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Nothing hurts quite as much as realizing that maybe you don't mean as much to people as you thought you did. That maybe, even though you spent your whole life helping them, you really don't mean a damn thing to them. That maybe they wouldn't even notice if you were gone.
And part of you knows that this isn't true, but that rational side is drowned out by your hurt and anger and fear. Because if what you've spent your whole life doing isn't good enough...then what exactly are you good for?
Take me for example. I've spent my whole life helping my family, keeping them happy and safe and warm, and what do I get for it? Just nasty looks, accusations, names thrown at me. I get called selfish, and mean, and a thousand other things that I'm not going to put in here. I get told that I never take responsibility for my actions. That I'm always pushing the blame onto someone else.
And over time, those accusations - false though they may be - start to get to you. They start to really hurt. But what can you do about it? Nothing, except put on a mask each and every day. Smile and pretend it doesn't bother you. Laugh it off.
After all, isn't that what life is all about? Pretending to be something you're not?
I've done that every single day for the past ten years of my life. It's sad to say, but... I'm used to it. I'm used to the name calling and the nasty looks and the rolled eyes. I'm used to sucking it up and dealing with it.
After all, if I didn't do it, who would?