You hear the rain outside as you shut your eyes in a desperate attempt to clear your head. You can't stand really the thought of being alone.
In the hospital you put on a smile and pretend to be fine. And it almost works, you almost starts to believe it, but then when you pass Denny's old room, sees his sweater hanging in your locker room, the pain of loneliness comes rushing back at you, threatening to destroy every particle in your body.
"Your not alone Iz'." Meredith had said that to you when you were poor Izzie, lying on the floor. When you grabbed her tiny hand, you had almost believed in the words.
Then when you went to bed later, memories came flooding back; Denny in the grey hospital-gown with a smirk in his face, your passionate kiss before his heart went flat. The emptiness he left behind hurt like hell.
It was like something heavy was digging through your chest and you forgot how to breathe. Before you can stop yourself, quiet sobs begin releasing from you, tears drawing wet lines on your face, down your neck and wetting both your face and your pillow.
It was beginning to be a habit of crying yourself to sleep and to night was no different, except suddenly something breaks the silence and the sound of the rain and anything else are banished from you head:
"Izzie..." You follow the voice to an old chair and sees a man sitting in it. And just not any man, he is yours, no matter how pathetic it sounds. Even wearing his PJ:s, you think he looks gorgeous. With an angels glow around him and the same warm smile you are so painfully familiar with, he is now looking right at you. You wonder if you're just dreaming but you are too afraid to pinch yourself and feel disappointed once again if he disappears.
"I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt you, Izzie." You see the guilt in his eyes and make a move to approach him. But the closer you come, the more he sort of fades. So, you sit by the foot of your bed with your sheets wrapped around you in a gesture of protecting yourself. From what, you don't know.
"It's not your fault Denny, it's just that... I miss you. I miss you so, so much and it scares me, thinking that I'm never going to feel your arms around mine, see your cocky smile or hear you make naughty suggesting. Have I done something to upset the big guy upstairs? I mean, come on give me a break!" You feel how your pulse beats faster and the red spots that you get when you are mad are starting to heat.
He smiles and adores your lash out before he gets serious. "You will move on, find someone that makes you happy, and I ..."He trails off as he decides something inside his head. " I will be here waiting for you, because you deserve to live your life as it was cut out for you."
"What about you? Don't you deserve to live your life? I...I don't know if I can move on. I tried, I really did, but something always reminds me of you." Pushing back your hair you sigh deeply, suddenly feeling like a hundred years old. The glow surrounding Denny weakens remarkable and a sense of panic settles in your stomach.
"No! Wait! Just ...I love you." Without waiting for him to answer you close up on him. You think you see him gazing hopefully upwards, like he's some little boy waiting for his parents blessing, before your lips crashes on his. A mixed emotion of longing and sadness takes place in your body as you both kiss until your dizzy of oxygen loss.
"I love you too Isobel Stevens." That is his last words before he vanishes into the dark, leaving you as cold as ever. You nod to yourself and some heavy tears full of emotions drops from your eyes. Pulling the sheets up as tightly as possible you doze off, exhausted and surprisingly empty.
Some people have the unfortunate of never finding their soul mate. Better to have loved and lost then to never loved at all, you think but wonder if that is true...