Charlie cried at the wedding.
I could tolerate that Alice insisted on distributing gold-leafed programs to each and every guest, that Mike looked wholly uncomfortable, as did Jess and Angela in their matching bridesmaid dresses, and that my mother subtly hinted that I ought to make a run for it up until five minutes before the ceremony began. But Charlie crying?
Utterly embarrassing.
The reception was an ugly blur of cake and congratulations. The Cullens, meticulously careful as they were, had no problem welcoming the entire town of Forks to the wedding of the century. Or rather, last century. The ostentatiously perfect decorations, from the wildflowers that twisted delicately around the white, wrought iron altar to the antique wooden chairs that checkered the Cullens' lawn, emulated a bygone era.
It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't been preoccupied with my uncomfortable dress, a high neckline, puffy-sleeved Anne of Green Gables signature. There was also another kind of pain; perhaps it had something to do with the way Billy shook my hand gravely and said, "You've made your choice." He was the only one from La Push who attended the wedding, and I knew it was only a favor to Charlie.
I was almost ready to cry myself when Edward swept me up in his arms, bridal-style (how appropriate, I thought bitterly), and carried me to his room. I gasped at the sight of it: every visible surface was adorned with glimmering white candles, a thousand red rose petals strewn across his unnecessary bed. The gold curtains were drawn back slightly to allow a sliver of the full moon to peek through.
"We're married now," I stated in a dull voice. Perhaps if I kept repeating this fact to myself, I would begin to accept it. Eventually.
Edward merely chuckled. "Yes, we are, Bella. And now I must fulfill my end of our bargain."
"You're going to change me right now?" I squeaked. Edward must have changed his mind. A rainbow of emotions jolted me: first, shock, then the irrepressible fear, followed by an overwhelming desire to be like him.
He laughed again. "I suppose I could very well change you this instant. . . Although, I did plan on doing a lot of other things to you tonight." His tone was low and seductive— the hairs at the back of my neck bristled at the very sound of him—and I was suddenly aware of how close our bodies were. Of course. In my eagerness to have Edward transform me, I had forgotten my own selfish demand.
"I love you," I murmured into his stone chest. Tomorrow, I would look the future in the eye. Tomorrow, I would mentally prepare myself to face the prospect of eternal damnation, or far scarier, married life. But tonight, this one glorious night, was ours.
I shivered involuntarily. "Are you cold?" Edward inquired, his voice full of concern. He seated me ever so gently at the edge of the bed, then automatically wrapped a handwoven shawl around my shoulders, shrugging off his tuxedo jacket to reinforce the shawl. I giggled. "What?" His brows furrowed in earnest.
"You're such a gentleman," I articulated.
Edward paused thoughtfully. "Funny, isn't it? The word most people would use to describe a bloodthirsty vampire is 'monster.'"
I put a finger to his lips, begging him to say no more. "But you are not a monster!" I protested fervently. "You're so beautiful and selfless and disciplined and loving! Don't you see? It is we, humans, that are monsters. Look at the way we hate anyone different from us. Look at how I hurt you, by loving Jacob even though I love you more. I made you suffer. . ." my voice cracked into painful shards as I trailed off. An uncomfortable silence thickened the air between us.
"You don't have to apologize for anything, Bella," Edward said kindly.
"Yes, I do." I stayed obstinate. "I don't deserve you, Edward, I-" He cut me off, bringing his cool lips to mine in a soft, slow kiss. My ability to reason flew out the window. I could only feel the erratic pounding of my heart, the rush of blood and adrenaline. Before I could stop myself, I was running my hands through his hair in a desperate attempt to get closer. Edward seemed unfazed as I parted my lips to entice him to deepen the kiss, faithfully giving me what I wanted.
My breathing slowed gradually as he ducked his head and began an assault on my neck and throat. I couldn't get the air to my lungs fast enough; more important than oxygen was he. Our lips met again, and with the lightest touch Edward pushed me down horizontally onto the bed.
A thousand tingling sensations raced up my spine. Still kissing me, he moved his hand to the zipper at the back of my dress and removed it in one swift, graceful motion. I kicked my painful stilettos off with glee. We were going to try, and it felt so right. Within a few short minutes our clothes were shed, our limbs tangled up in the luxurious satin sheets. "Bella," Edward breathed, his voice deliciously slurred.
"Edward," I gasped in return. After all this time I still had to marvel at how incredibly gorgeous he was. "Tell me if my scent gets to be too much, you know, if you want to take a break or something," I managed to spit out.
"I'm afraid you're far too irrestible for that, my dangerous love." Edward continued his outpouring of affection along my collarbone, and a pleasurable moan escaped me. For a moment I wondered if the walls were soundproof, taking into account the large speakers of the stereo system in Edward's room. At this point, I didn't really care.
Every part of me succumbed to the sensuality of his touch. Every kiss had me screaming his name. His tongue danced swiftly inside my mouth, and I could tell his actions were not driven by an intent to please me, or anything else. He was possessed wholly by passion.
A new desire plagued my mind. I wanted Edward to change me here, in this strangely spiritual physical heaven. "Bite me tonight," I gasped.
His lips froze at my waist. He moved his rigid stone body up slowly to meet my eye level. "No." There was a hoarse edge to the smooth velvet voice.
I opened my mouth to protest, but his lips molded around it in a tender, smoldering kiss meant to derail my train of thought. "Bella," he said in a silky whisper, gently stroking my cheek with the back of his cold hand. "Just drop it till after the honeymoon. Think of Charlie and Renee. You haven't had a chance to say proper goodbyes."
"That's not all," I sulked, too perceptive and too stubborn as always.
Edward sighed, his cool breath intoxicating my lungs. "I'm scared," he said quietly, hesitantly. I mulled over this new information. The words seemed unfamiliar on his tongue, a foreign language of sorts. Edward had always been my selfless, superhuman protector. Yet as I observed him lying motionlessly beside me, his perfect body glinting in the pale moonlight, there was something new under the surface. He looked almost . . . vulnerable?
"I know that you're afraid you will be different after the transformation," he continued, business-like, avoiding my gaze. "That you will lose some of your humanly feelings."
"I'm not afraid," I grumbled. "Just a bit apprehensive."
"But I am afraid." Edward's tone was as close as it could come to cracking. "I've never transformed anyone, Bella. To take that risk with you just makes it all the more terrifying. I don't doubt that I am strong enough—you are the only one I could ever love enough to change—but I fear, I fear that afterwards I won't be the same. That taking your human life will dilute what little humanity I have left."
"Carlisle transformed you, Rosalie, and Esme," I argued. "He hasn't lost his humanity. It made him stronger."
"Carlisle changed us because we would have died anyway. I, on the other hand, am doing it for my own selfish motivation, to make you happy."
I didn't know if he was right; I only knew that Edward was in pain. Pain he didn't deserve. And it was my fault. The tears fell heavily upon my cheeks, weighted by guilt. "I'm a monster," I whispered. I had known it all along.
But Edward was kissing my tears away, leaving me dazzled and breathless as his muscular form towered over me. He tucked the sheets around our bare shoulders when he finished. "Isabella Swan, you are by far the most extraordinary being I have ever known, human or otherwise."
"If you say so," I replied dubiously.
Edward grinned—if he was beautiful when he winced in pain, he was godlike now. At that exact moment, the universe shifted. Some monumental decision neither one of us could control, one that Alice had not foreseen, was made concrete.
I was pinned to the mattress, his arms fully supporting his weight on either side of my frail body. I felt a thrill, but no fear—this was all my physical self had wanted for so long. "I'm ready," I whispered, and my perfect, vampire husband smiled crookedly in response. I closed my eyes in anticipation of the epiphany to come.
It never did.
Edward's body tensed up, as if he could sense something dreadful was to come. Then we both heard it: the ultimate, agonizing, dying howl that tore through the night.
Jacob's howl.