Chapter 1 I am a cool fag
Rated M for language and sexual terms
NO LEMON in this story
Summery cartman is in love but he doesn't know what to do. This story will have a lot of stick of truth references and some drama humor crab people Mr. Slave and even some resurrected characters
POLLS
I will resurrect 2 characters from South Park in this story the first is in this chapter the 2nd is your choice VOTE NOW I will give you a good week to vote and we need voters
A/N
This is the first cartman story I ever done and it will be hard cause I HATE CARTMAN but whatever I guess he has his moments that make me laugh
Chapter 1 I am a cool fag
Cartmans P.O.V
Hi I am Eric cartman and I know what you think aw sweet Eric cartman is talking to me my life is super cewl. Yep I am talking to you and I just discovered at the age of 16 that I am a faggy gay wad and guess what…..I AM STILL COOLER THEN YOU. So yeah being gay is bad enough but it gets worse I love a Jew rat I know evil Jews and I am in love with one hell I once pretended to like him cause I wanted token and Nicholes to get together cause all races belong to each other and no white and black babies better show up in my town. But I guess I can overlook the Jews for once hell I even rebuilt the synagogue for kahl I guess he's being nice to me a bit but I still love fucking with him. So yeah I'm gay for a Jew so I bet you're wondering ha its easy cause Kahl is a fag and he's despite to get his ass pounded. Well no he likes Bebe and I know she doesn't like him but I need that to stay the same so…I MUST ACTIVATE MY 15 STEP PLAN called
HOW TO SUDUCE A GINGER JEW JERSEY BOY
Well ok so I was sitting in my chair when all of the sudden Jesus came over I said
No he did not said Kyle
JUST CAUSE YOU JEWS HATE JESUS DOESN'T MEAN HE HATE ME I yelled
Dude calm the fuck down said Stan
"I both dislike and like Stan he's a fucking hippie but he used to date Wendy which is going to be important that they get back together soon because he is part of my plan"
Whatever I said
So what happened next said Kenny
Oh uh nothing I said
Ha what's wrong fatass said Kyle
I'm no fat I am big bones I said
Actually Kyle he's not that fat anymore he actually works out said Stan
Yeah I know but I feel like there's nothing we can make fun of him for said Kyle
"All of the sudden a vortex opened up"
Dude what is that said Stan
Maybe its Kahl's mom again I said
SHUT UP CARTMAN yelled Kyle
No it's…a gate way to hell said Kenny
"Oh great now my plan might die before it starts"
…..HELLO THERE CHILDREN
CHIEF we all yelled
That's right where's my body said ghost chief is
Uh douchebag burned it to a crisp in the Great War I said
Dude he's name is dag ok said Kyle
"He's so cute when he corrects me"
Yeah well he will always be douchebag to me I said
Well where are the ashes asked ghost chief
Oh there probably in the urn at the school said Stan
"Yeah after the government left the town the residents of South Park cleaned up the town and we all took chiefs body and cremated it"
So chief how are you back asked Kenny
Well I should thank you for that you haven't died in 2 years and I guess Satan has a rule for every 2 years you stay alive you can bring 1 soul back and you were thinking of me weren't you asked ghost chief
"We all looked at kenny"
Ha I bet you Miss Chief big black body I said
No just he chocolate salty balls said Kenny
"Kenny has such a dirty mind for a straight guy"
Yeah they were good said Kyle
Well if you help me out I can cook as much balls as you want said ghost chief
Sweet I said
Wait what if Kenny dies on the was asked Stan
I still can be resurrected sense the vortex closed said ghost chief
"Then the bus came…and ran over Kenny"
OH MY GOD THEY KILLED KENNY said Stan
YOU BASTARD yelled Kyle
"We got on the bus and everyone stared at the ghostly body that was chief and we explained the situation to everyone"
So chief is back said Craig
Yep said Kyle
That makes no sense said red
Shut up dyke I said
"Red gave me a dirty look but her friend tiffany kissed her on the cheek"
Don't listen to him he's just jealous cause I never would date him said tiffany
"I hated that she rejected me all those times…but I still watch them make out sometimes it was hot I guess I am what they call BI sexual"
Whatever I said
Well the chances of a supernatural being coming on too earth is 10000 to 1 said Wendy
Actually is 50000 to 1 said Kyle
"those 2 have been rivals sense middle school….but they are to close for comfort I think if kahl doesn't get Bebe he will go after Wendy I have to make sure they don't end up together"
We arrived at school which means my plan…BEGINS
End of chapter
End summery
What is cartmans 15 step plan and why is chief back tone in soon to find out
A/N
This is going to be…..A LONG ONE but each chapter will not be 4000 words long so yeah some might be only 500 but some might be longer oh and the 15 step is not a chapter list who knows how long this story will end up this is going to be my next HUGE HUGE BIG BLACK PORJECT….(yeah I know dick joke sue me actually more girls will probably read this I know 1 who will wink wink) this story will have 0 lemon I have decided to exclude sex scenes…BUT NUDITY WILL HAPPEN so yeah for the 3 guys that probably go to this site that's for you I hope you enjoy this and review as you please I might write back….MIGHT
Oh and I don't own south park I do however own a star named parkious southus…..