione squeezed his hand tightly until Draco's grey orbs finally met hers, "Draco, the man, Eric, he's Luna's cousin. She asked me to accompany him as a favor to her…and to his boyfriend who couldn't attend,"
Draco's eyes widened at her words and his mouth dropped open, "Boyfriend?" He repeated dumbly.
Hermione couldn't help but giggle at the look on his face. "Yes, they're looking to adopt soon,"
"Adopt," Draco repeated again, "because they can't have children. Because they're both men,"
Hermione laughed, "Yes,"
"Oh," he answered,
"Draco," Hermione began becoming serious again, "I'm sorry too. I'm sorry I didn't have the courage to tell you how I felt sooner. I love you Draco, I know you think you're not good enough but you're wrong. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. You're sweet and kind and a good man. Your past does not define you, no matter what anyone says. Honestly the only thing keeping me from using Ginny's famous bat bogey hex on anyone that says anything awful to you is you. That'll only last for so long though, I'll reach my limit of hearing someone say something to you and they'll see why I'm considered the brightest witch of our age,"
Draco smiled at her fierce face, his little lioness.
Hermione lifted her face giving him a small kiss on the lips.
"The Saturday after the fund raiser Luna was very sick. I was with her all morning until the evening. I should've found time to send you an owl. I'm sorry,"
Draco shook his head, "Don't be sorry, you were taking care of your friend. I shouldn't have been a coward and ignored your letters. I would've known why you hadn't shown up if I had,"
Hermione raised her hands to his face her fingers rubbing his light beard. "No more apologies. From the both of us. I love you, I want to be with you for as a long as you'll have me,"
"I love you Hermione," Draco said softly leaning in for another kiss, "I'll have you forever,"