Ohai guys, I knew I said I wouldn't really be able to upload much but I had this plot bunny gnawing away at my brain. Yeahs, too much Akatsuki fan fiction is not too good for you, your general sanity or your expletive word count. Ahem. As I was saying, this idea whacked me on the head like a soccer ball to the cheek. Believe me, I've suffered this before. It hurts a lot. I suppose that I really should refrain from spamming my ass off in this author note section but its so much fun! It's not like you people will even waste your time reading this random drabbling of mine anyways. So…Onwards with the story! Oh Yeah! I'm ready! –Youthful Fist Pump of EPICNESS!- And I should be studying and revising as well but I just can't bring myself to do it…
Let this crack-filled story of mine sustain you for like the next few months or maybe until I get a new idea… One-shots forever! Gek. OTL. Gomenesai Minna~ In the meantime, you can also go check out my DeviantArt. I update quite regularly over there with random drawings and such. [TheParadoxicalOtaku] And as an additional note, ignore the boxes if you wanna, they be my innocent little random comments. Remember to REVIEW as well as FAVORITE my story that is wonderful!
General Warnings To Note: OOC, Crack story, Non-Canon Plot and a little cussing here and there but some will be censored out (most of the time). Trust me otherwise this story would not be rated an innocent K+ anymore... /le mental shudder of disgust
Naruto Akatsuki One-Shot: Laundry Day is total HELL! [Again with the highly crappy titles, my epic naming skillz have died of shame in a hole.]
So it was this time of the month again. The one and only time where all hell broke loose. Where the fiercest of ninja, criminal or otherwise quaked in their figurative boots or perhaps sandals might be a better term for them.
No, no no. Where are your dirty little thoughts wandering off to now? Get your mind outta the gutter you fools! It's not THAT particular day!
It was... [Cue dramatic drum roll] the Akatsuki Laundry Day!
It appeared that these ninjas did not want to spend their time doing the laundry when they were free to do whatever in the hideouts. So it simply gathered in untidy piles in the corner of their rooms, slowly growing mold, vermin, radioactive mushrooms, dust, dirt and/or maggots. In addition, the clothes pile were also roughly the size of a mini-mountain, taking up plenty of free space inside of their rooms.
They would much rather prefer to buy new clothes or just wear something else instead, because besides, they could just hide whatever they wore under their cloak anyways. You would not believe the amount of clothes these people had.
It was even worse than those fashionistas you normally see on television!
Yeah, Kakuzu finally put his foot down a couple of months ago when he had to pay for all the clothes the miserable excuses for ninjas carelessly and continuously bought from various clothing stores. I mean, how hard could it be to get down and wash their clothes anyway? And how could those clothes cost so freaking much?
He almost had 5 heart attacks simultaneously and collapsed on the ground in a twitching heap. [I repeat, almost but not quite. Darn.]
So he had oh so kindly made a quiet suggestion to Pein, who she had wrapped around her little finger, to order the members to all wash their own clothes instead of having the cash within the organization all wasted on such petty things like clothes and the spare money could also be used for other more useful resources instead.
Pein had readily agreed after some thought and decreed to the rest that during the middle of the month everyone had to do their own laundry instead of spending money to buy clothing.
However, he did forget one teensy-weensy detail.
Men would never want to waste their time to wash their clothes. It was such a female's thing to do...
Aha! Brilliant idea time! All the guys quickly gathered their clothes after pinching their noses with clothes pegs and all walking off to the similar destination they had in mind.
[The smell was totally unbearable, even for these supposedly superior criminal ninja. They were to have faced far worse things before...]
"No."
"What do you mean no(un)?" The males whined at the same time in a piteous tone.
Konan had also put her foot down at their unfair and impossible task. These men were such sexist pigs! She huffed annoyed at their childish antics. Just because she was a female didn't necessarily mean that she would just give in without a fight and do whatever they said!
Sure, her room was clean and tidy, clothes all folded into neat piles and origami figurines perched almost everywhere but not too cluttered, okay she was getting kinda off topic but this didn't mean that she would agree to their request like the weak female they expected her to be..
"Once again, NO! I mean it. Now stop pestering me and get on with it! Don't make me rip you into shreds with paper. You know how much that hurts..." Konan threatened menacingly.
Everyone immediately cringed at the last time Konan had lost her temper and blown her top at them. It had not been a very pretty sight to behold.
"Okay..." The guys mumbled.
"Well then, have fun guys!" Konan immediately brightened up substantially and skipped away happily, probably to her own room to fold more origami for her collection. The guys more or less went into emo mode, trying to think up ways on how they could wash their clothes quickly.
Another idea hit them all. There had to be a washing machine somewhere right? They perked up again. Now to find it before the others could...
Everyone split up at once, all trying to seek out that epic miracle-working machine that could save them from this impending disaster.
After a few seconds of quick searching, Deidara had quickly found it located near the kitchen and he laughed gleefully while rubbing his hands together in a rather evil manner. 'Now to prevent the others from interrupting me in my business un...'
After some thought, he came up with the perfect plan. He formed some clay animals to guard the perimeter while he stuffed the clothes in the machine along with washing powder and some water.
The machine clunked and gurgled unhappily. It had not been used in a while and the layer of dust that was spread thickly on it could attest to that. After a few more minutes, the various ninja came bursting in and came to a screeching halt at the sight of Deidara and his clay figurines.
"Hey Deidara, after you're done can I use it?" Everyone chorused in unison before glaring at one another.
"Get lost you sacks of rubbish! I was here first!" Hidan swore at the others through his armful of clothes.
"Why don't you just go die in a hole somewhere? And spare the rest of us here that have to put up with you?" Kisame smiled threateningly.
"Why you!" Hidan snapped back angrily.
"I believe I was the one who came here first. Now scram." Pein commanded and was promptly ignored.
Pein twitched a little and was about to start using his Rinnegan on them all before Tobi burst out excitedly, "Tobi is a good boy so Tobi can use the machine to wash his clothes first!"
"Shut up Tobi!" Everyone yelled at him as they continued to bicker with one another. Tobi went into an emo corner, sobbing in a chibi way.
"Go away everyone. Unless you want us to eat you." Ah, so Zetsu had entered the fray as well.
More or less everyone shut up after that and drifted off to their separate corners while glaring hatefully at the rest of the members.
[Oh yeah, in case you were wondering, Sasori technically doesn't need to change clothes, Kakuzu had washed his the day before and Itachi was about the hideout, somewhere.]
Deidara's washing didn't take much time, just about half an hour and he gathered his wet but clean clothes up cheerily before walking off.
The bickering resumed once more over who got to use the machine first.
Deidara had gotten a safe distance away and the remaining members remained oblivious to the clay figurines still scattered about the washing machine. Well not for long~
"Katsu!" was the word...
"Boom!" was the sound.
"Deidara, I'm gonna come over and make you regret ever having done that!" was the general response of those who had been there in the vicinity of the washing machine.
"Whoops, I'm screwed." before he fled the base to go and hang up his clean clothes where the other members couldn't find him.
So now, there were approximately 5 pissed off members and 1 broken washing machine via explosion.
"Oh hey, Itachi, fancy seeing you here. Nice weather we're having isn't it?" Deidara chirped as he hung his dripping clothes on the washing line in a rather sunny spot.
"Hn." Itachi replied as he hung his clothes up.
"Okay then... By the way, Itachi, how did you get your clothes washed?" Deidara questioned curiously.
"I had my fan girls do it. It was quite simple, really as they were willing to be at my beck and call." Itachi stated.
"Woah, that was one of the longest sentences I've ever heard you say... And I think you may have just broken the fourth wall..." Deidara sweatdropped but continued with his clothes-hanging.
[Yesh, they do not want to kill each other on sight. This is non-canon after all...]
Sooo, everyone was now unable to wash their clothes... Leaving them in an even worse mood than before.
Another smart idea came drifting by. Wasn't there a river here? That could be of use...
They grabbed some soap along with their clothes and ran for it.
Each member specifically chose a section of the river for themselves before squatting down and attempting to scrub away the dirt from their clothes like the good people they were.
Or at least tried to.
"Why is scrubbing clothes this tiring! Why is it so hard?" Hidan groaned at the back-breaking work.
"Can it, Hidan. No one wants to hear your complaints."
"Tobi is a good boy~!"
Now however, there were only 3 people being tortured by the river. Where were the other two you ask?
Well, to put it simply, Zetsu just requested his plant friends to help out with the laundry.
[Don't know if this is actually possible but the story is supposedly crack filled after all...]
As for Pein, he had flirted with Konan a little before she quickly agreed to his request all too willingly.
She had a secret washing machine at her disposal so all was well.
Hidan, Kisame and Tobi finally finished the difficult task and were hanging up their clothes as well.
It was quite peaceful what with the cooling breeze blowing merrily and the dark clouds forming over the horizon.
Wait, come again? Clouds equals rain. And rain equals to wet clothes once again.
They gathered up their clothes again and ran back into the base, grumbling all the way.
The rain poured down unrelentingly, as everyone was trapped back in the base with nothing to do.
Deidara, Itachi, Pein and Zetsu had their clothes smelling fresh and clean as well as being stored neatly in their closets.
"Gragh. Doing nothing so boring. This is impossible!" Hidan grumbled once again.
"Katsu!" An explosion echoed throughout the base.
"Wait, wasn't that near where all our rooms are?" Kisame pointed out.
A couple of seconds of silence before it all sank in.
"Deidara!" They yelled once more as they dashed over.
"That's it. Next time, we're hiring a cleaning lady to do the job." Pein rubbed his temple wearily.
"If you could do that, then why didn't you in the first place?" Zetsu asked.
"God help me Zetsu! Don't just pop out of nowhere for the sake to scaring the heck out of us!" Pein yelped.
"Haha, You deserved it. Sorry Leader-sama." Zetsu snickered.
"Anyways, Kakuzu threatened me that if we spent any more money on such pointless stuff he was gonna have to kill me." Pein sighed.
"Ah. But we people are criminal ninja, can't we just steal the clothes?" Zetsu mumbled understandingly. Kakuzu was kinda scary after all when it came to money-related matters.
Cue Pein's furious eye-twitching.
"Hey guys. What did I miss?" Sasori strolled into the living room casually while holding an umbrella and a plastic bag.
"Sasori, are those clean clothes?"
"Yeah, I went down to the laundromat just now to pick it up. I sent it in yesterday to be washed." Sasori answered expressionlessly.
Everyone still present there did an epic face plant.
It appeared that even a puppet needed clean clothes to wear sometimes...
And we're done! Whoopee! Give me some comments people! Did it not contain enough crack? And spelling issues? Grammar? Well as for their characters. I'm probably not gonna change them. OOC is OOC. Awww, so little Sasori screen time. Sorry to any Sasori fan girls out there! I'll try maybe next time~ See ya~