Title: Yesterday
Author: southoffebruary
Rating: K+

Summary: Instead of his voice whispering to her at night, she was surrounded by silence.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue, ect, ect.
Notes: Thanks to Tracy for all her beta help.

xXx

It seemed like only yesterday that he was with her. Only yesterday that he was making himself at home in her kitchen and making her laugh as he showed her the art of creating the perfect batch of pancakes. It felt like only yesterday that he was holding her in his arms and telling her how much he loved her.

But now, instead of his voice whispering to her at night, she was surrounded by silence. Instead of hearing their laughter she only heard her tears. Instead of seeing him in her apartment, all she had were her endless memories.

He was taken away from her exactly two months ago, two painful months that barely felt real. She spent her days immersing herself in work in an attempt to forget, but all her efforts were futile. She couldn't forget and she knew she never would. She spent some nights crying herself to sleep, and even then she couldn't escape her bittersweet memories. Her dreams were always of him and of that day two months ago.

Some of the images had blurred into one now, but she always remembered the blood. It was dark red as it seeped into the pavement, bright red on her hands as she tried her best to cover the wound. She remembered his promise as she begged him to hold on, his assurance that he would be ok. And most of all, she remembered the hard plastic chair she collapsed onto when the doctors told her they were sorry, they'd done everything they could.

She remembered thinking, even then, that it should have been her lying in the morgue. The bullet was meant for her; she was the one in the firing line, not him. They had always been each other's saviour in times of crisis, but she never meant for it to be like that. She never wanted him to move in front of her and take the bullet in his chest. However, she also knew that had the roles been reversed, she would've made the exact same sacrifice.

She had told him so on the day of his funeral. She had stayed by his grave and whispered it all to his cold grey headstone. And it was then, as she stood there with tears streaking her face that the rain started. It was light at first, but grew heavier with each second that passed. And it felt like it hadn't stopped since.

Now, as she sat in her apartment thinking of him, the rain was again teeming down outside. It was like Mother Nature had taken pity on her and was trying to help wash away her sorrow. But there was nothing that could take away the heartache of losing the man who'd been her closest friend for so many years and then her lover for only a few precious months. There was nothing that could lessen the pain she felt when she unconsciously picked up the phone to call him and realized what she was doing.

Moments like that only made her world feel so uncertain. He had been the one constant in her life, the one person who had always there for her. Now he was gone and all she felt was lost and so alone.

Any thoughts of moving on, of loving again had been pushed far into the depths of her mind. Her heart told her it would be an impossible task; the one thing that was meant to be in her life had been cruelly snatched away from her, and there was no moving on from that. In her head, she knew that she would eventually come to terms with her loss, she would heal.

But for now she simply watched the rain.