A/N: In using this song as chapter stimulus for 'The Blacklists', I realised how much of it is scarily relevant to DW. This is written so you are the therapist treating Clara, but it's still in her POV, if that makes sense... Thought it would make for interesting writing. This also assumes everything including and after The Day of The Doctor never happened and Clara just had to leave.

Everybody wants to go to Heaven
But nobody wants to die.
I can't fear death no longer,
I've died a thousand times.

Why explore the universe
When we don't know ourselves?
There's an emptiness inside our heads
That no one dares to dwell...

Throw me to the flames,
Watch me burn!
Set my world ablaze,
Watch me burn!

How are we on a scale of one to ten?
Could you tell me what you see?
Do you wanna talk about it?
How does that make you feel?

Have you ever took a blade to your wrists?
Have you been skipping meals?
We're gonna try something new today,
How does that make you feel?

Hold me close, don't let go,
Watch me (burn).
Hold me close, don't let go,
Watch me (burn).
Hold me close, don't let go,
Watch me (burn)
In this hospital for souls.

Bring Me The Horizon - Hospital For Souls

Clara

I need it to stop. I need the pain to stop ripping me apart, I need the Doctor to hold me together, I need...

To wake up.

The breaths leap from my chest like anxious children to the first robot toy at the school I can no longer teach at. You watch me carefully, asking piercing questions with painful answers, cross-examining my behaviour. I want to scream, but in the same way I don't want to make a sound. It seems I've made quite the habit of asking for help and pushing it away. That needs to end.

Have you considered that this 'Doctor' of yours was the product of your own imagination?

Yes, I have. I've strongly considered that. But I'm also old enough to know what I've seen and what I haven't. Honestly, I think I've seen too much.

Oh that's good, we're talking today. You're quick to make progress, Clara. Usually patients will sit there for at least four sessions before they open up.

Thanks. Good to know I'm one session ahead of the pack. Truly brightens up my life.

...Did you have a particularly traumatic childhood?

I already told you that my mother died when I was sixteen, you insensitive numbnut. Sorry, that's not your fault. But otherwise I had a lovely family.

Do you think your feistiness is a self-defense mechanism to stop yourself from getting hurt?

It always has been.

I think you've developed a shell you didn't used to have. You seem to have been a happy child. What happened?

My mother died. Did you get that? God, are you even listening?

I am hanging on to every last word, I assure you. You're feeling frustrated.

Yes, I sort of am. When did you notice?

A while ago. This is my profession, Clara.

That's nice.

And you're a...

I was a sixth-form teacher at Ashbourne College. You know, the one near Kensington Palace and the Museum of Natural History.

Fancy, my cousin sent her son there. Sorry, 'was'?

I quit after everything with... the Doctor.

They'll miss you, I think.

What?

The children. A strong woman like you, I'd miss you too.

That's... very nice of you. Therapist – one, Clara – nil.

You like to keep score?

I'm a competitive spirit. So was he, actually.

I assume you're talking about that Doctor again?

Not 'that' Doctor. The Doctor.

Okay. Tell me about him again.

I thought you were taking notes...?

I am, tell me again.

Well then, bossy pants. He was a time-travelling madman Time Lord from the planet Gallifrey in the constellation Kasterborous, and he lived in a big blue box that's bigger on the inside. We fought and killed hundreds of aliens, saving the universe on the way. Is that what you want me to say?

Clara, I only-

I loved him, so I jumped into his bloody timeline and killed myself billions of times, just so I could save him and die for him every single time he needed help. And he still left me. Is that what you want me to say?

Clara...

Don't. He used to say my name like that.

How exactly would he say your name?

With that awful apologetic tone of voice you just used. He'd look at you with those big sad eyes, and all you could think about was how to make him look happy again.

You really were in love with him.

I daresay I was.

Do you think you can fall in love again?

I'm sorry?

Do you think you can move on after leaving the Doctor?

What kind of a question is that?

One you need to think about.

I suppose I have a week to do just that.

Indeed you do. That's all we have time for today, Miss Oswald. Thank you for your time.

Thank me for my money. I've got too much time now that he's gone.