So of course this belongs to Stephenie Meyer and I am just borrowing to play. I had this come to me suddenly and the story pretty much wrote itself. I know some will never see this as being "possible", but, it is fiction and therefore it IS possible (in my world, anyways) that there are some deep issues underlying the relationship between Bella and Edward. Hopefully some of you will enjoy this.
"I already had a lot of the lyrics written before. It was just about a relationship I had been going through. It's about being in a situation but knowing you should be out of it but you're too fucking lazy or weak to leave. And you're dishonest to yourself and dishonest to the other person. You're betraying them everyday [sic] and the whole scene feels like it's closing in on you, d'ya-know-what-I-mean? The idea is a combination of movements propelling yourself forward and pulling yourself back at the same time. That's what the track's about—a fucked up relationship basically and there it is." - Robert del Naja on Inertia Creeps.
Inertia Creeps
Recollect me darling raise me to your lips
Two undernourished egos four rotating hips
Hold on to me tightly I'm a sliding scale
Can't endure then you can't inhale
Clearly
Out of body experience interferes
And dreams of flying I fit nearly
Surrounds me though I get lonely
Slowly
Moving up slowly
Inertia keeps
She's moving up slowly
Slowly
Moving up slowly
Inertia creeps
Moving up slowly
She comes
Moving up slowly
She comes
Moving up slowly
Inertia creeps
Moving up slowly
She comes
Moving up slowly
Moving up slowly
In my home no chrome as clear as
See me now with my nearest dearest
Been there when I'm over careering
Room shifting is endearing
Between us is our kitchen
Would you found my irritant's itching
Been here before
Been here forever
Moving up slowly
Inertia keeps
Moving up slowly
Inertia creeps
Moving up slowly
Inertia keeps
Moving up slowly
She comes
Moving up slowly
Moving up slowly
She comes moving up slowly
Inertia creeps moving up slowly
She comes
I make no sound in my eider-down
Awake I lie in the morning's blue
Room is still my antenna in you
Nylon burns the bedspread with two
Gravity's zero see me stall
I bounce off walls lose my footing and fall
It can be sweet though incomplete though
And the frames will freeze
See me on all four's
It's been a long time
She comes
She comes
I want to x you
She comes
I want to x you
She comes
I caught your radio waves
I caught your radio waves
Will you take a string
Say you string me along
Say you string me along
Say inertia creeps
Inertia creeps and she comes
Say she comes
Say she comes
Say she comes
Say she comes
Bella is alone for once and after all that has happened recently? To just be quiet and still and not have so many people on edge surrounding her is sort of nice, although too much quiet isn't exactly what she's looking for, either...
After her initial move to Forks, her integration into a new school and way of life, the chaos and mystery that was Edward and the rest of the Cullen's, falling in love with him and his family only to ensnare the attention of a ruthless nomadic vampire intent on draining her dry and then to have to run from James, nearly die in the process and then for her vampire family and her beloved to forsake her and leave her?
She had been so drained, both mentally and physically. Almost too drained to even live, but she had muddled on, somehow, despite the crushing loss of her love.
And then a misunderstanding that lead to Edward believing she was dead and next thing she knew she was hastily reunited with Alice and rushed with her to Italy to save her love from the Volturi, and his own destructive self. When she had gotten back from that little adventure she was once again so drained both mentally and physically that it was amazing she had managed to even function. Not to mention dealing with the emotional fallout from Charlie over her actions.
And then, then the news came that Victoria was hunting her... creating a newborn army of vampires and was determined to see her drained.
"A mate for a mate..." she'd said.
So then they had few choices offered up to them, and since the Volturi knew of her, they had suddenly sent a small guard to come calling "unofficially" to see how things were going with her impending transition. Finding the mess that Victoria had created, the guard had alerted the Kings to the predicament (which had angered them greatly) and instructions had been issued. Destroy the newborn army, bring Victoria in for questioning (in pieces, apparently), and ensure the Cullen's knew that Bella Swan would be watched until they were satisfied that she would be transformed. Things had been... crazy, for lack of a better word.
So now Victoria was gone.
More or less.
The wolf pack had been intending to stand against Victoria, but when the Volturi had come calling, Carlisle and the rest of the Cullen's had done what they could to minimize the pack's presence so the Volturi would not seek them out. Bella had been on pins and needles for so long over this entire dilemma that she'd barely been able to keep it together, worked up over everything, certain disaster was going to come after so many of her loved ones.
She had nearly driven Charlie crazy in her depression over Edward leaving that even though Edward was back and all was supposedly "good" again, she was unable to relax and he'd been so concerned about her mental health. (In many ways, so was she.) Nightmares still consumed her and she still woke up screaming quite often.
She hadn't been able to see Jacob or any of the pack in what felt like way too long, as the Volturi guard were still around. (Although with all that she had gone through, she wasn't sure the pack would want to see her, knowing where she stood with "the leeches".) The guard had opted to stay with the Cullen's briefly, going into Seattle to hunt. They scared her... there were only four of them, but Alec and Jane were creepy with their child-like looks, weird smiles and cold eyes fixated on her constantly. Demetri and Felix were ominously silent and lurking figures in the shadows, they too had a quiet unnatural air that frightened her. The Cullen's spent so much time acting human that she could easily forget they were predators. But with the guard? No way could she forget the fact.
Nor could she unsee those demonic glowing red eyes in her nightmares or in every dark corner she looked at.
But all was silent, as she was on her own today with both the Cullen's and the guard, busy hunting. She tried not to think of the guard hunting, knowing just what they were hunting... so she suppressed a shiver. It still wasn't safe to see Jake, so she was left to her own devices for a few hours. The quiet made her edgy. In the quiet her mind wouldn't shut up. It kept going over certain facts again and again.
If Edward had truly been the one made for her and she for him, why would so many things go so very wrong for them? Maybe some things are meant to happen to strengthen them and their bond, but surely this much mayhem and chaos wasn't exactly normal, was it? Except though, that Edward was a vampire and that specific fact wasn't exactly normal. Maybe their trials were supposed to be harder because of who and what they were? Then again, maybe not. Arguments went round and round in her head.
She knew if Jake were here he would argue the fact that too many bad things (omens, he would say) had happened to her during her time with Edward that she should just walk away and never look back. Of course, not that she actually could do that now, now that the Volturi was involved. And she could almost hear Jake's snarl in her head as he cursed them (and even her, to a lesser extent) and swore he would die protecting her if she would just leave the leeches behind.
But she knew that because of the Volturi, he would in fact die, and she couldn't allow that to come to pass.
She still felt most comfortable around the Cullen's. There was still that part of her that felt she was made for their way of life. A deep down feeling that once transformed, she would truly be complete and be the one she was supposed to be. A whole version of herself and not this weak thing she currently was. She loved her vampire family to death (pun intended, she thought wryly) and she knew she wanted to be a part of their family forever.
But with each day that passed, she was feeling less comfortable around Edward. She had loved him so deeply at first, that she had almost lost herself as a result of it. And when the fog had cleared and certain things had happened and been decided? She suddenly felt unsure of him, their love, everything. She couldn't explain it, one minute she would have literally killed herself to see him and the next minute it was like a switch had been flipped in her head and suddenly she wasn't so sure she was supposed to be with him anymore.
But how does one tell their supposed beloved, "oh hey... let's just be friends ok, but I also want to be a part of your family, without being in a relationship with you." Not really gonna happen.
Not like it could ever happen, really. She had to become a Cullen now... or die.
And like every other time she is alone and quiet for far too long, her head aches with everything that is in it... all these doubts and frustrations, these uncertainties and this overwhelming feeling that she can never get out, never be free. And suddenly, she can hear Edward calling her name as he knocks on the door to her house and lets himself in. "Bella? Where are you, love?" she sighs and calls out to him that she is in the kitchen ("unnecessary habits Edward", she thinks), and she can feel it... the inertia of this problem, it comes creeping back in and she doesn't know how, or if she can, or if she even wants to break the pattern.
Some things are just a means to an end.