Author's Notes: Despite my great overall disappointment with the "Suicide Squad" film (barring the awesomeness of Viola Davis as Amanda Waller), one aspect that intrigued me was the idea of Harley and Joker in a consensual kink relationship. These are not meant to be the film interpretations of the characters; I was inspired more by the animated series and a bit by the Harley Quinn comics. I wanted to write Harley as an empowered (albeit psychotic) woman rather than as a victim of circumstance or as an abuse victim of the Joker, so please enjoy! Rated M for suggestions of kink and sexually alternative relationships. Please do not read if you are not of the appropriate age. Also, it shouldn't need to be said, but please remember that Harley is a fictional and psychotic character. Entering into a boundaryless sexual relationship in real life would be incredibly stupid and dangerous. Don't do it.

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January 3

I'm so disappointed, Diary! I thought that I'd finally found others like me and then they had to go and be rotten pathetic losers like the rest of the world. "Boundaries, Harleen. Safe, sane, and consensual."

Rules, rules, rules! I'm sick to death of stupid rules! That's what I was tryin' to escape, only they have more rules than anybody I've ever met!

What's a girl gotta do to have some real fun in this world? I cannot wait until I graduate and get to meet Mistah J. He would understand how much I hate rules.

March 22

Oh, Diary, I am such a naughty girl! Professor Walker's been hot for Harley, and boy oh boy is he fun to play with. I've been leadin' him along little by little as we work on my thesis and tonight in his office I finally "gave in." What a riot! He thought I was shakin' cuz he was so good but really I was just silent laughin' at him. I've never had so much fun, I can't wait to meet Mistah J and tell him all about it. I bet he would laugh buckets.

May 15

Guess what, Diary? My pervy prof is not the only naughty boy in his circle of friends! Dr. Arkham didn't want to hire a freshly certified psychologist at the Manor. But boy, did my Dadddy come up with a creative solution to get his little Quinn what she wanted. I couldn't stop laughin' at those old geezers, competin' with each other to impress me. I can't wait to tell Mistah J about it in our sessions. I'll finally have someone who gets the joke.

June 30

I'm in heaven, Diary. My sessions with Mistah J have been a barrel of laughs, just like I'd hoped they'd be. He's such an attentive listener and him and me get along so well, complainin' to each other about everybody else in the world's lack of imagination.

When I told him today about how disappointin' the kinksters were, he rolled his eyes and snarked along with me at their stupid rules. "Safe words?" he sneered. "Where's the titillation in that?"

"I know, right, Mistah J? There's nothin' excitin' at all about havin' a way out! I might as well have stayed home in my flannel PJ's watchin' Antiques Roadshow!" A peal of laughter burst from his beautiful lips.

"Harley, Harley, you are a treasure. No antique in the world is as priceless as you." That made me blush! "You really think so, Mistah J? That means a lot, coming from you."

He stared at me fiercely then with those piercin' green eyes of his. "Harley Quinn, don't you ever doubt your worth. This world is full of pathetic fools who can't appreciate a good joke. But you, Harley, you see. You have the eyes and mind of a Clown Princess."

"Oh, Mistah J." My hands twisted and fluttered in my excitement. "I would be your Clown Princess forever, if you asked me to." I held my breath while those sharp green eyes softened.

"Would you indeed, Harley Quinn?" he mused, tappin' his long white fingers on his chair.

"Yes, Daddy," I breathed out.

He leaned forward in his chair as far as he could, even though those awful shackles they lock him in were holdin' him back. "With no limits, no safe words?" he asked me, checkin' my face over to make sure I would be tellin' him the truth.

"Puddin', the only time you'll ever hear me say a safe word is if we're robbin' the bank." Mistah J threw his head back and roared with delight. His big red lips were smilin' so wide and then his glitterin' green eyes were shinin' right into mine.

"I love you, Harley Quinn," he said. He sounded a little surprised at himself but really satisfied, too. I burst into smiles and started to cry.

"Oh, Mistah J… I love you, too. You're everythin' to me. There's no one in the whole world who understands me like you do."

"Harley, pet, Daddy's going to give you everything you need from now on," he said. "Come and kiss me." I squealed with delight and ran from behind my desk to plop myself down on his lap, throwin' my arms around his neck and kissin' his gorgeous face all over until he caught me in a deep one right on the mouth.

Ohhh, Diary, this has been the best day I ever had in my whole life! Me and Mistah J forever!