Cherished, a gakuen alice fanfic

A/N: This is a story based on my other fic. I wrote this using Natsume's POV. This is what goes inside his head in his death bed. If you want a clearer view of the story, read my previous fic, Undying Warmth. I wrote this fic when I have read a particular website full of quotes and words of wisdom that made me realize some philosophies in life. Sorry for the grammar errors and all other mistakes. Sorry, Natsume's OOC here. :)

Disclaimer: I don't own Gakuen Alice. The sentences written in bold below also don't belong to me. I just quoted it from unknown authors. I give the full credits to them.

Cherished

NATSUME'S POV

I kept on repeating and repeating on my mind the same scene last three months. It was short but sweet, hearing those three words I longed to hear. She told me she loves me and for once, I felt like heaven and kissing her lips for the last time was already too much happiness. But I didn't return it back, sadly, and instead, I end up hurting her, without saying anything but "sorry" which I really meant. She must've thought that I didn't return her love or rejected her or worst, she might think I just used her, played with her feelings and teased her.

Do you think it was the right thing to do? I hate seeing her cry or seeing her hating me to every nerve of her being so I just chose not to show up.

I looked at the withered tree outside the window, it is autumn now. Everything turned to reddish orange, the place looked gloomy, sympathizing with me. The tree outside my window has been the only view for me these last few days. The leaves has withered, each one falling down swiftly day by day. There are just a few ones surviving now, trying their best to hold onto the tree. They felt so delicate that I'm afraid that with just one gentle breeze of the wind, they'll fall from the tiny branch they were holding. They amused me because they never give up, unlike me, who chickened out to face the reality.

I was confounded when they told me that very day before the graduation that I only have three months here on earth due to over use of my alice. I met Mikan when she found me under the sakura tree. I really didn't want to talk to somebody that time, still shocked from the fresh news. But seeing her so calm and serene, I chose not to tell her the news, knowing that she will just cry her lungs out.

I felt so much pain, not just physical but also emotional. Knowing that I can die any minute now really stinks. My head is throbbing now. I clutched my temple, hoping that the pain would ebb away soon.

I sometimes regret what I did to her. Here I am now, lying in my death bed, just waiting for the day my breath will no longer exist - the day when my heart stops beating, my blood stops running, my organs not functioning and leaving those people who meant everything. I really didn't want to hurt somebody but I guess it's better than watch them suffer because of them. It's not fun, I tell you.

Especially to Mikan, I really have no much idea how much I've hurt her but I have some clue from own experience. Why do I have to suffer my entire life? Even now that I have just a few days left here on earth, I am still bombarded with sadness and grief. Does a killer like me didn't deserve a peaceful and happy life?

I guess that that time, when I have known her, has been the most meaningful part of my damned life.

Easy is to judge the mistakes of others,
Difficult is to recognize our own mistakes.

I have always been insulting others, telling them how bad they are at things, how they stink at particular fields, how they suck and everything.

But now that I have made a mistake to the person I loved and cared the most, I realized that it is hard to recognize it.

Easy is to hurt someone who loves us,
Difficult is to heal the wound.

What I did is unforgivable, I am fully aware of that. But I did that because that's what I think is better. I did not mean being selfish, but I want her to move. I know she can make it someday. I know she can be happy and successful even without me. I know she can finally find her happiness without me. I know how hard it is to be with the one you love only to find out that you'll be separated from each other after a few moments. She can move on slowly and forget about what I did if she doesn't know my true condition.

Easy is to say we love,
Difficult is to show it every day.

It's so easy to say I love you when you are alone and thinking of the one you love, but it is truly difficult to say I love you when she is there, physically present. It is difficult to show it everyday when you know that you can't be together forever. It will cause more grief for both of us.

Easy is to make mistakes.
Difficult is to learn from them.

I made lots of mistakes to her, but I never learn. I made her cry countless of times. Lying to her is the last mistake I have hopefully done to her.

Easy is to weep for a lost love.
Difficult is to take care of it so not to lose it.

Here am I now, thinking of her. She said herself that she loves me and I deeply feel it since the beginning. Those words she said were just reassurance. I regret that I haven't taken care of that love she has given me. But, I purposely lose it for her own benefit. Loving someone whole heartedly also means that you have to sacrifice for the one you love. Like what she did numerous times already for me. It's now my time to return the favor by letting her go, but too sad she had to suffer too.

Easy is to think about improving.
Difficult is to stop thinking it and put it into action.

I want to go to her but I can't. I want to apologize, but I can't. I want to save my last days for her, but I can't. The damage has been done. I don't want to die one of these days knowing that she would be furious at me for hiding my condition. It's better for her to know after my death, she can do nothing else because everything is already too late.

I remember the times when she always pulls the corners of my mouth upwards to force me to smile. I yelled at her and she told me,

"A Smile costs nothing, but gives much."

I just shrugged at the thought, because that time, she was the most annoying person (in my opinion). You always tell me about these kind of words of wisdom which I thought was corny. I now realized what she means when I can't see the usual silly grin on her face, and I doubt that I'll ever see it again. I guess you should treasure every minute you have with the one you love.

"It enriches those who receive, without making poorer those who give."

She said another time, still bothering me why I wouldn't smile. I really don't want to smile if my heart is full of darkness and my mind going berserk. I want to give a smile which is genuine. I truly envy her since she can smile without hesitation; every smile she gives anyone was genuine, taken from the very bottom of her heart which was filled with happiness and satisfaction that she wanted to share with everyone.

"It takes but a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever."

I won't ever forget the smiles she generously gave me, even I just replied with a scowl, those single moments taught me how to appreciate things in my life. My friends, the teachers, all those around me, even my fangirls. Everyone always gives me a smile but I was selfish to give one. It just takes a moment but I refused to share one.

"None is so rich or mighty that he can get along without it,
and none is so poor, but that he can be made rich by it."

I may be rich, lots of money given by the academy, but that is even poorer than her when she just had five rabbits as an allowance when she was still a no star. She was too rich that she gives off lots of smile, while I was too poor to even give one.

"A Smile creates happiness in the home, fosters good will in business,
and is the countersign of friendship."

Yes, that's true. Somehow, my worries was swept away whenever my friends is happy, when I see them smiling. I know that one me is enough to be frowning. My world could have been darker if the people around me won't smile.

"It brings rest to the weary, cheer to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad,
and it is nature's best antidote for trouble."

She told me that and it was indeed true. Many people had recovered from their worries by just a smile. She smile a lot, grin a lot, laugh a lot, and I thought that was too annoying. But I was wrong because it is the most effective thing to do.

"Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen,
for it is something that is of no value to anyone, until it is given away."

Yes it is. But it can influence someone. My friend, Ruka never smiled too before, but after she came, the usual stoic face of his has, which he got from me, changed. Even Imai softened.

"Some people are too tired to give you a smile;
Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile so much as he who has no more to give."

You told me that that is the reason why you always smile at me. I felt insulted being the proud boy that I am. I told her to go away and her happily hopped away. I admit that what you said is true but I can't do anything since a frown is all I can give.

But I was wrong.

I thought that everything would be okay after the Anti-Alice Organization was defeated. But I was wrong, terribly wrong. I was devastated when they told me that my days are already counted. I was never given a permanent time to be happy. Life is really unfair for me.

A gentle breeze past across the tree, and the leaves are now down to one. Only one was surviving and just an little more, it would not join the large pile of dried leaves at the roots of the tree. I felt my breath shorten, I was too exhausted, exhausted of everything. I still want to fight, hoping that a miracle would come.

My eyelids were starting to close, they felt unbelievable heavy. Is it the time? I want to stay to stay longer and appreciate more the simplest things around me.

I mustered all the strength that I can and tried keeping my eyes open. I saw the last leaf of the tree slowly falling down from the tiny branch. It finally gave up.

I guess I should give up too now, and just wait for the time when she joins me. I feel so peaceful now, but lonely. I hope I can reach the land where they say that sadness doesn't exist. I finally closed my eyes, squeezing them tight shut.

And finally, breathing my last breath I curled my lips upward, giving off my most genuine smile - the smile of care and appreciation to all those who cared for me, a smile that Mikan was longing to see . It felt so nice having a genuine smile. Too bad I just experienced it the last second of my life. Now, the battle with death is finally over.

A/N: Okay, I'm done with another one shot. That was just another random story playing in my mind. It just popped out my mind while thinking about the next chapter of my other on-going GA fic.

Please read also my other fic, entitled, The Bet of a Lifetime, a humor one. Sorry for not updating to it because I made this one up. Again, if you find this story unclear, just read my other story, UNDYING WARMTH.

Sorry if you think this one is a crap or if you think it's bad but I assure you that every word written in this story is from my heart. Sorry for the drama mode and Natsume being OOC here. Please review!!! Thanks minna:)