A/N; Lulz, hopefully I'll keep up on this better. This is an apology for taking so long on Golden. Yay for my favorite pairing! Read and review, please! May not be my best fic, but hey, I'm in a bit of a creative drought.

Warnings; Slash, and subtle sex.

He was smoking. Such a dirty, nasty habit. Horrible. But I let him do it. I was lying on my stomach, bare down to my waist, slacks hanging off my ass in one of the most half-hearted attempts at pulling them up. We were alone and were supposed to be alone, so I didn't really fuss with redressing when we were done with sex. I watched him, head on a pillow, arms folded under the pillow to prop it up. I hated smoking. I hated watching him smoke. But he had adopted many habits that I didn't like that helped keep him stable, and for that, maybe I was grateful. He should've died at sixteen from his post-traumatic stress, his doctor would tell me. Why he's still alive is a miracle. Keep an eye on him--make sure he takes his medicine.

Nightmares and day-frights haunted him. He had turned almost-mute. And yet…He was still the same boy I had loved since my Junior year at Gekkoukan High. We'd moved out of Iwatodai. His memories there made him sick. But I was glad we were out of there anyway. The college I belonged to was fantastic, and if he hadn't had taken me with him, I never would have been able to go. My mother got anxious about me being away from home. Escaping with him was one of the best things I'd ever done. And I knew he thought that too--for even though he couldn't speak to me often, every word I had heard from him the last three years were worth it.

He took a drag on the fag, tired gray eyes catching my gaze for a moment. I blushed under his careful expression, and it cracked a smile across his lips. He bent down, shifting from sitting and holding his knees to standing on all fours. He held the cigarette in a hand and away from my face. He knew I hated cigarettes more than anything in the world. A rough growl from his beaten voice, and I wondered how he could be ready for round two already. I moved up, curling an arm around his neck, my loose hand catching the wrist that belonged to the hand holding the fag.

Minato Arisato was a passionate lover. He'd sometimes murmured out my name, unable to yell it out, but just hearing his soft and beautiful voice was more than enough for me. As I tugged off the shirt he had pulled on just to warm his skin--as he got cold very fast--I examined him. A thin man, but laced with fading muscle and strength. The other could probably bench press me if he had enough will, but it could force him to overexert himself. Soft blue hair cascaded down his face, fluffy and almost feminine. It was longer than when we were high school kids, but not by much. Most times I could barely see one gray eye, the other hidden behind those soft locks. His skin was a milky color, pallid and beautiful. The occasional scar marred his flesh, but they were shallow and faded. Sometimes I was jealous by how natural and perfect he seemed to me. But then I would see how his ribs showed, and how rings of bruise-like coloring circled his eyes. And I'd want more than ever to fix him and keep him alright.

Me? Scrawny, tall, black-haired…I was far from special like him. I had my argumentative abilities and my wit and my cynicism, and that would get me through my schooling for law. Minato? He had the talents to do almost anything, but he had once told me that although he could be anything, he would never be very good at anything. So he had decided on artist. His fingers could work well, he made some very nice drawings and paintings, but I knew he was nowhere near the best of his chosen career. But with my part-time apprenticeship and his paintings, we were making good money, and although we were new to this apartment--not even a week worn-in--we had enough to move in not too far off from Osaka. It was expensive, but not very far from our college and therefore our main sources of income.

Minato got his seconds and when he was done, I could tell he was worn out. I pulled my boxers on, and then my slacks while I tried to stand up straight, and I bent over once more to kiss his sweaty forehead. I was reasonably clean, and although I itched for the shower (he'd taken up my shower time with his lusty needs), I had to get to class. I caught myself in the mirror in the hallway as I pulled on my uniform, and I combed back my hair quickly. I gathered up my books and was about to leave when his soft, faint voice leaked out to me.

"Hide-kun?"

I wheeled back and returned to our room. I peered in, making sure he was okay, and then I raised my eyebrow at him. Exhaustion wore heavy in his gaze.


"Home in time for dinner?" he murmured to me, and I nodded, smiling. His face lit up, and he shifted under the covers a bit more, comforted. I had to be home in time before it got dark. He got very scared at night. I'd never know why, probably, but I didn't mind babying him. I loved him. We weren't lovers for nothing. So I left for school, and then work after, wondering what he'd make for dinner. Cooking was just one of his many talents. And as I rode the tram to school, I thought back to Iwatodai, just for a moment. Thought back to when I was nothing more but a snobby Disciplinary Committee representative…

--

"Disgusting," I sighed, resting my elbow on my knee, chin resting in the palm of my hand. With my other hand I tossed a cigarette butt away in dismay, and I heard a low laugh beside me. His fingers rested gently on mine, and I gave him a smirk. He returned to his conversation with his friends. Despite the fact we had started going out a week ago and it was well known with his friends, they just couldn't seem to get over the fact that I was gay. Minato--that didn't seem to strike any of them by surprise, but me? Hidetoshi Odagiri? The jackhole from the Student Council? Then the next question would rise up--why would Minato choose the 'snooty' one over flexible Kenji, or handsome Akihiko? It was annoying, and made even more annoying by the fact that they didn't seem to mind that I was right there.

Junpei sighed, lifting his hat to scratch his head for a moment. "I just don't get it, Minato-kun," he finally admitted, shaking his head in confusion. "But you seem happy with him." His friends chuckled. I looked up at them in irritation. Kazushi, on his crutches; Kenji and his stupid smile; Junpei and his stupid…stupidness; and Akihiko, whom I couldn't bring myself to downbeat. In all honesty, I didn't know these people very well. They were Minato's friends and not mine. But I was now apart of Minato's pack of friends, and I suppose I just had to deal with it.

We got up from the bench, and Junpei instantly demanded that we went to Wild Duck Burger for lunch. I could honestly admit I had never been there before--at least until last week, when Minato had invited me out for the first time. So, there we went, Minato listening to his music and favoring his bad leg. How he had gotten hurt, I didn't know. He wouldn't answer. It was a situation I suppose he wouldn't let me into, and I suppose it wasn't my business to pry. The enigma of a boy was already hard enough to understand most of the time, with his limited conversational abilities and his loud music overriding his low mumbles.

Junpei and the others all bought themselves meals, and I bought one for Minato and I to share. I had my sweet moments--I'm not a complete block of pompous nature, you know. Besides, I didn't feel like having a meal to myself and Minato never ate much. I ate his fries, only partially listening to the conversation around me, and I could tell Minato was almost just as attentive as I was with the way he leaned back in his seat and turned up his music. I sipped on a soda, listening vaguely as Junpei began a long story about how he had gotten his most recent black eye.

"It started in the dead of night. A monster, tall as a tree and as lean as this French fry, came out of nowhere! It hissed--A snake! It was a snake! I raised my fists, I wasn't going to let some giant worm take me down." He swung his fists in the direction that he announced, "A right! A left! Bam!" He bopped Kazushi on the side of the head. "Bam bam bam! Down he went! Junpei was the victor! But wait--his tail snapped back, and struck me across the eye!" Hands flew to his face, an exaggerated but quieted yell simulating from his lips. What a complete retard. "That is how Junpei the great got this black eye. I cut off the tail of the monster and threw it over the bridge! That snake will never bother anyone again."

"Stupei," Minato murmured, lowering his headphones with a hand. "This fails to explain your brain damage." The boys broke into raucous laughter, hooting and howling, and I caught myself with a proud smirk Minato's direction. He was flashing one of his beautiful smiles, subtle and small, but earnest. If I was to make a list of things I'd die to see, that small little smile and his gentle laugh was at the top of the list. Junpei looked stunned at Minato's remark, pretending to be hurt by his statement. He rested fingers on his chest.

"Y…You don't believe me?" he whimpered, turning to Kenji and Kazushi. Akihiko was laughing into his hand, trying not to be too loud and upset the grade-schoolers eating to our backs, Minato was chuckling quietly, smiling, Kenji was mimicking all of Junpei's story-related movements, whispering the words under his breath between his laughter.

Kazushi stole one of Junpei's fries, his laughter calming, "Junpei, that was almost as pathetic as your story about falling in love. What was her name?"

I snorted. Junpei in love? For about five minutes, sure. Next to me, I felt Minato tense ever so slightly. I'd tried to become more adapted to noticing those little hints, because everything with Minato was always careful and thoughtful. He lowered a headphone, and even though he had on his poker face, I knew he was unsure how Junpei would react to this. They were good friends, after all, and if I knew anything about Minato, is that friendship was very important to him. I made sure to muffle my snort, unsure what was going through Minato's head.

"Chidori?" Junpei questioned, raising an eyebrow. "Did you know that our first date, she trapped me on the roof of my dorm?" A grin. "I have her sketchbook with me you know."

"Prove it," Kenji dared. Junpei shrugged and stood. He rolled up his shirt a bit and tugged it out from under his belt. The stupid grins on Kenji's and Kazushi's faces faded. Junpei had the aforementioned book sealed in a plastic bag so he didn't get it sweaty where he kept it. Minato still hadn't eased. He pulled the sketchbook from the bag and flipped it open. Akihiko was feigning interest in the shape of his ice inside of his beverage. "Your girl actually existed?" Kenji said, shocked. "She wasn't another story?"

"No," Junpei murmured. "And I loved her a lot." I looked to Minato, unsure of what to make of the situation. I straightened up, running my hand over my hair.

"You always have that book with you?" I questioned, an eyebrow raised. He nodded, flipping through the pages. Then he suddenly shut it and beamed up at us.

"But! She's gone now, and I can't dwell. Life is young--and now I have sweet, sweet Fuuka to woo!" His renewed enthusiasm relaxed his friends and eased Minato and Akihiko. Obviously, they knew more about the situation than the rest of us did, and they knew his hurt was probably more than he let on. I looked to Minato subtly from the corner of my eye again, thinking what I would do if he were to die. I treasured Minato. I did. And…would I carry around whatever he left me behind like Junpei did if he were to die? We'd only been together for a little while…but we have been friends for a long stretch of time.

"Death isn't bad," Minato murmured to me, leaning forward and pretending to get a drink. I flinched--how did he know what I was thinking? "I walk with Death and he will come to claim me when I am ready. You should as well. He is not someone to fear." I tried not to stare, but Minato always spoke so easily and calmly…and to talk like that about death, it unnerved me. He gave me a careful smile. "Do you wish to be alone? Junpei can hold the fort." I thought for a moment before nodding. He smiled and stood, taking my hand.

"Clearing out? Lovebirds," Kenji mused. "Fine, just leave us with the idiot."

"Hey," Kazushi shot, and the two laughed. Junpei nodded, snickering, and Akihiko rolled his eyes.

Minato and I walked out of the Wild Duck Burger and started to just walk. Where, I wasn't sure. I don't think he knew either. As we walked, he looked to me and lowered his headphones completely. I didn't know what to say to him, so I kept my lips sealed and my head forward. He paused when we were far enough away and turned me toward him. His fingers left my hand and took my chin.

"Why do you fear Death so?" he asked, and for a very strange reason…it felt painfully like a personal question. Though his eyes remained as blank and gray as ever, between his dark blue locks I got the feeling that this meant a lot to him. I wanted to pull back, I didn't know what to answer, I felt unusually nervous. He curled his free arm around my waist and kissed me, numbing my mind and stopping my confusion. When he pulled out, I wrapped my arms around him, completely mesmerized.

"Because," I blurted. "I don't know anything about it. I don't know what comes next. I don't know…the rules…and I need rules." I shut my eyes. Damn it! He was a king manipulator if I'd ever met one. I was helpless under his control. Helpless in his arms and helpless after his kiss. I'd do anything for him…and he knew it.

"What if I were Death?" Minato asked lowly. "Would you still be afraid?"

"No," I answered fast. Then I realized my error. I startled, looking up at him. I didn't know any of Minato's inner secrets. I didn't know any of Minato's hidden rules. With him, you couldn't know what came next. He'd walked me into a trap. A gentle smile on his lips made me lower my head. "But…you're different. You're safe, you're…you're Minato-kun." He kissed me again, once again effectively blanking my mind and making my knees feel weak. I moved into it. He was a damn good kisser, if that was the only thing I really knew about him.

"If you don't fear me," he whispered into my ear. "You shouldn't fear Death."

--

Minato comparing himself to Death--I remember that well. I smiled now, fingers resting on the doorknob to bring me back to him again. I knew better now. I knew now that Death wasn't to be feared. I knew now that Death was something you needed to walk hand and hand with. As I opened the door and saw the blue-haired man hunched over his drawing desk, I smiled to myself. I could almost see a set of black wings resting on his shoulder blades, and I shut the door behind me. Yes, I knew now that Minato held a very tight bond with Death. I knew now that my lover contained Death inside of him, holding it within him.


I moved up behind him and ran my fingers up his back and he gave me a smile. He'd known I was home before I had even opened the door. It was a frightening concept, thinking that my Minato had within him a personification of Death--almost hard to even imagine, but I knew it. And someday, it would rip him apart. It would kill him. It was killing him now. I needed to love him and take care of him until that day--because he spent his days as a sixteen year old loving and caring for everyone else. It was time to return the favor, and I didn't mind at all. I loved him, and I could deal with anything he dealt me.

His smoking habit was the least of my concerns, no matter how disgusting.